Phone Call To Vd?

[Sarah147]

Hello,

So, I may be making a phone call to one or two VD's in the near future. I've talked to other VD's in person and email/letters, but not much over the phone, other than discussing when the retreat or such will be and what to bring.

Given the need to discuss my mental or other health problems, what else may they want to discuss? I'm a little nervous on the phone and especially to VD's!!

An approach my counsellor and I do before something stressful comes is to prepare for it, by preparing what could happen, what could be discussed, etc.

Edited January 6, 2012 by JoyfulLife

[Sarah147]

Anyone with past experience...your input would be most appreciated. I'm very rusty when it comes to chatting with a VD.


You may PM me alternatively if that is more comfortable for you.

Edited January 6, 2012 by JoyfulLife

[Pax_et bonum]

I don't like talking on the phone, so I was really nervous when I would call. You talk about the same stuff you would if you were talking in person. She asked me if I had any questions about the community, when would be a good time to visit, stuff like that. I'm sorry I'm not much help; I'm trying to remember but that's about all I can recall at the moment. Just relax, vds are used to nervous discerners. The first time I spoke on the phone with a vd, I asked "how are you?" twice on accident

[Sarah147]

I don't know at what point they would try to figure out what kind of work to put me in...

[somethingfishy]

In my experience, it has started with "tell me about yourself" sorts of questions. Which I've usually answered with my life/conversion story, which morphs into my vocation story. And as I'm telling the story, the vocations director will ask questions about specific events or decisions -- like what led up to this, or what made you think that. I've been asked questions along the lines of "what attracts you to our community?" and "how familiar are you with our charism?" etc. For an initial phone call I don't think it would go much beyond those lines of questioning. Work/apostolate stuff generally comes later, or is more along the lines of "would you be open to further training in this area?"

As far as mental/physical health issues go (or anything that might cause an issue for an order), it's good I think to place those problems in their proper context and give enough information that the vocations director can understand your situation. I have been upfront with the orders I've contacted in explaining my life and history and they have all said they've appreciated it. Of course, that means some of them say "no" right off the bat, but certainly not all. A community that I thought about longingly for years said no a few minutes in to my first phone call. And a community that I'd never even thought about has become the community I'm seriously discerning with. So yes, prepare, but give God room to surprise you. He's come with you this far -- and what will he do now, abandon you? His plan for you is holiness, and if you trust in him he will get you there. Though not always by the path of our choosing!

I know you probably know this prayer already, but I find it very helpful and plus I just love Thomas Merton. So there you go.

My Lord God,
I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me
Nor do I really know myself,
And the fact that I think I am following Your will
Does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please You
Does in fact please You.
And I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this,
You will lead me by the right road
Though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust You always though,
I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for You are ever with me,
And You will never leave me to face my struggles alone.
Amen.

[Sarah147]

What a beautiful prayer. First time I've seen it.



As for my vocation story, my SD helped me write a great paper out. I wonder if I could just read it over the phone?

Edited January 6, 2012 by JoyfulLife

[somethingfishy]

Might not want to just read it, although do whatever you feel comfortable with. Perhaps make bullet points/an outline of the important bits you want to cover, just so you don't forget anything. And if practice helps, you can practice telling your story to yourself. For speech class I used to tape record myself and then play it back so I could hear how I sounded -- you could either buy a cheap recorder or use a microphone on your computer (lots of laptops have a built-in sound recorder). I've done this before using my laptop/webcam as well.

[Sarah147]

Hmmm...

[LaPetiteSoeur]

When I called the FEs for the first time, I made a list of questions I had. Someone here (was it homeschoolmom? or another mom...I forget) had posted an amesome list of questions to ask a community. Does anyone know where that is??

Second, don't panic. When I called the NDs, I stressed myself out (really, I have no clue why) and I forgot to ask all the questions I had!

Third, pray before you call.

Bonne chance!

[AccountDeleted]

I know you are scared but just be yourself. If you do get accepted into a community, you have to live there your whole life as yourself, not an act. So don't prepare so much that you are playing a role. Do write down the things you want to know about them so you remember to ask, but otherwise just be yourself.

[TheresaThoma]

Relax! If it helps you have a couple of questions/points that you personally would like to talk about. Don't have too many, two or three is ideal. If you have more than that you are likely to either forget them or feel pressed to get to all of them and rush things.
Also I have found VD's are good at getting the information they need out of you. The VDs that I have talked to were great at asking questions to help guide the conversation. For the VDs that I talked with over the phone I had already contacted them via email, I think that helped them figure out what to ask me. Most of the questions were about stuff that I had written in my email.
I'm also on medication and it is definitely something I bring up with the VDs. I tended to bring it up later in the conversation just so they had a sense of who I am. I make sure to bring it up in the first phone call though. I figure it is not fair to the community or to me if there is no way they can accept me because of my meds and I wait to bring it up.
Finally give yourself plenty of time for the phone call. You might be surprised at how long you end up talking. (I know I was!). It is also good to be in a place where you are comfortable and won't be interrupted.
Good luck and I'm sure it will go great!

[InPersonaChriste]

Yeah... When the vocation director phoned I literally said; "Hello, ive never talked to a nun on the phone before."

Umm and then we both laughed....

That concludes my conversation...]

So I guess that wasn't very helpful. Just be yourself, don't feel intimidated.

[cmaD2006]

In my opinion, you need to be yourself. I would write down any questions I would have ... but I would just focus on getting to know the community and the vocation director.

Don't, don't, don't read the vocation story out. Besides, you may actually need that text for the application. It is much better to describe what your story as been with your own words vs reading it.

As far as any physical/mental health issues, personally speaking I would put off that discussion until you get a better sense of the community. I would bring it up once the "relationship is more serious."

The key is for the community to get to know who YOU are. Once they do, then deal with the secondary issues.

Finally in my experience, in one case I brought up the health issues right at first, and it really negatively impacted the visit. However the other times I waited until later to discuss, and it was the better move.