How Do You Know

[Joan Marie Wandel]

I have a question how do you know if an order is the right one for you?

[OnlySunshine]

Mother Teresa of Calcutta was asked how a woman would know and she replied, "She knows. She knows."

It's hard to describe the feeling that you get when you realize the order is the one God is calling you to because it is so personal for each person. I've heard the feeling described as "coming home" or "everything clicks." You have to remember that discernment is two way between you and the community. If one or the other discerns it is not the right fit, then God is calling you to keep looking.

I've not experienced the "coming home" feeling yet in an actual convent, but I hope to very soon. I've experienced something VERY similar, though. I've met the Superior of the order I am discerning with and, before I met her, I could feel the Holy Spirit drawing me to them. It was very powerful! At the time, I had convinced myself, after a bad encounter with an order I thought was "the one", that I was not called to religious life. Then I saw the Sisters again at my parish and just knew that I would not be able to rest until I talked to them. I remember even discussing it with my mom and she helped me realize that this was not me who was drawing me to them -- it was God. So, knowing that I would not be able to ignore the call, I got up the courage to speak to the Sisters before they left that Sunday. One of the Sisters told me that she sensed that I was discerning a vocation. We had never spoken, but I sat across from her in Church and noticed she kept looking at me. It made me a little uncomfortable at first, but I also felt that this was another signal that I needed to swallow my pride.

After the joyful first encounter, I got another surprise when my pastor was meeting with the Provincial Superior and he had been trying to contact me. He knew that I met with the CRHP group on Tuesdays (and it was a Tuesday evening) but he had misplaced my phone number. My mom and I had an earlier meeting than our regular 7pm time because we were on the Core Team and were asked to be there at 5:30. We stopped at Taco Bell to get dinner and then went to the Church parking lot to eat in the car. My mom is disabled, so we usually park in the front spaces right in front of the Church. We had just finished dinner and were getting ready to go inside when I spotted my pastor walking up the path right in front of the parish hall with two Sisters. I spotted them but my mom had not and I cried out suddenly, "THE SISTERS ARE HERE!!!!" It was so loud that my pastor heard me! I had no idea they had planned a visit and I was excited to see them as I had mentioned to my pastor about a week earlier that I was very interested in this order. He brought them over to my mom's car and asked me if I wanted to speak to the Superior. I JUMPED out of the car! I have no doubt that the Holy Spirit orchestrated all of this to get me to be there in that exact spot at the right time. My pastor had been notified of a sick call and was headed to the Church with the Sisters to get the Eucharist to take with him.

I have not yet made a visit to the actual convent, but I have a very good feeling that the Lord is calling me to discern with this order. It became serious about 2 months ago when my pastor said he discussed with the Superior about what I needed to do in order to get started. I am still waiting patiently for the next movement of the Holy Spirit, but I am supposed to meet with my pastor in order to get information for a psychological evaluation. I am also saving up credits on my favorite airline so I can go meet the Sisters in their convent soon.

Just trust that the Holy Spirit will come into your heart and speak to you about His will.

[i][b]"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. [sup] [/sup]Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. [sup] [/sup]You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."[/b][/i]

Edited May 29, 2012 by MaterMisericordiae

[Joan Marie Wandel]

For me this past weekend when I visited Maryknoll I didn't want to leave, for me i feel like this is the community for me

[Lisa]

Joan: Only you, with great prayer (and possibly the help of a spiritual director) can know! Even then, the community also has to agree Most people talk about a sense of peace, home, a place where they can grow to be the person God has created them to be, etc.

[Annie12]

okay... so think of another order you are looking at. what do you feel like when I say this " You are going to enter that other order and not Maryknoll". Does your heart sink? or did you feel okay? (this is a way of testing what you want. My guidance counselor at school taught it to me) Wll, I agree with what others said above. Pray about it!

[Joan Marie Wandel]

i can't see myself entering another community but I am gonna pray about it

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='Joan Marie Wandel' timestamp='1338258816' post='2436829']
i can't see myself entering another community but I am gonna pray about it
[/quote]

Yes, take some time in front of the Blessed Sacrament. Speak to a priest or a Sister about your desires. If you truly feel like you couldn't picture yourself in any other community and you have that ultimate peace, that is what God wants for you.

[somethingfishy]

You know it's right when you take final vows.

In my own experience, three things have been particularly important -- the persistence of a call, the "fit" on both objective and subjective levels, and the response of those who know me well. For the first, I don't think it can be (and most communities wouldn't let you enter on) a whim -- it needs to be tested and sustained. On the second criterion, I think it needs to be a good fit from both your perspective and the community's. Finally, it was a remarkable confirmation for me when my friends and (close) family were almost universally pleased and unsurprised by the choice I had made to apply to a congregation. Not that everyone will be absolutely thrilled to death, but it's helpful when the people who know you best are in agreement with your plan. That group may or may not include your family, although I wouldn't necessarily discount their views. The first religious community I seriously considered was absolutely wrong for me, and everyone else could see it. My blind spot was a mile wide. So look for the objective and rational -- not "signs", but the confirmation of others.

Prayers for your discernment.

Edited May 29, 2012 by somethingfishy

[HopefulBride]

Joan, what everyone has said. I think what's important is to continue to walk with the Holy Spirit in your journey. As you prepare to make any decision be sure to immerse yourself in prayer and silence so that you can better hear the Lord.

Prayers for you as you continue to discern and look for a community, I know how frustrating it can feel to not know.

[maximillion]

Yes, the fit.....

I visited quite a few communities, mainly Carmelite and PC, and I loved them, but then found out about the community in France dedicated tot he Sacred Heart, and had a personal invitation to go there for a 'holiday'.

I was so upset at having to leave at the end of two weeks with the sisters that I almost barged into Mother's office and demanded to enter there and then. I just could not imagine returning to what had been my life up till then. I had never had this experience with any of the other communities I visited.
Prayer life was avvesome.
Sisters were lovely.
Quite austere with full enclosure.
Full Divine Office.
Perpetual adoration.

I was back there in three months.

[Queen'sDaughter]

I would answer here, but I already did on the Benedictines of Mary thread! And I agree with everything said above.

[i<3franciscans]

Prayers!

[EmilyAnn]

When I went to Carmel, it was beautiful and I remember feeling disappointed because it didn't feel right. I knew I should be on the other side of a grille, just not [i]that[/i] grille. But when I went to St. C's I wanted to be behind [i]that[/i] grille. At Mass I spent the whole time leaning as far over the edge of my pew as I could to get as good a glimpse of the nuns as I could. I spoke with both the Guest-mistress and the Novice Mistress and as I left the parlour something clicked. I can't explain what but I was filled with this sense that this was home. Even the little things just fit into place perfectly.

[savvy]

Well, if you are in a different culture, with a liturgical language you do not understand (French in my case) and you still feel peaceful and at home. Then, you know this is the Holy Spirit.

I thought it was the Salesians for me, but God did not want this. It was more of what I wanted to be frank.

I am blown away by His mercy and grace.