Sirklawd Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 I agree with all of this. It's a huge issue. A couple of years ago I met a girl battling these battles (and losing) and it made me so angry that I put together a website to help girls in similar situations. www.demandyourdignity.com. Pass it on to someone who may benefit. It's a little blunt, and not for everyone, but those girls are dealing with blunt issues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fides' Jack Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 [quote name='Papist' timestamp='1330351019' post='2393561'] So true! As a father of a girl, I strive to be the man that I want my daughter to marry. [/quote] Um - I'm pretty sure that's illegal, and a little disturbing... Just starting to have kids myself, I've considered this issue quite a bit. I've come to the conclusion that I'm not going to tell my daughters that they're beautiful. Girls put too much thought into physical appearance, and I'm afraid that if I get into the habit of saying it, that they'll need to hear it. What if I forget to say it sometime, or what if I say it to one of my daughters but not another? Such a simple oversight could have huge implications for a girl, and can cause serious emotional issues. So, I'm just going to steer clear, and do what St. Therese' father did in this regard - and not praise anything about her that can be construed to mean that she has good looks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i<3LSOP Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 [quote name='Sirklawd' timestamp='1330521785' post='2394441'] I agree with all of this. It's a huge issue. A couple of years ago I met a girl battling these battles (and losing) and it made me so angry that I put together a website to help girls in similar situations. www.demandyourdignity.com. Pass it on to someone who may benefit. It's a little blunt, and not for everyone, but those girls are dealing with blunt issues. [/quote] I'm twelve and that website is pretty great! My only "complaint" is the rather risque images that sometimes showed through... but other then that... keep on going and promoting that great message! You helped me to find some good clothing stores, too. Idk many girls with that "battle" but I will suggest it if I do feel one of my friends could use it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Papist Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 [quote name='fides' Jack' timestamp='1330542396' post='2394543'] Um - I'm pretty sure that's illegal, and a little disturbing... Just starting to have kids myself, I've considered this issue quite a bit. I've come to the conclusion that I'm not going to tell my daughters that they're beautiful. Girls put too much thought into physical appearance, and I'm afraid that if I get into the habit of saying it, that they'll need to hear it. What if I forget to say it sometime, or what if I say it to one of my daughters but not another? Such a simple oversight could have huge implications for a girl, and can cause serious emotional issues. So, I'm just going to steer clear, and do what St. Therese' father did in this regard - and not praise anything about her that can be construed to mean that she has good looks. [/quote] You want your daughter to a marry a virtuous man, then be a virtuous man yourself. You will be her model of what a man is, and that is what she will think a man is supposed to be. Therefore, that will be the type of man that she will be attracted to. I think you can tell your daughter she is beautiful. Just tell her why. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fides' Jack Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 [quote name='Papist' timestamp='1330548045' post='2394604'] You want your daughter to a marry a virtuous man, then be a virtuous man yourself. You will be her model of what a man is, and that is what she will think a man is supposed to be. Therefore, that will be the type of man that she will be attracted to. I think you can tell your daughter she is beautiful. Just tell her why. [/quote] Yes, I understood what you meant. Just making a little joke. I recently saw an episode of Law and Order: SVU, in which a girl delivered a baby boy who was also her brother... Disturbing enough to linger in my head for a while, I guess... No - I won't be telling my daughters that they're beautiful, because even if I also tell them why, they won't completely understand, and it will still be about physical appearance to them. Kids aren't very mature - even the most mature kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyAnn Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 [quote name='fides' Jack' timestamp='1330625088' post='2394979'] Yes, I understood what you meant. Just making a little joke. I recently saw an episode of Law and Order: SVU, in which a girl delivered a baby boy who was also her brother... Disturbing enough to linger in my head for a while, I guess... No - I won't be telling my daughters that they're beautiful, because even if I also tell them why, they won't completely understand, and it will still be about physical appearance to them. Kids aren't very mature - even the most mature kids. [/quote] Tell your daughters they are beautiful. It will matter to them more than you can possibly imagine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Papist Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 [quote name='fides' Jack' timestamp='1330625088' post='2394979'] Yes, I understood what you meant. Just making a little joke. I recently saw an episode of Law and Order: SVU, in which a girl delivered a baby boy who was also her brother... Disturbing enough to linger in my head for a while, I guess... No - I won't be telling my daughters that they're beautiful, because even if I also tell them why, they won't completely understand, and it will still be about physical appearance to them. Kids aren't very mature - even the most mature kids. [/quote] But your daughter will be beautiful. She will need to hear and it is very important that she hear it from her father. I don't want to get on a soapbox, but for me, I would rather my daughters[and sons for that matter] learn what beauty is from me[and my wife] that the outside world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missionseeker Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 [quote name='fides' Jack' timestamp='1330625088' post='2394979'] No - I won't be telling my daughters that they're beautiful, because even if I also tell them why, they won't completely understand, and it will still be about physical appearance to them. Kids aren't very mature - even the most mature kids. [/quote] As a daughter, I would be seriously confused if I had never heard my dad tell me I'm beautiful. I would wonder why the absence.Did he think I was ugly? dumb? rude? a bad person? Beautiful is an all encompassing thing. Not just physical. I kind of feel like you personally may be putting too much stock in the idea that by telling someone they are beautiful, you only are complimenting their physical appearance. Why is it bad for a father to tell his daughter that she's beautiful? Beautiful is not pretty. HOW are you not going to look at you daughter when she is born and NOT tell her she's beautiful? If God is Beauty, then we should not be scared to tell girls that they are reflections of that beauty. Also, we're not stupid. If you tell us that we're beautiful because we're made in the image and likeness of God, because we're smart or funny or bring you joy, we get it. Of course girls (and guys, but definitely girls more than guys) will get caught up on their physical appearance sometimes. It happens. But not telling someone that she is beautiful, especially when she is, is not a good answer, imho Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Papist Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 I do understand your concern though. But I believe you can accomplish your goal while still telling your daughter(s) she is/are beautiful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Papist Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 Also Fides, be prepared for when she asks you if you think she is beautiful. And keep in mind, do NOT call her [b][color=#FF0000]cute [/color][/b]b/c she will go off...she is [color=#008000][b]pretty[/b][/color]. I learned the hard way that there is a huge difference. . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archaeology cat Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 [quote name='missionseeker' timestamp='1330627005' post='2394993'] As a daughter, I would be seriously confused if I had never heard my dad tell me I'm beautiful. I would wonder why the absence.Did he think I was ugly? dumb? rude? a bad person? Beautiful is an all encompassing thing. Not just physical. I kind of feel like you personally may be putting too much stock in the idea that by telling someone they are beautiful, you only are complimenting their physical appearance. Why is it bad for a father to tell his daughter that she's beautiful? Beautiful is not pretty. HOW are you not going to look at you daughter when she is born and NOT tell her she's beautiful? If God is Beauty, then we should not be scared to tell girls that they are reflections of that beauty. Also, we're not stupid. If you tell us that we're beautiful because we're made in the image and likeness of God, because we're smart or funny or bring you joy, we get it. Of course girls (and guys, but definitely girls more than guys) will get caught up on their physical appearance sometimes. It happens. But not telling someone that she is beautiful, especially when she is, is not a good answer, imho [/quote]This. Absolutely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Papist Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 I use beautiful for more than appearances. For example, when I see my 5 year old do a kind act to his 3 year old brother, I tell him that was a beautiful thing he just did. And when my two boys tell me to "watch this daddy", and they proceed to swing the golf club and hit the ball, I tell them that was a beautiful swing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i<3LSOP Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 [quote name='fides' Jack' timestamp='1330625088' post='2394979'] Kids aren't very mature - even the most mature kids. [/quote] I'm twelve and understand all of the stuff about true beauty...etc. without anyone telling me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ice_nine Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 I just want to make clear that I know beauty is not confined to mere physical appearance, but extends into other areas as well. But if this is so, then why is beauty so heavily emphasized for women than or men? Why don't sons need to hear about how beautiful they are if beauty is associated with the qualities within all of us that allude to our divine origin? The language it seems, has inextricably linked the word "beauty" to mean physical appearance, and even though it encompasses more than that I think our knee-jerk reaction has been conditioned to think that physical appearance is always implicated when we hear the word. Saying "your beautiful" can mean many things, but most of the time people will think it's a compliment to the outward qualities and features of the person, at least to some extent. So sure tell your daughters, and hell your sons too, that they're beautiful, but like Papist said tell them why. I think this is key, even if your kid has a face only a mother could love Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archaeology cat Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 FWIW, I tell my son how handsome he is, too. as well as calling them my monkeys or dinosaurs or whatever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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