Selfishness

[Kia ora]

Whenever a topic about obesity comes up, I'm always interested to read the [i]way[/i] people express their opinions. Very often, there's at least one person who's offensive or even vicious. I grant that being mean to an obese person may do some good. At least that's how they justify their mean comments. Some people may decide to do something about their health and weight if they are shocked out of complacency.

But I've always had the suspicion that people are just mean because it makes them feel better about themselves. Because I think that's true for me. Not that I'm mean to obese people. But I do think I feel better about myself when I read that for example, 2 billion people in the world are overweight or obese, because that means I'm one of those people who aren't. And no matter how screwed up life is, hey at least I have my weight right?

"I am better than you". Pride. I think that's one of my worst faults.

I think the best of times is when I don't even think about myself. Like maybe doing something helpful for another person. Again, I have to be careful that I'm doing it for the right motivations...how do I know I'm not helping people in order to feel better about myself or improve my standing? I hate how I'm so...self-ish. And maybe that's how humans naturally are, but I don't want to be. It makes me miserable. There I go with the selfishness again, it makes [i]me[/i] miserable so I try to do something that makes [i]me[/i] feel good. Is there a way to stop this cycle of madness?

[beatitude]

Honesty and humility are great helps with this. You have recognised that you are smug about things like your weight and shape, which is a good antidote to pride. The important thing is that you don't act on unkind feelings like that, even if you do harbour them. Working to be kind and to do the opposite of what your feelings suggest will eventually lead to the feelings themselves growing fainter.

Wanting to get rid of all nasty thoughts can itself be a form of pride, if you only want it just because they make you feel uncomfortable. ("I should be better than this.") You should want it for the sake of the other people who might be harmed by you. If you find yourself feeling nasty inside, just humbly thank God for the reminder of your weakness, and your need for mercy. Pray that He will always enable you to show mercy and kindness to others.

As for performing kind actions for the right motivations, I think it's easier to sort out motivations than people assume. I have often noticed people thinking that if doing a kind thing makes them happy, it can't possibly be a purely kind act - there is some selfishness in there. That isn't true. Kindness makes us happy because we are meant to be kind. We're living as humans ought to live when we do this, and it's like coming home. Homecomings are supposed to be happy.

The best way to ensure that you are not being kind in order to improve your standing is to keep as anonymous as you can about it. In my last job, I sometimes used to take on the jobs that nobody else wanted because they were so dull or dirty (cleaning toilets after a child had had diarrhea, for example!) but I would never advertise it. Once I heard somebody wondering who had cleaned the toilet, but I didn't say it was me. It also helps to ask yourself if you would still be prepared to do the same kind act if it would actually hurt your standing rather than help.

[Sarah147]

I would totally prop your post but I can't on this iPod.

A w esome post!

[Byzantine]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1326648548' post='2369528']
I would totally prop your post but I can't on this iPod.

A w esome post!
[/quote]

I've got you covered.

[Ice_nine]

pride is the beast you can never fully beat, until you die maybe.

[BarbTherese]

[quote name='Ice_nine' timestamp='1326846001' post='2370707']
pride is the beast you can never fully beat, until you die maybe.
[/quote]

Well said. I think it as St Francis of Assisi that said "pride dies ten minutes after we do" - and he got lucky I think! No sooner is pride overcome here than it crops up there. Or I overcome pride somewhere and spiritual pride starts to creep in and spiritual pride is the worst of all.
Its the endless battle! And what is important I think is that one engages in that endless battle without discouragement.