Girls Self-Esteem Is A Pro-Life Issue

[Lil Red]

From [url="http://blog.secularprolife.org/2012/02/girls-self-esteem-is-pro-life-issue.html"]Secular Pro-Life[/url]

[quote]I consider this a pro-life issue. Every human being has inherent dignity; your worth as a person shouldn't depend on your outward appearance! In addition, this is a pro-life issue because studies show that girls who have low self-esteem are at greater risk for unplanned pregnancies. We need to address self-esteem issues early, before students engage in destructive behaviors like unprotected sexual intercourse.[/quote]

[Jaime]

my personal belief is that a girl's self esteem is most affected by how her father treats her. I haven't seen many things more powerful than a daughter's love for her father.

[EmilyAnn]

I could not agree more. It is women who are broken, women who don't feel anyone can love them, women who want nothing more than to feel wanted by someone that fall into the traps of promiscuity because they think (and the world tells them) that it will give them the love they so desire. I have seen this for myself and I also know what a false promise it is. It is a vicious cycle, because it does nothing but make them feel used and worthless yet they continue because they have nothing else to cling to. Our culture does not appreciate love in it's true form, it intertwines love and sex so much that they seem interchangeable but because that is not true love there are so many people who are left empty.

[Lisa]

[quote name='EmilyAnn' timestamp='1330284381' post='2393270']
I could not agree more. It is women who are broken, women who don't feel anyone can love them, women who want nothing more than to feel wanted by someone that fall into the traps of promiscuity because they think (and the world tells them) that it will give them the love they so desire.
[/quote]

This. For those of us that have young women in our lives (children, grandchildren, siblings, friends, etc.), we have a responsibility to show them that what society offers isn't love, and that being labeled "sexy" and "hot" is not what gives them value. That just by being themselves, they are beautiful, worthwhile, smart, funny, and beloved.

[Ice_nine]

[quote name='jaime' timestamp='1330282283' post='2393250']
my personal belief is that a girl's self esteem is most affected by how her father treats her. I haven't seen many things more powerful than a daughter's love for her father.
[/quote]

They didn't coin the term "daddy issues" for nothing unfortunately.

I was watching a documentary on a woman's involvement in the porn industry. I would not recommend it, as it was very VERY disturbing, but she was one of those "oh I'm doing porn cause I want to and I like it and it's what I want." After coming to America to work in LA for one scum bag of an agent, she got involved in more violent porn and was insidiously manipulated into doing so. And near the end of the film, as the cracks started to appear she was talking about the abandonment of her father (whom she had only referenced in passing up til now) and it was just tragic. She said that part of her hopes that her dad is ashamed, just to spite him for all the neglect.


I also think there's a well-intentioned mistake of emphasizing to young girls that they are indeed beautiful. I've noticed this among religious folks too when I was younger and whenever "tween girl" issues came up you could be sure to hear that token. The problem is, with that emphasis on physical appearance you're teaching girls that outward beauty is really more important than it is. And that isn't necessarily a damaging thing in the safe walls of a church camp with everyone constantly reminding them how beautiful they are, but the real world as we all know isn't so kind. We need a paradigm shift that says "girls, you're beautiful because you're human, but more importantly, even if on the outside you look like a train wreck and are grotesque to look at, what really matters is the virtue maintain on the inside, your love of God and neighbor."

We need to make physical appearance as inconsequential as something like the tone or pitch of your voice. Sure physical beauty is great, but it's one facet of beauty and definitely not the most important.

[Brother Adam]

[quote name='Ice_nine' timestamp='1330324860' post='2393514']
I also think there's a well-intentioned mistake of emphasizing to young girls that they are indeed beautiful. I've noticed this among religious folks too when I was younger and whenever "tween girl" issues came up you could be sure to hear that token. The problem is, with that emphasis on physical appearance you're teaching girls that outward beauty is really more important than it is. And that isn't necessarily a damaging thing in the safe walls of a church camp with everyone constantly reminding them how beautiful they are, but the real world as we all know isn't so kind. We need a paradigm shift that says "girls, you're beautiful because you're human, but more importantly, even if on the outside you look like a train wreck and are grotesque to look at, what really matters is the virtue maintain on the inside, your love of God and neighbor."
[/quote]

A train wreck according to who? A fashion mag editors definition of beauty? I can't imagine a daddy looking at her daughter when she wants to know if she is pretty and saying "no hunny, but that doesn't matter." When you are told you are beautiful 'inside the walls of church camp' its because its true.

[Papist]

[quote name='jaime' timestamp='1330282283' post='2393250']
my personal belief is that a girl's self esteem is most affected by how her father treats her. I haven't seen many things more powerful than a daughter's love for her father.
[/quote]

So true! As a father of a girl, I strive to be the man that I want my daughter to marry.



Our worth lies in how God sees us, not how others see us, or even in how we sometimes see ourselves. I believe there is too much emphasis on trying to get girls to see their worth, and not enough on getting them to see how God sees their worth.

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='Brother Adam' timestamp='1330349187' post='2393552']


A train wreck according to who? A fashion mag editors definition of beauty? I can't imagine a daddy looking at her daughter when she wants to know if she is pretty and saying "no hunny, but that doesn't matter." When you are told you are beautiful 'inside the walls of church camp' its because its true.
[/quote]I'm going to agree with this. Of. Course we shouldn't emphasise a girl's physical appearance to the detriment of noticing her intellect, spirituality, etc, but I don't know any girl or woman who doesn't, at some level, want to be seen as beautiful. I don't mean according to the fashion industry, for they present a false, unattainable beauty in most cases, but truly beautiful. This isn't just for girls. Ask women after they've had a child or two. There's a website entitled something like the shape of a mother, showing various images of mothers in an effort to show that mothers are beautiful, not just despite the stretch marks or separated abs or whatnot, but because they are mothers. Similarly, our girls are beautiful, not by conforming to the fashion mags, but because of who they are. I frequently tell my children they are beautiful/handsome. I also tell them they're clever and funny. I pray they grow up with the confidence that they are indeed these things, for God has made them so.

Not sure if I'm making any sense. Sorry.

[i<3LSOP]

[color=#282828][size=3][b]Quote[/b][/size][/color]

[color=#282828][size=3]"I consider this a pro-life issue. Every human being has inherent dignity; your worth as a person shouldn't depend on your outward appearance! In addition, this is a pro-life issue because studies show that girls who have low self-esteem are at greater risk for unplanned pregnancies. We need to address self-esteem issues early, [b]before students engage in [i]destructive behaviors like unprotected sexual intercourse[/i]."[/b][/size][/color]


Hmmm....hold up! Is she saying she thinks that people should use contraception? She's not pro-life!

Edited February 27, 2012 by i<3LSOP

[Lisa]

[quote name='i<3LSOP' timestamp='1330361388' post='2393595']
[color=#282828][size=3][b]Quote[/b][/size][/color]

[color=#282828][size=3]"I consider this a pro-life issue. Every human being has inherent dignity; your worth as a person shouldn't depend on your outward appearance! In addition, this is a pro-life issue because studies show that girls who have low self-esteem are at greater risk for unplanned pregnancies. We need to address self-esteem issues early, [b]before students engage in [i]destructive behaviors like unprotected sexual intercourse[/i]."[/b][/size][/color]


Hmmm....hold up! Is she saying she thinks that people should use contraception? She's not pro-life!
[/quote]

Her blog is "secular pro-life." Many people, especially those that don't look at the issue from a religious viewpoint, consider contraception to be a lesser evil than abortion. We can pray that she'll come to the realization that contraceptives, especially the Pill, still degrade the dignity of human life.

However, we should definitely cheer on the principle she's presenting, which is that young women who value themselves and believe they are "worth it" wait longer (hopefully until marriage) before having sex and are less likely to be pressured into things. If they know they are loved, just because of who they are, they are less likely to seek that love or validation from external -often extremely damaging- sources.

[b]Edited for terrible grammar. [/b]

Edited February 27, 2012 by Lisa

[i<3LSOP]

[quote name='Lisa' timestamp='1330366050' post='2393632']
Her blog is "secular pro-life." Many people, especially those that don't look at the issue from a religious viewpoint, consider contraception to be a lesser evil than abortion. We can pray that she'll come to the realization that contraception, especially the Pill, still degrade the dignity of human life.

However, we should definitely cheer on the principle she's presenting, which is that young women who value themselves and believe they are "worth it" wait longer (hopefully until marriage) before having sex and are less likely to be pressured into things. If they know they are loved, just because of who they are, they are less likely to seek that love or validation from external -often extremely damaging- sources.
[/quote]

Okay! That's what I thought but I wasn't sure. Thank you for being so patient and explaining!

I'm a young 'un, and find that as long as God thinks my soul is beautiful I don't care what others think about my appearance. Sadly most tween/teen girls like me don't see it that way, and therefore are always worrying they are fat, ugly... etc.

[Lisa]

[quote name='i<3LSOP' timestamp='1330366276' post='2393634']
Okay! That's what I thought but I wasn't sure. Thank you for being so patient and explaining!

I'm a young 'un, and find that as long as God thinks my soul is beautiful I don't care what others think about my appearance. Sadly most tween/teen girls like me don't see it that way, and therefore are always worrying they are fat, ugly... etc.
[/quote]

That is a beautiful gift to have! I didn't have a viewpoint anywhere close to that at 12/13. Make sure you pass that gift on to others and let them know how wonderful they are, just as God made them!

Also, you should watch the video she has posted at the link. Her address to middle schoolers is beautiful!

[i<3LSOP]

[quote name='Lisa' timestamp='1330366760' post='2393639']
That is a beautiful gift to have! I didn't have a viewpoint anywhere close to that at 12/13. Make sure you pass that gift on to others and let them know how wonderful they are, just as God made them!

Also, you should watch the video she has posted at the link. Her address to middle schoolers is beautiful!
[/quote]

Oh thank you Lisa!

I'll watch the video later when I have more time.

[Ice_nine]

[quote name='Brother Adam' timestamp='1330349187' post='2393552']
A train wreck according to who? A fashion mag editors definition of beauty? I can't imagine a daddy looking at her daughter when she wants to know if she is pretty and saying "no hunny, but that doesn't matter." When you are told you are beautiful 'inside the walls of church camp' its because its true.
[/quote]

According to the world in general. Sometimes people aren't physically very attractive to look at. I think specifically of people who have been in horrible accidents, like the woman who was attacked by a chimpanzee some years ago and literally had her face ripped off. It's not pretty, but somehow it's rude/insensitive/evil to state this fact because saying a woman doesn't possess physical beauty is near blasphemous.

And of course you would never say that to your daughter because I imagine that, because society and culture in general has always blown the idea of beauty way the floopy out of proportion, it would be particularly damaging. Much like I'd never tell the aforementioned woman what she really looks like cause I would imagine it to be similarly upsetting.

We've all been conditioned to believe there's something essential femininity that absolute MUST entail physical beauty, and that without physical beauty well everything else is diminished somehow. That doesn't mean we become total asses and telling girls they're ugly. Not what I suggested. But we need to stop following the pattern of the world that puts so much emphasis on appearance and start emphasizing more important things.

We are all going to end up as a pile of dust in the ground anyhow. (and spoiler alert I realize our bodies will be resurrected but that's tangential to my point)

[Archaeology cat]

I agree we shouldn't emphasise beauty to the detriment of other things. I think part of it is seeing a person's true beauty, which goes beyond the physical. I tell my daughter she's beautiful, but I also tell her her beauty isn't just her appearance, but her personality and precocity and mind. If I can use a film to illustrate my point, I like it at the end of Shallow Hal, when he finally sees the girl as she truly looks. She doesn't look physically beautiful by society's standards, but he sees her beauty and tells her that she really is beautiful. Not because he sees her as a hot blond, since he doesn't see her like that anymore, but he sees her true beauty. And that is what I want to teach myself and my children: to truly see others, and see their true beauty, as God knows our true beauty.