Joyful Posted July 5, 2003 Share Posted July 5, 2003 Ok so I decided to be fo real for a sec and let ya in on whats goin on wit me right now. (I don't really talk like that... I just felt like typing as if I were cool for a second ) I'm a huge walking contradiction. I totally get the God/Catholic thing in my head, but I guess I don't get it in my heart. I know the importance of going to mass and receiving the sacraments so I do it all. Everyone at my church thinks I'm little miss saint. I go to daily mass often, I help with VBS, I'm renovating our youth house as a summer project, I'm discerning a vocation, I was chosen as a Peer Minister at my campus parish, and, more than anything, I'm great at making others excited about their faith. I know all of these things are important and in my mind I want to do them. But then there's the "real" me. The "real" me wants everyone else to be super excited about their faith, but just doesn't care about my own faith life. And because I don't care about my spiritual life, I don't live it outside of the presence of my church family. I don't want to go into the grimey details of what exactly that means, but I'm at a University with a huge Greek system and the number football team in the nation. Partying is an art form. This has been going on for about a year now and here's the thing about me: I'm a bit of an extremist. I can't do this halfway carp much longer. Either I do follow Christ or I don't, you know what I mean? I always think about that DC Talk song that says the number one cause of atheism is Christians who profess the faith, but don't live it. That just gets to the core of how I feel right now. And I'm guessing your first response to this will be to tell me to pray. I know because I'd tell someone else that if they told me all this, but the truth is I just can't. My heart just feels too dead to pray right now. That sounds so depressing, but it's true. So I'm not 20 quite yet and I thought I'd ask you all what you think I should do. Thanks so much! Joy PS~ I hate posting this because it makes me sound depressing, but I promise I'm not! I'm a happy, fun girl who has a really bad sun burn from a 4th of July spent at the lake! God Bless Jet Skis and wake boarding!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littleflower+JMJ Posted July 5, 2003 Share Posted July 5, 2003 im want to answer and help you out...but right now i have to settle for praying and waiting till tomorrow.. i have to turn off my comp its raining and thundering....yikes'!! God bLess! +JMJ thanks for sharing with us joy, we know your not depressed, we just have ruffs in our lives that we need to straighten out...... well i better go before i get electricuted or shocked by lightening! God nite! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GodsThespianChic Posted July 5, 2003 Share Posted July 5, 2003 I can understand where you're coming from Joy, I've been there before... All I can say is that it took time for me...nothing else really helped.... But I'm praying for you!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueRose Posted July 5, 2003 Share Posted July 5, 2003 Yes, jetskis are one of God's greatest creations. Heaven = me + a friend + a really big lake + 2 jetskis But enough of that -- in respsonse to your post, I'd have to say that I'm sorta going through the same thing. I don't feel as "full" as I did in the past. And I'm not doing really *bad* things (not to say you are either) but I'm starting to worry because praying doesn't feel the way it used to and all that stuff. Maybe take some time once in awhile (like once a week?) and go find a quiet chapel or church that isn't currently having a service. That way you can just sit in the presence of God, and let your mind unwind. You don't even have to pray; just sit and look at the pictures, the statues, all the images of Jesus and Mary and the Saints. And perhaps in that quiet time you might unravel some further answers to your dilemma. Besides, I'm sure God would love having you over to His house for some time just the two of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GodsThespianChic Posted July 5, 2003 Share Posted July 5, 2003 Yeah...BlueRose has a good point! Plus another good thing that I didn't think of before... Some hardcore Adoration! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shrtnswtangl Posted July 5, 2003 Share Posted July 5, 2003 i know how you feel...i think everyone does i think its human... we need the desire in our hearts to follow Him and do what is right. A testimony is very fragile. our faith needs to be strengthened everyday of our lives. Steve Young said, "The principle is competing against yourself. It's about self improbement, about being better than you were the day before." "One who is converted “strive continually to improve inward weaknesses and not merely the outward appearances” --Harold B. Lee You also need to decide/or i guess remember your values. and let nothing bring them down/lower. you should have fun and be happy...just make sure you're doing things you would not be ashamed of if you were to stand before Christ. there are many clean and fun things. while at college choose friends that uplift you and support. friends have a really big influences on your life. about praying...even if you don't feel like it you should...just get on your knees and stay there until you feel like it. speak to your heavenly father and tell Him how you feel, really speak to him as if He were really there. I promise He'll listen to you. And if you're looking for an answer...patience is a virtue...it might not come right away...listen and be ready for when he answers. The Holy Spirit will be your witness. Let that guide you day by day. Don't forget who you are. you're a child of God! isn't that amesome? He loves you! (i do too ) You can also read the Bible and just ponder. also one thing that's really helped me is writing my thoughts down (i guess like a journal) Clint Mortenson said "Desire is a wish until its written down." By writting my thoughts...i've discovered myself, learned about myself and what i truly believe in. then i turn those desires into actions. i know your not depressed. i hope you will forever be happy! always look for positive (even in trials there's good!) good luck! i hope i've helped you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GodsThespianChic Posted July 6, 2003 Share Posted July 6, 2003 Man shrtnswtangl....you're good!! Best answer on there man!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyful Posted July 7, 2003 Author Share Posted July 7, 2003 Thanks so much for the advice and encouragement. I love this site because I know the people here really do care. I'll try to keep you all updated and feel free to share your experiences too! God bless you all! Joy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GodsGrace Posted July 7, 2003 Share Posted July 7, 2003 Well Joy......this is sooo funny b/c I was thinking about this tonight at mass! For the past like .......7 months or so I have just been going downhill in my faith. Last summer I went on a leadership conference trip to Notre Dame, and it was the best experience of my life. I was never been happier. But then when school started it got really hard. So I kept up with God & praying & adoration, and it was getting me places. Then one day, my very best friend, who I had brought to church and was really going somewhere in her life, started dating this guy Jacob. Well one day we were sitting in class together talking and everything and she told me this..."Amanda, I had sex with Jacob, but I promise it was ONLY once" well a week later I come to find out, she'd been lying to me. She'd been having sex with him for months. I even bet her b/f like $250 that she wouldn't have sex with him....& when I bet him it was AFTER they had sex like a millions times, & I didn't know about it. Yea well needless to say, she feel away from the church, b/c of him, and she blames it on herself, & the people there & all this other stuff. Well that really brought me down. I didn't know what to say, or do, or who to talk to. & I felt like all of it was God's fault. So it was like man this BITES! Well I would still LOOK the same as I used to when I was on the altar (for our LifeTeen masses (our youth masses) we set the table, (a select few) and then the preist invites all of the youth & core team members (our teen adults...like our cahperones,....only not!), well we all go up there...& that's when I look the same on the altar. & it's been like this for months. I don't know how to tell ppl that I'm not the "angel/saint" they think I am. It's a great way to win over parents though!...but it's like man I wish I was as holy as they think I am!.....& then one day someone brought this to my attention.......they supposedly called me "fake, not a true catholic, not a good christian" well I told them this " I am not fake, I AM a christian, I AM a great catholic...I just wish I was well off in my faith. And Holy as well. I just try my hardest to be what I should be, ya know a great person, an angel in disguise, and good example of my faith. And by trying I look the same, b/c maybe if I do everything the same way then it will all come back to me........" (then the rest was particulars about the other person) but it's like don't criticise me, b/c even though the "real" me isn't as holy as I want to be, at least I WANT to be holy, at least I have that desire to be there, to want to grow. Some people don't so HA! Ya know?...anyways, I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone (esp. with the whole fake angel/saint thing!) But the Real us will show one day, & that day is in Christ's hands, not ours...so just listen up.....he'll tell us! Oh & as shrtnswtangl said, patience is a virtue...but ya know what I don't have it...it's hard but I don't have it...I think I need to get some before I can listen to God! lol Good Luck, I'm here for ya! God Bless.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GodsThespianChic Posted July 7, 2003 Share Posted July 7, 2003 Hmmm...of course that person that called you fake was Bradley...But I had a bit of a feeling about that... We really need to get Amby back to church once Jacob leaves again. Because you know she won't come as long as she could be spending time with him. *gag* We have our work cut out for us! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GodsGrace Posted July 8, 2003 Share Posted July 8, 2003 sweets...I am so exhausted with her...& I know I shouldn't give up, but when I tried the first time it seemed like it was working, but she didn't budge...then when I thought it was working again, he had to come back, well he's leaving on thursday, & she won't come unless I drag her....it's getting sooo tiring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyful Posted July 8, 2003 Author Share Posted July 8, 2003 GodsGrace~ Its good to know that someone else feels the same way. I totally agree with everything you said, it's just hard sometimes... Good luck with your friend! Joy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueRose Posted July 8, 2003 Share Posted July 8, 2003 Hmmm...of course that person that called you fake was Bradley...But I had a bit of a feeling about that... We really need to get Amby back to church once Jacob leaves again. Because you know she won't come as long as she could be spending time with him. *gag* We have our work cut out for us! GTC-- Just a note - I think it would be a good idea if we avoided using other people's names on here. (ones that we all know!) It almost turns into gossip when we talk about WHO these people are. There wasn't a need to mention "Bradley" or "Amby".... GodsGrace's story was fine without you announcing who it was she was talking about. Sorry if I sound snotty. But it really rubbed me wrong for both those names to be mentioned like that!!! The phorum is great for advice, but not by calling other people on the carpet by naming them specifically. No need to get angry or nothin. I'm not upset or anything either! I just thought I'd mention something as a friend to a friend, ok? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueRose Posted July 8, 2003 Share Posted July 8, 2003 Wow, GodsGrace. I had no idea you were going through that, too. You know, I've hesitated to say something but now I feel more inclined to after you opened up: lately I've been feeling sorta empty, too. I don't feel God the way I used to. It comes in spurts. A little here, a little there... The last retreat was great adoration-wise, but other than that I didn't get much out of it. I'm hoping that this next one will be more fulfilling, because I really need it. It's good to know (in a way) that I'm not the onlly one dealing with this. And GodsGrace, I feel you on that friend-thing. It hurts something awful to find out that your best friend has been lying to you about something, especially something serious!! And you're right... nobody has the right to judge what kind of Christian you are other than God Himself. I guess we're in this together, Joyful and GG. If we pray for eachother, then there will always be two people praying for us. And "when two or more are gathered in His name", God's will is done, am I right?? *sigh* I guess that's all I've got to say for now. Peace to you both, and to anyone else who reads this thread and is also feeling somewhat empty about his/her faith..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GodsThespianChic Posted July 8, 2003 Share Posted July 8, 2003 Sorry, BlueRose and GG, didn't mean to do it...the name thing I mean...I was trying to clarify the guy thing and I didn't realize that her name wasn't in Panda's story because she used Jacob's name anyway....But whatever... Sorry... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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