Aspies In The Church

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Laudate_Dominum' timestamp='1340811199' post='2449435']
I'm friends in RL with a guy who has Asperger's. He's in CL.
[/quote]

you should tell us more.

[quote name='curiousing' timestamp='1340767431' post='2449327']
Hi everyone,

I am in the diagnostic process for Asperger's Syndrome, and I am wondering about other people's experiences of being aspies in the Church. I know most aspies aren't religious, so I'm presuming we're a rare breed. (Obviously I'm also presuming I have it. Tony Attwood's books read like my autobiography.)
[/quote]
for what it's worth i apologize if my posts seemed like they were directed specifically at you. not my intent.

[Laudate_Dominum]

[url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7ffMnFCydk"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7ffMnFCydk[/url]

[Adrestia]

We had a young lady with Asperger's syndrome in my old youth group. She did well with small group activities, we paired her with one of our more mature teens.

[Gabriela]

1) What is "RL" and what is "CL"?
2) Lil Red: I get where you're coming from. Before I started the diagnostic process for Asperger's, I had been misdiagnosed with everything under the sun because no one could figure out what was "wrong" with me. And there are comorbid symptoms of Asperger's that I suffer tremendously from but was never diagnosed with because no one can "see" them. So, a diagnosis isn't always the first or last word in how to handle someone. And you're right: Even when a person does have whatever diagnosis, it is important to (gently) push the person beyond their limits. (It's important to do this with everyone, not just people with "issues".) In fact, that is a regular part of the therapy for people with Asperger's, especially children, and any Asperger's specialist will tell parents, teachers—and yes, even youth group ministers—that the child should be gently coaxed to be more social.
3) arfink: I get where you're coming from, too. ADD/ADHD (for example) is like the catch-all problem-solver for unruly children hopped up on sugar and video games and far too undisciplined and unsupervised by their exhausted, overworked parent(s). BUT, that doesn't mean some kids don't actually HAVE ADD/ADHD (I have ADD pretty bad; it's near-debilitating), so we can't treat every kid who comes to us with a diagnosis like just another "irresponsible excuse-diagnosis", as many people seem inclined to do in a country where it seems like anyone can get any diagnosis they want. We have to accept that the case may be legitimate, and take the person as they are, trusting that there really is something "special" about them that we need to accommodate. Otherwise, our cynicism gets in the way of our humanity.

I think what's really at issue here is the fact that our society is [i]over[/i]-diagnosed, and worse, it is that way because some people [i]do[/i] want excuses for [i]not[/i] being pushed beyond their boundaries. But, as I said, every specialist I've ever known is [i]for[/i] pushing (even diagnosed) people beyond their boundaries, but doing it gently, and with knowledge of what one is dealing with. A lot of people, for example, think that you can slowly accustom an aspie to enjoy crowded school hallways as much as the NT (neurotypical) kid, but the truth is that the reason aspies run from crowded school hallways is neurochemical, not behavioral. So, while you can change some things about aspies through therapy (like their ability to refrain from offending people or maintaining meaningful relationships), you cannot change everything. It's important to know where that line is, to understand the disorder, to understand what can be changed and what can't, and not to try to push where the boundary is obviously fixed in stone (or neurochemicals).

I have to say (and maybe it will help that I say this, or maybe it will still just be one other person's opinion) that as I read about Asperger's and the expectations placed on teachers (of which I am one), I gasp at the expectations of the caregivers in the lives of people with mental/behavioral/personality disorders. They are expected to accommodate every single little difference, and to do that, you have to know every single mental/behavioral/personality disorder that you are presented with inside and out. Teachers are already overworked, with too many kids in the clarseroom. They already spend hours after school grading. Now they're supposed to write special instructions every day for the kid with Asperger's, too? And different ones for the kid with ADHD? And another set for the kid with...?! On the other hand, those kids need that, and not every family can afford to hire a personal learning specialist to tag along with the kid all day. What all this boils down to, I think, is that we're trying to accommodate everyone who is "special", but we are doing it at the expense of the sanity and reasonable rest requirements of the "normal". This is a very difficult problem, and I don't think I have a solution, but I can definitely see—yes, even as someone with Asperger's—how NTs see injustice in it, how they feel overwhelmed and afraid that they will be called insensitive or callous or intolerant if they make the smallest mistake just because they can't keep up with all the different "diagnoses". It really is overwhelming.

There's a balance, I think. Some of the responsibility has to be placed on the person with the disorder. I have to know what works for me, and be able to articulate that. It may not be fair to [i]expect[/i] that of me (especially since I am being diagnosed in adulthood, which makes behavioral therapy much more difficult and much less effective, and in the case of kids, well...), but [i]I [/i]still need to acknowledge it as [i]my personal responsibility to try[/i]. And [i]I[/i] need to be just as understanding of how overwhelmed and confused and frustrated NTs can be by my behavior and "special requirements" as they try to be understanding of me.

Maybe I do know the solution: Love. Not tolerance, but love. Just like Father Barron says. :-) Everyone just love everyone else, and everything will be ok.

Edited June 27, 2012 by curiousing

[Gabriela]

BTW, I just want to add:
1) I totally do not get Laudate_Dominum's post. I mean, it's nice. But... were you just trying to restore a sense of perspective and happiness to the thread? ;-)
2) I'm not being pushed to join youth group. I'm 32. Our youth minister talked to me when I first joined RCIA. He's a really nice guy, actually. And single. And DYING to get married. So if any of the ladies out there is into really super-white, super-Catholic, super-gentle, super-kid-loving guys, I can hook you up. (He has online profiles.)

Edited June 27, 2012 by curiousing

[Lil Red]

[quote name='curiousing' timestamp='1340838450' post='2449671']
2) I'm not being pushed to join youth group. I'm 32. Our youth minister talked to me when I first joined RCIA. He's a really nice guy, actually. And single. And DYING to get married. So if any of the ladies out there is into really super-white, super-Catholic, super-gentle, super-kid-loving guys, I can hook you up. (He has online profiles.)
[/quote]

i have a friend who is single and looking. how old is he? (she is 38)

[Gabriela]

Early 30s, I think.

[Maggyie]

The minister is correct that our faith has to be lived out in community with others. Just think about things like the Communion of Saints for instance. But in religious terms, 'community" means something different than what it means in secular terms.

Think of St. Therese, the cloistered Carmelite nun, being the patroness of missionaries. That's kind of nuts from a secular point of view. But from the Catholic point of view we know that through her prayers she was a great missionary and converter of souls.

Similarly a hermit (or any solitary person) participates in community through their prayers, sacrifices, and by uniting themselves spiritually with their fellow man.

The emphasis on community is a very Catholic thing; in many Protestant faith traditions you will find a focus on the individual and a somewhat "lonely" path to salvation.

[Laudate_Dominum]

[quote name='curiousing' timestamp='1340837988' post='2449665']
1) What is "RL" and what is "CL"?
[/quote]
RL = [url="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=RL"]Real Life[/url]
CL = [url="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Communion_and_Liberation"]Communion and Liberation[/url]

[franciscanheart]

[quote name='curiousing' timestamp='1340838450' post='2449671']So if any of the ladies out there is into really super-white, super-Catholic, super-gentle, super-kid-loving guys, I can hook you up. (He has online profiles.)
[/quote]

[quote name='curiousing' timestamp='1340839049' post='2449680']
Early 30s, I think.
[/quote]

Hook a girl up.

[Gabriela]

[quote name='franciscanheart' timestamp='1340859662' post='2449838']
Hook a girl up.
[/quote]

Send me a PM/email address. I tried to send you a PM, but it says you can't receive any more right now...?

[franciscanheart]

[quote name='curiousing' timestamp='1340860768' post='2449843']
Send me a PM/email address. I tried to send you a PM, but it says you can't receive any more right now...?
[/quote]
I'm pretty popular around here.

[Tab'le De'Bah-Rye]

[quote name='curiousing' timestamp='1340767698' post='2449329']
Ok, after writing that post, I realized there is something very weird going on in PM. Every time I type the letter sequence "a-s-s-", as part of a word like "a-s-s-ume" or "a-s-s-ert", the sequence gets changed to "arse", e.g., "arseume" and "arsert".

Someone has got to be messing with PM...
[/quote]

what about arseasain

[Tab'le De'Bah-Rye]

haha wow, i didn't know this, i thought it was only for the rude word, DONKEY! looks like anything that resembles stubborn mule it is edited.

[Norseman82]

[quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1340838527' post='2449673']
i have a friend who is single and looking. how old is he? (she is 38)
[/quote]
[quote name='franciscanheart' timestamp='1340859662' post='2449838']
Hook a girl up.
[/quote]
[quote name='curiousing' timestamp='1340860768' post='2449843']
Send me a PM/email address. I tried to send you a PM, but it says you can't receive any more right now...?
[/quote]

Ahem.....