The Dedicated Single Life/lay Celibacy

[BarbTherese]

Because it is my own vocation, the call to live the celibate lay life - or single vocation, particularly interests me. This is quite a good article on it by Archbishop Carlson of the Archdiocese of St Louis. I'm Australian, hence not familiar with Bishops in the USA. I did some quick research on Archbishop Carlson and he seems to be very loyal to The Church and The Magisterium:

[quote]"A Vocation to the Dedicated Single Life leads to Joy and Fulfillment" [url="http://archstl.org/archstl/post/vocation-dedicated-single-life-lead"]http://archstl.org/a...ingle-life-lead[/url]

In our secular culture, being single often means being uncommitted — with no obligations or responsibilities to anyone except yourself. This is the way of life pursued by the young man in Jesus’ parable of the prodigal son. It’s a selfish way of living that always ends badly — with bitter and lonely regret. Why? Because a life lived only for freedom or pleasure or selfish gain is inherently unsatisfying.
Single men and women who have given themselves wholeheartedly to Christ are not like the young man in the parable of the prodigal son. On the contrary, they are fully committed individuals. They bind themselves to the service of others, and they participate directly in the Church’s mission and share themselves intimately with those who walk with them on the journey to Christ’s kingdom. Generous single persons respond to the distinctive vocation that is theirs. They discern God’s will for themselves through prayer, spiritual reading and retreats. They commit to their families — parents, siblings and extended family members. They partner with friends, co-workers, fellow parishioners, neighbors and all whom they encounter in seeking to make our world a better place. [/quote]

I have had two experiences in religious life, once in my teens and again in my forties in monastic life. Bipolar Disorder onset in my late twenties - and I found particular resistance in Australia to being accepted into religious life with a mental illness.
Leaving monastic life in my forties (I eventually found a monastic order that would accept me), the one thing I knew was that I was not called to relgious life - nor did I feel or have ever felt any sort of real attraction to a third order nor secular institute, nor any organization within The Church. Most I did approach to investigate in Australia had a very poor understanding of mental illness and its implications and I found resistence there also to any sort of mental disorder. What had unfolded after my marriage collapsed shortly after the onset of Bipolar was the single dedicated lay state, although back then (over 30 years ago) it was not generally recognized as a vocation, rather back then, the word "vocation" was still being generally applied to the priesthood and religious life only. Marriage was just gaining a firm foothold more or less to be considered a vocation in the true sense of the term. Nevertheless, the Order priest who directed me and was my confessor (and lectured in theology in our seminary) encouraged me to go ahead and make private vows to the evangelical counsels in the lay state and outside of any Church organization - as this was really attracting me, although at the time it seemed to me as quite outside the square as it were and a radical move. I applied for annulment, and it was granted, in order to free me to make the vows privately - as Father had advised me to do. To live a very ordinary life of abandonment to Divine Providence as it was manifest to me in each and every day. After Father passed away and now in my early forties, I found a monastic order that would accept me and tried monastic life again. This journey convinced me that religious life was not my call as attracted as I was to it. What I did realize is that I wanted very much to "belong" and entering religious life had struck me as a way to belong and a giving of my whole self and my life to Christ. Rather, I found myself very much like a round peg striving to be formed into a very square one. It began to dawn on me that if I belonged to no one whatsoever, to no organization whatsoever, I remained a child of God and belonged to Him. No matter my personal circumstances, I was a baptized and thus a called and vocated disciple of Jesus. I could fully embrace that baptism and discipleship by living out the evangelical counsels as an ordinary lay person and vowing to Jesus privately that I would. I then carefully defined the terms of my poverty, chastity and obedience as a lay single celibate person - both in a negative and positive sense.

Without recognizing my choice as a vocation, I began to live again the single dedicated life again once I left monastic life and gradually I came to a distinct awareness that I had a real call and vocation to it and many experiences spoke to this. Encouraged by my spiritual director at that time, I renewed my very private vows to the evangelical counsels and eventually made them for life. At the time I was living (and did for 30years) in a very poor area beset by every sort of social problem in the book and it was a very busy life often. During marriage I had trained and worked as a counsellor and these skills came in handy from time to time, as well as giving me some knowledge of helping organizations available. I found too that my monastic journey informed my single dedicated way of life also.

Nowadays, the single dedicated life in the celibate lay state is recognised as a potential call and vocation from God. It is not the most common of calls I think - and I also believe it unwise possibly to embrace it without spiritual direction on an ongoing basis.

Sometimes God's call and vocation is manifested by positive signs, as well as negative indications. For example, a sufferer of mental illness (or any other illness) and the sometimes attitudes in society about mental illness for one, can look upon their illness as a negative or as a positive indication and boundary permitted by God as a positive indication of what not to consider.

Edited February 12, 2012 by BarbaraTherese

[Tab'le De'Bah-Rye]

[BarbTherese]

God bless

[BarbTherese]

Another realization that was very slow in dawning in on me, was that the lay celibate vocation is not quasi religious life, nor as I was living it was it the eremitical life - although at passing times it may embrace features of these vocations but not as a stable factor. I had to let go of notions that were concepts of religious life and the eremitical life and striving to 'be' one of these in the lay celibate state. I was not some sort of religious nor was I some sort of hermit. It is my conviction too, that unless one has a vocation to a monastic routine as a lay celibate or as a lay hermit, the lay celibate state is a vocation in its own right and each person called to it will have their own unique manner of following their call which embraces The Gospel as a way of life to which the the whole NewTestament speak and The Old Testament as well - and this will take spiritual direction.

There has been an invitation by a religious order to align myself with them as a lay celibate under private vows. I am also looking at a Third Order. The lay celibate state even under private vows by its very nature, to my mind, remains open to a further call from God always. Canon Law under "Vows" lays out the various conditions for private vows.

The lay celibate state as vocation must embrace daily prayer, at very least Morning and Evening Prayer, a period of private prayer- and a spirit of penance to my mind. I have a short form of Morning and Evening Prayer, although normally I use "Daily Prayer from The Divine Office". I dont have a vehicle and so must bus it everywhere and carry with me my Rosary and "The Little Office of Our Lady". One needs spiritual reading and a period of Lectio Divina, perhaps not daily, but somewhere in one's week. Personally, I have found it absolutely impossible to set these by the clock and even on particular dates or days. It all depends on what happens in a particular day or week, its demands and askings - and this is what the lay celibate vocation offers and is perhaps intrinsic to the vocation - a certain freedom to be wherever and whenever, and as things were at my previous address, at any hour.
I have a few apostolates, including working voluntarily in the Offices of St Vinnies 2 days week. I am no longer working in our parish office voluntarily. Hospitality is also very important in my way of life. I live alone and regard my community as any person whatsoever who comes into my orbit - this can be difficult at times as not all are striving to be loving - and some are jolly well hostile. I have learnt over the years that there can be a desire by another "to bite the hand that helps" and a certain resentment surface. I did find the Vatican document "Fraternal Life in Community" very helpful in speaking to "community" at least as a dynamic.
I supplement a disability pension (regarded in Aust as below poverty) by taking in ironing 5 days in a fortnight.
I have quite a few crafts including mosaics and I also paint - although rare is the time I have to give to them.
I have housework to complete and pottering in a garden I enjoy and want to maintain.
I support monthly the first and second collections and Caritas - as well as keep a reserve for any humanitarian need in my own and the world at large. Although in this residence in this suburb, humanitarian need in my own world is almost it seems at this point non existent. The Government Housing Authority of whom I am a tenant have shifted me manditorily to a quite affluent suburb. I had no choice at all. My original residence for 30 years was over 45yrs old and has now been demolished.

5pm usually arrives each day as a complete surprise to me as to where the day has so quickly gone.

It has not been an all upward journey of light over the past 30 years. It has been a dance often of two steps forward, three back and so on and so forth. Stages of light, stages of darkness. In the early years I was plagued by many doubts but, and it can only be due to Grace, somehow I stayed on the road of lay celibacy and striving to define the details. There were 20 years when I could not find anyone to direct me - all approaches were declined and I sensed they were reluctant due to my my private vows and 'single' status as well as the presence of mental illness - this did suffice to underscore my doubts. Fortunately, the very holy man and Order priest and theologian, with a wondrous sense of the funny and absurd ( who refused to suffer fools gladly, hence often was very cross with me) always with a Rosary in his hand, and who first encouraged me on the road of lay celibacy under private vows, left me before he died, sufficient direction for a whole lifetime, I think, and in extraordinary few words to summarize his years of directing me. Those final words are etched in memory. Father had known me as my directer/confessor over a period of what must have been well over 10 years, both pre and post onset of Bipolar. I had first met him as our chaplain in the Christian Life Movement during my marriage. One seminarian confided to me (I used to see Father at the seminary where he lectured and lived) "Father threw a book at me one day" and the like - I could only laugh and add "Really!", I had a few tales of my own.

For the past 6 years my director has been an ex novice mistress in her religious order. At the end of this month I am attending Jubilee celebrations. My director has been professed 60 years.

My early years too up until about 15 years ago or so it must be were plagued by serious episodes of Bipolar and psychotic breaks and most often I was in the revolving door of a psychiatric unit. In these latter 15 years of good mental health, I realized that a way of life had become stable - and stable in its daily changeability which I have learnt somehow to live with in daily quite serene Peaceful acceptance - [i]in the main (I have me off days! - and I have me well and truly off days!)[/i] - and much of this I think has also been informed by the theology of St Therese of Lisieux and de Caussade's "Abandonment to Divine Providence". I have learnt to move over and let The Lord have the controls, or He just pushed me out the way - one of the two! LOL (smileys wont work)

Edited February 13, 2012 by BarbaraTherese

[Tally Marx]

Thank you for sharing.

[BarbTherese]

God bless

[MarysLittleFlower]

thank you for sharing this. God bless.

[BarbTherese]

God bless you also, MLF

[Agatha]

I am a dedicated single!! I am very happy with my vocation.

I recommend the book Single for a greater purpose by Luanne Zurlo.

It is great!!!

Pax

[Agatha]

I made a private commitment to Jesus to never get married to become a woman of prayer. All for the kingdom of God.  I made the commitment for ever. I had a ring to as a sign of my commitment to Jesus. He blessed the ring and then the priest told me "now you are the spouse of Jesus Christ".  then , the priest told me to make my commitment after communion. He said to say it to myself because it was private. i wore this beautiful beige dress. After Mass. I went home, but I felt like a bride!!!

[Wolf]

It's easy for me, as a married man, to comment. But I know a lot of people who REALLY suffer with this one. Particularly young guys. I find it difficult to advise them because my own situation is so much easier.

[Agatha]

For me being a dedicated single has been great!! I love it!!

[Agatha]

Thank you Barbara Therese for your emoji!!

It's just great being a dedicated single!! It is a vocation and I am thank full to God

for my vocation!!

[Agatha]

Pax

[Jaime]

So Agatha if a nice catholic guy comes along and wants to court you, are you saying no thank you?