Forgiveness

[LinaSt.Cecilia2772]

Okay, Forgiveness is hard. I struggle a lot with saying that I forgive someone when I want to, but I still feel like I haven't truly forgiven them. I don't try or mean to hold a grudge, anger, hurt, or pain. But really, how do we know when we truly forgive someone for wrong doing? Is it a feeling, a prayer, an absolution?? It's hard to tell. I have a hard time forgiving people, are there any ways to help make it easier?

[Lisa]

Hm, very good questions. We can know we're forgiven after absolution in the Sacrament, but I'm not exactly sure when we can know that we've forgiven someone. I would say something along the lines of "when you've decided to let go of the wrong because that person means more to you and God than the sum of their actions."

An example: If you know someone stole something from you, you know that action was inherently wrong (Thou shall not steal). However, if you've asked for it back and that person claims they don't have it, sometimes it might be best to let go of the need to be right- and the need for that item- and focus on helping that person turn back to living morally (this is best done by example). You would be doing this because you love that person and see a glimpse of them through the Lord's merciful eyes.

No item, no matter how valuable, is worth as much as a human being. To me, forgiveness is not forgetting about the action, but loving that person anyway. When all else fails, we can know that they are a child of God, and even if we don't love them as we should, He does! That being said, our human nature seems to remember past wrongs really, really well. If we bring those up, or even allow it to color future encounters with that person, we haven't truly forgiven them.

That's when I would say true forgiveness has occurred. Obviously, I'm no theologian, but just trying to think though this practically.

And remember, when Peter thought he was being generous by offering to forgive seven times, Jesus instructed him to forgive seventy times seven (Matthew 18:22). The Lord always outdoes our generosity; ask Him for assistance in forgiving!

Edited April 2, 2012 by Lisa

[Annie12]

To me forgiveness is just saying that "I will release myself from this pain and let God take care of it". Even though you may not Forget what someone did to you, the forget part of forgive and forget means you will not bring it up over and over again because you have put it it Gods hand. At that point is when you just have to trust God that he will make the best choices possible! i think it is normal to feel hurt even after you have forgiven someone but really you have forgiven someone when you do not wish bad things upon them. I hope this helps!

[LinaSt.Cecilia2772]

See my issue is that even though I forgive someone, the forget part doesn't come so easily and not forgetting seems to take over my mind. It's quite annoying because I want to forgive, I really do, but the wrong that was done still hurts enough that I can't forget the hurt itself that was afflicted on me. I hope that makes sense.

[Annie12]

You don't have to forget! (I don't think thats really even possible). All that matters is that you wouldn't wish any harm on that person. I think you also have to let your emotions out first though because otherwise you are trying to work with a bunch of extra baggage. Once you "vent" your feelings I think you will be able to forgive the person who hurt you. Just remember that God will serve what ever justice that needs to be done. "Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy."

Edit: Also, don't beat your self up about it. You don't need to hurt your self on top of being hurt by another person.

Edited April 4, 2012 by Annie12

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='LinaSt.Cecilia2772' timestamp='1333512263' post='2412740']
See my issue is that even though I forgive someone, the forget part doesn't come so easily and not forgetting seems to take over my mind. It's quite annoying because I want to forgive, I really do, but the wrong that was done still hurts enough that I can't forget the hurt itself that was afflicted on me. I hope that makes sense.
[/quote]

There is no requirement to forget something, thoughts are random creatures, just don't choose to sit on dwell on it.

[tinytherese]

Forgiveness also takes time to do, so please be patient. Each day ask Jesus to heal you and set you free from what happened. You may even need to say this multiple times a day when you think about the hurt. It will take time, maybe weeks or months, but it can happen. Forgiveness involves acknowledging your pain and that you were hurt, but then taking time to heal from it like an injury. Not forgiving can just make the wounds deeper.

[beatitude]

If you want to forgive, then you have forgiven. It is as simple as that.

Try not to mind if your feelings haven't caught up with your desire. Feelings come and they go, but the will to forgive is unshakeable, because it's rooted in God.

If you catch yourself feeling angry or hurt, just say in the words of Peter, "Lord, you know I love you. Save me." And be kind to yourself.

[Autumn Dusk]

Forgiveness can be a lifelong process, and as others have said as long as you don't dwell there's nothing wrong with not forgetting.

I will never forget some of the most greivous things done to me, nor do I really want to. They are part of my past for better or worse.

For alongtime I struggled with overwhelming feelings of despair, isolation, lonliness and being misunderstood. There are still some things that are tough, and probably will always be tough for me. However, because I have forgiven as much as I could I feel freer. Now, I just use those things in my past to make good future decisions, even if to others they seem wrong or selfish. As long as I'm not physically hurting the other, I know how important I am and those I love are. Opinions on how I'm suppose to react are irrelevant.

There are some things that I still can't quite fathom why, and things I don't know yet I need to forgive. But I do what I can.

[Annie12]

I was watching EWTN today and Mother Angelica's classics were on and she was talking about the [i]Our Father[/i] and she was emphasizing the "as" in "forgive us our trespasses [i]as[/i] we forgive those who trespass against us." I just thought this was interesting.

[beatitude]

That line of the prayer is one of the most challenging for me, Annie. I have long wondered what it means.

[Annie12]

[quote name='beatitude' timestamp='1334170613' post='2415896']
That line of the prayer is one of the most challenging for me, Annie. I have long wondered what it means.
[/quote]
The way Mother Angelica put it was that when you say that line you are asking God to forgive you the way you forgive the ones who hurt you. Basically, if you are not a forgiving person, then say this line, you can only expect God to forgive you the way you forgive others. God is merciful though and I believe that his mercy is greater than our sin but I think this should still be taken to heart. "Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy".

[cmaD2006]

Oh gosh, I could add pages to this conversation really.

In two seconds (since I really should be in bed).

It becomes easier to forgive once you realize that the only one you hurt in the process of holding grudges/unforgiveness/etc. is yourself

Unforgiveness really is sinful. (i.e. forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us ... don't forgive? Then you really bind yourself)

I think what really stuck to me w.r.t. unforgiveness is Christ's actions on the cross. He allowed himself to be broken. What was His attitude? Love. No bitterness. No grudges. No resentments. Just sheer and utter Love. And if you take it to the concept of the Eucharist ... He took the bread, He broke it, He blessed it, He gave it. If we are called to be living bread for others, then how can you give yourself to others while holding bitterness? You can't ... you are no longer the fullness of blessing that you should be.

So ... how do you measure up with respect to Him? Are you a forgiving person? Or ... do you hold resentments for years on end, and in the process become more and more of a bitter person?

If the ideal is Christ, and you fall short then ask Him for the grace of forgiveness. He does answer .

Finally ... pray for the person's good. As a priest recently said to me: "if you pray for the person's good, then you really don't leave room for bitterness." And if you do it as soon as the inkling of unforgiveness is there, the better to counteract it.

Don't be discouraged ... and as I said He can really change that in you. Just be patient.

[beatitude]

[quote name='Annie12' timestamp='1334186954' post='2416022']
The way Mother Angelica put it was that when you say that line you are asking God to forgive you the way you forgive the ones who hurt you. Basically, if you are not a forgiving person, then say this line, you can only expect God to forgive you the way you forgive others. God is merciful though and I believe that his mercy is greater than our sin but I think this should still be taken to heart. "Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy".
[/quote]

I've heard this interpretation before, and it is not one that I am able to agree with. Corrie ten Boom, a woman who was imprisoned in a Nazi concentration camp and witnessed her sister dying in there, wrote that she was only able to forgive the SS guard whom she met after the war when she realised that 'God gives us, along with the commandment, the love itself'. I do not think we have it in us as humans to forgive under our own power, only through the power of God in us. Also, when I am angry with someone, I remember something else that Corrie wrote about her meeting with the camp guard: "Jesus Christ had died for this man. Was I going to ask for more?" Without having Jesus' own forgiveness to think about, I would struggle to find inspiration to forgive - or knowledge of how to do it. So I struggle with any interpretation of the Our Father that makes it into an issue of 'you get what you give'.

[Annie12]

[quote name='beatitude' timestamp='1334233541' post='2416316']
I've heard this interpretation before, and it is not one that I am able to agree with. Corrie ten Boom, a woman who was imprisoned in a Nazi concentration camp and witnessed her sister dying in there, wrote that she was only able to forgive the SS guard whom she met after the war when she realised that 'God gives us, along with the commandment, the love itself'. I do not think we have it in us as humans to forgive under our own power, only through the power of God in us. Also, when I am angry with someone, I remember something else that Corrie wrote about her meeting with the camp guard: "Jesus Christ had died for this man. Was I going to ask for more?" Without having Jesus' own forgiveness to think about, I would struggle to find inspiration to forgive - or knowledge of how to do it. So I struggle with any interpretation of the Our Father that makes it into an issue of 'you get what you give'.
[/quote]
I don't really understand what you mean. can you elaborate for me???