Girls Self-Esteem Is A Pro-Life Issue

[i<3LSOP]

[quote name='Archaeology cat' timestamp='1330650106' post='2395141']
FWIW, I tell my son how handsome he is, too. as well as calling them my monkeys or dinosaurs or whatever.
[/quote]

That's adorable.

[tinytherese]

[url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mITRKCDel44"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mITRKCDel44[/url]

[fides' Jack]

[quote name='EmilyAnn' timestamp='1330625565' post='2394981']
Tell your daughters they are beautiful. It will matter to them more than you can possibly imagine.
[/quote]

It's exactly because it matters *so much* to them that I will refrain.

[quote name='Papist' timestamp='1330626974' post='2394992']
But your daughter will be beautiful. She will need to hear and it is very important that she hear it from her father. I don't want to get on a soapbox, but for me, I would rather my daughters[and sons for that matter] learn what beauty is from me[and my wife] that the outside world.
[/quote]

No, I disagree. Girls don't *need* to hear that. Again, I reference St. Therese - her father would stop people from praising her in that way.

[quote name='missionseeker' timestamp='1330627005' post='2394993']
As a daughter, I would be seriously confused if I had never heard my dad tell me I'm beautiful. I would wonder why the absence.Did he think I was ugly? dumb? rude? a bad person?

Beautiful is an all encompassing thing. Not just physical. I kind of feel like you personally may be putting too much stock in the idea that by telling someone they are beautiful, you only are complimenting their physical appearance. Why is it bad for a father to tell his daughter that she's beautiful? Beautiful is not pretty. HOW are you not going to look at you daughter when she is born and NOT tell her she's beautiful? If God is Beauty, then we should not be scared to tell girls that they are reflections of that beauty. Also, we're not stupid. If you tell us that we're beautiful because we're made in the image and likeness of God, because we're smart or funny or bring you joy, we get it.

Of course girls (and guys, but definitely girls more than guys) will get caught up on their physical appearance sometimes. It happens. But not telling someone that she is beautiful, especially when she is, is not a good answer, imho
[/quote]

Well, since you're someone's daughter who did hear that she's beautiful, then of course you would have those questions looking in hindsight.

I fully intend to explain to them why I can't tell them they're beautiful, or pretty, or cute.

The problem isn't that I don't think they are beautiful, it's that if I do say it, *they* will think it to be a physical thing, regardless of whether or not I explain it to them.

[quote name='Papist' timestamp='1330628024' post='2395000']
Also Fides, be prepared for when she asks you if you think she is beautiful.
[/quote]

That's really one of my biggest concerns about the whole subject. I'll have to have a ready-made answer!

[quote name='i<3LSOP' timestamp='1330636185' post='2395046']
I'm twelve and understand all of the stuff about true beauty...etc. without anyone telling me.
[/quote]

You're twelve; you don't understand as much as you think you do. That's just a natural part of growing up. What's that old joke about going from 18 to 21 and finding it amazing how much your parents learn in that time? But also, what you do understand, you understand logically. Logic and emotions are 2 very different things - and emotions can easily turn logic around - especially for women.

[quote name='Archaeology cat' timestamp='1330650106' post='2395141']
FWIW, I tell my son how handsome he is, too. as well as calling them my monkeys or dinosaurs or whatever.
[/quote]

I don't have the same issues with our current son or any future sons. I don't mind if they hear that they're good looking or handsome, because boys just don't have the same issues with that that girls do. Now, if one of my daughters overhears me calling one of my sons handsome, then that might cause an issue.


To all here: I fully intend to explain to them why I can't comment on things of that nature. I won't just leave them in the dark about it. Still, they're my kids and I can raise them however I want, as long as I can convince my wife of the same thing. The only reason I'm throwing all this out here is just to offer another perspective that perhaps others here hadn't considered before.

[fides' Jack]

Another thought - as I'm listening to the music in the posted video (good song, btw - never heard it before):

A lot of it depends on the occasion. If any of my daughters ever get married, I'll tell them that they're beautiful on their wedding day.

But that will never happen because all my daughters will become nuns!

[EmilyAnn]

[quote name='fides' Jack' timestamp='1330717200' post='2395363']
It's exactly because it matters *so much* to them that I will refrain.
[/quote]

Then expect your daughters to be left just as heartbroken by you as I was by my own father.

[tinytherese]

If a girl doesn't hear that she is beautiful from her father then she'll go in search of it or long to hear it from guys who will sound like smoothe Romeos. Maybe they won't understand that beauty is more than just physical when they're little, but over time they can learn it.

[EmilyAnn]

[quote name='tinytherese' timestamp='1330722269' post='2395397']
If a girl doesn't hear that she is beautiful from her father then she'll go in search of it or long to hear it from guys who will sound like smoothe Romeos. Maybe they won't understand that beauty is more than just physical when they're little, but over time they can learn it.
[/quote]

Exactly. If they do not get that approval from their father even in a little thing like being told that they're beautiful, then they will go searching for it in other places. And that goes back to the original post, it is those women who look for that approval in the wrong places and those are more often than not the ones that fall into the traps of thinking that sex equals love and that sex will bring them the love they crave.

[MissScripture]

[quote name='missionseeker' timestamp='1330627005' post='2394993']
As a daughter, I would be seriously confused if I had never heard my dad tell me I'm beautiful. I would wonder why the absence.Did he think I was ugly? dumb? rude? a bad person?

Beautiful is an all encompassing thing. Not just physical. I kind of feel like you personally may be putting too much stock in the idea that by telling someone they are beautiful, you only are complimenting their physical appearance. Why is it bad for a father to tell his daughter that she's beautiful? Beautiful is not pretty. HOW are you not going to look at you daughter when she is born and NOT tell her she's beautiful? If God is Beauty, then we should not be scared to tell girls that they are reflections of that beauty. Also, we're not stupid. If you tell us that we're beautiful because we're made in the image and likeness of God, because we're smart or funny or bring you joy, we get it.

Of course girls (and guys, but definitely girls more than guys) will get caught up on their physical appearance sometimes. It happens. But not telling someone that she is beautiful, especially when she is, is not a good answer, imho
[/quote]
This should be a crazy dope post, yo!

[quote name='Archaeology cat' timestamp='1330650106' post='2395141']
FWIW, I tell my son how handsome he is, too. as well as calling them my monkeys or dinosaurs or whatever.
[/quote]
lol, so far I've told my son about a million times how handsome and beautiful I think he is. I can't help it! I'm just so amazed by him.

[quote name='fides' Jack' timestamp='1330717200' post='2395363']
It's exactly because it matters *so much* to them that I will refrain.



No, I disagree. Girls don't *need* to hear that. Again, I reference St. Therese - her father would stop people from praising her in that way.



Well, since you're someone's daughter who did hear that she's beautiful, then of course you would have those questions looking in hindsight.

I fully intend to explain to them why I can't tell them they're beautiful, or pretty, or cute.

The problem isn't that I don't think they are beautiful, it's that if I do say it, *they* will think it to be a physical thing, regardless of whether or not I explain it to them.



That's really one of my biggest concerns about the whole subject. I'll have to have a ready-made answer!



You're twelve; you don't understand as much as you think you do. That's just a natural part of growing up. What's that old joke about going from 18 to 21 and finding it amazing how much your parents learn in that time? But also, what you do understand, you understand logically. Logic and emotions are 2 very different things - and emotions can easily turn logic around - especially for women.



I don't have the same issues with our current son or any future sons. I don't mind if they hear that they're good looking or handsome, because boys just don't have the same issues with that that girls do. Now, if one of my daughters overhears me calling one of my sons handsome, then that might cause an issue.


To all here: I fully intend to explain to them why I can't comment on things of that nature. I won't just leave them in the dark about it. Still, they're my kids and I can raise them however I want, as long as I can convince my wife of the same thing. The only reason I'm throwing all this out here is just to offer another perspective that perhaps others here hadn't considered before.
[/quote]
Why is it wrong for them to think that you find them physically beautiful? No, physical beauty is not and should not be the be-all end-all, but it's not something terrible, either. As someone who has never found herself beautiful, it was important to know that at least SOMEONE in the world thought I was beautiful and that I didn't need to change anything about myself to please my daddy. Its totally important that you compliment them on more than appearance, although, as people have pointed out, beauty is more than just physical appearance.

Another thing to consider is that the world is different than it was when St. Therese was a girl. More than ever, women are being assaulted with what they are supposed to look like and are being told they don't measure up. It can save a lot of heartache for a girl to know that her daddy loves her and finds her beautiful, just the way she is.

[missionseeker]

[quote name='tinytherese' timestamp='1330722269' post='2395397']
If a girl doesn't hear that she is beautiful from her father then she'll go in search of it or long to hear it from guys who will sound like smoothe Romeos. Maybe they won't understand that beauty is more than just physical when they're little, but over time they can learn it.
[/quote]

I would like to give you a sampling of conversations that she will learn the definition of "beauty" from, if you don't tell her what it is and [b]that she is it[/b].

"I love you"
"no, you don't"
"you're right I lust you"


"Stop looking at me like that"
"Like what? Eye $%^&ing you?"

"One day I'm gonna wear you down, you're gonna love me back"
"not gonna happen"
"but what if it did? what if?"
"what if?"
"If? Oh I'd be all over that"

"you just need to get laid. just pick someone it's gonna be fun with but not mean anything. Like me"

And those are the LEAST vulgar.

If you want that to be what your daughter associates with beautiful, then don't tell her she's beautiful. Let these men tell her. And trust me, it has nothing to do with physical beauty because I'm not all that special, I'm in a uniform that is one of the most hideous ones on earth (people don't even recognize me when I'm not wearing it), and half the time my face is broken out.


It's not that she will get caught up on physical if you say she's beautiful. And so what if she does? Parents can only do so much to teach, but if they teach and then deny the affirmation, then it's devastating. To women, to men (though, in my experience, for it seems to more about the fathers approval. I know sons whose fathers are UBER proud of them. They've told other people, but never told their sons. Their sons still think of themselves as worthless and will until their fathers tell them otherwise. and sometimes that comes too late.)

I come from a screwed up background. My childhood was rough. Had my parents not told me I was beautiful, (and not the physical kind) I would have fallen into traps laid by men like these.