I Need Advice - Desperately!

[linnie]

You have asked the Holy Spirit to be your spiritual adviser. Good. Remember God answers "Yes", "No", or "Not Yet". Perhaps God, through your mother, is answering you....."Not Yet".
I raised 4 sons and vividly remember the impatience, the desire for answers NOW. Life doesn't always work that way. At 15, maybe you need to concentrate on obedience to your parents (obedience is a biggie for those in religious life, as well as all mature adults). You have several years before you can actively pursue a religious vocation. In the meantime, maintain a good, Godly, relationship with your parents, your siblings, and your parish priest. Maybe you don't need a formal spiritual director. Maybe you need to establish communications with your pastor. He is the one who can most immediately guide you.

blessings, linnie

Edited March 18, 2012 by linnie

[marigold]

I don't know if this is discreet - others, please let me know if this is out of line and I'll backtrack. But having followed and read a lot of your posts and threads over a good while, there are things that keep coming up which are giving me little hints about you. Your references to wanting someone to trust, someone to speak to physically, as well as travelling around a lot, and the way you seem to idealise (note: not idolise) fatherhood, these are all little things which add up to a picture of someone who is bursting with things to say and a lot of creative energy for subjects you are interested it, but not a lot of outlets for it or people to bounce ideas off. Could it be that what you need is not a spiritual director but just some good normal friends?

This isn't meant to make you feel bad - actually I feel very deeply for you because I recognise a lot of myself in you. I grew up very quickly, and had an adult's head on a child's body for the longest time! I thought people my own age were useless. I had a lot of 'head knowledge', but not a lot of experience. There was a time, in my mid-teens just like you, when I was very devout and had a lot of devout friends and good mentors, but it was unhealthy because I hadn't yet developed the balance of doing things outside of church, and having wonderful friends who were different kinds of believer or none at all. Having wonderful friends generally.

So I know exactly what you mean when you say you are on fire for the Lord, and aspire to be like the people who have done radical things and who didn't cave to worldly standards. I admire these things too! But believe it or not, sometimes the more heavenly thing to do is to put the religious book down and go out and kick a ball around

I wish you all the very best.

[PhuturePriest]

[quote name='marigold' timestamp='1332110182' post='2403369']
I don't know if this is discreet - others, please let me know if this is out of line and I'll backtrack. But having followed and read a lot of your posts and threads over a good while, there are things that keep coming up which are giving me little hints about you. Your references to wanting someone to trust, someone to speak to physically, as well as travelling around a lot, and the way you seem to idealise (note: not idolise) fatherhood, these are all little things which add up to a picture of someone who is bursting with things to say and a lot of creative energy for subjects you are interested it, but not a lot of outlets for it or people to bounce ideas off. Could it be that what you need is not a spiritual director but just some good normal friends?

This isn't meant to make you feel bad - actually I feel very deeply for you because I recognise a lot of myself in you. I grew up very quickly, and had an adult's head on a child's body for the longest time! I thought people my own age were useless. I had a lot of 'head knowledge', but not a lot of experience. There was a time, in my mid-teens just like you, when I was very devout and had a lot of devout friends and good mentors, but it was unhealthy because I hadn't yet developed the balance of doing things outside of church, and having wonderful friends who were different kinds of believer or none at all. Having wonderful friends generally.

So I know exactly what you mean when you say you are on fire for the Lord, and aspire to be like the people who have done radical things and who didn't cave to worldly standards. I admire these things too! But believe it or not, sometimes the more heavenly thing to do is to put the religious book down and go out and kick a ball around

I wish you all the very best.
[/quote]

Well, to be honest, I'm trying not to tear up right now. As previously stated, one of the reasons I want a spiritual adviser is to have a friend. I haven't really had friends. They have either moved away, or I never get to see them. Most of my friends have been much older than I, and most of them are in college right now. I've never really had the experience of going to a friend's house and spending the night, or meeting his/her family, or having them get to know my family. I have been wanting a friend for so long. Don't get me wrong, I love being home schooled. But I live in a very small town, and most of the kids my age aren't exactly the best examples.

[marigold]

*hugs!* Well we ARE here for you, you know. We are your friends. But we shouldn't be your only friends. Maybe those kids can be good friends, even just good acquaintances - who cares if they're not good examples? You've got a couple of years and then the world is your oyster - college, jobs, millions of people to befriend and who will think you are avvesome. Chin up! Take it from someone who's been there.

Edited March 18, 2012 by marigold

[PhuturePriest]

[quote name='marigold' timestamp='1332114442' post='2403409']
*hugs!* Well we ARE here for you, you know. We are your friends. But we shouldn't be your only friends. Maybe those kids can be good friends, even just good acquaintances - who cares if they're not good examples? You've got a couple of years and then the world is your oyster - college, jobs, millions of people to befriend and who will think you are avvesome. Chin up! Take it from someone who's been there.
[/quote]

Well, the kids at the high school are well known for being promiscuous. And being in a group like that changes the way you think. In a big group, you will do things you swore you would never do. I want friends, but good friends. In order to be a good friend, you must be a good person. This is what I've been told, anyway. I simply expect my friends what I expect out of myself. I'm not demanding that they must be discerning the Religious life or be Christian at all. I simply want friends that I can trust. I remember my attempts at friendship with these people. I told them a secret, and suddenly, it wasn't much of a secret anymore. This was a long time ago, but chances are they haven't really changed. Besides, I don't know the first thing at trying to make friends. Perhaps this is why I long for Seminary so much? In Seminary you don't really try to become friends. You're thrown into the same dorms and the same classes, and you become friends without making much effort.

[Byzantine]

[quote name='FuturePriest387' timestamp='1332046939' post='2402880']
Actually, the Church has stated the Priesthood is the highest vocation on earth. Priests are persona Christi - another Christ. They act in Christ's place on earth. Certainly that is higher than a married man and woman?

dUSt has spoken on the Priesthood being the highest vocation before, and I don't want his brain to explode as he tries to explain it again.
[/quote]

I was taught that [i]objectively,[/i] the priestly and religious lives are higher. But [i]subjectively,[/i] the best vocation is the one God gives you.

[regina_coeli]

[quote name='FuturePriest387' timestamp='1332115648' post='2403426']

Well, the kids at the high school are well known for being promiscuous.
[/quote]

Do you see what you are saying? All the kids? Everyone?

Aside from the lack of charity, generalizations like this will prevent you from finding the two or three students who may be the friends you are looking for!

Please, please, start looking for the good in those you meet. You will find it!

[Byzantine]

Pray for friends and I'm sure you'll find them. And I'm 17, in case age matters to you.

[PhuturePriest]

[quote name='regina_coeli' timestamp='1332116925' post='2403437']
Do you see what you are saying? All the kids? Everyone?

Aside from the lack of charity, generalizations like this will prevent you from finding the two or three students who may be the friends you are looking for!

Please, please, start looking for the good in those you meet. You will find it!
[/quote]

I'm not saying all of them and I'm not being uncharitable. Trust me, I have stories. If I wanted to be uncharitable I could be. I do have friends from the high school, but I met them because our parents are friends, and I've known them all my life. However, they are in college right now. And we never really got to see each other when they were here, as they live in the country. How am I supposed to socialize with the kids at the high school, anyway? It's not like I can just go up to the school and start talking to people. As I said, I have no clue how to make friends. Usually, it just happens. But I won't be in a position to let things "just happen" until my Seminary days, so I don't know what to do.

Just so everyone's clear, I hate typing this as I sound like a complete idiot, but I don't have much choice on the matter.

Edited March 19, 2012 by FuturePriest387

[MissScripture]

Are there any other homeschoolers in the area? Or could you join band or choir or a sport or something through the school to get to know people?

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

Pray for a friend, God will give you one. Trust me. Please. God has spoiled me when I asked for something, probably more than is good for me.

[Indwelling Trinity]

[quote name='FuturePriest387' timestamp='1332117946' post='2403464']
I'm not saying all of them and I'm not being uncharitable. Trust me, I have stories. If I wanted to be uncharitable I could be. I do have friends from the high school, but I met them because our parents are friends, and I've known them all my life. However, they are in college right now. And we never really got to see each other when they were here, as they live in the country. How am I supposed to socialize with the kids at the high school, anyway? It's not like I can just go up to the school and start talking to people. As I said, I have no clue how to make friends. Usually, it just happens. But I won't be in a position to let things "just happen" until my Seminary days, so I don't know what to do.

Just so everyone's clear, I hate typing this as I sound like a complete idiot, but I don't have much choice on the matter.
[/quote]

FP...you don't sound like an idiot to me.... I understand what you are saying.

Maybe we all need to give less advice and more acceptance. None of us here can fix things, but we can be your friends. I cannot be your peer, but i do offer you whatever friendship I can. I know on line friendships are somewhat limited and words on screens can only go so far. However it is better than nothing.

I do think though you really have to have some good heart to heart talks with your parents., because it sounds like you just need a good peer group and some normal healthy interactions. Is there someone, a priest or a family friend, perhaps a counselor who can help you and your parents in working things out?

I think Marigold in her last post was right on target.

Hang in there my friend.

Edited March 19, 2012 by Indwelling Trinity

[Pax_et bonum]

Maybe this can cheer you up a bit:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9jBx1u8-aQ

[PhuturePriest]

[quote name='Indwelling Trinity' timestamp='1332126074' post='2403632']
FP...you don't sound like an idiot to me.... I understand what you are saying.

Maybe we all need to give less advice and more acceptance. None of us here can fix things, but we can be your friends. I cannot be your peer, but i do offer you whatever friendship I can. I know on line friendships are somewhat limited and words on screens can only go so far. However it is better than nothing.

I do think though you really have to have some good heart to heart talks with your parents., because it sounds like you just need a good peer group and some normal healthy interactions. Is there someone, a priest or a family friend, perhaps a counselor who can help you and your parents in working things out?

I think Marigold in her last post was right on target.

Hang in there my friend.
[/quote]

Thanks. I just feel pathetic saying that I don't have regular contact with friends.

You know, I think you may have something there. Perhaps, when I get into debates here, I take things so harshly because I'm looking for the friends my age that I don't have, and instead I'm getting constant debate and am being constantly corrected? Don't get me wrong, everybody needs to be corrected in order to become a better person. But perhaps the reason I feel like a victim is for this very reason?

I'm very close to my parents, actually. They are both great parents, and I spend a lot of time with them - willingly. When my parents have their anniversaries, they take us with them to dinner. Unlike usual parents, they want to spend time with us on those occasions, instead of wanting to be rid of us. So I don't think it's a problem with them. I simply need to socialize more. I'm thinking of joining the Youth Counsel of my Diocese. However, I still do want to become great friends with a Priest. Priests can be very wise and very insightful. Perhaps a Priest can help me to become a better person? After all, this is a part of being a friend: helping each other better himself. What friend doesn't say something when you do something wrong? At least if I'm good friends with a Priest and he points out a sin I just committed I can say "Would you mind if I confess that to you?"

[InPersonaChriste]

Pray