Forgiveness

[CatherineM]

If I had never forgiven the man who hurt me, I would have been destroyed long ago.

[cmaD2006]

[quote name='CatherineM' timestamp='1334247259' post='2416409']
If I had never forgiven the man who hurt me, I would have been destroyed long ago.
[/quote]

And isn't that the point exactly? Unforgiveness mainly (99%) hurts the person holding the grudge. Since scripture does have the reference:
Jn 20:23 "If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained."
(and yes I do know that this is a direct reference to the sacrament of reconciliation, and a priest's ability to absolve)

If I take that to a spiritual and personal level ... in a way I believe that unforgiveness may subtlely affect the unforgiven person as well, although not to the same degree that it affects the person who holds onto the unforgiveness.

One thing I did not mention (in my two second write up late last night). Forgiveness does not mean exonerating the person for what he/she did. On the contrary, there is such a thing as justice and for justice sake there may be a need to act or to do something in order to protect others from going through what one has gone through. But forgiveness is that letting go in spite of the wrong committed -- not an admission that the "wrong was a right."

[cmaD2006]

[quote name='beatitude' timestamp='1334233541' post='2416316']
Without having Jesus' own forgiveness to think about, I would struggle to find inspiration to forgive - or knowledge of how to do it. So I struggle with any interpretation of the Our Father that makes it into an issue of 'you get what you give'.
[/quote]

I agree to a certain degree ...

I do admit ... simply focusing on "forgive us our tresspasses as we forgive those who tresspass against us" doesn't suffice. Why? IMHO, I think it is because if (sometimes) I can't forgive myself, then how can I even take it to the level of forgiving others? The threat of remaining unforgiven by God becomes a moot point if I think that God can't forgive me in the first place (or that I'm unforgivable). So in my mind, ok -- I'm unforgiven, and I hold a grudge. So what?

Now ... when you put Christ completely in the picture and start looking at forgiveness through His eyes, taking into account His actions out of Love for each one of us on the Cross, then the forgiveness picture begins to change.

It is a grace, and for man to simply forgive without God's action in the heart is (IMHO) impossible.

[LinaSt.Cecilia2772]

Sometimes I get confused between the reality of forgiving someone even though it still hurts from what they did after I forgave them. I hope that makes sense, but How do we fully know when we've forgiven someone even though you're still hurting? I get those mixed up and confused all the time.

[cmaD2006]

[quote name='LinaSt.Cecilia2772' timestamp='1334249855' post='2416425']
Sometimes I get confused between the reality of forgiving someone even though it still hurts from what they did after I forgave them. I hope that makes sense, but How do we fully know when we've forgiven someone even though you're still hurting? I get those mixed up and confused all the time.
[/quote]

This is only my opinion, not fact nor "Church teaching" so please take it as that.

In my opinion, a sign of full forgiveness is that the hurt changes. It diminishes, or actually goes away. But don't forget -- it is grace. There are times that you "will" forgiveness, but something is still missing. The hurt (which can be quite significant) is still completely there in full bloom.

I find that when the hurt is still there -- I can fall right into that grudge holding/resentfulness/anger/etc. that serves only to add salt to the wound (in the long run).

Look -- I posted in the prayer requests that I recently made a retreat, where I was finally able to let go and forgive the circumstances surrounding my religious life experience in Argentina. It took 4 separate 8 day silent retreats, where each retreat focused on different aspects (one actually didn't explicitly deal with that experience). During the last 3 years, I've prayed forgiveness, I put my will into it, etc. but something wasn't clicking. I was still very resentful, and there was a lot of anger.

In this last retreat it took several focused prayer periods, where I faced the situation head on with the Lord. I realized where I was placing fault/blame (on Christ himself, on myself, and on a number of people including the community as a whole). I faced the anger, I also had a major blow-out with Christ Himself (He was quite patient really with me lol). I got upset at myself. I mourned a lot.

And finally I let it go. It was sheer grace. I prayed for it in earnest, and was finally yearning to be able to forgive and let go. The part that was me was my "willingness to forgive" and that sufficed for the Lord to be able to start moving my heart. My sinfulness is in how unwilling I was to forgive ... and the length of time I procrastinated and was obstinate in my "they're at fault, I'm right, they wronged me" attitude.

So ok -- I was willing, I repented, I forgave, I let go. It was grace, not me.

Hope this helps, and just hang in there and be confident that some day, some moment in time God will give you the grace to truly forgive and let go.

[Autumn Dusk]

Moving on, I think is a sign of working towards forgivness. The pain can still be there, though, and may be forever.

Sometimes it's good to ask what you need to forgive. Some abuses can take a lifetime or more to forgive and doing your best is all God requires. Some grievances require time, others just require pulling yourself up by the bootstraps and moving on. Either way, good council is important in seeing that balance from troubled to forgiveness.

[AveMariaPurissima]

Bumping this because I was about to make a similar thread, but then I found this one and it addressed a lot of my questions. :)

[Tab'le De'Bah-Rye]

You need to pray to God for the gift of forgiveness when you find it hard to. Perhaps also you find it hard to forgive because there is some inkling of doubt that Jesus forgives you for something or other or at all in general, perhaps something or things that you have done and haven't opened yourself up fully to the good LORDS healing forgiveness into that area of you life or doubt/fear/unforgiveness, and this is blocking you from the grace of GOD which is always on offer to forgive, though of course if your in some kind of sexual assault or life threating or battery situation you must get away from that, to be able to heal.

Edited April 16, 2014 by Tab'le De'Bah-Rye