Opposite Sex Housemates

[MissScripture]

I lived in an all girls dorm with visiting hours from 8 am to 11 pm on weekdays, and I woke up at 3 am to find my roommate in bed with a guy. I reported her (if I didn't and she got caught, I'd have been in just as much trouble as she was), which totally ticked her off. She got off with no consequences. I asked for one of us to be moved (according to the rules, she should've been, no questions asked, she broke the "roommate contract" AND the rules!) but the RD wanted us to work it out, instead. I insisted and finally got moved. I'm pretty sure that roommate had sex in our room, too, but had the decency to not have guys in there when I was.

[Papist]

Children will think the two are married. Then I have to explain they are not. The children get real confused. I say this from experience. Does it scandalize children? I don't know, but I do know they are puzzled. I believe if they witness it enough, they will come to think that it is no big deal to live[or shack up] with someone of opposite gender.

[Autumn Dusk]

[quote name='Papist' timestamp='1334316179' post='2416919']
Children will think the two are married. Then I have to explain they are not. The children get real confused. I say this from experience. Does it scandalize children? I don't know, but I do know they are puzzled. I believe if they witness it enough, they will come to think that it is no big deal to live[or shack up] with someone of opposite gender.
[/quote]

I think that's thinking too much into it. If the house has clearly divisable rooms ESPECALLY bathrooms it's being really silly. Becuase by your logic everyone in an apartment building is shacking up.

If they're sharing actual ROOM then that's a different story. But in a house, especally a bigger one with separate baths...it's more like an apartment. Having lived in a house-converted-into an apartment where much common space was shared (we had our own bedrooms, bath and 1/2 kitchen units.... but shared our major common area) I'd of slapped someone in the face for calling it co-habitating and it's not that far off of what the OP is doing.

They're no more shacking up than a boy-sibiling and girl-sibiling who have separate rooms....it's a dangerous train of thought.

Edited April 13, 2012 by Autumn Dusk

[Papist]

[quote name='Autumn Dusk' timestamp='1334321291' post='2416936']
I think that's thinking too much into it. If the house has clearly divisable rooms ESPECALLY bathrooms it's being really silly. Becuase by your logic everyone in an apartment building is shacking up.

If they're sharing actual ROOM then that's a different story. But in a house, especally a bigger one with separate baths...it's more like an apartment. Having lived in a house-converted-into an apartment where much common space was shared (we had our own bedrooms, bath and 1/2 kitchen units.... but shared our major common area) I'd of slapped someone in the face for calling it co-habitating and it's not that far off of what the OP is doing.

They're no more shacking up than a boy-sibiling and girl-sibiling who have separate rooms....it's a dangerous train of thought.
[/quote]

What you said above, a child hears as blah, blah, blah... You are speaking as an adult processing the situation. Children don't process the same as mature adults. You can tell them all you want, but there is still a good chance that all they still understand is that their older cousin Bubba is living with a girl.

[Autumn Dusk]

[quote name='Papist' timestamp='1334321981' post='2416939']
What you said above, a child hears as blah, blah, blah... You are speaking as an adult processing the situation. Children don't process the same as mature adults. You can tell them all you want, but there is still a good chance that all they still understand is that their older cousin Bubba is living with a girl.
[/quote]

I don't think you're giving kids enough credit.

And again, if a child can't understand the concept of personal space, how would you explain houses divided into (studio) apartments? They're very common in my area, moreso than large brick-n-mortar buildings designed to be aparments. New England is an insanely expensive place to live and what most people call apartments here are called condos which you both buy and then pay a montly upkeep fee.

(I paid $700 for an "two" room apt 45 mins from a city)

At any rate there are ways to help kids understand and there are things that kids just won't understand. It's hard to explain to a kid the chemical reaction that makes fire, but it dosn't stop me from cooking.

[Papist]

[quote name='Autumn Dusk' timestamp='1334322880' post='2416941']

I don't think you're giving kids enough credit.

And again, if a child can't understand the concept of personal space, how would you explain houses divided into (studio) apartments? They're very common in my area, moreso than large brick-n-mortar buildings designed to be aparments. New England is an insanely expensive place to live and what most people call apartments here are called condos which you both buy and then pay a montly upkeep fee.

(I paid $700 for an "two" room apt 45 mins from a city)

At any rate there are ways to help kids understand and there are things that kids just won't understand. It's hard to explain to a kid the chemical reaction that makes fire, but it dosn't stop me from cooking.
[/quote]

Have you ever talked to a child regarding this matter? I have and it is not easy as you think. You can go on and on explaining, to have him ask, so why they not married or BUT they are not married? When a child has a paradigm it is hard to shift. With proper upbringing, as they mature they will be able to process it properly.

[Autumn Dusk]

[quote name='Papist' timestamp='1334323503' post='2416945']
Have you ever talked to a child regarding this matter? I have and it is not easy as you think. You can go on and on explaining, to have him ask, so why they not married or BUT they are not married? When a child has a paradigm it is hard to shift. With proper upbringing, as they mature they will be able to process it properly.
[/quote]

I dunno. I have nieces and nephews and they were able to understand that I had housemates perfectly fine. An "auntie Autumn has her own bedroom and Nick has his and the couple downstairs has their own bedroom just like you and sissy have your own bedrooms". Living in the same house is not an issue. Again, maybe its becuase around here many people live in the same house and have apartments within them...so it's just a fact of life. This also might be a case of your kid your problem....kids are curious and don't always understand things.

When my brother was little he "married" all three of the Fellows triplets in kindergarden. He couldn't comprehend why he couldn't have all of them as his wives becuase he loved them. Should my mom have locked him in a closet or killed off two of the girls so it'd be "proper"? No. And she couldn't always interrupt their play, either. Sometimes what kids do is illogical. And while we should be contientions of their minds we also shouldn't be so caught up in making everything look good to them we make our lives miserable.

[Papist]

[quote name='Autumn Dusk' timestamp='1334324117' post='2416948']
I dunno. I have nieces and nephews and they were able to understand that I had housemates perfectly fine. An "auntie Autumn has her own bedroom and Nick has his and the couple downstairs has their own bedroom just like you and sissy have your own bedrooms". Living in the same house is not an issue. Again, maybe its becuase around here many people live in the same house and have apartments within them...so it's just a fact of life. This also might be a case of your kid your problem....kids are curious and don't always understand things.

When my brother was little he "married" all three of the Fellows triplets in kindergarden. He couldn't comprehend why he couldn't have all of them as his wives becuase he loved them. Should my mom have locked him in a closet or killed off two of the girls so it'd be "proper"? No. And she couldn't always interrupt their play, either. Sometimes what kids do is illogical. And while we should be contientions of their minds we also shouldn't be so caught up in making everything look good to them we make our lives miserable.
[/quote]

I think you are taking my comments personal. I am simply adding my experiences as something to consider. If I came off otherwise, I apologize.

As for making our lives miserable, I happily do that today to keep my children as innocent as possible.

[beatitude]

I am uncomfortable with the argument that you shouldn't do something because it might give scandal, because I see this argument often being used to justify people's gossip.

The fact that someone shares a house with people of the opposite gender is not sufficient grounds for assuming that they're doing anything wrong. Speculating on whether the housemates might be sleeping together in some communal lust-fest just tips you into gossip, which is definitely wrong. Even if you don't discuss the idea with others, but harbour the thought yourself, you're still being uncharitable.

As Cmotherofpirl has pointed out, you can live in a single-gender Catholic dorm and still be sleeping with a different person every night. You shouldn't judge someone based on their living situation.

[Autumn Dusk]

[quote name='Papist' timestamp='1334324590' post='2416952']
I think you are taking my comments personal. I am simply adding my experiences as something to consider. If I came off otherwise, I apologize.

As for making our lives miserable, I happily do that today to keep my children as innocent as possible.
[/quote]

Not taking it personally. Your kids, your life. I won't judge you as a parent, and I hope you don't feel that way. I would say be careful about the persuit of innocence, becuase it can hurt your kids, especally if you isolate them or try to hide real sin from them. To me, this is projecting your own opinions about a sinful lifestyle which many today lead on a situation that is innocent. That can confuse kids more than anything, beucause they do just see the obvious and can easily be told that everyone has their own bedroom and dosn't share one like mommy and daddy share a room.

I am more concerned about over-sexualization of situations that can easily be explained. To make a kid guess if housemates are in a romantic/sexual relationship is just wrong. Then they wonder if it's ok to sleep in the same bed with their opposite-gender sibiling during a family roadtrip.

When they were young my little twin cousins thought they were cupid themselves. They're they tried to pair us older cousins off with our other cousins after my brother got married "so we'd each have a girlfriend or boyfriend". They didn't understand that cousins can't marry, they just knew that boys and girls get married and they liked the cake.

[Papist]

If you had the choice of [s]roommate [/s]housemate, same gender or opposite gender, which would you choose? I think it is important to understand why you chose what you did. Because if all things are the same except for gender, then why you chose what you did?

Edited April 13, 2012 by Papist

[Autumn Dusk]

[quote name='Papist' timestamp='1334325283' post='2416961']
If you had the choice of roommate, same gender or opposite gender, which would you choose? I think it is important to understand why you chose what you did. Because if all things are the same except for gender, then why you chose what you did?
[/quote]

I'd not ROOM with a male until marriage.

As far as housemates, I liked being in a household with atleast one guy. And I think the guys appreciated having girls around. In my life the landlord chose the other rentals so I didn't have a choice. If I were to choose to rent a house with others and had my own bathroom (or a girls only bathroom) I don't think I'd really care as long as everyone was respectful.

[Papist]

[quote name='Autumn Dusk' timestamp='1334325030' post='2416959']
Not taking it personally. Your kids, your life. I won't judge you as a parent, and I hope you don't feel that way. I would say be careful about the persuit of innocence, becuase it can hurt your kids, especally if you isolate them or try to hide real sin from them. To me, this is projecting your own opinions about a sinful lifestyle which many today lead on a situation that is innocent. That can confuse kids more than anything, beucause they do just see the obvious and can easily be told that everyone has their own bedroom and dosn't share one like mommy and daddy share a room.

I am more concerned about over-sexualization of situations that can easily be explained. To make a kid guess if housemates are in a romantic/sexual relationship is just wrong. Then they wonder if it's ok to sleep in the same bed with their opposite-gender sibiling during a family roadtrip.

When they were young my little twin cousins thought they were cupid themselves. They're they tried to pair us older cousins off with our other cousins after my brother got married "so we'd each have a girlfriend or boyfriend". They didn't understand that cousins can't marry, they just knew that boys and girls get married and they liked the cake.
[/quote]

Innocence is not synonymous with ignorance. People...mainly family...tell me kids are more mature today that they were when I was a kid. Balderdash!!!! More worldly yes, more mature no. It is this worldliness that I want to keep my children away from.

What! I don't understand...cousins can't marry?

[dominicansoul]

[quote name='beatitude' timestamp='1334324783' post='2416955']
I am uncomfortable with the argument that you shouldn't do something because it might give scandal, because I see this argument often being used to justify people's gossip.

The fact that someone shares a house with people of the opposite gender is not sufficient grounds for assuming that they're doing anything wrong. Speculating on whether the housemates might be sleeping together in some communal lust-fest just tips you into gossip, which is definitely wrong. Even if you don't discuss the idea with others, but harbour the thought yourself, you're still being uncharitable.

As Cmotherofpirl has pointed out, you can live in a single-gender Catholic dorm and still be sleeping with a different person every night. You shouldn't judge someone based on their living situation.
[/quote]

Gossip is one thing, but when your example leads another to co-habitate and live in sin, well, that's another...

...its hard being a devout Catholic, isn't it? sometimes sacrifices have to be made so we don't lead others to sin...

[Autumn Dusk]

[quote name='Papist' timestamp='1334325822' post='2416966']
Innocence is not synonymous with ignorance. People...mainly family...tell me kids are more mature today that they were when I was a kid. Balderdash!!!! More worldly yes, more mature no. It is this worldliness that I want to keep my children away from.
[/quote]

If you have kids under 5 there is some things in this world its good to keep them from. But seriously, kids do figure things out and it's better to have a parent to guide them then them trying to figure it out on their own. When I was around 8 there were alot of kids in my neighborhood with divorced parents. My best friend's parents got divorced. We discussed how it was good that her dad was not getting divorced because he liked another man. This was the 90's and I was homeschooled.

You're sexualizing a non-sexual situation, making it much more scandalous than it really is. And if you truly have kept them from this stuff just when do you plan on telling them?


[quote]

What! I don't understand...cousins can't marry?
[/quote]

Yep. or so I've heard. Just indicating how kids don't get the difference between relationship, love and sex.


[quote name='dominicansoul' timestamp='1334327410' post='2416976']
Gossip is one thing, but when your example leads another to co-habitate and live in sin, well, that's another...

...its hard being a devout Catholic, isn't it? sometimes sacrifices have to be made so we don't lead others to sin...
[/quote]

In that case I shouldn't have my non-boyfriend male friend over for dinner after dark. Nevermind he's twice my age, like a dad to me and it gets dark at 4 during the winter. We have to live carefully but not be scurplous.