Best Catholic Dating Site

[Sarah147]

[quote name='FutureSister2009' timestamp='1325704987' post='2362878']
For the hundredth time, I AM NOT COMPLETELY CERTAIN OF RELIGIOUS LIFE ANYMORE!!!! I want to date. I want to think about getting married. I want to have a good Catholic Family. I don't know what God wants anymore but that's what I want.
[/quote]

Oh, okay. I couldn't remember clearly.

I'm discerning RL, but it's been really hard not to get excited about marriage after meeting some very spiritual, close to holy, men. I feel like a kid in a candy store.

Edited January 4, 2012 by JoyfulLife

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='CherieMadame' timestamp='1325708264' post='2362912']
No, I don't think so. But I wouldn't start one unless you were very serious about dating.
[/quote]

I decided, since now is not the best time to be actively looking, to erase my profile on Catholic Match last night. I am more into the "friendship first" kind of relationship and my Young Adult group has produced several happy marriages, so I wouldn't hesitate to resort to that when I feel ready.

[Sarah147]

Is there any way to just start friendships on those sites, before determining if you would want to court those particular people? I'm not sure what to expect in the future...

Edited January 4, 2012 by JoyfulLife

[corban711]

[quote name='FutureSister2009' timestamp='1325688854' post='2362735']
No one has answered my question so I think I'll post it again. Would it be bizarre for a 20 year old to start a profile on one of these websites?
[/quote]

No. It would not be bizarre. There are a lot of people your age who have profiles on dating websites.

[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1325713603' post='2362955']
Is there any way to just start friendships on those sites, before determining if you would want to court those particular people? I'm not sure what to expect in the future...
[/quote]

Most definitely; but you should also know and be ready to accept that for some people that could be a deal breaker...they might be looking for a more serious dating relationship from the get go. Just be honest with the people that you meet and most will respect that.

[Sarah147]

[quote name='corban711' timestamp='1325722506' post='2363014']
Most definitely; but you should also know and be ready to accept that for some people that could be a deal breaker...they might be looking for a more serious dating relationship from the get go. Just be honest with the people that you meet and most will respect that.
[/quote]

[MithLuin]

If you create a profile on a dating website and start contacting/communicating with people, the understanding is going to be (naturally) that you are interested in finding a spouse. Any talk of 'just being friends' will be taken to mean that you have crossed this person off the 'potential spouse' list. In other words, that is often seen as a rejection, and will be reacted to accordingly. Just as a heads up. That being said....you can have online friends who are guys that you aren't dating, and you get to take it as slow as you want to progress to anything beyond exchanging messages or chatting. But chances are, if you show no interest in (at the very least) talking on the phone, the other person will take that as 'lack of interest' and move on.

I think....that if someone is not entirely sure how comfortable they are with the concept of dating or courting, it would make a lot more sense to look 'in real life' first, where you know the person a bit better to begin with. That being said, online dating can feel much safer because you are behind the screen and have complete control over whether you want to ignore or respond to any interest.

Either way, meeting people and starting relationships takes effort.

[mcts]

I'm liking Catholic Match so far.

[Socrates]

[quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1325499308' post='2361588']
I decided not to do the Ave Maria Singles. Even after the promo code, it's still $79, which I just don't have right now. I wish, though, that there was a way for me to hide looking at other people's profiles on CatholicMatch.com. I am hesitant to post my picture, too. I'm just not good at this online dating stuff.
[/quote]
[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1325507757' post='2361600']
I agree. I don't like the thought of putting a picture of myself up either. Another reason I would hope to meet someone through a friend. But I'm not closed off to it.
[/quote]
Posting a picture should not cause any problem, so long as you are being smart and not posting personally identifiable information on your profile (such as phone numbers, address, etc.), which you are not supposed to do anyway. Guys will be less likely to consider dating you if you refuse to post a picture.

If you want to use "online dating" as something to hide behind to avoid the "physical" aspects of meeting other people and dating (such as others seeing what you look like), then you probably shouldn't be doing it. Such websites should only serve the purpose of tools for meeting and dating others in person - nothing more or less.

Also, it should simply be one means among many of meeting others - don't close yourself off to meeting people to date in "real life."

[LouisvilleFan]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1325540806' post='2361893'] LouisvilleFan, wow! Lots to think about! I've never done the whole webcam thing and rarely the phone, and I've never dated, so it's all so new! I'm still waiting to hear back from RSM order, but if the orders discern I'm not called, I'm not sure what I would do next. I've been trying to work on socializing in general and making female friends, getting more active, being more happy on my own. I'm also thinking about what kind of what I could manage that I'd be good at, that could support me, and I'd be happy with. Trade schools sound good, but I'm still not sure. Any thoughts appreciated from y'all if you have advice on jobs with training under a year or so with flexable training. It makes me feel rushed what you say about asking out on the first or second message! I need lots of time getting to know anyone and being friends before getting to consider courting someday. It took me tons of talking with a phatmasser to get serious about the SSEW order. [/quote]

Well, getting to know another person is what dating is for. You may exchange a lot of information via e-mail and even phone, but you can only get to know someone face-to-face (this truth about relationships is echoed in the fact that sacraments can only be ministered through physical contact). Courting is definitely a bit more "serious," but don't count out the possibility that you could someday court someone who was a complete stranger a month earlier. Romance operates in an entirely different realm from other friendships. It's like Holy Scripture compared to the rest of literature. Anyone familiar with St. Augustine's story knows he didn't piddle-fluffy air extraction around with Scripture when he fell in love with Her.

My first date wasn't 'til age 21... realize now I was way too nervous about asking girls out and all that. It's selfish to be so self-consious. The selfless thing is to ask more girls out... offering our time and genuine friendship is a selfless act (not dating as the world does it, being out to get something for yourself... but save the dating vs. courtship debate for another thread). At the same time I wouldn't trade that in since it's part of the road that lead me to here (and whatever the future holds... eventually heaven).

As for careers... I definitely think trade schools are underrated. I've read a lot of good career advice and a lot of it sums up in exploring everything you can find to explore, find the things that strike a passion inside you, find a connection between that passion and something you are good at and something that pays money. A lot of people end up working a job that couldn't care less about to make the money so they can do the other two in their spare time (or make small steps in that direction over time). Some people call it selling it, but I've come to see it as discipline.

[LouisvilleFan]

[quote name='MithLuin' timestamp='1325643594' post='2362603']
mmm, not sure about IMing (or similar) being all that worthwhile. I find that a lot of people only look at the messages in between doing other things, so you end up with tons of awkward pauses. Also...when I *was* relying upon it to maintain a long-distance relationship, I found there were tons of misunderstandings and it often emphasized (rather than relieved) our dissatisfaction with being apart. Of course, different strokes for different folks.
[/quote]

I'm not a fan of texting and IM for real conversation for this reason. They're great for exchanging information, and texting is great for some casual flirting during the work day But it is difficult to know what a person really means, you lose the benefit of context clues, and considering the emotions invested in dating/courtship, it's all too easy to end up with unintended hurt feelings. It's different when your significant other is stationed in Iraq. Otherwise, I prefer waiting until a better time to talk than try carrying on conversation by IM (and she doesn't have to understand).

[quote name='tinytherese' timestamp='1325637097' post='2362518']
Skyping is amesome for long-distance relationships. It is as if they are right in the room with you. Instant messaging (provided that both of you are focused on the conversations) is great too.
[/quote]

Gmail also includes a video chat feature... for those who aren't signed up on skype.

[LouisvilleFan]

[quote name='MithLuin' timestamp='1325730506' post='2363075']
If you create a profile on a dating website and start contacting/communicating with people, the understanding is going to be (naturally) that you are interested in finding a spouse. Any talk of 'just being friends' will be taken to mean that you have crossed this person off the 'potential spouse' list. In other words, that is often seen as a rejection, and will be reacted to accordingly. Just as a heads up. That being said....you can have online friends who are guys that you aren't dating, and you get to take it as slow as you want to progress to anything beyond exchanging messages or chatting. But chances are, if you show no interest in (at the very least) talking on the phone, the other person will take that as 'lack of interest' and move on. [/quote]

Some people (perhaps girls more than guys) find dating sites are a great way to make friends, especially in new cities. In most dioceses, Catholic Match might be your best shot at meeting young adult Catholics when most parishes look like AARP meetings. Just be clear up front if you're looking to date or looking to meet people. If you're looking to date, ask in the first or second message for a date. And if you're looking to meet people, ask in the first or second message what group-stuff is going on so you can be there.

Of course, a friendship could become more, but don't tell a person you're just looking for friends if you're actually looking for dates (and vice versa).

[quote name='MithLuin' timestamp='1325730506' post='2363075']
I think....that if someone is not entirely sure how comfortable they are with the concept of dating or courting, it would make a lot more sense to look 'in real life' first, where you know the person a bit better to begin with. That being said, online dating can feel much safer because you are behind the screen and have complete control over whether you want to ignore or respond to any interest. [/quote]

For the sake of clarity though, online dating is simply a useful means for making initial contact. Once contact is made, the friendship/relationship needs to jump into "real life." Don't piddle-fluffy air extraction around with messages and IMs. Drive across the country if you have to. Whether it works out or not, you'll have a good story to tell

[quote name='MithLuin' timestamp='1325730506' post='2363075']
Either way, meeting people and starting relationships takes effort.
[/quote]

Amen, brother And think I've written enough on this thread for now...

[Sarah147]

How is best to keep in contact with the person if they are a long plane flight away and you can't often fly? Focus on poor but have the benefit of an iPod touch with camera.

[Amppax]

[quote name='LouisvilleFan' timestamp='1326561627' post='2368942']
Amen,[s] brother [/s] sister And think I've written enough on this thread for now...
[/quote]

fxd.

[LouisvilleFan]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1326562268' post='2368945']
How is best to keep in contact with the person if they are a long plane flight away and you can't often fly? Focus on poor but have the benefit of an iPod touch with camera.
[/quote]

Phone calls, you can use Skype on the iTouch, not sure about Gmail's video chat. That's the best you can do without actually being together.

[MissyP89]

Skype... I have a love-hate relationship with it. I love it because it's the closest I'm going to get to being with my boyfriend while he's away at school. But I hate it for the same reason ... and, of course, there are sometimes quality issues with the call that can be irritating, especially if it's your only method of seeing them.

For those with communication problems: please, please, if you want to have a healthy relationship, learn to be comfortable speaking face-to-face or at the very least over the phone as a starter. There's so much nuance in body language that you miss when you can't see them. 90% of communication is [i]non-verbal.[/i] And leaving that out when you're courting and hoping to discern marriage with a person is really unhealthy.

I did the online dating thing for years. It worked and I learned a lot from that experience. But it is [b]extremely[/b] difficult. Think and pray hard before you make that decision. What are you willing to sacrifice, and are you emotionally stable enough to handle being apart for extended periods?

Now, I am in a long-distance relationship again. The only thing I can say to all of you who are going this route is to do everything you can to be together, in person, as soon and as regularly as possible.