Spem in alium Posted June 27, 2012 Author Share Posted June 27, 2012 [quote name='Timothy J. Hutama' timestamp='1340807243' post='2449415'] This is a common view among evangelical protestants, indeed many of my friends adhere to such a view so I can firmly say that it is indeed possible to achieve. I'm also biased towards saying that what you're thinking of is right, but don't take that from me xD [/quote] Haha, ok. Thanks [quote name='beatitude' timestamp='1340807274' post='2449417'] Pray for your friend. She has got a very economic way of looking at relationships. In reality, no one has a right to expect sex from their partner - it's not a currency that you use to buy them with. Thinking this way is certainly not just a male problem. I had a relationship with a non-Catholic guy, before I realized that marriage definitely isn't for me, and while he didn't like my refusal to have sex, he accepted it and respected it. He was supportive of my faith (and now, two years after we broke up, he's considering becoming Catholic himself!). So it is possible, even with a non-Catholic partner. [/quote] Thank you. I see your point. Sometimes I do think it will be hard to find someone who would be fine with not kissing. I think there can be so much more to relationships than that, but very few people seem to realise it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spem in alium Posted June 27, 2012 Author Share Posted June 27, 2012 [quote name='nunsense' timestamp='1340812451' post='2449437'] Maybe you need to get a copy of this pamphlet and let your friend read it. It is called What! No Sex? and it is written by a Carmelite nun but it is about no sex before marriage as well as no sex for religious. She goes into the sacrament of marriae quite nicely I think and explains about God's relationship with us in a spousal way through His Church and why intimate relations should only within the sacrament of marriage. Here is the link to the thread about it. [url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/topic/122028-what-no-sex/"]http://www.phatmass....28-what-no-sex/[/url] An you can request a copy from Wolverhampton Carmel - it is free, but they might ask for postage. [/quote] Thanks! It looks like a good read, I'll try and get a copy. [quote name='CatholicCid' timestamp='1340817280' post='2449461'] If a guy doesn't think you're worth waiting for, then he isn't worth your time. [/quote] Thank you [quote name='Brother Adam' timestamp='1340820302' post='2449487'] Find your spouse on phatmarse. As long as their name doesn't start with the letter "Hasan", you are good to go. [/quote] ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisChildForever Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 If you find a man who has these same ideals (and a man who you are very compatible with) then yes it will work. But in my opinion, it's healthy for a relationship to have a proper amount of intimacy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 Perhaps spem should clarify what she means by "intimacy"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spem in alium Posted June 27, 2012 Author Share Posted June 27, 2012 [quote name='maximillion' timestamp='1340823564' post='2449519'] It is not SO long ago that waiting was entirely the norm...... When I was six or seven years old no one lived together un wed, no one who thought anything of their self respect 'did it', and if they did they were pretty much condemned. Not that I agree with the condemnation, but, if this was standard practice (waiting) within my memory then there is nothing so unusual about it. And it wasn't just Catholics, it was more or less everyone. [/quote] I would like to wait until marriage to do those things. A few of my friends have had premarital sex and have acted like it's something so great, something that everyone should be doing. I don't see much logic there. Waiting just seems so much more enriching for a person to be doing. [quote name='CatherineM' timestamp='1340824332' post='2449523'] One thing that I found is that when sex is off the table, you are forced to actually talk to each other. Mostly about things that actually matter. [/quote] Exactly! It allows you to know them intellectually and personally rather than just physically. And I think personality and connection matter a whole lot more in the end than sexuality. Beauty and physical attractiveness fades. Comparseion, humour, a caring soul...they last a whole lot longer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spem in alium Posted June 27, 2012 Author Share Posted June 27, 2012 (edited) [quote name='HisChildForever' timestamp='1340825318' post='2449538'] If you find a man who has these same ideals (and a man who you are very compatible with) then yes it will work. But in my opinion, it's healthy for a relationship to have a proper amount of intimacy. [/quote] Thanks for sharing your view, I appreciate it [quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1340825428' post='2449539'] Perhaps spem should clarify what she means by "intimacy"? [/quote] Yeah, I think some people are thinking I'm equating intimacy simply with sex. Here, I'm meaning intimacy to mean EVERYTHING (with the possible exception of hand-holding). So no kissing, no touching, etc. Edited June 27, 2012 by Spem in alium Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisChildForever Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 [quote name='Spem in alium' timestamp='1340825556' post='2449541'] Here, I'm meaning intimacy to mean EVERYTHING (with the possible exception of hand-holding). So no kissing, no touching, etc. [/quote] You might throw this out the window if you find a man you're irresistibly drawn to lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MIKolbe Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 you always talk so sweetly about me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisChildForever Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 Oh brother lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Byzantine Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 (edited) [quote name='Spem in alium' timestamp='1340825556' post='2449541'] Yeah, I think some people are thinking I'm equating intimacy simply with sex. Here, I'm meaning intimacy to mean EVERYTHING (with the possible exception of hand-holding). So no kissing, no touching, etc. [/quote] Does that include hugs? Edited June 27, 2012 by Byzantine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissScripture Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 [quote name='Spem in alium' timestamp='1340825556' post='2449541'] Thanks for sharing your view, I appreciate it Yeah, I think some people are thinking I'm equating intimacy simply with sex. Here, I'm meaning intimacy to mean EVERYTHING (with the possible exception of hand-holding). So no kissing, no touching, etc. [/quote] I think it's going to depend largely on the personalities of the people involved. What I mean by that is that some people have a stronger "need" for touching (as in hugging and hand holding and that sort of thing). In high school and college I would hold hands with my guy friends and hug them frequently. While I'm not one of those people who hugs anyone, I like hugs from friends, and it would be very silly to freely hug other people and then refuse to hug my significant other or make a big deal about holding his hand. But if someone isn't a touchy sort of person and that sort of thing indicates something larger, then it would be different. And I have known people who didn't kiss their significant other until their wedding, so that is definitely achievable. And while it was not for me, I find it admirable when people are able to do that. I do, however, get frustrated when people who are waiting to kiss until marriage act like it's horrible when other people don't (I don't think you think this way, but I have known people who do) and are sinning if they are kissing, when there is actually no sin involved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherie Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 [quote name='MissScripture' timestamp='1340827735' post='2449573'] I think it's going to depend largely on the personalities of the people involved. What I mean by that is that some people have a stronger "need" for touching (as in hugging and hand holding and that sort of thing). In high school and college I would hold hands with my guy friends and hug them frequently. While I'm not one of those people who hugs anyone, I like hugs from friends, and it would be very silly to freely hug other people and then refuse to hug my significant other or make a big deal about holding his hand. But if someone isn't a touchy sort of person and that sort of thing indicates something larger, then it would be different. And I have known people who didn't kiss their significant other until their wedding, so that is definitely achievable. And while it was not for me, I find it admirable when people are able to do that. I do, however, get frustrated when people who are waiting to kiss until marriage act like it's horrible when other people don't (I don't think you think this way, but I have known people who do) and are sinning if they are kissing, when there is actually no sin involved. [/quote] iawtp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 [quote name='CherieMadame' timestamp='1340833388' post='2449644'] iawtp [/quote] i am wishing those pantaloons? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherie Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 well I really like them, ok?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 [quote name='CherieMadame' timestamp='1340838512' post='2449672'] well I really like them, ok?! [/quote] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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