Interior Voice

[Annie12]

This is such an interesting topic for me! I have struggled with what I call "vocation pride". I feel like I take for granted my calling and I try to make sure I realize how much of a gift it is. That said, I can relate to what you all are talking about in concern to the interior call. I decided that I must be called by God to be a nun when I was in 10th grade. It was shortly after my confirmation when I went to adoration at my parish. I had been wondering if I was called so I asked the lord what he had planed for me after stating that I loved him and only want to follow his will. Then I knew it was the holy spirit because I "heard" the words "If you love me then follow me". I wanted to know if this was for real so when I got home I opened the bible to the end of John when Jesus was asking peter if he loves him and then at the end Jesus says "follow me".
I knew after that, that religious life was my calling. Though, that is not to say I didn't have my occasional doubts. I once convinced myself that I was being delusional and I should get married.I also used the excuse that God wasn't really calling me because he would have asked me to marry him, not just follow him, if he was. That didn't last long though. I quickly felt my calling even more intensely. I have just learned to not have an inflated ego and don't try to run from it. I have also been working on trusting in Jesus. Through Jesus all things are possible and he should never once be doubted though because of our humanness we can find that to sometimes be a difficult task.

[BarbTherese]

It is possible to not actually[b] feel[/b] any sort of call, rather to respond to God with a giving of the whole self as one's personal desire - a simple desire to give one's whole self to God. While one may think that this personal desire comes from the self, it is inspired and motivated by The Holy Spirit. All that is good has its origin in God and flows from God. As well as this one has the necessary qualities/abilities for the life and one is accepted into the life. Along with the personal desire these qualities and acceptance too are gifts of God.

[Annie12]

I feel kind of weird talking about my story because I never wanted my vocation until God showed
it to me. I feel like sometimes when I talk about it, It comes off not the way I want it. I only tell my story because I want to help others. I feel like I'm not being humble sometimes. I really don't like to brag so I hope I didn't come off that way. I really just want to help other people who are searching for their calling. I want to show them that God is the only one who can reveal it to them because he is the only one who give it to them. I found reading St. Faustina's diary and St. Teresa's story of a soul to be very helpful reading.

Edited March 13, 2012 by Annie12

[BarbTherese]

[quote name='Annie12' timestamp='1331654123' post='2400103'] I feel kind of weird talking about my story because I never wanted my vocation until God showed it to me. I feel like sometimes when I talk about it, It comes off not the way I want it. I only tell my story because I want to help others. I feel like I'm not being humble sometimes. I really don't like to brag so I hope I didn't come off that way. I really just want to help other people who are searching for their calling. I want to show them that God is the only one who can reveal it to them because he is the only one who give it to them. I found reading St. Faustina's diary and St. Teresa's story of a soul to be very helpful reading. [/quote] Not bragging at all, Annie! If your desire is to share your story and maybe help others, then that is where it is at. Full Stop. Others can interpret what you have written as they may and what others might interpret or think is valid as their interpretation or thoughts but not necessarily the reality of matters. Don't be concerned.......... probably must of us, and certainly me, have at times posted and later re-read what was posted and in that re-reading realized that it was open to an interpreation that was never intended when posted. As for humility, again probably for most of us it is a lifelong quest and an ideal never quite achieved (I am 66yrs old and something of an elder I suspect! ) - and nothing like a humiliation and being entirely misunderstood to be an invitation to and an exercise in humility - as embarrassing and often as hurtful as it can be. I find ratheroften that I no sooner accept an humiliation in silence that I find myself not quite aware that I am congratulating myself and if I am not careful and do not curb that sense of being 'wonderful', I could fall into spiritual pride and the most spiritually dangerous pitfall I suspect of those who do try to attain some level of holiness. Our quest for Unity with God and pefection is a lifelong journey and again, probably for most of us, no sooner is some spiritual goal achieved, than we sight a more perfect goal to be our newer goal on the spiritual journey of life. I suspect for probably most and certainly for me, this will be the journey of my entire life. I too have found the autobiography of St. Therese of Lisieux and the Diary of St Faustina of The Divine Mercy a great comfort and consolation, presenting much to be reflected on and aimed for in my life. And in my many failures to shift the emphasis off myself and my miseries and to thankfully and joyfully shift the emphasis to Jesus and His Infinite Loving Mercy available without conditions to all who sincerely and humbly ask of Him. All success including spiritual success is The Lord's to give and distrute as He May, wherever He May and on whomsoever He May. Ours is the business of striving, of falling and of rising after the falls and primarily to love others with our whole heart, mind and soul for the Love of Him. And to be most humbly grateful and praising of Him for any success - they are His and His Alone, as is any sort of glory great or small attached to any success.

Edited March 14, 2012 by BarbaraTherese

[BarbTherese]

Rather than describe myself as an "elder" at 66years of age, a more appropriate term would be "oldie" ......... "elder", I decided well after posting, is something of a rank of which I have nothing either on Phatmass or elsewhere. I am one of the oldie's!!! - one of the mature aged women!!!

[Antigonos]

[quote name='BarbaraTherese' timestamp='1331724116' post='2400532']
Rather than describe myself as an "elder" at 66years of age, a more appropriate term would be "oldie" ......... "elder", I decided well after posting, is something of a rank of which I have nothing either on Phatmass or elsewhere. I am one of the oldie's!!! - one of the mature aged women!!!
[/quote]

I tend to think of myself as a Wise Wrinkly, actually -- Wrinkly for short.

[BarbTherese]

Sounds as if I qualify! Not to sure about the "Wise", but surely wiser than I was in my younger years. Life is a geat teacher.

[Antigonos]

[quote name='BarbaraTherese' timestamp='1331769318' post='2400849']
Sounds as if I qualify! Not to sure about the "Wise", but surely wiser than I was in my younger years. Life is a geat teacher.
[/quote]

I told my kids that "wise Wrinkly" was OK, but not "wizened Wrinkly"...

[BarbTherese]

I have told my sons "mature aged lady". My boys are in their forties and claim, at least in their later years, that its always "Mum" no matter to whom they are speaking about their mother. A nice and comforting thought that I hang on to - ignorance can indeed be bliss. Here in Australia, there is an expression amongst youth for parents "the olds" and some expressions far worse. In my day, it was always "Mum and Dad" or "my parents". But they were strange days indeed. I recall as a teenager in college that when Sister went out the room, we were instructed not to talk ........... and we didn't talk in the main. And if Sister asked on her return asked who had talked, we actually stood up and owned up. Nowadays apparently dreadful language is used towards the teacher, if not a chair through the air - in some high schools anyway. Certainly, non Catholics often try to get their children into Catholic schools from the point of view of discipline.
One thing amongs many things I thank the St Joseph and Dominican Sisters who taught me is self discipline, the ability to discipline onself - and to the Dominicans especially much encouragement to think for myself. They also put great store by our school motto "Veritas" or Truth. It was ok to think for ourselves providing that we were aiming at discerning the truth of matters. They also taught us it was ok to be human, faulted and fallible and to never fear to claim our right to be human and faulted and fallible, again on the proviso we did not set up camp in our fallibility and faulted nature as our right to set up camp in those limitations. To strive to be better always and in all things.

I think we just might be just slightly off topic of an "interior voice" ?

[AnneLine]

[indent=1]As one of the 'whatever we call ourselves' (perhaps 'older yet not wise enough'?) I think your Dominican sisters should be proud....no greater testimony could there be than the one you have provided for them:

[color=#0000cd] ... [the] Dominican Sisters who taught me... self discipline, the ability to discipline onself - and to the[/color][/indent]
[indent=1][color=#0000cd]Dominicans especially much encouragement to think for myself. They also put great store by our school[/color][/indent]
[indent=1][color=#0000cd]motto "Veritas" or Truth. It was ok to think for ourselves providing that we were aiming at discerning[/color][/indent]
[indent=1][color=#0000cd]the truth of matters. They also taught us it was ok to be human, faulted and fallible and to never fear[/color][/indent]
[indent=1][color=#0000cd]to claim our right to be human and faulted and fallible, again on the proviso we did not set up camp in[/color][/indent]
[indent=1][color=#0000cd]our fallibility and faulted nature as our right to set up camp in those limitations. To strive to be better[/color][/indent]
[indent=1][color=#0000cd]always and in all things.[/color]

Those are invaluable skills when evaluating inner voices I think..... that and a sense of humor.

Glad we hear your voice on here....[/indent]

Edited March 16, 2012 by AnneLine

[BarbTherese]

I very much liked the "whatever we call ourselves". And certainly older and wiser, but not yet wise by far. There is a beautiful Wisdom psalm in this mornings DO for Saturday 18th March. Happy St Patrick's day to all. We are celebrating the Solemnity today in Australia. In my family and in my Catholic education by nuns pre V2, there was no sense of humour in regard to religious and spiritual matters. All was deadly serious. And while I had a consistent sense of the funny and absurd in life generally, never in religious or spiritual matters. That all came to a conclusion when I met a priest and theologian who was to become my director and confessor. The conclusion of our first meeting went like this:

"Well, girl, you are a library of absolutely useless information. Now then, would you like to see me again?" Me, and highly offended : "Yes, Father, I very much would like to see you again!"

Next visit, he told me my very first Catholic joke - I wanted to laugh because it was funny but was waiting for the bolt of lightening to strike. It never did of course. Father went on (over many years) to very slowly transition my general sense of the funny and absurd into my personal notions and concepts of religion and even spirituality. He taught me to laugh and largely at myself (and at my expense at his sense of the funny, silly and absurd in me! ) From that eventually flowed Peace and Joy and being able to not take myself especially seriously all the time. To sight the funny and absurd wherever it is - gold indeed is only where it is found. I met Father pre onset of Bipolar and he continued to be my director and confessor post Bipolar until his death of cancer. He supported me in every way for years of serious mental illness and psychoses until his death. A Carmelite superior did the same and remains today my dearest and closest pal.

As to interior voices. St. Teresa of Avila warns that these can be dangerous and flow either from our own imagining powers or even from Satan. Were I to hear any sort of interior voice, I really would totally ignore it until I discussed it with my spiritual director and then I would follow the advice given to the letter. If, indeed, being fallible, my director was wrong in assessing the interior voice as false, I can be assured that being from The Lord, nothing can defeat His getting His Message across. Nothing.

Having a long history of psychotic experiences behind me, including the hearing of an interior voice, it is most definitely not the way I would choose to travel - never. I have first hand experience of how true and convincing such an interior voice can be. Thankfully, all that is years in the past. My preference is to have two feet firmly on dear mother earth and to use common sense and practical (Catholic theology) understandings. It is well known that for those who do hear an interior voice or voices, the way to defeat the voice is to simply take absolutely no notice of it. It took quite a few years for me to 'perfect' the "not listening" and to convince myself totally that the voice was false - but eventually it ceased totally and with that cessation my mental health began to stabilize. And what a terrible journey that voice was to lead me into and to what psychotic mental instability totally divorced from everyday reality and realities.

The above is not at all to state that God does not communicate via an interior voice; however, I would be personally highly suspicious and subject it to someone far more spiritually experienced, wise and holy, before taking the slightest notice of it. Nothing can be lost following this path. Subjecting one's own will in obedience to a more spiritually experienced, wiser andholier person and director is a powerful virtue.

Because I am very open about my own experiences of mental illness, some have opened up to me about their own interior experiences though they are perfectly 'normal' and do not suffer any sort of mental or emotional instability, let alone a mental illness. These also have heard an interior voice or voices at a time or times. Such it seems to me is not confined to those who are suffering mental illness, although it seems not to be a consistent 'something' for those not suffering MI.

I am hoping that the above will not lead this thread into a discussion re mental illness. This is not intended. Rather, if anything, it is a suggestion from me drawing on personal experience and therefore of necessity quite limited experience to not listen to an interior voice until one has subjected it to sound, wise and holy, spiritual direction and taking up any advice conveyed. Our imaginary powers are very powerful and on every level and Satan, we know, is a pathological liar and the father of liars - and a highly intelligent evil being, highly. The nun who taught me in College (Dominican) stressed on us all that if Satan identified one tiny drop of good to be done, it would shift heaven and earth to stop it if possible.

In mental illness a voice does not of necessity commence as a consistently heard phenomena. It can be intermittant at least initially and perhaps only intermittant over a long period.

Edited March 17, 2012 by BarbaraTherese