LaPetiteSoeur Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 [quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1337070833' post='2430812'] It's almost like she feels she can't stay in one spot. She's constantly moving around. I wonder if she has ADD like I do because I remember how flighty I was when my ADD wasn't under control. I'd hate for her to have another bad experience, too, because she's already vulnerable and sensitive. I'll probably be going out with her after Mass today to get some coffee and talk, so I hope to learn more. [/quote] Maybe you could suggest a Catholic volunteering opportunity. The Jesuits have a volunteer corps that is very, very good. I'm working this summer with the Sisters of St. Francis of Dubuque, Iowa at one of their summer missions, and I know that the Salesians have one as well. Continued prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Strictlyinkblot Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 Would she consider voluntary work close to home, at least initially? I would be concerned that if she went abroad she wouldn't have the same support system.What about charities who are raising awareness and funds specifically for these refugee camps in the US? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnlySunshine Posted May 17, 2012 Author Share Posted May 17, 2012 Please continue your prayers for my friend. I received an email from her this evening stating that, although she made it to the Church, she did not go inside. She couldn't find the strength to go in. Obviously, she is still experiencing interior conflict and needs the peace only God can offer. I am trying to give her space and not prying into her life at all. She comes at her own pace, so I respect that. I have decided not to ask anymore questions about her future plans because I don't want to get in the way. I don't know her that well, so it is best that I offer prayers and nothing more. I don't know what God's will is for her so I hope that this is what He is asking. In a way, it was kind of good that she was not present at Mass today. I've been having some issues regarding personal impatience about my own vocation, so I needed to focus totally on God's message in the Gospel and go to Confession so I could find my own peace. I probably would not have been a good person to lean on today at all. Tomorrow, I'm going to a different parish because my parish has Mass for the Catholic school students and I don't attend those days since the Mass can be quite packed. It's always hard to find a seat, so I go to my former parish. I'm looking forward to Ascension Thursday, even though it is not a Holy Day of Obligation where I live. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmaD2006 Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 [quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1337222380' post='2431542'] Please continue your prayers for my friend. I received an email from her this evening stating that, although she made it to the Church, she did not go inside. She couldn't find the strength to go in. [/quote] In a way this is almost expected/normal/makes sense ... I remember when I came back (both times) the difficulty that I faced having to face the "oh, what happened' questions. Not everyone is prudent enough to just let you be. It took a long time to face my godchildren and their parents ... because of my embarrassment (which was only in my mind, they were fine with my choices). Give her space ... and let her know that you will be there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnlySunshine Posted May 17, 2012 Author Share Posted May 17, 2012 [quote name='cmariadiaz' timestamp='1337281086' post='2431781'] In a way this is almost expected/normal/makes sense ... I remember when I came back (both times) the difficulty that I faced having to face the "oh, what happened' questions. Not everyone is prudent enough to just let you be. It took a long time to face my godchildren and their parents ... because of my embarrassment (which was only in my mind, they were fine with my choices). Give her space ... and let her know that you will be there. [/quote] Oy vey! What else can happen? Her contract was cancelled so she won't be going up north next week. In a way, I think it's good because I think she needs to slow down and recover from what has happened. She keeps saying she doesn't fit in anywhere and I don't know what to say to make her feel better. She just keeps emailing me and I'm dealing with my own medical and employment issues. I just found out I have hypothyroidism. I'm feeling like [u][b]I'm[/b][/u] the one that needs space right now from her. I know that sounds a bit selfish, but she is getting needy. How do I handle this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnneLine Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 Mater, it isn't selfish - you are wise. You can only give what you have to give. Anything else is 'taken' not given... and the name for that is codependent. PM me if I can help.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnlySunshine Posted May 17, 2012 Author Share Posted May 17, 2012 [quote name='AnneLine' timestamp='1337286024' post='2431812'] Mater, it isn't selfish - you are wise. You can only give what you have to give. Anything else is 'taken' not given... and the name for that is codependent. PM me if I can help.... [/quote] I emailed her back and told her it might be best if she talks to our pastor because I don't know what to say to her. I'm not the best person to ask. I hope she doesn't take offense to that statement, but it's all I can do. I need to deal with my problems before I can help her with hers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaPetiteSoeur Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 [quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1337286396' post='2431817'] I emailed her back and told her it might be best if she talks to our pastor because I don't know what to say to her. I'm not the best person to ask. I hope she doesn't take offense to that statement, but it's all I can do. I need to deal with my problems before I can help her with hers. [/quote] I think this is a good move. You have to remember to take care of yourself or you won't be able to be there for your friends. I think she'll understand. Prayers for both of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnlySunshine Posted May 18, 2012 Author Share Posted May 18, 2012 [quote name='LaPetiteSoeur' timestamp='1337292208' post='2431891'] I think this is a good move. You have to remember to take care of yourself or you won't be able to be there for your friends. I think she'll understand. Prayers for both of you. [/quote] Thank you all for your support through this difficult and troubling time. I love my friend very much but I really feel like she needs professional or clerical help right now. She may be suffering from depression and is running away from things that she needs to sort out before taking the next step. I don't want to see her get hurt, but I can't be the one to listen to all the negativity, especially when I am still discerning and trying to keep a positive head about me. My therapist has really helped me see that I bottle up emotions and take on more than I can handle at times, so I'm trying to be sensible about these things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StClare_OraProNobis Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 I sort of think that discussing so many details of your friend's life online might not be the most prudent thing to do. What if she reads some of the things written here about her and her situation? Just thinking, it might be gossip whether or not we know exactly who she is- and it is likely that someone who knows her might very well know who this is about. Also, my 2 cents- if you need a little more space that is okay, and go ahead and take it. But be careful to make sure that you are still at least charitable in your thoughts towards this person. We can all be a bit "needy" when we have a serious crisis in life and a lot of our supports are taken away. If you are not capable of being there for her right now, that is okay, and I think that referring your friend to your pastor was a good idea. None the less, sometimes we all just need someone to understand how much we are hurting and to be a safe person to share our hearts with- and friends are just as important if not more so than a clergy person sometimes. You should feel honored that she trusted you so much. It can be hard to say something like, "Yes, I am unemployed and having health problems of my own but I am going to forget about myself for a little bit and care for someone else." However, when we reach out to others it helps us to put our own struggles in perspective. St. Paul says to "Rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn." The Bible also speaks of friends who are only there in the good times but abandon when trouble strikes. I experienced a lot of tremendous support when I left the convent under difficult circumstances and I will never forget those who were there for me. That is why I am writing this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StClare_OraProNobis Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 Just realizing that my post above could be misconstrued as saying that you have to be there for this person. I think you absolutely have an obligation to pray for her, but whether or not to see her, etc.- that is for you and the Lord to work out. I was primarily trying to caution against airing her dirty laundry online and against thinking of her as "needy." She does have needs, and quite legitimate ones, for love and support and empathy. Whether or not you are a person who is supposed to fill part of that need is between you and God. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnlySunshine Posted May 18, 2012 Author Share Posted May 18, 2012 [quote name='StClare_OraProNobis' timestamp='1337307751' post='2432026'] I sort of think that discussing so many details of your friend's life online might not be the most prudent thing to do. What if she reads some of the things written here about her and her situation? Just thinking, it might be gossip whether or not we know exactly who she is- and it is likely that someone who knows her might very well know who this is about. Also, my 2 cents- if you need a little more space that is okay, and go ahead and take it. But be careful to make sure that you are still at least charitable in your thoughts towards this person. We can all be a bit "needy" when we have a serious crisis in life and a lot of our supports are taken away. If you are not capable of being there for her right now, that is okay, and I think that referring your friend to your pastor was a good idea. None the less, sometimes we all just need someone to understand how much we are hurting and to be a safe person to share our hearts with- and friends are just as important if not more so than a clergy person sometimes. You should feel honored that she trusted you so much. It can be hard to say something like, "Yes, I am unemployed and having health problems of my own but I am going to forget about myself for a little bit and care for someone else." However, when we reach out to others it helps us to put our own struggles in perspective. St. Paul says to "Rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn." The Bible also speaks of friends who are only there in the good times but abandon when trouble strikes. I experienced a lot of tremendous support when I left the convent under difficult circumstances and I will never forget those who were there for me. That is why I am writing this. [/quote] I appreciate your concern, however, it is highly unlikely that she would come here and read this. She has a very difficult time reading email and is technologically challenged. I've left off very personal details here. I've never gone through this before so I thought it would be a good way to get feedback. I think, since I've decided to kind of step away from helping her so much, I will let this thread be closed if need be. It really helped to hear what others had to say, especially those who have been through it -- including you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnlySunshine Posted May 18, 2012 Author Share Posted May 18, 2012 [quote name='StClare_OraProNobis' timestamp='1337308189' post='2432028'] Just realizing that my post above could be misconstrued as saying that you have to be there for this person. I think you absolutely have an obligation to pray for her, but whether or not to see her, etc.- that is for you and the Lord to work out. I was primarily trying to caution against airing her dirty laundry online and against thinking of her as "needy." She does have needs, and quite legitimate ones, for love and support and empathy. Whether or not you are a person who is supposed to fill part of that need is between you and God. [/quote] Also, I probably shouldn't have stated that she was "needy." It just overwhelms me when she emails me so many times in one day. I'm a little upset since I was hoping to get a job and I had to read the bad news that I didn't get it and her email in the same timeframe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IcePrincessKRS Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 Closing this at the thread starter's request. Please pray for all parties involved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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