Are Catholic Women Today Too Strong For The Men?

[morostheos]

The other day I was having a conversation with a few of my friends about how we are all in our late 20s/early 30s and are still not married and have a very hard time even meeting anyone to date period. One our my guy friends said he feels really sorry for us because we are all strong, independent women who are competent on our own - because most men around our age are not confident in their masculinity, they don't feel they can provide for and protect us because we seem to have everything together on our own.

What do you all think? For me personally, it was very discouraging to hear. Just because I appear to be able to take care of myself doesn't mean I don't need to be provided for and protected. I am trying to come to terms with the possibility of being single for a long while, possibly forever, and to become detached from the desire to have a family. Frankly though, the thought terrifies me.

Guys, are you intimidated by women who "have it together"? Do you know of any ways us ladies can be less intimidating while still being true to ourselves?

Ladies, have any of your experienced this as well? Do you have any words of wisdom or beacons of hope for such situations??

[Brother Adam]

Even though I married rather young (when I was 21) I remember thinking that no one would ever want to date me for the longest time (since I was (am) a nerd). Then all the sudden I met the right girl and we were engaged and married in less than 2 years. While some women can be intimidating (I know a few from our parish who I feel sorry for their husbands) I would think it would be harder for a faithful Catholic girl to find a faithful Catholic guy since so few Catholics are truly "practicing" anymore and want to engage in immoral behavior before marriage.

That said I have heard some of my teen girls in our youth group mention how they wish some of the guys would ask them out on a date, but the guys don't out of a fear of being told no. I asked the girls if that fear was legitimate and they said, sure there are some guys they would not give a chance, but an awful lot they would get to know better if they had the chance as well. I'm not a big believer in a 'soul mate' and think any particular person might be able to successfully marry any number of people. I think phatmass, catholic match, and other websites can be great tools to help the vocation of marriage.

[CatherineM]

Strong women can make for stronger marriages. If guys are afraid they can't measure up, they can always work to make themselves better catches.

Of course this is coming from one of those kinds of women that everyone feels sorry for their husband.

[J-Roq]

In all honesty, I know a lot of guys who prefer strong women, and I also know a lot of guys who do not. I wouldn't linger on what your friend says too much. It seems like an undue generalization, if I'm to be honest.

God will take you down the path that He wishes. I know this isn't really an answer to your exact question, but it's probably the best answer to meditate upon when you are feeling down and out about your future. If you are truly concerned, pray, pray, and pray more on the issue. Even something as simple as "Lord, please help me to be patient with Your Divine Will" might work out great for you.

God bless!

[Groo the Wanderer]

Twere I not already married, I would be wanting a strong Catholic woman. Preferably a left-handed Irish redhead with beer. Strong woman, strong faith, 10 kids, all strong Catholics.

you-betcha!

[arfink]

I'm a bit of an introvert, so with my tough luck a strong-headed woman will probably be what I wind up with. My problem is a) I'm not in a situation where I feel comfortable supporting a family (horrible job, no home of my own, etc.) and b) I've never had the guts to ask a girl out to begin with. I think that has more to do with my personality than anything else, especially my unwillingness to try anything without having more of the pieces in place to begin with.

I think that part of the situation, as I see it, is that the woman isn't expected to be able to provide for the family, while the man is expected to bear the burden of finances etc.Meanwhile we have a massive employment crisis going on that leaves many men impoverished both financially and emotionally. Working 30 hours a week at a grocery store for minimum wage is hardly a confidence booster.

[arfink]

I reread the OP and noticed this line:

[quote]Guys, are you intimidated by women who "have it together"? Do you know of any ways us ladies can be less intimidating while still being true to ourselves?[/quote]

Hrm, am I intimidated. I can't say I am by the woman "having it together." I think it's less about intimidation and more about personal inhibition. As in, "I (the man) can't ask a woman out because I would have to fix 'xyz' before marriage anyway, so I have to put it off."

[Maggyie]

I think the key is to make getting married a priority, equal or more important to career, family, friendships. I thought I would never meet someone (never went on a date until I was 23, almost 24). But once I really made a concerted heavy effort it happened pretty quickly. There definitely seem to be more devout Catholic girls than guys... on some dating sites like Ave Maria I think the ratio is 3:1. Pretty grim. Most of the devout guys (IOW the ones who don''t want to push you to sleep with them) seem to wind up in the seminary. Which I don't resent, obviously we need priests. But we women need good men to marry too!

But again, I think if you really treat it like a job, you'll have success. Not very romantic, what I'm saying.

One thing you run into as you reach 30 is that a lot of the pious Catholic men seem to prefer younger women due to fertility concerns. Most of them are very focused on having a partner who will produce a big Catholic family for them. But if you meet the truly right man then that's not an issue. There's no guarantee with a young woman there won't be issues in that regard any way. Or that they THEMSELVES won't have a problem.

[MissyP89]

[quote name='arfink' timestamp='1332727900' post='2408489']
Hrm, am I intimidated. I can't say I am by the woman "having it together." I think it's less about intimidation and more about personal inhibition. As in, "I (the man) can't ask a woman out because I would have to fix 'xyz' before marriage anyway, so I have to put it off."
[/quote]

But that's what dating/courting/whatever is for. You spend that time of your life getting prepared financially, emotionally and spiritually together for marriage. If I had waited until I had dealt with all my baggage (and I have lots) before I got involved in a relationship, I wouldn't be in one now.

Ditto if I were waiting for the guy to be 100% financially secure, etc. In my case that will take several years, and I know that.

You grow as a couple that way. If anything, I think getting to watch the person develop and strive toward that eventual goal of marriage is a solid indicator of whether or not they would make a good spouse.

[eagle_eye222001]

[quote name='morostheos' timestamp='1332711310' post='2408227']
The other day I was having a conversation with a few of my friends about how we are all in our late 20s/early 30s and are still not married and have a very hard time even meeting anyone to date period. [/quote]

Finding devout Catholics of either sex seems to be difficult. Especially at secular colleges.

[quote]
Guys, are you intimidated by women who "have it together"? Do you know of any ways us ladies can be less intimidating while still being true to ourselves?[/quote]

I am intimidated by..........not that.

Be true to yourselves. And the rest will work out. Otherwise your lying. And that's no better.

[quote name='Maggie' timestamp='1332728475' post='2408495']
...There definitely seem to be more devout Catholic girls than guys... on some dating sites like Ave Maria I think the ratio is 3:1. Pretty grim. Most of the devout guys (IOW the ones who don''t want to push you to sleep with them) seem to wind up in the seminary. Which I don't resent, obviously we need priests. But we women need good men to marry too![/quote]

About time I got some decent odds. I would say similar about devout Catholic girls.


____________


I've talked about this situation with various people. Devout Catholic men and women are out there. Many are hiding/blending in. We just can't be over-anxious about the future . "Our hearts are restless until they rest in God." -[font=arial, sans-serif][size=1]Saint Augustine of Hippo[/size][/font]

[Luigi]

Women are the new men, and men are the new women.

Women have better jobs, earn more, know their own minds, call the shots. Men have worse jobs, earn less. don't known their own minds, and don't call the shots any more.

It'may be sad, but it's true - based on what I've seen in my own experience.




The shoe is now on the other foot. Let's see how it fits.

[filius_angelorum]

In fact, if I am to have a partner in this life, she had better be strong minded and capable of holding her own in any company, whether private, professional, diplomatic, or social.

But then again, I am inclined towards celibacy, so you may or may not care to hear my views.

Girls, be strong when the occassion demands, but do not be afraid to appear weak when humility and deference will accomplish more than brute force. Always make an entrance and leave with some panache.

Ah yes, and death rather than sin.

Edited March 26, 2012 by filius_angelorum

[eagle_eye222001]

[quote name='Luigi' timestamp='1332736297' post='2408584']
Women are the new men, and men are the new women.

Women have better jobs, earn more, know their own minds, call the shots. Men have worse jobs, earn less. don't known their own minds, and don't call the shots any more.

It'may be sad, but it's true - based on what I've seen in my own experience.




The shoe is now on the other foot. Let's see how it fits.
[/quote]

It won't fit. And that is the problem. There is a reason a man is head of the household. And there is a reason a woman is the emotional heart of the family.


You paint a dark picture of Catholic men. Although there are still some of us who aren't losers

[BG45]

I know that for me, at first, it was that I wasn't ready to ask anyone out. My ex that I dated three years had to tell me she was flirting with me. More recently though, I actually made the first move, and got shot down but was okay with it. I don't think that it's as much that we're "intimidated" by strong Catholic women as thinking they are already taken or are "too good" for us.

[arfink]

[quote name='MissyP89' timestamp='1332729494' post='2408511']
But that's what dating/courting/whatever is for. You spend that time of your life getting prepared financially, emotionally and spiritually together for marriage. If I had waited until I had dealt with all my baggage (and I have lots) before I got involved in a relationship, I wouldn't be in one now.

Ditto if I were waiting for the guy to be 100% financially secure, etc. In my case that will take several years, and I know that.

You grow as a couple that way. If anything, I think getting to watch the person develop and strive toward that eventual goal of marriage is a solid indicator of whether or not they would make a good spouse.
[/quote]

Sounds like I might need to roll the dice soon...