Why I Can't Believe...

[Good Friday]

Dear friends,

After a long and drawn out struggle, I've come to the conclusion that I just can't be Catholic. This time is different from the other times, in that no one has made me angry at the Church, and frankly I'm not angry. But I am resigned to the fact that I can't be what the Church expects me to be, and I'm never [i]going to be[/i] what the Church expects me to be. I actually love the Church, otherwise I wouldn't have bothered with it for so long, but this just isn't going to work. I'm sure by now there are some of you who would privately agree with me that I'm never going to be Catholic, though I'm sure no one will post that publicly.

I am going to briefly go over the reasons that I just can't do this. This is not meant as an attack or challenge to the Church, but as the honest reasons why I just am not able to continue with this any longer.

1) Once a neo-pagan, I suppose always a neo-pagan. A large part of my problem with the Church is that I learned, from a pretty young age (12-14 years old), to view God as Mother, and not as Father. I can't relate to God the Father, and I can't relate to an all-male Trinity. My father has been absent from my life for a really long time, and I just don't know how to approach a God that is referred to as my Father.

2) The second thing is somewhat related to the first. I don't know how to approach or trust an all-male priesthood, nor do I understand exactly why the priesthood must be composed only of men. As many of you will recall, this has [i]always[/i] been a problem for me, and one that has never really been resolved.

3) As many of you know, I'm gay. This is not going away, and it's not going to fit nicely into the Catholic niche either. I have said before that gay men and women have no real place within the Church, and I still feel that way. I can't marry, I can't be a priest (according to Rome, anyway, but most seminaries still aren't following the directive), and I can't have a vocation to the religious life. This leads me to wonder what exactly it is that I'm supposed to do in and for the Church, and I've come to the conclusion that the Church honestly seems to prefer that I just get out. So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to find a church -- if I bother withc churches at all anymore, which I may not -- but if I do, I'm going to find a church that will let me marry and that won't act like I'm the scorned stepchild.

4) I'm a Democrat, and the many of the views of the Democratic Party are directly and undeniably opposed to the teaching of the Church. I'm not willing to conform to Church teaching as opposed to the Democratic Party view, because I believe that Church teaching is wrong over some of those issues.

5) The very fact that I can believe Church teaching is wrong over anything only goes to show that I can't be Catholic. Catholics aren't allowed to believe Church teaching is wrong.

6) I have never been able to believe in papal infallibility, and I have real trouble with conciliar infallibility. I have trouble understanding how any men or women, at any time, in a group or individually, could be completely free of error. I just don't believe it's possible.

7) I don't believe the Church's teaching regarding suffering. I think God prefers for human beings to be happy, and I will never be happy as a Catholic. Catholicism has alienated me from most of my friends and has confined me to the single life forever. That doesn't make for happiness.

8) Basically, it comes down to this: I don't believe, and I can't make myself, because I've been trying for over a year now. I'm done trying.

So, in light of all that, I think it would be best for me to leave Phatmass. As much as I'll miss everyone, there's no reason for me to stay here. As a Catholic, I had something to contribute. As a non-Catholic, I will have nothing to contribute, and I have no desire to stay here and argue about my beliefs vs. Catholic teaching. For one thing, I don't know what I believe, so it would be impossible for me to argue about my beliefs. For another thing, I already know that whatever it is I do believe, it's opposed to Catholic teaching. So we don't need to establish that. I already know.

So I'll be going. I officially resign my position as moderator, and I won't be posting anymore. I'll miss you all, and I hope some of you will keep in touch. God bless you.

[Theoketos]

The Church does not expect the impossible.

You can do it.

[BeenaBobba]

Aww, Nathan. I'm so sorry to see you go. Be assured that I [b]will[/b] pray for you and your return to the Catholic Church.

God bless,

Jennifer

[rachael]

I'll pray for you.

[Guest lundercovera]

:angry:



....






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that's all i can say.

i love you nathan.

[Im4Him]

Nathan, you are in my prayers.

[Brother Adam]

God calls for holiness, not happiness. And there is joy in holiness. Happiness is dependant on how you view "good" and "bad".

Peace be with you Nathan. You still have friends here. Life is hard. Even though you may choose to abandon the Christian faith, as your friends we sure aren't abandoning you. You can still stick with us and talk.

[Guest lundercovera]

[color=red]P A X[/color]

[Paladin D]

[b]Good Friday[/b], I for one cannot give you much advice, considering I've never been gay.

All I can say is... I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I'll pray that some day, you will see that Christ sheds His love upon you and points you to the Church He founded. May also our Mother comfort you, in these dark and uncertain times. I feel rather terrible, considering I don't know what to tell you. I can't address most of your points.

But there is something I can tell you, please do not take this in a negative way at all. I myself, have had to go through a struggle of [b]"what if"[/b] God wanted me to do something I would rather not do? I want to get married, that's the truth. But [b]"what if"[/b] God calls me to become a priest? Or a monk for that matter? What then? I pondered on this thought, thinking that [b]"If I become a priest, it would be great and all... but I would be missing out on a lot of things that many others have"[/b].

That got me thinking on something else though, I'm only going to be on this Earth for a very short period of time, compared to eternity. If I'm going to worry about my [b]temporary[/b] lifespan on this planet, isn't that rather illogical? What would I rather have? A great time on this planet for a moment, sleeping around, going to parties, etc. Or a great time for eternity in heaven? Heaven isn't about clouds and naked angels flying around. It's like Earth [b]100 billion X 10 billion[/b] better, where we can do all the things we truely enjoyed that are good and moral, in Heaven. Of course we won't have sex in heaven, since there is no need for it.

Yes, it is hard to live a life that we may feel is [b]wasting valuable time[/b], watching others live the party life while we're dragging ourselves to Mass every Sunday, obeying the ole-so-boring-and-hard laws everyday, while everyone else gets to do what they want and they love it. But have you ever thought, that [b]THEY[/b] are wasting their time? Wasting it on the present moment, while not preparing for their eternity?

This is what I struggled with, but thinking in this mindset has really helped me a lot. Of course, there is a possibility that I may get married, if not, I may join the religious life. Unfortunately, considering you're gay, you cannot do either. So of course it's [b]harder[/b] for you in that aspect, and I grieve for you. But remember this... [b]Once a homosexual, always a homosexual[/b] is false. Through much prayer and time... a miracle can happen.

Though we may struggle in this life with resisting temptations, it will be well worth it in the end run.

God Bless buddy.

[cathgirl]

Prayers...!!

[the_rev]

My prayers for Brother Adam worked, so it's time to work on Good Friday with Prayer Power!

[Livin_the_MASS]

[quote name='the_rev' date='May 2 2004, 01:18 PM'] My prayers for Brother Adam worked, so it's time to work on Good Friday with Prayer Power! [/quote]
Right behind you the_rev

God Bless you Good Friday
If you want to talk We'll be here!
Jason

[Guest lundercovera]

well, i am a homosexual. err... yeah i guess i am cause it doesn't seem to go away. "Father, if it be possible, let this cross pass from me, but not what i will but what you will"

now i guess it seems pretty crazy He would will not to take it away... but whatever. the error all of us make, i don't think there's one of us that hasn't made this mistake, is identifying ourselves too much with it. but the fact is, it's there. we all know it's there, and it doesn't seem to go away. we don't know why. who do i blame, however, for the SUFFERING it causes us??? THE CULTURE! The Church's position has never been wrong, and it wasn't till the culture started accepting it that it really started tearing us apart. it wasn't when the Church decided homosexuality was wrong that we lost our greatest battle, but in fact the thing that has been more the cause of homosexual suffering the greatest battle we lost was the one we fought for the other side on, when the culture started accepted homosexuality as normal. THAT is what causes your suffering. The Church teaches suffering is redemptive, that EMOTIONS don't control us, and that JOY should be the common thread through whatever emotions we have. We are an Easter people, and hapiness is not wrong. you know what though, we don't need the world's hapiness, because all that is is an EMOTION, while the Church offers us a Spiritual well-grounded truth about our souls if we can just accept the Joy of the Lord. God wants you to be a joyful person. Life will cause you suffering no matter which path you take, the Lord causes rain to fall on the good and the bad alike, and i am positive that out there chasing the emotion of hapiness you will not find the comfort you seek. the comfort you seek doesn't come with your emotions, it comes as a common thread that goes through your high and low emotions. Joy and Hope, Peace, Faith, Love. that's the real hapiness you seek. maybe you have yet to find that in the Christian life, but trust me it's there. how do i know? i've encountered it. the love of a boy or man is nothing compared to the love of a man who is a God-man and does not seek you for any selfish reasons, but only for His infinite love for you. It hurts Him more to seek after you than it would if He didn't care for you. He seeks out pain for your sake, while any boyfriend you'll ever find will seek out pleasure from you. Of course he'll try to give you pleasure as well, but imagine how much better the love is that does not seek selfish pleasure but rather dies for you. You do not have to live as a constant sufferer in the Christian life if you do not allow yourself to be identified that way. stop thinking of yourself as a martyr, and start thinking of yourself as the same as everyone else. of course there's different circumstances for you, but you're still the same as everyone else. You are a human being, with human dignity, who hads fixed upon him the eyes, care, and love of the Creator of the Universe. His Truth, His Joy, will set you free in True Joy. Watch out for the dangerous ways that lead to passing joys and satisfactions. deepen your relationship with God through prayer, and i don't mean just that penitential suffering prayer that i know all too well and i assume you do too, but find joyous prayer in which you don't even think about homosexuality for a second cause you don't need to be concerned with it.

you know what your vocation is-- the same as all our vocations, GO SPREAD THE GOOD NEWS THAT JESUS CHRIST IS RISEN FROM THE DEAD. go out into the world and help the poor, i mean physically actually go out there and get your hands dirty. transform that energy from sexual desires to doing good. You can do anything, don't ever let yourself think you can't. You know what, if you feel called to be a priest, even BLAZEr has said that's not completely condemned if you're resolved to live chastely and that the only kind of person that should be kept from seminary, especially those who are homosexual, is those who are not resolved to live celibacy and chastity.

remember this:
The evil one has no power over you, you Son of God.

Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle. Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do thou, oh prince of the heavenly host, take under thy protection this beatiful soul we know as Nathan or Good Friday or Speech or Speechless, as chase away the demons that torment him and cast them into hell with satan and all the evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.

Amen, Alleileuia, Christ is Risen, Christ is truly Risen. Give thanks and rejoice, be joyful and spread this gospel. Joy to the world, and to you Nathan, the Lord has come!

[IcePrincessKRS]

Nathan, it saddens me to see you go. You will be in my prayers, I do hope that you can reconcile, but perhaps time away is what you need right now... You have my AIM sn, if you ever feel like chatting you know where to find me.

Again, prayers and God Bless you.

[dUSt]

See ya in about 2 to 3 months.

God bless.