How Do I Conform Myself To Jesus Without Eliminating My Personality?

[emmaberry]

Hello! I usually stay in VS, but I decided to venture over here because of my question.

I am struggling with conforming myself totally to Christ. I am really trying to focus on St Therese's 'Little Way' and glorifying God in all that I do, including my speech. In all the books I have read by the Saints, they say that it is better to be quiet than to say something sinful or something that does not encourage and edify those around you. This sounds great! But putting it into practice is...problematic.

Let's take a hypothetical situation. I go see a movie. It was expensive and the movie was not good. I come home and my mom asks: "How was the movie?"
My natural response: "it was not good and it was so expensive!"

Now, the Saints/Bible would say that I should just be quiet instead of saying this negative comment. Now, that 'quietness' is okay in this situation, but if I do this ALL the time, then I just end up being totally quiet! The obvious answer would be to say nice and encouraging things instead of focusing on the movie being bad and the tickets being expensive. I have tried this also, but then I find that I tend towards dishonesty in the name of 'speaking positively.'

My basic question is: How do I follow the advice of the Saints/Bible in my speech while still maintaining my personality (ie some sense of [i]talking[/i]--not just being quiet all the time) and honesty in relaying events, situations, etc.

What experiences have you had while trying to conform your speech to Christ?

Thank you!

[Lisa]

God has not called you to be St. Therese... he has called you to be St. Emmaberry!

You aren't meant to be exactly like someone else, just like you. Remember, our fallen human natures have a tendency to sin, but he has created you to be holy, just as He is holy. Little by little, as you grow in love of Jesus, it becomes easier to resist those sins of pride, malice, etc.

In your movie example, in my understanding, I don't think it's a sin to say those things (at the most, it's a venial one... but then I have a lot more things I should be confessing). However, by working on on training our tongue to speak only charity, we become closer to Him. It's a long, challenging trip, but it's all for the Lord, our Beloved.

[BarbTherese]

In your example, if asked about the movie, it would be neither encouraging nor edifying, and certainly not glorifying God to not be truthful, Perhaps a good response would be "Well, the movie was not to my taste and I found it quite expensive for my pocket". Which is conveying the truth of your position and leaving open for others to experience the movie differently.

There can be at times confusions in the spiritual way, which is where a sound spiritual director is pure gold.

Edited June 15, 2012 by BarbaraTherese

[tinytherese]

[quote name='emmaberry' timestamp='1339714286' post='2444772']
Hello! I usually stay in VS, but I decided to venture over here because of my question.

In all the books I have read by the Saints, they say that it is better to be quiet than to say something sinful or something that does not encourage and edify those around you.
[/quote]

This may be just the way that you're phrasing it, but I read that as meaning that sin is never to be prefered. For some people in certain circumstances, who struggle with lying, name calling people, insulting others, or revealing information that they shouldn't about another person, or even gossip, then perhaps where they are spiritually and what poses as an occasion of sin to them, that it would be better for them to hold their tongue.

Insulting a film, which is an inaminate object is not the same as insulting a human being or God Himself. There is nothing wrong with giving your honest opinion about a film. True charity involves giving people the benefit of the doubt and wishing and willing their good in a dignified manner. Undue flattery and kissing up to people on the otherhand are considered lying as well as using them.

In his book Mere Christianity, at one point C.S. Lewis talks about how following the Gospel doesn't empty him of who he is but makes him more of his individual self than ever before.

Edited June 15, 2012 by tinytherese

[Spem in alium]

The best thing I can see for you to do is to look to Christ and see how he inspires us through speech and silence. The passages describing his Passion and death give some of the greatest inspiration. During his Passion, Christ did not once complain or ask for things to stop. He spoke the truth even though he knew that it would lead to his death. In his moments of agony, he entrusted his life to his Father instead of pleading for it. He knew he was innocent and being treated unfairly, he knew his tormentors were doing a grave thing in torturing him, yet he [i]forgave[/i] them.

It's a hard act to follow. I was reading the Passion narratives recently, and they truly inspired me to make changes in my life. I realised that sometimes it is better not to speak and just to live in trust. It is best to be honest and patient and deal with the consequences, to suffer uncomplainingly and offer everything back to the Father. To live in hope for the future.

Just as St. Paul wrote, "imitate me as I imitate Christ", the same goes for other saints - they should be role models for us, just as Christ would have been a role model for them. But ultimately, as Lisa says, you need to be yourself. Open your heart to God's love and guidance. He will lead you down the surest path; one that allows you to live as you are meant to be - as His beloved child.

Edited June 15, 2012 by Spem in alium

[beatitude]

I agree with the others about the film. I dislike a lot of the art in the Centre Pompidou, and there is nothing wrong with me giving my opinion about it. We have all got different personalities and tastes and there is nothing wrong with sharing what we like and what we don't like. Art critics, film critics, dance critics - are they doing anybody a favour if they only write glowing things? In the classroom, are you being a good student if you just meekly agree with what every other student says, for fear of upsetting somebody? That's not how we learn and it's not how we enjoy stuff.

However, imagine I visited the Centre Pompidou with a good friend who really loves modern art, as her birthday treat. (This did actually happen.) In that situation, it would have been a bit mean-spirited of me to trail around after her going, "I really don't get this kind of art. I'd prefer to be in the Louvre," because that would just spoil her birthday. She was enjoying looking at all the exhibits, so I needed to show an interest too. This didn't mean that I lied. I just kept quiet, and sometimes asked questions, like, "Anna, what do you think this is symbolising?" and, "Which one do you like best?" If your mum paid for you to go to the film, or she sent you there because you seemed low in mood and she wanted you to have a treat, it wouldn't be so kind of you to criticise the film or complain about the cost. It depends on the situation.

Being Christlike means always using your head as well as your heart. You've always got to think about what the kindest thing to do would be, and because you are Emma, and not St Therese, your expression of kindness will be different from hers. My mother is a brilliant cook, and when somebody's ill, she helps out by cooking up a storm and freezing a lot of delicious food that they can just reheat when they need it. I'm a rubbish cook and a sick person wouldn't thank me if I turned up with food for them. I'd probably just burn down the kitchen. My way of showing kindness in that situation would probably be to think about the kind of books they like to read or the music they like to listen to and then lend them some.

We need to love like Jesus, but because we are all different, the expression of love will be different in each person. Does that make sense?

Edited June 15, 2012 by beatitude

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='emmaberry' timestamp='1339714286' post='2444772']
Hello! I usually stay in VS, but I decided to venture over here because of my question.

I am struggling with conforming myself totally to Christ. I am really trying to focus on St Therese's 'Little Way' and glorifying God in all that I do, including my speech. In all the books I have read by the Saints, they say that it is better to be quiet than to say something sinful or something that does not encourage and edify those around you. This sounds great! But putting it into practice is...problematic.

Let's take a hypothetical situation. I go see a movie. It was expensive and the movie was not good. I come home and my mom asks: "How was the movie?"
My natural response: "it was not good and it was so expensive!"

Now, the Saints/Bible would say that I should just be quiet instead of saying this negative comment. Now, that 'quietness' is okay in this situation, but if I do this ALL the time, then I just end up being totally quiet! The obvious answer would be to say nice and encouraging things instead of focusing on the movie being bad and the tickets being expensive. I have tried this also, but then I find that I tend towards dishonesty in the name of 'speaking positively.'

My basic question is: How do I follow the advice of the Saints/Bible in my speech while still maintaining my personality (ie some sense of [i]talking[/i]--not just being quiet all the time) and honesty in relaying events, situations, etc.

What experiences have you had while trying to conform your speech to Christ?

Thank you!
[/quote]
The Saints would expect your honest opinion if asked, not your silence. You could simply point out what you liked and didn't like about the film and let it go at that. To conform your speech to Christ you need to first conform your thoughts to Christ. Start by looking at people in the same way He does - with love and respect that you are talking to a soul in the making just like yours.

[emmaberry]

Thank you for all the responses. So many of you said that we are called to be Saint 'Ourselves' and not Saint 'Somebody Else!' That really helped me, and brought to my mind the Danielle Rose song The Saint That Is Just Me:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fh_fSNz6NvQ

No, really, thanks you guys. Your replies have helped me so much! Admittedly, it is still hard to know the 'right' thing to say in every situation, but no one ever said becoming a Saint was easy!

I was also wondering, how are we supposed to pray? Obviously Jesus gave us the Our Father, but I am talking about praying for miracles and healings. I have found that as I have been increasingly open to God's Will in my life, I have stopped requesting things in prayer and just asked that His Will be done. What is the right thing to do though when someone asks you to pray for the healing of a friend with cancer? This is going to sound abrasive, but what if they are meant to die and go to Heaven to be with Jesus? I don't know what to do. In daily Mass, our Priest opens up the floor for parishioners to share their own prayer requests during the intentions. Most of these people ask for healing....but what if God's plan isn't for them to be healed?

And then I still struggle with this because in the Bible people ask to be healed and Jesus doesn't rebuke them or anything....He just heals them! Does anyone else struggle with this?

[PhuturePriest]

I don't think it is wrong to ask for specific things. I do so quite often. It is acceptable for me to say "Lord, please help us to make a lot of money today, but ultimately Thy will be done."

[emmaberry]

[quote name='FuturePriest387' timestamp='1339792108' post='2445146']
I don't think it is wrong to ask for specific things. I do so quite often. It is acceptable for me to say "Lord, please help us to make a lot of money today, but ultimately Thy will be done."
[/quote]

lol! Thanks

Sorry....ANOTHER question. Recently I have wanted to kneel for Holy Communion, but I think my diocese prefers that parishioners recieve standing up. I have received excellent advice that I shouldn't worry about my diocese's preferences but only Jesus' preferences in how I treat Him. My problem lies with pride and arrogance. I KNOW that since the Eucharist is really and truly Jesus then I should bow-heck I should CRAWL to Him!-but I don't think the humble saints would have drawn attention to themselves and acted in disobedience to their superiors in order to show their devotion...but I am not sure about this and it really confuses me.

Does anyone have advice? Or at least anyone who's not fed up with my multiple questions in one thread? Thanks!

[BarbTherese]

Personally, I put obedience before personal preference and to kneel when the diocese has instructed one to stand, for me this means that kneeling is my personal preference. Obviously, if one's bishop sends out a legitimate instruction, then it is clear what God wants, His Will. We read in The Gospel that Jesus learnt obedience and His entire life was one long act of obedience to His Father's Will.
As far as praying for another's request, in the Our Father we pray "give us this day our daily bread" which is asking for our needs (and "our" means self and others). When we pray any petition for self or others, ideally we finish "but not my will but Thine be done".

Edited June 17, 2012 by BarbaraTherese

[BarbTherese]

In The Gospel (Matthew 28) Jesus tells us: [quote] "And Jesus coming, spoke to them, saying: [u][b]All power is given to me in heaven and in earth[/b][/u]. [url="http://drbo.org/x/d?b=drb&bk=47&ch=28&l=19#x"][19][/url] Going therefore, teach ye all nations; baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. [url="http://drbo.org/x/d?b=drb&bk=47&ch=28&l=20#x"][20][/url] Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and behold I am with you all days, even to the consummation of the world. "[/quote]

Hence, we know [u][b]that all in rightful authority have their authority from of God[/b][/u] who both directs and permits. St. Paul confirms this even more by writing: (Epistle to The Romans Ch 13) [quote] "[url="http://drbo.org/x/d?b=drb&bk=52&ch=13&l=1#x"][1][/url] Let every soul be subject to higher powers: [u][b]for there is no power but from God[/b][/u]: and those that are, are ordained of God. [url="http://drbo.org/x/d?b=drb&bk=52&ch=13&l=2#x"][2][/url] Therefore he that resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God. And they that resist, purchase to themselves damnation." [/quote]

We are called by The Gospel to be obedient to all rightful authority in matters that are not sinful and by being so obedient we are obedient to God and Jesus. We may disagree with authority on matters that are not sinful and its ok to disagree (let charity and thoughtfulness reign!), but we are called to obey though we disagree. And the heart that is lovingly obedient is praising God and in the very Heart of Jesus, obedient even unto death.

And in praying for the needs of others, one need look no further than Jesus, the night of His arrest: John Chapter 17 [url="http://drbo.org/x/d?b=drb&bk=50&ch=17"]http://drbo.org/x/d?...drb&bk=50&ch=17[/url], (whole Chapter worth the read) to hear Jesus praying for His apostles including "that they may be one, as We Are One". Chapter 17 does underscore for me that to pray for the needs of others is in the Heart of Jesus.

[emmaberry]

Thank you Barbara Therese! I especially liked the Bible verses you supplied-they helped me greatly.

[BarbTherese]

God bless!


[quote]Matthew 16 : " [url="http://www.drbo.org/x/d?b=drb&bk=47&ch=16&l=24#x"][24][/url] Then Jesus said to his disciples: If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. [url="http://www.drbo.org/x/d?b=drb&bk=47&ch=16&l=25#x"][25][/url] [u][b]For he that will save his life, shall lose it: and he that shall lose his life for my sake, shall find it.[/b][/u] " [/quote]

If I feel that I am loosing my selfhood by following Jesus, it is a positive spiritual sign and not a negative. We begin to loose that false self that resides in our imagination (from which flows our personality) - the person that we think we are - and to assume our true identity in Jesus by denying our wants and desires to take up the desires of Jesus i.e. to conform ourselves to Him and His Gospel. This is not easy, in fact it can be extremely painful and it can be a real sense of 'loosing oneself' and a sense of 'being false'. One will probably confront things about onself that one really does not want to know ! and in this all refuge, comfort and consolation is in His Loving Mercy. Then, when we are weak, we are indeed most strong. 1st Epistle to Corinthians : "[b][url="http://www.drbo.org/x/d?b=drb&bk=54&ch=12&l=10#x"][10][/url] For when I am weak, then am I powerful." [/b]Nothing is of greater power and strength than the Love and Mercy of The Lord - Until and if with perseverance in following Jesus, we begin to feel at home in Him and in our new self, and the old self seems a distant sort of dream somewhere in the past. We have, in actual fact, undergone a conversion experience. This need not be flash of lightening type of instant experience, it can be process one undergoes. So if you feel concern about loosing yourself, you are truly blest if you are!!!

Another quotation from Jesus which speaks to the above is: [quote[Matthew Ch 9 "[[url="http://www.drbo.org/x/d?b=drb&bk=47&ch=9&l=17#x"][17][/url] Neither do they put new wine into old bottles. Otherwise the bottles break, and the wine runneth out, and the bottles perish. [u][b]But new wine they put into new bottles[/b][/u]: and both are preserved. " [/quote]P

PS Edit : Conversion in this life is always something of the ongoing throughout our journey in this life. We are continually being called by Jesus to greater and higher perfection and thus to "conversio" (Latin for "Conversion"). Penance is tied in with this very closely. "Penance" is taken from "metanoia" meaning, "reversal of direction". Edited June 18, 2012 by BarbaraTherese