For Those Discerning.. (How We Present Ourselves)

[beatitude]

There is a lot of good advice in this thread. I just want to add that there is no way to prevent guys from being attracted to you. They are attracted to you as a person, not to your clothes. If it were clothes that attracted them to women, they would be standing outside shop windows gazing adoringly at the display mannequins.

Be careful not to base how you live your life on externals, such as makeup and jewellery. They aren't that important. They are only important insofar as they reflect what is inside you. When my discernment was beginning I spent a lot of time thinking about how a religious girl should dress. If I'm honest with myself, that was mostly for show. I think the mark of someone who truly dresses modestly is that they don't think much about their clothes at all.

[mantellata]

[quote name='beatitude' timestamp='1331856086' post='2401500']
I think the mark of someone who truly dresses modestly is that they don't think much about their clothes at all.
[/quote]

... without allowing oneself to be disheveled of course.

I've seen this go both directions with discerners. Too little focus, not worrying about even if something is matching, may be a greater indicator of a self-esteem problem than those who feel everything in life must be about looking fabulous.

I know this is not what you meant, beatitude, but by way of adding or expanding on your comment, I would like to say that a certain amount of attention to how one presents herself does depend on your profession. Those of us with careers need to look and act the part. It engenders confidence (the world does first react to externals unfortunately) shows professionalism, helps to lend respect for any authority of your position. Even as a Sister, keeping your habit clean, mended, neat, and having poise are part of the package. "Undue" attention is always discouraged, but lack of attention shows disrespect for yourself as a Spouse of Christ and for your fellow Sisters who have to look at you in choir. As Fr. Groschel would say [i][b]"go first class".[/b] [/i]After all, you are a [i][u]public witness[/u][/i] in the Church.

[marigold]

Very interesting. I think we would consider it a bit unseemly if a monk or nun was totally sparkling and 'had poise'. They belong to the kingdom, not to the world, and part of [i]that[/i] package is a lot of worldly standards go out the window.

[i<3LSOP]

Just because you feel you are called doesn't mean you need to alter your appearance!

As long as you dress modestly, mindful that you are a daughter of God... there is no need for blacks, browns, etc.... for heavens sake enjoy wearing green, pink, purple etc. before you get a (beautiful) habit as your apparel!

[mantellata]

[quote name='marigold' timestamp='1331912408' post='2401820']
Very interesting. I think we would consider it a bit unseemly if a monk or nun was totally sparkling and 'had poise'. They belong to the kingdom, not to the world, and part of [i]that[/i] package is a lot of worldly standards go out the window.
[/quote]

Perhaps my silly little princess emoticon was misleading. Perhaps poise is.... mmm.... an ill fitting word to use. I'm not speaking of that fake quality that some "worldly folk" possess..... but there are many interactions that a religious must have with those who are in the world.... without being [b]of[/b] the world (here I am speaking of non-cloistered religious). Perhaps grace, candor, confidence and a Marian caring heart would be better words.

I just think of all the active religious I know..... say, Mother Agnes SV, Mother Assumpta OP etc.... each one a lady. I'd hardly call them worldly but I would say they had "poise"..... in the good sense.

I guess I'm just "fearful" of those who as the above poster mentioned head towards what seems to border (in my mind) on Puritanism or possessing Jansenistic qualities. Worldliness is an excess of human passion but the other -- is it not a deficiency? (Feeling Thomistic here) I am - of course, not speaking about any lack of modesty in dress.

[Annie12]

[quote name='mantellata' timestamp='1331929463' post='2401947']
Perhaps my silly little princess emoticon was misleading. Perhaps poise is.... mmm.... an ill fitting word to use. I'm not speaking of that fake quality that some "worldly folk" possess..... but there are many interactions that a religious must have with those who are in the world.... without being [b]of[/b] the world (here I am speaking of non-cloistered religious). Perhaps grace, candor, confidence and a Marian caring heart would be better words.

I just think of all the active religious I know..... say, Mother Agnes SV, Mother Assumpta OP etc.... each one a lady. I'd hardly call them worldly but I would say they had "poise"..... in the good sense.

I guess I'm just "fearful" of those who as the above poster mentioned head towards what seems to border (in my mind) on Puritanism or possessing Jansenistic qualities. Worldliness is an excess of human passion but the other -- is it not a deficiency? (Feeling Thomistic here) I am - of course, not speaking about any lack of modesty in dress.
[/quote]
OO! OO! OO! I think you are thinking of modesty of self, beyond just attire. That one should have the whole package of modesty and that it doesn't just apply to clothes. Is this what you mean?

[TheresaThoma]

Just use good common sense when dressing. Something I have noticed that as I continue in my discernment I have tended more towards more modest clothing (longer skirts. higher necklines etc). I just don't feel comfortable in certain clothes anymore. I can't say this was something that happened overnight, I think it was more gradual. So basically dress nicely with common sense and you will be fine.

[PhuturePriest]

Of course, my opinion is biased, but you should look at the Duggar girls for reference on how to dress, in my most humble opinion.

But really, as Theresa says, simply use common sense. Don't wear tank-tops, or tight jeans, and especially no bikinis. Those things should be illegal.

[Lilllabettt]

O.K. Ayatollah

[the171]

My dress has become more feminine and modest. Long skirts, blouses, cardigans, pearls. I rarely wear jeans. Discernment really helps you too discover true womanhood.

[PhuturePriest]

[quote name='Lilllabettt' timestamp='1331953285' post='2402211']
O.K. Ayatollah
[/quote]

Anytime.

[marigold]

[quote name='LaPetiteSoeur' timestamp='1331833707' post='2401242']
When eating lunch with a friend, her athiest friend came around and we were talking about nuns and things. He was so shocked that I was so NORMAL. When I left (yay work!) he told my friend "I can't believe I like her so much; she's so Catholic but so normal."

It's been a tool of evangelization, to be sure. He's asked me questions about the faith, and I have been sure to give he concrete answers as to why Catholics believe what we do. According to my friend, in high school this kid was not at all open to hearing the views of Christians.
[/quote]

Hahaha! LPS, that should be your tagline on your blog: "So Catholic, but so normal."

[beatitude]

Well, yes, I didn't mean that anybody should be going about looking as though they had been dragged through a hedgerow backwards. You can look neat and smart and have some fun with choosing clothes without thinking about them very much. How you dress is an expression of personality. I love deep warm colours, and my wardrobe reflects that. But I don't spend hours choosing them, or pay a lot of money for my clothes (most of them I get second-hand), and I don't spend hours fretting over their modesty either. Strangely enough, I think that has the potential to turn into just another form of vanity: "How devout am I looking today?!"

[Annie12]

[quote name='FuturePriest387' timestamp='1331950419' post='2402175']
Of course, my opinion is biased, but you should look at the Duggar girls for reference on how to dress, in my most humble opinion.

But really, as Theresa says, simply use common sense. Don't wear tank-tops, or tight jeans, and especially no bikinis. Those things should be illegal.
[/quote]
So, I have one problem with men saying the way women should dress. You guys haven't had to wear dresses all you life! They can get very annoying sometimes. Like, when it's 20 below zero outside (where I'm from in the winter) and you don't want to freez into a Popsicle. Also, long skirts get in the way during sports and especially when hiking. So, while your intentions may be good, they, in my opinion are not completely realistic for every woman! I also am hounded by my father every time I put a pair of pantaloons on. he always tells me to go put a skirt on. I just wish he knew what it was like to wear a skirt. For me skirts are only practical at church and in the summer when I am not doing athletic activities. I do admire the women that do wear skirts all season long though but for me I wouldn't be doing that until I am A nun! As long as you don't look like Britney Spears, I think your doing good!

Edited March 17, 2012 by Annie12

[somethingfishy]

I have seen habited religious sisters put on "work clothes" (i.e. trousers) because they had to repaint the convent and didn't want to get paint all over their habits or trip over them climbing stepladders... Trousers in themselves are obviously not immoral. I have to wear jeans for work every day, and for what I do a skirt would be incredibly impractical.

And it's not wrong to look pretty! It's a good and holy desire, from God the author of beauty.

When you're a teenager particularly it can be difficult, because so many of the styles are awful (and your alternatives are old-lady clothes). Do your best but don't fret about it, or worry too much that you're going to tempt men -- because it's not your responsibility to keep all others from temptation. You are not required to bear the burden of another person's temptations or sins. That is between them and God.

If you feel like you have to show off and uncover your body so people will pay attention to you, that is immodesty. Wanting to dress beautifully is femininity Dress in a way that makes you feel beautiful, and your beauty will point to the Lord who created you.