Another Advise Byz Thread

[brianthephysicist]

[quote name='Byzantine' timestamp='1338555800' post='2439259']
Yes, I am this pathetic.
[/quote]
Don't get down on yourself. Doesn't help you, her, or anyone. This stuff is difficult. There's nothing pathetic about plans not going the way you want them to. Hub's right, you got this!

[quote name='Hubertus' timestamp='1338526607' post='2439167']
Why don't you just ask for her number first? Then you can call (not text) her and ask her out. Pretty standard.
[/quote]
I agree about asking for her number first.

Missy gave me her number and we [i]texted[/i] back and forth for awhile and still hung out with people in a group, but when I wanted to make it obvious that I liked her, I [i]called[/i] her up to see if she wanted to hang out and play board games. We ended up just sitting around chatting for awhile then changed plans (you still owe me that scrabble match ) and I took her out for ice cream.

Also, asking for her number doesn't have to be blown up into some crazy thing. It can even be done when you guys are in a group hanging out. Just say "Hey [beautiful young lady], I was at [school, the mall, the movies, etc.] and I saw something [funny, interesting, cute, etc.] and I wanted to text you about it, but I realized I don't have your number, can I get your number so I can let you know the next time this happens."

[Amppax]

A couple of questions/thoughts/etc:

1. Are you and said young lady good friends? If not, become so.

2. I'm definitely not a pro at this (although as of now I'm batting .1000 [size=1](1-1!) [/size]), but I would just advise you spend some time with her, not on any sort of official date, just hang out. As for when to ask her out, planning is overrated (NOTE! Refuse any advice from me when it comes to actual dates, I've got a really poor track record with those, I'm super uncreative). If you have an good opportunity,go for it!

A note on the nerves: relax, everyone's gotten them. My freshman year of high school I literally had to call the girl I went with twice, the first time I was so nervous I froze and hung up! I wasn't even interested in dating that girl, we'd been friends all through grade school! Believe me, most of us realize how hard it is.

Edited June 2, 2012 by Amppax

[Hubertus]

[quote name='brianthephysicist' timestamp='1338585959' post='2439644']
I agree about asking for her number first.

Missy gave me her number and we [i]texted[/i] back and forth for awhile and still hung out with people in a group, but when I wanted to make it obvious that I liked her, I [i]called[/i] her up to see if she wanted to hang out and play board games. We ended up just sitting around chatting for awhile then changed plans (you still owe me that scrabble match ) and I took her out for ice cream. [/quote] There ya go! Texting can be a good way to get to know the girl, too. I've just grown to hate texting, so I kinda skip that step.


As far as trying to become good friends first as others are suggesting here, that may be the more desirable way to go, but try to keep a feel for where it's going. Don't focus too hard on being good friends first if you think she wants to take the next step. If you move too slow for her, she may get discouraged and "friend-zone" you. And getting friend-zoned is like going past the event horizon of a black hole.

Edited June 2, 2012 by Hubertus

[Amppax]

[quote name='Hubertus' timestamp='1338648044' post='2439893']
As far as trying to become good friends first as others are suggesting here, that may be the more desirable way to go, but try to keep a feel for where it's going. Don't focus too hard on being good friends first if you think she wants to take the next step. If you move too slow for her, she may get discouraged and "friend-zone" you. And getting friend-zoned is like going past the event horizon of a black hole.
[/quote]

I suppose my suggestion was more warning against asking her out of the blue. Then you get "stalker-zoned".

[Amppax]

[quote name='Amppax' timestamp='1338606246' post='2439795']
A couple of questions/thoughts/etc:

1. Are you and said young lady good friends? If not, become so.

2. I'm definitely not a pro at this (although as of now I'm batting .1000 [size=1](1-1!) [/size]), but I would just advise you spend some time with her, not on any sort of official date, just hang out. As for when to ask her out, planning is overrated (NOTE! Refuse any advice from me when it comes to actual dates, I've got a really poor track record with those, I'm super uncreative). If you have an good opportunity,go for it!

A note on the nerves: relax, everyone's gotten them. My freshman year of high school I literally had to call the girl I went with twice, the first time I was so nervous I froze and hung up! I wasn't even interested in dating that girl, we'd been friends all through grade school! Believe me, most of us realize how hard it is.
[/quote]

Derp. I was asking the girl to a dance. Somehow that little fact got lost on the way from my brain to the keyboard.

[Byzantine]

[quote name='Amppax' timestamp='1338606246' post='2439795']
A couple of questions/thoughts/etc:

1. Are you and said young lady good friends? If not, become so.

2. I'm definitely not a pro at this (although as of now I'm batting .1000 [size=1](1-1!) [/size]), but I would just advise you spend some time with her, not on any sort of official date, just hang out. As for when to ask her out, planning is overrated (NOTE! Refuse any advice from me when it comes to actual dates, I've got a really poor track record with those, I'm super uncreative). If you have an good opportunity,go for it!

A note on the nerves: relax, everyone's gotten them. My freshman year of high school I literally had to call the girl I went with twice, the first time I was so nervous I froze and hung up! I wasn't even interested in dating that girl, we'd been friends all through grade school! Believe me, most of us realize how hard it is.
[/quote]

1. Yeah... I guess. Since freshman year, I guess I've treated her... differently from other girls. There was a bit more... what do you wanna call it? respect? deference? there than with my other female friends. Sort of. Except when I acted like a jerk in general. Which used to happen more often. But circumstances being what they were (read: terrified of her father), we didn't really become what might be called "good" friends until this year. I'm not even sure what she really thinks of me. Could be she thinks I'm the equivalent of a twelve-year-old. Her best friend thinks it's a good idea in theory, but since graduation's tomorrow time is lacking.

2. I'd like to hang out with her, but I think I might be running a little too close to the friend zone already. Plus time is not something I have much of. Two-three months or so before we go to different colleges.

As for nerves, my only experience with dances is homecoming senior year. When I went alone. I had a prom date twice. Junior year the girl said yes but it turned out she was going to be in NYC. We're not going to go into how I ended up without a date senior year. Let's say if I had been smart I would've asked the girl this thread is about as my first choice and then possibly this thread wouldn't exist.


[quote name='Hubertus' timestamp='1338648044' post='2439893']
There ya go! Texting can be a good way to get to know the girl, too. I've just grown to hate texting, so I kinda skip that step.
[/quote]
I don't like texting either. Nor do I like talking on the phone (I'm incredibly bad at it). If it's too important for email/facebook, it's important enough to talk in person.

[quote name='Amppax' timestamp='1338651337' post='2439908']
I suppose my suggestion was more warning against asking her out of the blue. Then you get "stalker-zoned".
[/quote]
Haha no worries there. I hope. The whole family knows me.

[quote name='brianthephysicist' timestamp='1338585959' post='2439644']
Also, asking for her number doesn't have to be blown up into some crazy thing. It can even be done when you guys are in a group hanging out.
[/quote]

Problem is, we don't really hang out in the same group. We and our respective best friends are pretty much the only ones from the two groups who seem to interact.

Edited June 3, 2012 by Byzantine

[PhuturePriest]

[quote name='Byzantine' timestamp='1338691892' post='2440103']
1. Yeah... I guess. Since freshman year, I guess I've treated her... differently from other girls. There was a bit more... what do you wanna call it? respect? deference? there than with my other female friends. Sort of. Except when I acted like a jerk in general. Which used to happen more often. But circumstances being what they were (read: terrified of her father), we didn't really become what might be called "good" friends until this year. I'm not even sure what she really thinks of me. Could be she thinks I'm the equivalent of a twelve-year-old. Her best friend thinks it's a good idea in theory, but since graduation's tomorrow time is lacking.

2. I'd like to hang out with her, but I think I might be running a little too close to the friend zone already. Plus time is not something I have much of. Two-three months or so before we go to different colleges.

As for nerves, my only experience with dances is homecoming senior year. When I went alone. I had a prom date twice. Junior year the girl said yes but it turned out she was going to be in NYC. We're not going to go into how I ended up without a date senior year. Let's say if I had been smart I would've asked the girl this thread is about as my first choice and then possibly this thread wouldn't exist.



I don't like texting either. Nor do I like talking on the phone (I'm incredibly bad at it). If it's too important for email/facebook, it's important enough to talk in person.


Haha no worries there. I hope. The whole family knows me.



Problem is, we don't really hang out in the same group. We and our respective best friends are pretty much the only ones from the two groups who seem to interact.
[/quote]

Well, you're certainly in a pickle, and I fear you may have already had graduation today. However, if not, just go for it in the right setting. If you don't you will regret it for a very long time. You've tip-toed around this all of high school from what I read, and I think it is basically now or never at this point.

[Amppax]

Wait, you're graduating and going to different colleges? How far apart?

[Byzantine]

[quote name='Amppax' timestamp='1338741803' post='2440258']
Wait, you're graduating and going to different colleges? How far apart?
[/quote]

Grove City (her) and FUS (me). Neither is far from our hometown.

[PhuturePriest]

[quote name='Byzantine' timestamp='1338825034' post='2440589']
Grove City (her) and FUS (me). Neither is far from our hometown.
[/quote]

Well, considering the close proximity I would say go for it. If not she'll most likely find someone at college she likes. You can still stay friends even if she says she doesn't want to date. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain in this one.

[Byzantine]

I guess... The problem is getting 5 minutes when I could say something without a crowd of people listening in on us.

It might be relevant (and don't ask how I know this) that her best friend thinks it's a good idea theoretically but not practically because of the whole graduation thing and wouldn't recommend it (with a somewhat pained expression).

[4588686]

[quote name='Byzantine' timestamp='1338515709' post='2439066']
where I again show my incompetence in matters of dating.

So, after failing to ask a girl out twice, I figure third time's it. If I even proceed at all. So, when would be the best time to try?

-Graduation (I'm pretty sure this is a "no")
-My graduation party (Probably also a no because then the poor girl's trapped there with her parents enjoying themselves and... yeah. Awkward)
-Someone else's graduation party.
-Her place of work ("Now that you've served me a pizza, wanna go see a movie?")
-Next time I see her at school (which would probably be the Christmas play or alumni day, whatever that is)
-Ask her out over email (which even I know is probably a really really lame way of going about it)

Now that I think about it, all of these times are terrible. Gee I wish I'd had some sense earlier in the year.
[/quote]

You should break into her home while she's out. Wait for her in her room. Then ask her when she comes in.

[PhuturePriest]

[quote name='Byzantine' timestamp='1338865085' post='2441053']
I guess... The problem is getting 5 minutes when I could say something without a crowd of people listening in on us.

It might be relevant (and don't ask how I know this) that her best friend thinks it's a good idea theoretically but not practically because of the whole graduation thing and wouldn't recommend it (with a somewhat pained expression).
[/quote]

Hm... Well, certainly at a graduation party you can find a quiet spot for five seconds to ask her? I've been to a graduation party before with many, many people there, and my friends that graduated still had time to speak in peace and quiet a few times. Granted, one of these times was to go into the men's restroom so they could practice singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" before they sang it in front of the crowd, but there were other times, I'm sure.

[4588686]

You should wear a leather jacket and smoke a cigarette when you ask her out. Chicks dig bad boys.

[Byzantine]

[quote name='Hasan' timestamp='1338868075' post='2441074']
You should wear a leather jacket and smoke a cigarette when you ask her out. Chicks dig bad boys.
[/quote]

Not happening.

Did I mention I work with her parents? Her mom and I work in the same building (different jobs) and her dad works nearby.