"loving" Vs "being In Love With" Jesus?

[MarysLittleFlower]

I didn't have the courage to ask this anywhere else lol!

I came across a couple (Protestant) blog/articles about how it's wrong to feel like you're "in love with" Jesus. I'm now more used to reading Catholic Saints, and I've read books by some of the mystics, so that sort of language doesn't seem wrong to me. Maybe no words exist in our human languages to express divine love so the Saints used any words they could to explain it. But I tend to doubt easily so when I read those articles, I didn't really know what to think. I realize that: our love for Jesus is WAY greater than just romantic love. For example, a candelit dinner date is romantic. But that's not what I imagine when I think of Jesus. With Him, it's something more, not less: it's greater than romantic love. But neither is it something cold/abstract. Secondly, I dont mean at all anything impure or sensual, soo... that's not what I'm talking about. Okay just to clarify, I also realize that loving God is way more than how we feel, in fact true love is still doing His will when we feel nothing: and that is even greater and more beautiful. But is it wrong to feel like you've "fallen in love" with Jesus?? yes or no? why, why not? I know love isn't feelings but is it wrong to feel this love intensely, or am I misunderstanding the Saints and mystics?The articles kind of worried me. Help me out VS friends maybe this post sounds immature but I've only become Catholic a couple years ago and am still learning

[Sarah147]

I am interested in what others have to say on this. I would say "being in love with" is once you've entered a personal relationship with Jesus. When you realize He is the spouse of your soul.

Edited December 30, 2011 by JoyfulLife

[AccountDeleted]

No, it is not only not wrong to fall in love with Jesus, it is beautiful. The only caution I would make however is that like any romantic love (and I did feel this for Jesus in the beginning), it needs to develop and mature over time to become a deep and abiding love. Just as two people who fall in love and get married are going to go through 'good times and bad, for better or worse', the relationship with Jesus is also going to be tested. If you are faithful to this love, over time you will find that being in love has changed to living in love.

Since you are a new convert, be patient with yourself and take time over any discernment. God bless you.

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

I am madly in love with Jesus. There's nothing wrong at all!! What you said about how it's more than just feeling and loving Him even when you feel nothing is so true, I cannot even describe how I feel about that. Especially with how I have been feeling lately, it is so easy to be mad a Him when you feel like He left you, but you have to love and the love has to deeper and fuller than any anger or sadness.

[Tally Marx]

Hello, MarysLittleFlower! Yours is a very good question. I would say that to love Jesus and to be in love with Jesus are not mutually exclusive, so there is no "vs." about it. And I would say that they are both good. Everywhere in the Bible, God's love for us is compared with that of a groom for his bride. Romantic love--the love between a husband and a wife--is an eschatological sign. Just as we are an image of God, so is being in love an image of God's love and the love we are meant to have in heaven. How can being in love be wrong, if it is a comparison to God's love for us?
That said, "being in love" insofar as it is an emotion is not a *necessary* part of your relationship with Jesus. The bubbly feelings, the emotional high--they are not bad, but they are not necessary. To focus too much on them is to risk losing your relationship with Christ in a period of spiritual dryness. They go away after a while, they come back; frankly, they fluctuate. And if you stake your relationship with Jesus just on your feelings, then your relationship is going to disappear or fluctuate with them. The feeling of being in love helps draw you closer to Jesus until you are close enough to make a commitment, the rational and willed choice to know, love, and serve God even when you don't want to or feel like it.
In short, being in love isn't wrong. It's a natural step in becoming closer to Christ. It's an early step, but it is still a step. It will be replaced later or will be accompanied later by a deeper "choice" to love. But it is still natural. No, it is not wrong! Hope this helps.

[AnneLine]

[size=4][font=tahoma, geneva, sans-serif]Hi, all,

I agree -- I don't think there is anything wrong at all.

I think sometimes people do get uncomfortable when people seem to be 'romantically' in love with God. But there certainly is a long tradition in the church (East and West) of using that imagery. It isn't perfect - because God is so much BIGGER than any of our imaginings could be! Many of the saints of the Eastern Church (and St. Bernard, St. Catherine of Siena and of course St. John of the Cross and St. Teresa among others in the West) have written eloquently of this imagery. Yes, we can impose it on God, but sometimes it really is the way God approaches us. Not always.... and obviously we mature and so does our spirituality.

I know of someone who was engaged to be married (she says with a nervous look over her should for the Phatmass police...) who had this discussion with her spiritual director. She was feeling so lost spirtiually because while she was fairly sure God wanted her to marry her fiance, she didn't know how she would interact with God any more because she had always related to God as the Beloved of her soul, and had done so since before she was a teen. She told me she had tried (unsuccessfully) to hint to God that this wasn't really going to work any more if she was to be married. Her director's eyes got big and with a tone of amazement, he said something to the effect of "who are you to tell God that He can't approach you as your Beloved any longer? Let God approach you any way He wants!' And time has proven her director was right. The relationship remained constant; the way it is lived out changed.

For those called to love in this way, it is simply a very full image of the love we hold for God and the depth of the relationship to which we want to aspire. When someone is NOT called to the spousal or bridal imagery, they see it as dysfunctional - an aspiring to have something they cannot have.... God as a spouse. However, in my opinion, for those who are called by God in this way, the relationship is an icon of the relationship God has with all souls and with the Church. Other people have a different relationship with God... and that is the amesomeness of our God because He is the Word who speaks the language of love uniquely to each of us. And there isn't anything sensible or reasonable about it.... it is not reasonable (comprehensible!) that God could love us so much!!!

This discussion has reminded me of o[color=#000000]ne of my favorite readings in the [u]Liturgy of the Hours[/u]. It is the one for the Week II of Advent, Thursday (2nd Reading, Office of Readings). [/color][/font][/size]

[size=4][font=tahoma, geneva, sans-serif][color=#000000]It is from a sermon by Saint Peter Chryosologus, bishop, one of the wonderful writers from the Eastern Church: [/color][/font][/size]

[size=4][font=tahoma, geneva, sans-serif][color=#000000]After recounting the stories of Noah, Abraham and Jacob, St. Peter C. notes:[/color]

[color=#000000] "In all the events we have recalled, the flame of divine love enkindled human hearts and its intoxication overflowed into men's senses. Wounded by love, they longed to look upon God with their bodily eyes. Yet how could our narrow human vision apprehend God, whom the whole world could not contain? [b][i]But the law of love is not concerned with what will be, what ought to be, what can be. Love does not reflect; it is unreasonable and knows no moderation[/i][/b][i].[/i] Love refuses to be consoled when its goal proves impossible, despises all hindrances to the attainment of its object. Love destroys the lover if he cannot obtain what he loves; love follows its own promptings, and does not think of right and wrong. Love inflames desire which impels it toward things that are forbidden. But why continue.[/color]

[color=#000000] "It is intolerable for love not to see the object of its longing. That is why whatever reward they merited was nothing to the Saints if they could not see the Lord. A love that desires to see God may not have reasonableness on its side, but it is the evidence of filial love. It gave Moses the temerity to say" 'If I have found favor in your eyes, show me your face.' It inspired the psalmist to make the same prayer: 'Show me your face.' …"[/color][/font][/size]

[size=4][font=tahoma, geneva, sans-serif][color=#000000][b](Bold text highlighting is my own.)[/b][/color]


May God show His face to each of us![/font][/size]

Edited December 31, 2011 by AnneLine

[LaPetiteSoeur]

It is very hard to describe love of God and love in general in English and other Romance languages. In Latin, there is only one word for like/love--but 48 words for sword. In Greek, however, there are four.

Agape: unconditional love
eros: passionate love (more sensual)
Philia: friendship/affectionate love
Storge: affection (love of a parent for a child)

I think we're aiming for agape when it comes to "being in love with" Jesus. But I agree with nunsense--it needs to mature.

Infatuation is an issue in religious life, I think--especially when it comes to discernment. We get carried away with the [i]idea[/i], not so much the other parts. But as we continue our discernment, it matures.

[Strictlyinkblot]

There is a reason why Jesus said that 'Thou shalt love the Lord your God with all your heart, your soul and your mind' was the first commandment, before anything else. I think St. Francis must have been madly in love with Jesus to have done what he did, St. Claire too. St. Therese was consumed with love for him. God wants us to love him with everything we have.

There is of course a danger that if we aren't mature enough or if we are not dealing with aspects of ourselves this love may become unhealthy. That's why we need spiritual directors and good priests and religious to guide us. When Jesus asked St. Faustina to wear a hair shirt she went to her superior to ask for her permission. Her superior said no. Jesus then told St. Faustina that her obedience meant more to Him then any penance. I think (if I say anything wrong please correct me) that one of the values of the vow of obedience is that followed properly it stops dangerous excesses.

So, no, I think to be in love with God is a gift from Him. As part of His church we are all his bride. With His grace the love will mature over time.

Edited December 31, 2011 by Strictlyinkblot

[MithLuin]

I meant to reply to this last night, but the internet ate my post. Then I found this quote in my profile this morning:

[quote][color=#575757][font=helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]"If you've ever known the love of God, you know it's nothing but reckless and it's nothing but raging. Sometimes it hurts to be loved, and if it doesn't hurt it's probably not love, maybe infatuation. I think a lot of American people are infatuated with God, but we don't really love Him, and they don't really let Him love them. Being loved by God is one of the most painful things in the world, it's also the only thing that can bring us salvation and it's like everything else that is really wonderful, there's a little bit of pain in it, little bit of hurt." [/size][/font][/color][i]~ Rich Mullins, 1997[/quote][/i]

So...basically....I think that sums up the negative aspect of being 'in love' rather than 'loving' God. If we insist on [i]limiting[/i] our relationship with God to the happy warm fuzzy stuff and being in charge ourselves of how God is 'allowed' to approach us....yeah, that's going to be a problem. If we don't let God love us, we're not going to let God change us, either. No growth.

That doesn't mean we can't have those moments where we walk around with a goofy smile for no reason or slip away to the adoration chapel or the woods to just be alone with God for a moment. I mean, that's not a [i]bad[/i] thing - that's great! It's just bad if that's [i]all[/i] it is.


Think of it as all the adults exchanging knowing glances when a 14 year old announces that the boy or girl they just met is the most wonderful person in the world and they're going to love each other forever. I'm not saying a true love can't grow from it, but parents are well within their rights not to take 'puppy love' so seriously. It might [i]feel[/i] like something so startling and new that no one could have ever experienced it before, but the reality is most everyone has experienced falling in love and knows what that is like....and how it alone is not enough to sustain the relationship. Being madly in love is great! But...you need the real love to back you up, you need to deepen the relationship and reach the 'real' level. In [i]Bambi[/i], they call the first stage being 'twitterpated', and show Bambi literally floating on clouds and disconnected from reality. But then the real world comes in, and sacrifices have to be made. You're still in love, but not [i]just[/i] in love. If that makes any sense.

Edited December 31, 2011 by MithLuin

[EmilyAnn]

[quote name='LaPetiteSoeur' timestamp='1325303867' post='2360350']
It is very hard to describe love of God and love in general in English and other Romance languages. In Latin, there is only one word for like/love--but 48 words for sword. In Greek, however, there are four.

Agape: unconditional love
eros: passionate love (more sensual)
Philia: friendship/affectionate love
Storge: affection (love of a parent for a child)

I think we're aiming for agape when it comes to "being in love with" Jesus. But I agree with nunsense--it needs to mature.

Infatuation is an issue in religious life, I think--especially when it comes to discernment. We get carried away with the [i]idea[/i], not so much the other parts. But as we continue our discernment, it matures.
[/quote]

I was just thinking this. We are very limited in English in the sense that 'love' can come in many forms but we use the same word. And I think it's important to remember that we are speaking of different kinds of love when we talk about our love for Christ than when we talk about our love for other things. I love my parents and my sister and I love my friends and I love my dog but each of them in totally different ways. The word 'love' encompasses much more than what we do normally think of as love ie. romantic love, love for a spouse. And just as each of those kinds of love is different, the love we have for Christ is something else entirely and something beyond what we experience with other humans (or our pets).

I don't think it's wrong as such to feel 'in love' with Christ, when you feel that deep, unconditional 'agape' love. When one perhaps confuse other kinds of love with their love for Christ, then that is something that needs to be thought and prayed about and worked to make that love for Christ what it should be. Because having that wrong kind of love, transferring those other loves to the person of Christ, is very unhealthy and can hinder one's human relationships.

[MarysLittleFlower]

thank you for the replies! I prayed about this over the past 2 days. I think that maybe, it doesn't really matter what words we use, but we should love God greatly, with all our heart. There are two dangers, as has been said: one is simply being "infatuated" and not progressing beyond that into real love. Christ showed His love for us by dying for us. Real love takes sacrifice and it can hurt, I agree. It's not just a feeling. Another potential danger I think is if the devil starts tempting the person so their love for Jesus is not as pure and holy as it should be, and that would be a deception. As long as we love Jesus as much as we can, and in a more selfless way, proven by actions, and as long as we love Him in a holy way, I think that is good.

What I'm wondering about now, is how does it work that some don't feel the need for a spouse, or maybe they are drawn to marriage, but are called to give that up (like other things such as possessions), to be closer to Christ? I mean religious life... our love for God is more than romantic, of course, and how is it that people who are discerning religious life, still feel called to give up earthly romantic love? Is it about - leaving all things, even good things, so Christ truly becomes your all? I've read some books by the Saints and they talk about how God's love is so great that they don't feel the need for creatures anymore, as much, rather they focus on showing God's love to others. So while we shouldn't "transfer" the love we have for a spouse, etc, to God, - it seems that God's love can fill our hearts so we need nothing else. Any thoughts. on this?

thanks for the replies! God bless

[AccountDeleted]

I wonder if you should also post this on the Ask Sr Marie thread because she may not read this here, and I think her advice would be very helpful, as she is in religious life, but also young and might have a good (and fairly recent) perspective on what it means to give up marriage and children.

[Sister Marie]

[quote name='MarysLittleFlower' timestamp='1325470480' post='2361433']
thank you for the replies! I prayed about this over the past 2 days. I think that maybe, it doesn't really matter what words we use, but we should love God greatly, with all our heart. There are two dangers, as has been said: one is simply being "infatuated" and not progressing beyond that into real love. Christ showed His love for us by dying for us. Real love takes sacrifice and it can hurt, I agree. It's not just a feeling. Another potential danger I think is if the devil starts tempting the person so their love for Jesus is not as pure and holy as it should be, and that would be a deception. As long as we love Jesus as much as we can, and in a more selfless way, proven by actions, and as long as we love Him in a holy way, I think that is good.

What I'm wondering about now, is how does it work that some don't feel the need for a spouse, or maybe they are drawn to marriage, but are called to give that up (like other things such as possessions), to be closer to Christ? I mean religious life... our love for God is more than romantic, of course, and how is it that people who are discerning religious life, still feel called to give up earthly romantic love? Is it about - leaving all things, even good things, so Christ truly becomes your all? I've read some books by the Saints and they talk about how God's love is so great that they don't feel the need for creatures anymore, as much, rather they focus on showing God's love to others. So while we shouldn't "transfer" the love we have for a spouse, etc, to God, - it seems that God's love can fill our hearts so we need nothing else. Any thoughts. on this?

thanks for the replies! God bless
[/quote]

You seem to really get to the heart of the matter MarysLittleFlower! This really is a question about chastity and what it truly means. It is so much more than not having sex or getting married... which most of you already know! A lot of my formation, both formal and informal, was focused on the idea that chastity is the way of loving that both opens oneself to all and preserves an area for Christ alone to fill.

First, in religious life, we are called to love Christ above all others. Because He is not physically present here as a husband would be - our relationship with Him is different but it is not a substitute for marriage. Instead of preserving ourselves in a monogamous relationship, we reserve a part of ourselves for Him alone. There is a certain spot within our hearts... we know it exists when we feel alone, when we are in solitude, when we are completely abandoned... that is the place that we have held for Him. The most intimate union comes to us in the most empty part of ourselves... at our most vulnerable and most honest and authentic place. That spot does not negate the natural desire for marriage and children but is an opening which allows us to both sacrifice a good for a better - for our vocation and our salvation. It is an emptiness for God. It is the place in which we are redeemed and sent forth to become like Him and to be sent out to announce Him.

We open ourselves... our vulnerable, sinful, and insecure selves to becoming a place for the world to live. In chastity, we love all with an all embracing, self sacrificing and redeeming love. Hopefully, that love takes root in our very being and allows us to freely sacrifice the want of one person and children for the good of loving Him and sacrificing for the needs of the world around us.

I don't know that I knew all of this when I was discerning but I found it to echo within my heart as I learned in my formation. It is a perspective that must echo within your heart and a discipline that must make room for emptiness and sacrifice... and for the joyous fruit of that! It isn't all self denial... there is much joy and surprise at the fruit that comes from giving for Christ.

[LaPetiteSoeur]

[quote name='MarysLittleFlower' timestamp='1325470480' post='2361433']
So while we shouldn't "transfer" the love we have for a spouse, etc, to God, - it seems that God's love can fill our hearts so we need nothing else. Any thoughts. on this?

thanks for the replies! God bless
[/quote]

In my Ethics class (in a Franciscan-run Catholic high school), the professor (he had a doctorate in theology from Angelicum in Rome), said that the only way to love God was to love others. If we love God, we are putting Him on the human level, and He's so much more than that. God loves each of us unconditionally (agape) and by loving our brothers and sisters--be they our spouses, family, or those we serve as religious--(philia), we show our love to God.

I hope that makes sense. Sometimes when discussing theological things I get all turned around and knotted up!

[Feankie]

I believe we all have that place in our hearts --the God space as I like to call it -- that constantly calls to us on all levels. Some people manage to ignore it, while others embrace it and acknowlege it to the best of their ability. In married life, I love my husband, children, and grandchildren dearly, but I love the Lord more. He is the Lord of my life and the hope of my salvation, and, as such, I try my hardest to make all my actions, words,and thoughts pleasing to Him.. I know that in doing so not only am I honoring Him, but also others as well. I have a paper attached to my dresser mirror that reads, Honor God and He will honor you. It's a different kind of love I have for Him alone and it's very difficult to explain or put into words.