Opposite Sex Housemates

[vee]

[quote name='FuturePriest387' timestamp='1334366551' post='2417446']
I expected I might have someone critique that comment just a little bit.

I'm not saying you have absolutely no control over yourself. But I would certainly never trust a man and his alleged "self-control" to live with my daughter. I'm not doubting that it is possible to decline your temptation, but I am not trusting a man whose hormones are going off like fireworks to protect my daughter's innocence. I am not saying he will rape her, but I do believe women also have times of weakness, especially if the man is Sean Connery.
[/quote]

[PhuturePriest]

?

[dominicansoul]

wow, FP finally made someone laugh.


FP, i have to disagree with your claim that science proves men have it worse... women have a very difficult time as well...no lie...


...and sean connery?

[vee]

I was reading the Ranger motto and thought how in many ways it fits for Catholics if we replace the word Ranger with Catholic. We as Catholics are expected to be above ordinary, so while everyone else may be living a certain way we ought not to. We are to lead them to God not follow their wordly ways.
[b]R[/b]ecognizing that I volunteered as a Ranger, fully knowing the hazards of my chosen profession, I will always endeavor to uphold the prestige, honor, and high esprit de corps of my Ranger Regiment. [b]A[/b]cknowledging the fact that a Ranger is a more elite soldier who arrives at the cutting edge of battle by land, sea, or air, I accept the fact that as a Ranger my country expects me to move further, faster, and fight harder than any other soldier. [b]N[/b]ever shall I fail my comrades I will always keep myself mentally alert, physically strong, and morally straight and I will shoulder more than my share of the task whatever it may be, one hundred percent and then some. [b]G[/b]allantly will I show the world that I am a specially selected and well trained soldier. My courtesy to superior officers, neatness of dress, and care of equipment shall set the example for others to follow. [b]E[/b]nergetically will I meet the enemies of my country. I shall defeat them on the field of battle for I am better trained and will fight with all my might. Surrender is not a Ranger word. I will never leave a fallen comrade to fall into the hands of the enemy and under no circumstances will I ever embarrass my country. [b]R[/b]eadily will I display the intestinal fortitude required to fight on to the Ranger objective and complete the mission, though I be the lone survivor.
Rangers Lead The Way!!!

Edited April 14, 2012 by vee8

[Maximilianus]

hmm, The Ranger motto is like a mix of the US Military Code of Conduct and the Boy Scout oath in acrostic form.

[IcePrincessKRS]

[quote name='vee8' timestamp='1334384661' post='2417618']
I was reading the Ranger motto and thought how in many ways it fits for Catholics if we replace the word Ranger with Catholic. We as Catholics are expected to be above ordinary, so while everyone else may be living a certain way we ought not to. We are to lead them to God not follow their wordly ways.
[b]R[/b]ecognizing that I volunteered as a Ranger, fully knowing the hazards of my chosen profession, I will always endeavor to uphold the prestige, honor, and high esprit de corps of my Ranger Regiment. [b]A[/b]cknowledging the fact that a Ranger is a more elite soldier who arrives at the cutting edge of battle by land, sea, or air, I accept the fact that as a Ranger my country expects me to move further, faster, and fight harder than any other soldier. [b]N[/b]ever shall I fail my comrades I will always keep myself mentally alert, physically strong, and morally straight and I will shoulder more than my share of the task whatever it may be, one hundred percent and then some. [b]G[/b]allantly will I show the world that I am a specially selected and well trained soldier. My courtesy to superior officers, neatness of dress, and care of equipment shall set the example for others to follow. [b]E[/b]nergetically will I meet the enemies of my country. I shall defeat them on the field of battle for I am better trained and will fight with all my might. Surrender is not a Ranger word. I will never leave a fallen comrade to fall into the hands of the enemy and under no circumstances will I ever embarrass my country. [b]R[/b]eadily will I display the intestinal fortitude required to fight on to the Ranger objective and complete the mission, though I be the lone survivor.
Rangers Lead The Way!!!
[/quote]

That's the Ranger creed, not the Ranger motto.

[Blackthorne]

The Ranger motto is actually "Sua Sponte". "Of their own accord"

The Ranger creed is what was posted above.

Reference:

I'm a RANGER.

[Maximilianus]

[color=#282828]hmm, The Ranger creed is like a mix of the US Military Code of Conduct and the Boy Scout oath in acrostic form. [/color]

[Maximilianus]

oh, and opposite sex housemates is great for sitcoms, not ideal for real life, I can speak with authority on this because I have watched Three's Company.

[Papist]

[quote name='Anomaly' timestamp='1334349396' post='2417283']
Not making any judgement call, I'm sure you guys are bouncing around Catholic ideals, but THE ABOVE made me laugh. Good think I live in the South , cause with 4 sisters, I saw tons of girl underwear!
[/quote]

This explains much.

[r2Dtoo]

[quote name='vee8' timestamp='1334384661' post='2417618']
I was reading the Ranger motto and thought how in many ways it fits for Catholics if we replace the word Ranger with Catholic.
[/quote]
Catholics Lead The Way!

[vee]

Forget room mates period. Even if you live with a same sex family member you may sin with anger and fighting, gossip etc. Sexual sins arent the only sins around and frankly there is a reason God invented one bedroom apartments!! One bedroom, one person ALONE!

[kujo]

[quote name='vee8' timestamp='1334421687' post='2417715']
Forget room mates period. Even if you live with a same sex family member you may sin with anger and fighting, gossip etc. Sexual sins arent the only sins around and frankly there is a reason God invented one bedroom apartments!! One bedroom, one person ALONE!
[/quote]

Right, because there aren't any sins that "one person" could commit while living in one of these God-blessed "one bedroom apartments"...."ALONE"

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='kujo' timestamp='1334423319' post='2417727']
Right, because there aren't any sins that "one person" could commit while living in one of these God-blessed "one bedroom apartments"...."ALONE"
[/quote]

The point is scandal isn't one of them

[AnneLine]

OK, I am going to risk making some of you want to take away my spiffy new title (and my new-found ability to do good with props that has made my housework suffer terribly the last few days(!)) but I am not sure that it ALWAYS is a bad thing to have opposite sexes sharing an apartment. I think it just depends on the situation.

Ok... I'll start with this. You want to talk about the potential for a scandal - my namesake, SAINT Anne Lline shared a house with a bunch of priests and other hiding recusants...I suspect ALL of them males... and I would be willing to bet that there was NO scandal involved... And, of all the things they accused her and those priests of, that one never even came up. Granted, that was an extraordinary situation, but I use it to point out that NEVER is a very strong word... it just depends.

MIKolbe has offered the use of his basement to PHATmassers for the Phamily Meet-up -- and I'd be willing to bet there will be no hanky-panky if people of opposite genders take him up on it. Again... it just depends!

And people in other cultures and even in our own but with different customs have managed to live holy and chaste lives while sharing a space together for hundreds of years. And yes, there have been problems, too, which is probably why we have become more concerned, and why as we take more time before we get married (often because of financial pressures) we have moved into more and more people living isolated before marriage.

That also has its own set of problems... because living in community is tough (whether religious life, married life or family life). Those who have been blessed to grow up in big families have learned to share space and respect those of opposite sex living among them. There are unspoken -- and I would suspect spoken -- standards of behavior to be sure that that nothing happens. Many people have to have roommates or live with housemates prior to getting married because even studio apartments are VERY expensive.

Living with others in a chaste way isn't a bad thing. Because ... if you are living alone, you forget how to SHARE a space with another. You forget how to respect yourself and the other enough because one can get sloppy and too laid-back -- in housework, in living habits, and yes, in modesty habits as well. After all.... it's your own space, right? I'm not advocating this, mind you.... but I have known a lot of people for whom moving into a healthy marriage was a problem over just some of those things. And these were good,, holy, and fine people!

I think a number of you have made some excellent points about the dangers involved.. and the potential for scandal. I get that, and it MUST be a consideration. If it would scandalize neighbors or family memers, it shouldn't be done. But if the space is big enough, and the house/apartment is set up for people to have their own space within it, I don't see it as a problem. Maybe one of the tasks of a parent is to decide on how to explain how two people of either sex could share a space together in a way that would be pleasing to God. I understand the concern about how to explain this to a young child... but I think the idea that they have separate spaces or apartments within that dwelling might work... just as you have a separate 'space' from theirs within your own home. I dunno... I'm not a parent, and maybe I am being naive.

Now that I think of it, one of our older Seculars (in her mid-sixties I believe) has a male housemate - and he has never been anything other than respectful toward her - and he even brings her to our meetings and prints things out of his computer for her... and he isn't even Catholic. But she has often spoken of how blessed she is to have him as a roommate... and I think she would be shocked that you would be concerned about her! No one could be more traditional or Catholic minded.... and there is NO scandal for any of us -- and some of our members were a little startled at first, I must admit... but we all are perfectly OK with it now that we understand.

Yes, for many people it might not be advisable.... if someone knows they are tempted, definitely, don't go there. If you aren't sure about the roommate or what the ground rules would be -- don't do it! And,if it would offend or shock someone of COURSE one should not do it - out of charity for that person if for no other reason.

One could made the argument, well, but aren't there female roommates out there? Couldn't she find someone else to live with? Well.. space is tight in my part of the world, and we have rent-control IF you don't move to a new space... but your houseing could go up $1000 or more PER MONTH if you tried to make that change. And finding the kind of person one wants to live with isn't always that easy.

And... gotta say this... there are also people of my own sex that I would NOT want to have as a roommate ... I would be as concerned with having a stranger of the same sex as I would be having one of the opposite sex.

Why? Because at one point I lived in a group living situation with only women.... and we later found out that two of them had been, uh. had been 'sharing' a room in a way we would not have been happy with had we known. (We found out after they moved out because they were bragging about how the had pulled the wool over our innocent eyes. Made us feel like idiots.) We hadn't chosen them -- the landlady found them when we needed extra roommates.... a wonderful, Catholic woman who encouraged us to take them when we were concerned because she "wanted to 'give a break' to those nice girls from the midwest who didn't know anyone, and needed a nice, traditional place to stay. You are trying to live as a Catholic community - won't you give them shelter for a few months?" Yeah.

After that point, I would NEVER have a housemate that I didn't feel comfortable sharing my space... but I learned that I would be just as likely to give consideration to a male who fit my values MUCH faster than a female who didn't. It just depends.

I also had friends living in dorms who had 'requests' to vacate the space so it could be used for 'activities' - and that in a Catholic school dormitory. She and I were shocked - and what was scarier was that her RA was shocked that we should be so scandalized... after all, she DID ask the roommate to leave before they started. Now THAT is what scandal looks like to me....

A related thought... I am a mid-50 year old woman who doesn't drive... and my husband works very odd hours. I live a fair distance away from the nearest bus line... including about 1 mile walk next to a park. So, if I need to come home when the busses aren't running, my friends - of both sexes - drive me home. And sometimes (horrors!) we sit out in their cars and talk... or I bring them into the house for hours at a time... sometimes into the early morning hours! Sometimes I serve them meals! If one wanted to look at this the wrong way, I supose I could be giving scandal... but my neighbors know me, and know I need the driver help. And we all respect each other. And I can guarantee you, there is NOTHING gong on.

So, now I will post this... and I'll be curious to see your reactions. I do respect those of you who wouldn't do this yourself, and certainly understand the ones who wouldn't want your son or daughter doing this. Everyone needs to decide this for themselves. But i have always thought it most impt to know the why I (and others) make decisions.... and to respect that sometimes there really is more than one good and holy answer to a question.

Blessings to all! Good discussion!

Edited April 14, 2012 by AnneLine