Ice_nine Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 but women can vote so, if you think it's bad here ladies, go to Saudi Arabia. (for the sarcastically challenged, I'm not being serious. I'm well aware how repeated micro-aggressions can wear folks down, and it's a beaver dam shame that women are repeatedly reduced to mere physical appearance. If I wasn't such a good Christian, I might tell the offenders to go floopy themselves. But good thing, that I'm so holy, and would never do that.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missionseeker Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 Almost every girl is in some way effected by catcalls. Lots of us just develop coping mechanisms. I think that a huge difference between American culture and European is that ours is based on Protestantism. Handshakes vs. Kisses for greetings. In a culture where everything says "this is evil" then there is this... revolt? towards it because it is vulgar. And while we may not be a "Protestant" nation anymore, our nation was founded on its basic principles. Whereas in other cultures, it's normal and good. Not that there are no sleazebags there, (I definitely got the sleazebag feeling a couple of times in Italy) just that it comes from a different perspective. It's as if one is an extension of flirting and the other is the equivalent of licking your lips before eating. If that makes sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maximilianus Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 [quote name='missionseeker' timestamp='1337309018' post='2432036'] Almost every girl is in some way effected by catcalls. Lots of us just develop coping mechanisms. I think that a huge difference between American culture and European is that ours is based on Protestantism. Handshakes vs. Kisses for greetings. In a culture where everything says "this is evil" then there is this... revolt? towards it because it is vulgar. And while we may not be a "Protestant" nation anymore, our nation was founded on its basic principles. Whereas in other cultures, it's normal and good. Not that there are no sleazebags there, (I definitely got the sleazebag feeling a couple of times in Italy) just that it comes from a different perspective. It's as if one is an extension of flirting and the other is the equivalent of licking your lips before eating. If that makes sense. [/quote] sleazebags ruin everyhting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missionseeker Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 (edited) [quote name='Maximilianus' timestamp='1337309387' post='2432039'] sleazebags ruin everyhting [/quote] That is exactly the attitude you can't have! Because if you have it, it is true. Sleazebags may mar an evening but if I allow myself to say "they ruin everything" I will really think it and it will take me WEEKS to get over it. That's why my friends and I have to laugh at the time that some random dude sat down at our table in a restaurant and asked if we were highschoolers before proceeding to hit on us. Or the times random guys at bars would follow us around asking for our numbers, or the time I had to fake throwing up to get away from one. Or the time one grabbed my thigh and asked if I played soccer. lol. Edited May 18, 2012 by missionseeker Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnneLine Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 Mission Seeker's comment nails it: "It's as if one is an extension of flirting and the other is the equivalent of licking your lips before eating." Exactly. That is what I am trying to say. I can handle flirting.... and I get that. It is even fun sometime... in the proper situation, and with someone I trust... that is a different thing altogether.... ... it is just that beyond that, and especially from a total stranger.... euck. Not the worlds most eloquent prose, 'Euck', but it says it all I think. (BTW... formal or 'fun' flirtations on a dance floor in proper context do NOT get a 'euck' rating.. (my husband's cousin and I do it all the time says AnneLine fluttering her eyelids...) but that is a different thing... inappropriate behavior anywhere DOES..... and if Mike's cousin ever tries anything, he'll find out real fast not to repeat it..... but I can't do that with a stranger, as noted above.... I hope I am making sense here.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhuturePriest Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 [quote name='missionseeker' timestamp='1337309609' post='2432042'] That is exactly the attitude you can't have! Because if you have it, it is true. Sleazebags may mar an evening but if I allow myself to say "they ruin everything" I will really think it and it will take me WEEKS to get over it. That's why my friends and I have to laugh at the time that some random dude sat down at our table in a restaurant and asked if we were highschoolers before proceeding to hit on us. Or the times random guys at bars would follow us around asking for our numbers, or the time I had to fake throwing up to get away from one. [b]Or the time one grabbed my thigh and asked if I played soccer.[/b] lol. [/quote] That's about a ten on my creeper rating list. ... I can't help but feel different from other guys. Other guys rate women, I rate the creepiness in which they ogle at women. A stranger in a strange land indeed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missionseeker Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 Actually the thigh grabbing was not as creepy as the random one that sat at our booth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhuturePriest Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 (edited) [quote name='missionseeker' timestamp='1337313591' post='2432076'] Actually the thigh grabbing was not as creepy as the random one that sat at our booth [/quote] That is creepy (And admittedly I laughed when I read that), but grabbing your thigh is really creepy. However, though I laughed, that really says something about some guys. It's really unfortunate that we have come this far. I know we have had these types before, but now they're so open about it and proudly proclaim their endless hunt for women. I know people like that and I really want to help them, and since I am a guy I have a lot more leverage over them than a woman would, but I do not know how. They would only get angry and walk away. It really tears at me since I'm a bit of a counselor by heart. Edited May 18, 2012 by FuturePriest387 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IcePrincessKRS Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 From where I am standing it all boils down to respect. In other words, it's not the action so much as it is the delivery. One guy can say "Hey baby" and it's kind of adorable and flattering even if you think "Oh, honey, you have NO chance" and the other makes your skin crawl and you want to flip the guy off. Personally, I tend to keep my chin up and pointedly ignore the creepy guys. A smile or thanks (depending on what's said) to the nice ones is all that's necessary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LinaSt.Cecilia2772 Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 Okay I'm going to put my two cents in. The first time I was cat called I was honestly stunned. Not because I wasnt dressed modestly, because i was, but because I never thought a guy actually saw someone like me in that way. I was also kinda shocked too because the guy that did it was one of my good friends, and I didn't think one of my friends would do that or see me like that. I'm one of those types of people that get along more with guys than girls, because girls can truly be awful to eachother, and i didnt think that the guy friends I had saw me in that way. I didn't see them in that way, so i thought they did the same with me. I'm not friends with some of them anymore, but it was weird for me to finally get the wake up call that that really does happen, and that it's important to truly understand what it means to be a woman of God. In one of my confessions the priest told me something that I haven't forgotten, and it was to always remember my dignity. We can't forget that we as women and as human beings have dignity in ourselves given by God Himself. Another things that I've kept with me is a quote from Maya Angelou. "A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ, that a man must seek Him to find her." If a man isn't willing to see the dignity in a woman and only see her as a tool, piece of meat, etc., then he needs to be prayed for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missionseeker Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 [quote name='FuturePriest387' timestamp='1337313996' post='2432078'] That is creepy (And admittedly I laughed when I read that), but grabbing your thigh is really creepy. However, though I laughed, that really says something about some guys. It's really unfortunate that we have come this far. I know we have had these types before, but now they're so open about it and proudly proclaim their endless hunt for women. I know people like that and I really want to help them, and since I am a guy I have a lot more leverage over them than a woman would, but I do not know how. They would only get angry and walk away. It really tears at me since I'm a bit of a counselor by heart. [/quote] I don't know that you'd have more leverage than a woman. I think you'd be surprised at the influence a girl can have over guys. The guys that I work(ed!) with all started out as what I would call "pigs". I disliked one of them so badly I almost quit after the first year. With time, they came to really change the way they interacted with me. Three years later, I actually dated that guy, because he liked me enough to make a really big effort to change and I have never seen him treat women the way he used to since. (At least not in front of me). So honestly, it's more of an exchange between people. If I demand to be treated with a certain respect, I will get it. I can't do that from random guys at walmart, but I can do it with the guys I interact with on a regular basis. So if I were you, I would "counsel" by YOUR actions. They talk louder than words. And they open it up for discussions about your beliefs and why you act in certain ways. You'll see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhuturePriest Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 (edited) [quote name='missionseeker' timestamp='1337314715' post='2432091'] I don't know that you'd have more leverage than a woman. I think you'd be surprised at the influence a girl can have over guys. The guys that I work(ed!) with all started out as what I would call "pigs". I disliked one of them so badly I almost quit after the first year. With time, they came to really change the way they interacted with me. Three years later, I actually dated that guy, because he liked me enough to make a really big effort to change and I have never seen him treat women the way he used to since. (At least not in front of me). So honestly, it's more of an exchange between people. If I demand to be treated with a certain respect, I will get it. I can't do that from random guys at walmart, but I can do it with the guys I interact with on a regular basis. So if I were you, I would "counsel" by YOUR actions. They talk louder than words. And they open it up for discussions about your beliefs and why you act in certain ways. You'll see. [/quote] Really? Typically guys have more leverage on each other, just as girls have more leverage on each other, depending on the situation, of course (For instance, I would never be hired as a counselor at the local emergency pregnancy center for pregnant teenagers since I am a guy, though I would totally jump at that opportunity if it were possible). But this does make sense. After all, if I said something like "You know girls don't like that", they would probably scoff. But if a girl herself said "I don't like that" suddenly a crazy theory has become fact. The magic of psychology. Edited May 18, 2012 by FuturePriest387 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beatitude Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 (edited) The worst instance of degrading street harassment that I've experienced came when I was seventeen. I was on my way to class and waiting to cross the street when two much older men came walking by. One of them reached out and groped me and said, "You've got a nice a*ss there!" He was grinning at me as though it was supposed to be a compliment. I felt disgusting. I wanted to jump in a scalding hot bath with a block of salt to try and rub the feeling of his hands off me. The worst thing about it was the way a.) he honestly seemed to think he had a right to treat me that way and b.) he expected me to be flattered by it. Since then, when I've tried to shut up cat-calling men, some of them have got defensive or even hostile, telling me that they were 'only being nice' and 'that's the best attention you'll ever get off anyone, you c***'. This is one of the reasons why I no longer challenge people who wolf-whistle or who shout out comments about my body. I'm too nervous of what they might do. I just hurry on as fast as I can. Edited May 18, 2012 by beatitude Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinytherese Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 I see men and women behaving with catcalls and ogling as symptoms of our sex obsessed culture which emphasizes pleasure, using otthers for our benefit, and just being selfish in general. Not surprisingly, selfishness and disrespect go hand in hand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmotherofpirl Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 [quote name='Maggie' timestamp='1337306039' post='2432011'] I must be butt-ugly because I have never been cat-called in my life! I thought that only happened in the movies and/or Europe. Apparently not. [/quote] Me either. Doesn't sound like we are missing much though, does it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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