Ask Sister Marie

[Lisa]

Here's where we can ask our questions about religious life, particularly community living, with Sister Marie, who is an apostolic (active) sister.

I'll start...

Sister, I'm in the application process to (Lord willing) enter a community in August. I think I've got the idea of of treating every Sister with the same complete, God-centered love, even when they aren't the easiest to get along with, etc- but it's easier said than done, I'm sure! Are there any practical tips that you can give about how to start living that now, or when I'm in the convent?

Edited December 9, 2011 by Lisa

[Sister Marie]

Well first I'm a little embarrassed to have a thread titled with my name, hahaha! And I want to tell you that I learn things from all of you all the time so I'm grateful to read what you think and feel about religious life. I'm young and so I enjoy hearing the point of view of people around my age too. So thank you for sharing with me!

Second, I think the best way to start living that now is to consciously acknowledge someone you don't like... start with just one person and make a decision to do things for them. Conquer your desire to make a face when they say something ridiculous or to correct them when they do something wrong. Make the decision too that if they do that to you you won't react but respond with love.

It's different for each person because different people are irritated and annoyed with different things and for different reasons but the basic idea is to follow St. Therese's little way of loving. Put yourself last, even in little things and in things that don't matter... and see what happens, make sure to offer it to God for Him to redeem.

[brandelynmarie]

Ok. Here is my question: I am used to being able to talk to friends about things that bother me or struggles I am having. How does one handle that in religious life?

Edited December 9, 2011 by brandelynmarie

[Lisa]

Thank you very much Sister, for you answer! Sorry for embarrassing you- guess I could have been more subtle, huh?

Those are great suggestions... going to make every effort to start working more on this in my everyday life!

[Lil'Monster]

I got some threads with my names in the titles

[savvy]

[quote]Sister, I'm in the application process to (Lord willing) enter a community in August.[/quote]

Sorry to hijack this thread, but Lisa what does your application process involve? I am not sure if I am in the application stage as yet.

[Lisa]

[quote name='savvy' timestamp='1323394962' post='2347638']

Sorry to hijack this thread, but Lisa what does your application process involve? I am not sure if I am in the application stage as yet.
[/quote]

PMing you!

[Sister Marie]

[quote name='brandelynmarie' timestamp='1323394024' post='2347624']
Ok. Here is my question: I am used to being able to talk to friends about things that bother me or struggles I am having. How does one handle that in religious life?
[/quote]

I think the key in sharing our struggles with other sisters in religious life is not in the sharing but in the reason behind it. If I am looking for honest advice from a woman I see as holy and as a model of religious life and who is in the appropriate position to help me then there is nothing wrong with talking to that person about a struggle. However, if I am struggling and I'm looking for someone to take my side, to make me feel better about my struggle, to listen to me complain, to fix something for me, or to protect me from the problem - then I'm putting that person in a really inappropriate place in my life. You have to be painfully honest with yourself about whether you are honestly seeking some help from an appropriate person or if you are looking for someone to fill a void.

I have a very good sister friend who I get together with often to chat... I'm not dependent upon her to give me something that I can't get in my daily life...I'm grateful for her perspective on things but I don't always think she is right and she doesn't always think I am, lol. It's a healthy friendship that is open to others and in which we don't NEED one another but are just able to share as sisters. If something really earthshattering happened in my religious life... I wouldn't call her until I was sure that I had preserved that place for God to enter in. If I try to get someone else to do His work in me, it'll never quite work. It's harder to let Him work but better in the long run.

[i<3franciscans]

Sister Marie,

Is it ever too early to start contacting religious communities? I am a junior in high school and thinking of writing to a few communities, but to enter either one I would have to be (at least) twenty-one. So should I just wait a year or two, or would it be okay to start writing to them? Thanks!

[AccountDeleted]

Sr Marie - the things you say cut through all the romance and hype about religious life. Thank you for your experience and insight. I think any of us who have lived in a religious community can wholly support what you say.I am very glad that this thread was started.

While I would hate to suppress anyone's enthusiasm during their discernment, it is still very important that the realities be faced, if only to help prevent the disillusionment that can occur when one is actually experiencing community life as a religious.

God has also given you a very clear and concise way with words - so your posts are a delight to read! Even the tough stuff!

Edited December 9, 2011 by nunsense

[Sister Marie]

[quote name='i<3franciscans' timestamp='1323397642' post='2347672']
Sister Marie,

Is it ever too early to start contacting religious communities? I am a junior in high school and thinking of writing to a few communities, but to enter either one I would have to be (at least) twenty-one. So should I just wait a year or two, or would it be okay to start writing to them? Thanks!
[/quote]

I don't think it can hurt. I met the VD of my community when I was a junior in high school. And now I'm here. As long as you know realistically that you won't be able to enter maybe they will be open to walking with you while you wait.

[i<3franciscans]

Thanks!

[Sister Marie]

[quote name='nunsense' timestamp='1323397843' post='2347682']
Sr Marie - the things you say cut through all the romance and hype about religious life. Thank you for your experience and insight. I think any of us who have lived in a religious community can wholly support what you say.I am very glad that this thread was started.

While I would hate to suppress anyone's enthusiasm during their discernment, it is still very important that the realities be faced, if only to help prevent the disillusionment that can occur when one is actually experiencing community life as a religious.

God has also given you a very clear and concise way with words - so your posts are a delight to read! Even the tough stuff!
[/quote]

Thank you for your kind words nunsense. I have enjoyed reading your posts as well throughout your difficult and very grace filled journey as well. You have so much insight and compassion and it is great for others here to read of your experiences as well. Thank you for being you too!

[InPersonaChriste]

I enjoy reading this thread already. I always find that whenever I try to think of what to ask someone I forget, I guess they were not important questions

[AccountDeleted]

[quote name='Sister Marie' timestamp='1323398051' post='2347686']

Thank you for your kind words nunsense. I have enjoyed reading your posts as well throughout your difficult and very grace filled journey as well. You have so much insight and compassion and it is great for others here to read of your experiences as well. Thank you for being you too!
[/quote]

You are very kind. We all have something to contribute to each other and it's nice that this phorum exists to help support those who are discerning religious life. It is a special grace though when we can have those who are currently in religious life offer advice and encouragement as well since, as you pointed out in another thread, not all in religious life are able to post here because of their particular charisms.

I think the really nice thing though about your posts, is that you don't come here with a 'know-it-all' attitude, which I have seen in some religious (not directed at anyone in particular). While it is true that someone living the life certainly has a recent knowledge and experience to share, it is also true that no one has all the answers, especially for another person.

I don't want to embarrass you but your true humility shines through in every post you make and your wisdom (despite or because of your young age, I don't know ) is tempered always by your common sense, compassion and charity. Perhaps this should have been a PM instead of a post, but I just wanted to express my appreciation to you for showing us all how to truly be charitable. We are blessed to have you here with us and glad that your apostolate supports this.