BarbTherese Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 [quote name='beatitude' timestamp='1327886501' post='2377279'] I have been thinking of doing this as a way of quietly signalling my unavailability to guys. I got into an awkward situation with a friend recently - he became attracted to me without knowing that I'm a candidate with a secular institute, which isn't something I'm supposed to broadcast to the world, and it has got me very perplexed about how I'm supposed to handle advances from guy friends who are interested in me and think I'm available. A headcovering might demonstrate that unavailability, but women in secular institutes aren't supposed to have distinctive dress either - it's not part of the charism. I'm at a loss. I guess I'll just have to bring it up with the women in the institute and see how they have managed it. [/quote] You could simply say "Thanks, but I'm already in a committed relationship". Some guys engage in a bit of chit chat so they can move away with their dignity intact. They do not mean to be offensive most often. It very often is a compliment to approach you in the first place. Or if you are really serious, put a wedding ring on your finger and say the above. Very often if a guy spots a wedding ring, he wont approach in the first place, although not always. This is what I did when I was much younger, although I call it a commitment band. I still wear it at 66yrs age. I dont think a wedding ring would be objectionable to secular institutes but you would need to refer it to the institute. Mine is a wide sterling silver band, not the traditional type wedding ring worn often by religious which is nowhere near as wide as mine and rounded often. Mine is quite flat and half inch wide. I also wear a simple silver cross (embedded with a black cross) on a leather thong - but secular institutes may not like this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmaD2006 Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 [quote name='beatitude' timestamp='1327886501' post='2377279'] I have been thinking of doing this as a way of quietly signalling my unavailability to guys. I got into an awkward situation with a friend recently - he became attracted to me without knowing that I'm a candidate with a secular institute, which isn't something I'm supposed to broadcast to the world, and it has got me very perplexed about how I'm supposed to handle advances from guy friends who are interested in me and think I'm available. A headcovering might demonstrate that unavailability, but women in secular institutes aren't supposed to have distinctive dress either - it's not part of the charism. I'm at a loss. I guess I'll just have to bring it up with the women in the institute and see how they have managed it. [/quote] I agree with BarbaraTherese ... wear a ring. I wear a ring with a cross on it on my ring finger, and I don't get the advances (although I am not wearing a traditional wedding ring). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LilyLou Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 That's a lovely idea, the ring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the171 Posted January 30, 2012 Author Share Posted January 30, 2012 [quote name='MarysLittleFlower' timestamp='1327868896' post='2377091'] thanks for the reply! If I may ask, why do some Catholic women veil all the time, including outside of Church? I hope it doesn't seem like I'm opposing or debating this, cause I'm not just trying to learn! I know that we veil at Mass out of respect for the Blessed Sacrament... what about outside of Church? [/quote] Well, for me, it's just added modesty and imitation of the BVM. A big plus is you don't have to worry about your hair. On that note, it's also to avoid vanity. A big thing for me is my hair. I don't really fix it that often but I focus on it A LOT. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the171 Posted January 30, 2012 Author Share Posted January 30, 2012 [quote name='LilyLou' timestamp='1327871204' post='2377123'] You may be able to ask your guidance counselor or asst/principle for further explaination. It may be that it is allowed in religious situations but that it hasn't yet come up. Other religions would be allowed, I'm sure... as you said though, you don't have any practicing Muslim students, but would they allow a yarmuke? Just a thought. I'm not suggesting "fighting the man" but just understanding your rights as a practicing Catholic. I've read of the ACLU (sometimes controversial, I know) defending Catholics when their schools threatened to ban students from wearing/carrying Rosaries and crosses. [/quote] No Jewish gals either. At least none that wear the yamuke. We have a Jewish teacher... hahaha that's off-topic. I'm going to use the headband idea if my guidance councelors don't agree. In the past I've received a good bit of flack because of my discernment. I'm always a bit wary of talking with them... Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyAnn Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 [quote name='the171' timestamp='1327962933' post='2377884'] Well, for me, it's just added modesty and imitation of the BVM. A big plus is you don't have to worry about your hair. On that note, it's also to avoid vanity. A big thing for me is my hair. I don't really fix it that often but I focus on it A LOT. [/quote] The only think about vanity is the veil can then for some be as much a source of vanity as their hair. If one is already pre-disposed to such a kind of vanity they would have to be careful not to become overly concerned with the outward appearance of the veil, as could be very easy to do. I don't mean to sound like I'm chastising, I'm just trying to say that you should be careful. Though a veil may help you against vanity, you should also be careful it does not cause vanity and that you attend to that interior disposition to vanity as well as the outer image. (BTW I'm not dissing veiling either, I myself veil for Mass/Sacraments/prayer) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the171 Posted January 31, 2012 Author Share Posted January 31, 2012 [quote name='EmilyAnn' timestamp='1327963325' post='2377891'] The only think about vanity is the veil can then for some be as much a source of vanity as their hair. If one is already pre-disposed to such a kind of vanity they would have to be careful not to become overly concerned with the outward appearance of the veil, as could be very easy to do. I don't mean to sound like I'm chastising, I'm just trying to say that you should be careful. Though a veil may help you against vanity, you should also be careful it does not cause vanity and that you attend to that interior disposition to vanity as well as the outer image. (BTW I'm not dissing veiling either, I myself veil for Mass/Sacraments/prayer) [/quote] Thank you! This is so true. I didn't think of this aspect. I've been thinking about this for a while, but I see that I need to start discerning this more deeply. Before I can do this (or really anything like this) I need to grow in humility because vanity can grow in any situation. Only a humble heart can even try to fight off vanity. Humility! For now, I'll just do the headband deal. If veiling full-time isn't what I need to do, then I'll just grow in humility without that outward symbol. I can be modest and not veil full-time! haha! I truly do need to grow in humility, though. It's a hard virtue for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbTherese Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Probably humility is hard for most all. I accept some humiliation without making any defense and I can become conscious my thoughts are making plenty of defense of myself - and if I overcome that, then I have to watch out for spiritual vanity and the most insidious of all vanity. I can start to think I am wonderful! My refuge and shelter is to confess my lack of humility and my lack of spiritual humility and remind myself that in my weaknesses I am strong, because then I seek refuge and find shelter in and ask humbly the Mercy of The Lord and His Strength to not be discouraged at my many failures somewhere or other and daily. I may succeed somewhere here or other, but then I find I fail somewhere there or other. It is not failure that is the real fall, it is the failing to be sorry, confess if necessary, and get up and go on as if nothing had happened confidently trustful in the Mercy and Strength of The Lord. He can make great saints of us in the blink of an eye if He chooses. Why must I labour day in and day out with many failures - the why of it all is the business of The Lord, not mine. Spirituality of Imperfection [url="http://carmelitesofeldridge.org/vilma5.html"]http://carmelitesofe...org/vilma5.html[/url] [quote]In a prayer to Christ, Thérèse sums up her spirituality for us:[indent] "O Jesus! Why can't I tell all [i]little souls[/i] how unspeakable is Your condescension? I feel that if You found a soul weaker and [i]littler[/i] than mine, You would be pleased to grant it still greater favors, provided it abandoned itself with total confidence to Your infinite Mercy. I beg You to cast Your Divine Glance upon a great number of [i]little[/i] souls. I beg You to choose a legion of [i]little[/i] Victims worthy of Your LOVE!" (B, p.200) [/quote][/indent] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FutureCarmeliteClaire Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 If they will not let you cover your hair, you could put your hair up in a bun or ponytail. It pretty much keep attention away from your hair, and I have found that it is helpful for me because I don't mess with it. I want some garlands of grace headbands, I love them... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krissylou Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 [quote name='the171' timestamp='1327963077' post='2377887'] No Jewish gals either. At least none that wear the yamuke. We have a Jewish teacher... hahaha that's off-topic. I'm going to use the headband idea if my guidance councelors don't agree. In the past I've received a good bit of flack because of my discernment. I'm always a bit wary of talking with them... Thanks [/quote] Only men wear yarmulkes. More traditionally minded Jewish women will cover their heads when they marry (which is often via a wig, so it's an invisible discipline) -- but that isn't going to be an issue for high school students!!! But be that as it may, it strikes me that there would be a distinction between a Muslim hijab or a Jewish yarmulke, which is required, and what you're talking about, which is a sign of piety that you are drawn to, but is not in any way a Catholic requirement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i<3LSOP Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 [quote name='FutureCarmeliteClaire' timestamp='1328022099' post='2378257'] If they will not let you cover your hair, you could put your hair up in a bun or ponytail. It pretty much keep attention away from your hair, and I have found that it is helpful for me because I don't mess with it. I want some garlands of grace headbands, I love them... [/quote] I want some Garlands of Grace headbands too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest hermanita Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 (edited) [quote name='the171' timestamp='1327963077' post='2377887'] No Jewish gals either. At least none that wear the yamuke. We have a Jewish teacher... hahaha that's off-topic. I'm going to use the headband idea if my guidance councelors don't agree. In the past I've received a good bit of flack because of my discernment. I'm always a bit wary of talking with them... Thanks [/quote] Observant Jewish women don't cover until they marry. (My doctor is an observant Jewish married lady.) Edited January 31, 2012 by hermanita Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigJon16 Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 If only there was a version of "veiling" for men. I would totally wear a biretta full time. [img]http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_Uf0LwaR20H0/S2ik2QmMSvI/AAAAAAAAA0M/_-pN9vGrw2g/s320/biretta.jpg[/img] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the171 Posted February 8, 2012 Author Share Posted February 8, 2012 [quote name='BigJon16' timestamp='1328646493' post='2383165'] If only there was a version of "veiling" for men. I would totally wear a biretta full time. [img]http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_Uf0LwaR20H0/S2ik2QmMSvI/AAAAAAAAA0M/_-pN9vGrw2g/s320/biretta.jpg[/img] [/quote] 10 points for gryffindor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ch3p3 Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 Just to mention as a side note, sexual assault in Egypt is on the increase, despite the hijab - [url="http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/7514567.stm"]source link here[/url]. Anyway, of course if you're going to wear a veil as a religious conviction I commend you for that, however don't expect this to discourage the guys. You'll still do what you have to do (avoid being out late at night and/or carry pepper spray, etc.) regarding sexual predators, but no one should stop you from covering your head in public places. Just my 2¢. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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