It's Time To Break My Silence.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Adrestia' timestamp='1330475018' post='2394276']
This book also helped me a bit. I might need to read it again.

"The Holy Longing: The Search for A Christian Spirituality" by Ronald Rolheiser

[url="http://desalescatholicbookstore.com/cart/proddetail.php?prod=0385494181"]http://desalescathol...prod=0385494181[/url]
[/quote]

i had to read that book as part of work when i worked on a parish staff. one of the worst experiences of my life. haha.

[Adrestia]

[quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1330475868' post='2394287']
i had to read that book as part of work when i worked on a parish staff. one of the worst experiences of my life. haha.
[/quote]

The book or the job?

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Adrestia' timestamp='1330495094' post='2394399']
The book or the job?
[/quote]

yes.

[BG45]

Or as a guy, I'd reccomend Dawn Eden's "Thrill of the Chaste".

[Ice_nine]

crazy dope post yo

[LittleWaySoul]

I just found this thread as I was skimming through the top posts of Phatmass, and I just want to thank everyone who has posted (especially Missy for starting it all out).

While I don't personally struggle with these temptations, I know people who do. This thread has moved me to tears. I had no idea how difficult such an addiction could be.

 

I don't know what else to say. I'm speechless and teary-eyed.

 

I'll pray for all of you. Please pray for me and my friends as well.

God bless.

 

LittleWaySoul

[jazzytakara]

We as a phamily have been talking a lot about addictions and our own struggles this week, and ironically I’d been planning something of my own long before this even started.

But this is not a testimony. This is just the cry of one woman’s heart to every other woman here, and to the men that live with and love them.

I want to talk about sexual sin.

I want to talk about sexual sin because for far too long, too many of us have thought it best to remain silent.

I’m tired of keeping it in the confessional. I’m tired of refraining for fear of causing scandal. Do you want to know what scandal really is? It’s hiding the truth for fear of who we might offend.

The truth is that women are addicted, too. We are addicted and selfish and prone to use.

But more than that, we are isolated in our addiction.

Have you ever noticed that when we do discuss sexual sin, it’s always from a man’s perspective? That’s because it’s not ladylike to talk about sex – not with each other, and certainly not in mixed company.

We’ve been raised to believe we can’t discuss sexuality with a man, not only because of bad decorum but also because of temptation. We cannot lead our brothers to sin, they tell us.

With confessing my litany of escapades to a priest comes a secret fear: am I tempting him? Is he judging me? Worse yet, is he thinking of the things that I am forced to describe in my shame?

Each of us, in that painful moment with our heads buried in our hands, unable to meet his eyes, know intimately what Mary Magdalene felt upon meeting Jesus.

We cannot confide in our husbands or our significant others. Sometimes, we worry it will give them an excuse to sin, or sin again. Other times, we fear hurting them and appearing unfaithful or unloving because of our addictions that we can no longer control.

Men have always had each other. How often do we hear that 98% of men have fallen into sin? It’s common knowledge that men fight their battles. If one should reach out to another, there’s no shame there.

But women have placed a stigma on one another. We are not only women who are addicted. Instead, we are selfish. We have no self-respect. We have no manners. We’re whores. And no woman wants to be known by that name, even if it’s only implied in the reactions of those she dares to confide in: “Oh. That’s tough. I’ll pray for you.”

We seek help, but often we find no one brave enough to say, “Yes, me too. You are not alone.”

I want that to stop. So I am going to say it.

Women, my sisters, you are not broken beyond repair and you are not alone.
After ten miserable years of my life struggling with masturbation and porn, by God’s grace I am finally (finally, finally, FINALLY) free. I’ve been clean for six months tomorrow. 185 glorious scary, tough, glorious days.

Even typing that feels like a bad omen.

I have used myself and used men like pieces in a chess game. I have sat up at night crying and cursing God for giving me these crosses. I have looked into the eyes of a man who loves me more than I can express and been afraid to touch him for fear of what might happen.

Allow me just a sentence to say I’m sorry, both to the men I’ve wounded and the women I’ve let down in my example.

And allow me the chance to say to every woman here that it is OKAY to stand up and be honest in your weakness. You will be supported and loved in your weakness AND your bravery.

Sin breeds in the dark, kept down by fear and isolation and shame. The first way to beat it is to flush it into the light.

It has been a long and bitter fight, but with confidence in God’s grace and the support of a few precious souls, I have won. If it was possible for me in all my despair, then it is possible for anyone.

Reach out to each other. Be bold in seeking support and seeking God. And most of all, be not afraid.

AMDG,
Melissa :flowers:

 

Thank you for posting this. Until now I have only admitted this to one person before and felt only judged and remained silent ever since. I have been struggling with the same for the past two years. Hiding away in secret afraid of what others might say. The secular world encouraged it, my mental illness only added to the problems. I suffer from OCD, PTSD, and depression/anxiety this only exasperates how horrible I feel about my struggles with sexual sin.  Having addictions to sexual sin has been a hard cross to bare and a hard one to admit. It has left me showering and scrubbing myself raw and feeling disgusted in everything I have become. I've felt alone in the battle, fears of ridicule, scandal, and loneliness abound. My secret only admitted in confession, each fall causing deeper depression. I am still fighting this battle. I'm slowly taking control again, but your story about finding freedom has given me hope. I was beginning to wonder if 'freedom' was merely a word rather than a possibility in my life..so thank you for giving me the hope I needed to keep fighting.  

 

For others fighting this battle, this is a website I have found helpful. The author of the blog is Protestant, but so very insightful, she's struggled with sexual sin too and has vowed to help other women out of the silence: http://beggarsdaughter.com/blog/