dUSt Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 I think nowadays, with TV, the internet, radio, etc, we are constantly barraged with "discerning" marriage our entire lives. Society tells us that being in a relationship is "the norm". By the time we get to an age where we are discerning what to do with the rest of our lives, I believe the challenge is to actually turn off that "call" to marriage, so the discernment to the religious life even has a glimmer of a chance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Autumn Dusk Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 [quote name='dUSt' timestamp='1334156260' post='2415751'] I think nowadays, with TV, the internet, radio, etc, we are constantly barraged with "discerning" marriage our entire lives. Society tells us that being in a relationship is "the norm". By the time we get to an age where we are discerning what to do with the rest of our lives, I believe the challenge is to actually turn off that "call" to marriage, so the discernment to the religious life even has a glimmer of a chance. [/quote] 30 years ago I would of agreed with you wholly. 10 years ago I would of had a bit of an issuse. Society NOW tells us this is the norm. - vaccination for an STD is recommended in the USA by 11 - first sexual encounter by early teen years - contraception is considered a human right - living together is not only acceptable, it is celebrated - having sex in a relationship is considered the baromiter of health - getting married is something to fear - marriage is all about the woman anyhow - wanting more than 1 kid is wanting a big family, it's considered insane to want more than 2. You're forgiven by society if you have 2 girls to try for a boy, but if you have one of each then you're considered a freak with 3 kids. THIS is what society tells us. Yes, it's geard towards relationship, but in no way it is geared to healthy Catholic Marriage. Even when it pushes marriage it in no way reflects Catholic Marriage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slappo Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 (edited) [quote name='Autumn Dusk' timestamp='1334157012' post='2415760'] 30 years ago I would of agreed with you wholly. 10 years ago I would of had a bit of an issuse. Society NOW tells us this is the norm. - vaccination for an STD is recommended in the USA by 11 - first sexual encounter by early teen years - contraception is considered a human right - living together is not only acceptable, it is celebrated - having sex in a relationship is considered the baromiter of health - getting married is something to fear - marriage is all about the woman anyhow - wanting more than 1 kid is wanting a big family,[b] it's considered insane to want more than 2. You're forgiven by society if you have 2 girls to try for a boy, but if you have one of each then you're considered a freak with 3 kids.[/b] THIS is what society tells us. Yes, it's geard towards relationship, but in no way it is geared to healthy Catholic Marriage. Even when it pushes marriage it in no way reflects Catholic Marriage. [/quote] soon society will ask why you didn't abort #2 when you found out it wasn't the sex you wanted... Edited April 11, 2012 by Slappo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Autumn Dusk Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 [quote name='Slappo' timestamp='1334158013' post='2415765'] soon society will ask why you didn't abort #2 when you found out it wasn't the sex you wanted... [/quote] Sad isn't it? That life isn't valuable even in marriage. Forget these quazi-gradeschool romances where two adults with kids live together and play house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 [quote name='Autumn Dusk' timestamp='1334144406' post='2415693']There is no Catholic place where a catholic can ask about discerning a Catholic marrage. How to discuss NFP. How often should you pray together and go to Mass? How do you combine two households...which seems to be the most relevant since I just may be the last single person with a serious boyfriend who actually lives at her own place. Do you know what happens when you google trying to find out signs your boyfriend isnt ok? You should be able to easily tell by your sex life. So not helpful[/quote] i should have clarified what i meant. prayer life, sacramental life is so different from couple to couple and really does depend on personal preferences. combining household stuff is what i meant by common sense - which i guess is not so common. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Autumn Dusk Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 [quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1334159667' post='2415783'] i should have clarified what i meant. prayer life, sacramental life is so different from couple to couple and really does depend on personal preferences. combining household stuff is what i meant by common sense - which i guess is not so common. [/quote] In the same way no two orders are really the same. But the process of listening to God's will and observing the other...weither it's an order or another person is difficult. I want to know about my guy, but just like their's some similarities in all religious orders there's some within all men (or women). As far as household....sometimes while they'rs common sence it's good to talk. The boom!!! You're living together...none of this "slowly moving in" that is common these days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmotherofpirl Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 AD is right. I think we are failing our kids by not talking more about marriage as a vocation instead of something we just fall "in love". Are there any catholic sites out there doing this? Explaining what marriage and particularly catholic marriages are all about? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 [quote name='Autumn Dusk' timestamp='1334159966' post='2415788']As far as household....sometimes while they'rs common sence it's good to talk. The boom!!! You're living together...none of this "slowly moving in" that is common these days.[/quote] agreed, but ideally, marriage prep would cover a lot of this stuff. my husband and i didn't do an engaged encounter weekend, but instead met with an older married couple (over 20+years married) over a period of 6-8 weeks, discussing a chapter a week (of a marriage prep book). this helped us to really go through a lot of issues and really talk through them.[quote name='cmotherofpirl' timestamp='1334160028' post='2415789'] AD is right. I think we are failing our kids by not talking more about marriage as a vocation instead of something we just fall "in love". Are there any catholic sites out there doing this? Explaining what marriage and particularly catholic marriages are all about? [/quote] but how do you do that? lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmotherofpirl Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 [quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1334159667' post='2415783'] i should have clarified what i meant. prayer life, sacramental life is so different from couple to couple and really does depend on personal preferences. combining household stuff is what i meant by common sense - which i guess is not so common. [/quote] See I don't think it is personal preference, its an option most people today don't even think about, they have NEVER seen it. DEarie you had good parents, but they are few and far between. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jesus_lol Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 I believe the process is often referred to as "Dating" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 [quote name='cmotherofpirl' timestamp='1334160277' post='2415792'] See I don't think it is personal preference, its an option most people today don't even think about, they have NEVER seen it. DEarie you had good parents, but they are few and far between. [/quote] you don't think when/how much to pray as a couple is a personal preference? i definitely do. (clarifying: between Catholic couples who practice) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmotherofpirl Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 [quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1334160172' post='2415790'] agreed, but ideally, marriage prep would cover a lot of this stuff. my husband and i didn't do an engaged encounter weekend, but instead met with an older married couple (over 20+years married) over a period of 6-8 weeks, discussing a chapter a week (of a marriage prep book). this helped us to really go through a lot of issues and really talk through them. but how do you do that? lol [/quote] Marriage prep today is way too late, because by then the couple has already established a relationship and are probably living together. Kids need to hear married people talk about this stuff when they are in high school or in starting college. Married people need to talk to kids about married sexuality, and spirituality, economics etc before the kids there. Just as an example we fail at teaching NFP because by the time a girl is engaged she has been on the pill for 5-10 years courtesy of her school or gynecologist. We also have to counter this soulmate croutons, because just because you fall in love with someone doesn't mean they are someone you can or should marry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 okay. i give up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmotherofpirl Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 [quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1334160618' post='2415796'] you don't think when/how much to pray as a couple is a personal preference? i definitely do. (clarifying: between Catholic couples who practice) [/quote] It is a personal preference if you know that is an option and married people actually do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 [quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1334160861' post='2415798'] okay. i give up. [/quote] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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