OnlySunshine Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Hi all! I was curious about this topic. I know we have a few phorum members that discerned religious life (even entering communities) but then discerned that God was leading them towards marriage like Totus Tuus, Cherie Madame, etc. I am curious as to how long you waited after discerning religious life before you started dating and discerning marriage. Did you go right into it? How did you meet your boyfriends or husbands? I went on a retreat this weekend and my Confessor agreed that I was not called to religious life because of the medication and mental health issues. He is also the Vocation Director for our diocese so he knows all about this kind of thing. There are also no other orders I feel called to check out, either. I am ready to move on. However, I have never dated seriously before. I have had a few casual dates, but it was before my reversion and so I didn't really discern it very well at all. One of the guys I dated did not respect my choice to wait until marriage before having sexual relations, so I broke it off with him. I feel very strongly about guys crossing boundaries and I want to date someone who will respect me for who I am. I know that some good Catholic websites for dating are CatholicMatch and Ave Maria Singles, but both of them require a paid membership to access all of the features. Which ones did you like? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savvy Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 [quote]I know that some good Catholic websites for dating are CatholicMatch and Ave Maria Singles, but both of them require a paid membership to access all of the features. Which ones did you like? [/quote] I have a profile on both. I signed up because I was trying to convince myself that I was not being called to religious life. I prefer Ave Maria Singles. Things were working out with about three guys, and I felt so bad turning them down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnlySunshine Posted December 20, 2011 Author Share Posted December 20, 2011 [quote name='savvy' timestamp='1324409331' post='2354531'] I have a profile on both. I signed up because I was trying to convince myself that I was not being called to religious life. I prefer Ave Maria Singles. Things were working out with about three guys, and I felt so bad turning them down. [/quote] How much did it cost? I think there was one that I saw that was about $44 or something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savvy Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 (edited) [color=#282828][size=4][quote]How much did it cost? I think there was one that I saw that was about $44 or something. [/quote] It depends on how long you subscribe for. [/size][/color] Edited December 20, 2011 by savvy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnlySunshine Posted December 20, 2011 Author Share Posted December 20, 2011 [quote name='savvy' timestamp='1324420659' post='2354588'] [color=#282828][size=4]It depends on how long you subscribe for. [/size][/color] [/quote] I went on to CatholicMatch.com just to look, and I ended up finding someone I saw on retreat this weekend. He is in the Young Adult group and he just ended discernment with a religious order. I added him to my Facebook friends. I'm not saying it could turn into something, but it's neat to know that someone in my own group is looking into dating as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah147 Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Wow! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FutureSister2009 Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 I like this thread even though I'm stuck in a rut right now. I never heard of Ave Maria Singles before. That may be handy for future reference Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherie Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Both are great; I prefer Catholic Match because 1) I met my husband there, 2) Their patron is St. Raphael, 3) They have a larger number of people (or at least they did when I was looking), 4) my husband's family is good friends with one of the founders. He's a great guy! But I have dear friends who have found their spouses from either website. I think they both are wonderful. That is pretty fascinating you found someone there you met on retreat! As my friend used to say, "There's no world so small as the Universal Church!" I thought I would have been the only one who was a "former religious" looking around at dating when I started looking. I was very surprised to have "met" other upstanding men there who had been former seminarians, or had seriously discerned religious life. Regarding how long to wait between discernment, I think that's a good question for a spiritual director. They can more accurately determine whether or not you're ready to move forward or should take a bit of time and wait. I prefer not to be specific in public here, but at least for me, it was not a long time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnlySunshine Posted December 21, 2011 Author Share Posted December 21, 2011 (edited) [quote name='CherieMadame' timestamp='1324435083' post='2354727'] Both are great; I prefer Catholic Match because 1) I met my husband there, 2) Their patron is St. Raphael, 3) They have a larger number of people (or at least they did when I was looking), 4) my husband's family is good friends with one of the founders. He's a great guy! But I have dear friends who have found their spouses from either website. I think they both are wonderful. That is pretty fascinating you found someone there you met on retreat! As my friend used to say, "There's no world so small as the Universal Church!" I thought I would have been the only one who was a "former religious" looking around at dating when I started looking. I was very surprised to have "met" other upstanding men there who had been former seminarians, or had seriously discerned religious life. Regarding how long to wait between discernment, I think that's a good question for a spiritual director. They can more accurately determine whether or not you're ready to move forward or should take a bit of time and wait. I prefer not to be specific in public here, but at least for me, it was not a long time. [/quote] I hope to find a spiritual director soon. For the time being, I'm asking my Catholic therapist about spiritual stuff and she has been amesome! I see her again after the New Year, so we will be talking about this. Hopefully she'll help me out. But, yes, the guy that I am in contact with ended discernment with the Franciscan Friars of the Immaculate. He believes he is called to discern marriage just like me. I've been in contact with him all today and he is very much a gentleman. He is consecrated to Our Lady, just like I am! Edited December 21, 2011 by MaterMisericordiae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savvy Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 [quote]I went on to CatholicMatch.com just to look, and I ended up finding someone I saw on retreat this weekend. He is in the Young Adult group and he just ended discernment with a religious order. I added him to my Facebook friends. I'm not saying it could turn into something, but it's neat to know that someone in my own group is looking into dating as well.[/quote] That's great news! Keep you in my prayers. Most of the people I met were through Ave Maria. It's more detailed, so you can be very specific about what you are looking for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InPersonaChriste Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Finding people online to date scares me a little. The only people I have met who ended up in a wonderful marraige after meeting onling were not even [i]looking [/i]for a relationship at the time. PAX be careful! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThyHolyLove Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 For my personal story, I left the convent in April of 2010 and met my boyfriend in late August. Both of us had moved back to our hometown and we believe that God brought us together. I wasn't really looking for someone, just trying to get my life back together. When discerning from one vocation to another be patient with yourself and trust His voice! As for online dating, my boyfriend and I met online and a friend of mine used Ave Maria and married her hubby this June! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnlySunshine Posted December 22, 2011 Author Share Posted December 22, 2011 [quote name='InPersonaChriste' timestamp='1324515188' post='2355535'] Finding people online to date scares me a little. The only people I have met who ended up in a wonderful marraige after meeting onling were not even [i]looking [/i]for a relationship at the time. PAX be careful! [/quote] I'm very skeptical of the whole dating scene anyway, but friends of mine have used Catholic dating sites and it seems to work for them. I would never use something like PlentyOfFish or eHarmony. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherie Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 [quote name='InPersonaChriste' timestamp='1324515188' post='2355535'] Finding people online to date scares me a little. The only people I have met who ended up in a wonderful marraige after meeting onling were not even [i]looking [/i]for a relationship at the time. PAX be careful! [/quote] You always hear of horror stories, but the whole "online dating" scene is not the same as it was even just a few years ago. With common sense and prudence, there really isn't anything to worry about regarding online dating. That's just my opinion on that, especially since I know so many people who have ended up in happy, beautiful Catholic marriages (myself included) as a result of people [i]actively[/i] searching for a relationship via Catholic dating websites. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherie Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Also the term "dating" is used loosely. My husband and I had a successful courtship via a Catholic dating website; courtship, in my opinion, is the only way to go. I don't agree with "dating" in the strict sense of the word. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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