MargaretTeresa Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 So, some of y'all know how I've been back and forth about discerning, waiting for God to bash me over the head with some huge revelation. Sigh. It doesn't always happen that way, and I know that. In fact, God bashes me over the head quite a few time daily and it often seems contradictory until I sit and think it out. I've been having a really hard time in that there's this guy who I really like and we've been dating since Oct 1 and all this mess and he, being typical male, is a commitment phobe. (Which makes me wonder - is this God's way of showing me that only He is good enough for me? That's another discussion, I suppose.) Then I read this today from the PCCs at Ty Mam Duw: [quote][color=#000000]I find that I am attracted to both religious life and marriage. Does the fact that I would love to be married and have a family mean that I don’t have a religious vocation?[/color] [color=#000000]No, this simply means that you are normal! Some of the same qualities needed to be a good wife and mother are needed to be a good religious. All disciples of Christ are called to love without limits, to give the gift of our very selves to others. Those called to religious life are called to live this in a more radical way, a way that would be impossible without the grace given by the Lord to carry it out.[/color][/quote] HELLO!? Exactly what I've been feeling! So, my sisters and brothers, I come before you with questions: 1. How did you 100% absolutely sure know that you were meant for religious life? 2. What are some good spiritual direction-ish books to read? (I'm still challenged in finding an SD and everything I read makes me want want want religious life) 3. How in the Sam Hill do I tell my mom without her killing me?! Thank you for your help. I love y'all so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tab'le De'Bah-Rye Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 oh boy, way out of my depth, i still have my floaties on and paddling in the wadding pool ol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheresaThoma Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 In response to number 3 My only advice is sooner rather than later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MargaretTeresa Posted December 19, 2011 Author Share Posted December 19, 2011 [quote name='TheresaThoma' timestamp='1324274755' post='2353564'] In response to number 3 My only advice is sooner rather than later. [/quote] I'm really thinking the letter approach will be better or else I will be fish food, just like some poor soul in one of those mobster movies! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheresaThoma Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 Letters do work pretty well. When I first broke the news to my parents I wrote them a letter and made arrangements to be out of the house for the day. They were able to read the letter and process through their first emotions. Then I came home and we talked about it (ok they talked at me I listened). I think if I had broken the news to them in person I would have ended up with my butt out on the curb (no joke). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dominicansoul Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 [quote]HELLO!? Exactly what I've been feeling! So, my sisters and brothers, I come before you with questions: 1. How did you 100% absolutely sure know that you were meant for religious life? 2. What are some good spiritual direction-ish books to read? (I'm still challenged in finding an SD and everything I read makes me want want want religious life) 3. How in the Sam Hill do I tell my mom without her killing me?! Thank you for your help. I love y'all so much. [/quote] 1. you don't. entering a religious community doesn't mean the discerning stops. just that a more intense discernment period begins with that community (no more searching for others!!! what a relief!) 2. anything by St. Ignatius. Try going to an Ignatian retreat... those aid in helping you discover more and more God's will in your life... 3. Tell you mom after you've been in the convent for one year.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheresaThoma Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 [quote name='dominicansoul' timestamp='1324279494' post='2353590'] 3. Tell you mom after you've been in the convent for one year.... [/quote] Not sure how you would get that to work but it does seem like a good plan to make sure that you don't get turned into fish food. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Strictlyinkblot Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 I know what you mean about waiting for the big revelation. I don't think you're ever 100% certain until you take solemn vows, maybe not even then. Its a leap of faith. Could I suggest Mother Mary Francis's book 'The Right to be Merry', not exactly for discernment but reading it gave me great comfort, especially the bit about how noisy postulants are as it made me realise what I felt on my first live-in was completely normal. Oh, and 'The Story of a Soul'. As for your mum, if you don't want to write her a letter, maybe tell her in a public place so she's less likely to start yelling. I told mine a few months ago. She was upset but its worked out. I would suggest you definitely tell her on her own before you tell the rest of your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
juchu Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 [quote name='Strictlyinkblot' timestamp='1324283050' post='2353610'] As for your mum, if you don't want to write her a letter, maybe tell her in a public place so she's less likely to start yelling. [/quote] I second this advice! I had a combination of both.... First I emailed my parents when I was discerning and was planning on visiting communities. Since I was living at the other side of the world to the point of time, wanted to share it with them before coming back to their side of the world and going off visiting communities a week later So that gave them time to reflect and actually I was suprised at their responses, they were not very understanding, but showed great love for me. Then during my further discernment we kind of "avoided" what was going on. When I was sure which community it was going to be and that it was serious, I told them in a restaurant, exactly because of the reason stricklyinkblot pointed out, so that no one would start yelling. It did work out. My mother started to cry a little, but kept on saying that she would be perfectly all right with my decisions, she would not be one of "those parents who are unable to let their children go"... it was almost comedylike, because her appearance and reaction were the opposite of her words! Good Luck for you! And remember, in the end, it is in Gods Hand: [i]Mark 10:28-31: Then Peter began to say to Him, "See, we have left all and followed You." So Jesus answered and said, "Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My sake and the gospel's, who shall not receive a hundredfold now in this time--houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions--and in the age to come, eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last first.”[/i] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil'Nun Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 (edited) [quote name='dominicansoul' timestamp='1324279494' post='2353590'] 1. you don't. entering a religious community doesn't mean the discerning stops. just that a more intense discernment period begins with that community (no more searching for others!!! what a relief!) 2. anything by St. Ignatius. Try going to an Ignatian retreat... those aid in helping you discover more and more God's will in your life... 3. Tell you mom after you've been in the convent for one year.... [/quote] This. Apart from maybe number 3.... ETA Book wise I would recommend the books by Timothy M. Gallagher on Discernment and particularly Ignatian Discernment of Spirits. They are well-written, in a lively style which is not too "dry" and very helpful with everyday discernment and dealing with desolation as well as discerning vocation. They are available on Amazon, new and second-user as well as from Father Timothy's website. http://www.frtimothygallagher.org/ If you have EWTN they often run his series "Living the discerning life". I think it is running at the moment but is about halfway through. Hope this helps a bit. Edited December 19, 2011 by Lil'Nun Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maximillion Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 1) You never can be100% for sure and certain - that's why it is called Faith, and my NM used to tell us that once inside the convent, it goes on being a daily search and a daily choice - more Faith! 2) I agree on A Right to Be Merry, but don't have further advice on this one, take what the others are saying as better than any suggestion I could make. 3) However you do it, do it with compassion, with love and with humility, this will stand you in good stead for life in religion. Yes, from a distance at first and giving time for them to process emotion, formulate questions ( they are likely to be the same ones you have asked) and grieve a little for whatever lost hope and expectations they had. And Pray! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HopefulBride Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 PC is acting up sp I can't answer in depth but I will drop in later. This is such a great question! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MargaretTeresa Posted December 19, 2011 Author Share Posted December 19, 2011 I have read A Right to be Merry. (I often refer to it as The Reason to be Merry.) It has helped some, so thanks. I am thinking I might have to reread it later. As in, when I get back to my copy at school. I'm doing an online retreat just after the New Years, so this will be interesting! Thanks for all the help, y'all. Pax Christi vobiscum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InPersonaChriste Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 You will never know 100% if God is calling you, that's why it is called an *ahem* "leap of faith" [i]The wisdom of the world is foolishness with God. The soul has to proceed rather by unknowing than knowing. -John of the Cross[/i] As for religious books, Read the rules of the orders you are most drawn to, The bible is essential, and I really like this book called; All Shall Be Well-Jane Cavolina and Matthew Bunson Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krissylou Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 [quote name='juchu' timestamp='1324287642' post='2353614'] My mother started to cry a little, but kept on saying that she would be perfectly all right with my decisions, she would not be one of "those parents who are unable to let their children go"... it was almost comedylike, because her appearance and reaction were the opposite of her words! [/quote] See, from what you just said I would interpret that as someone who doesn't much like the idea but knows it's your life and your decision and is seriously trying. And I have to give her credit for trying! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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