Lil Red Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 how do you de-friend someone when you've just grown apart? I've been friends with this girl since high school, but I haven't seen her in 4 years (or so), though we keep in touch through facebook....though I was invited to her wedding back in September, I couldn't go. I'm godmother to her son. She came into our hometown this past weekend for Thanksgiving, and though she said she'd give me a ring when she got into town, it never happened. We've just grown apart, and we're not as close as we once were, and honestly, I don't see the point in pretending we are. any advice? suggestions? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BG45 Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 I usually try to explain to people that it's nothing personal. That we've grown apart, etc. Like your post would make the basis of a really good explanation prior to defriending. I hold a ton of respect for people on Facebook who defriend me who take the time explain rather than being there one moment and gone the next. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deus te Amat Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Well, if you're her son's godmother, I don't see that as an option. You [i]are[/i] responsible for his spiritual development, after all. If you deliberately lose contact, from your choice, that would mean you didn't even try. As someone who was essentially ignored by her godparents, I would have liked to know that they at least tried. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deus te Amat Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 And I get that her son is probably not old enough to need you, yet. But what about when he gets a little older? You're going to want to know how to get in touch with him/what he needs prayers for/etc.Or maybe I just don't understand what it means to be a godparent? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 [quote name='Deus_te_Amat' timestamp='1322629190' post='2342535']And I get that her son is probably not old enough to need you, yet. But what about when he gets a little older? You're going to want to know how to get in touch with him/what he needs prayers for/etc. Or maybe I just don't understand what it means to be a godparent? [/quote] i understand what you are saying, and yet...they live in your home state...and it's not like I ever get over there. Plus, the situation is complicated. She divorced her kids' dad, and just got remarried, and I think he has a couple of kids. At best, she is nominally Catholic. At worst, she is agnostic. Literally, I have not seen her son since the day of his baptism. I don't even know him. I don't even know her any more, to be honest. I wouldn't even know where to start with her son, to be a godparent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnlySunshine Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 [quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1322628362' post='2342522'] how do you de-friend someone when you've just grown apart? I've been friends with this girl since high school, but I haven't seen her in 4 years (or so), though we keep in touch through facebook....though I was invited to her wedding back in September, I couldn't go. I'm godmother to her son. She came into our hometown this past weekend for Thanksgiving, and though she said she'd give me a ring when she got into town, it never happened. We've just grown apart, and we're not as close as we once were, and honestly, I don't see the point in pretending we are. any advice? suggestions? [/quote] When that happened with my mom's friend who basically became our family friend (and her daughter was my sister and my friend), we just decided to cut off communication. Things were too busy during that time and we just decided that it would be best if we didn't call them anymore. We knew for quite a while that we were growing apart and her daughter was going off to college in another town, so we ended it with no formal explanation. Looking back, I realize we probably didn't handle it very well. I actually wonder sometimes what our old friend is up to and wonder if we should call her to try to reconnect, but it would be awkward since we didn't explain what happened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deus te Amat Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Then, if I were you, before defriending her, I'd call her or send her a message with your concerns. Telling her that you feel you've grown apart, but still feel responsible for her son. It seems to me that she feels guilty about her actions and is putting you off to avoid having to confront her "Catholic guilt". If you broach the subject for [i]her son[/i] and not directly at her, she may feel more comfortable helping make sure you are a part of his life. But again, what do I know? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deus te Amat Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 [quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1322629577' post='2342541'] When that happened with my mom's friend who basically became our family friend (and her daughter was my sister and my friend), we just decided to cut off communication. Things were too busy during that time and we just decided that it would be best if we didn't call them anymore. We knew for quite a while that we were growing apart and her daughter was going off to college in another town, so we ended it with no formal explanation. Looking back, I realize we probably didn't handle it very well. I actually wonder sometimes what our old friend is up to and wonder if we should call her to try to reconnect, but it would be awkward since we didn't explain what happened. [/quote] It's not like you avoided [i]them[/i] though. It sounds like they stopped calling you, too. Look her up on facebook! Friendships like that should be cherished. If you don't like what you find, you don't have to do anything, but I'm sure she'd love to hear from you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnlySunshine Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 [quote name='Deus_te_Amat' timestamp='1322629855' post='2342546'] It's not like you avoided [i]them[/i] though. It sounds like they stopped calling you, too. Look her up on facebook! Friendships like that should be cherished. If you don't like what you find, you don't have to do anything, but I'm sure she'd love to hear from you! [/quote] I've definitely considered it. The daughter (my old friend) is about to graduate with her Bachelor's in Telecommunications, so I'd love to be able to congratulate her. They did, indeed, stop calling after they didn't hear from us for a while. Both of our families were very busy. That was over 2 years ago, I think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 [quote name='Deus_te_Amat' timestamp='1322629751' post='2342544'] Then, if I were you, before defriending her, I'd call her or send her a message with your concerns. Telling her that you feel you've grown apart, but still feel responsible for her son. It seems to me that she feels guilty about her actions and is putting you off to avoid having to confront her "Catholic guilt". If you broach the subject for [i]her son[/i] and not directly at her, she may feel more comfortable helping make sure you are a part of his life. But again, what do I know? [/quote] I guess I'm a Bad Catholic because I've been a shiitake mushroom godmother for his whole life. sigh. thanks for the advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Adam Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 I guess I never defriend anyone on facebook. Everyone is someone I know, and no matter how distant we are, I feel like it is a good way to keep in touch, learn what is going on in their life. For instance, an acquaintance from high school died, someone I only knew in name from over 10 years ago, but I felt it was important when I found out they passed, so I could pray for them. I never know how I can be an influence in their life and theirs in mine. If I was someone's godparent I definitely would want to keep in touch, even if it was only once a year, or once every couple of years, I wouldn't want to completely burn the bridge with them. You can even block them if you need to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AccountDeleted Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 You could just 'hide' their feed so you don't see them anymore, and set up your privacy so that they can't see anything you post either... just the basics. If she then contacts you and wants to know why she can't see your page, you could discuss it then, but basically just put it off until she initiates contact. I'm not on FC anymore so I don't know all the ins and outs these days. I thought your thread was about defriending someone here on phatmass! There is someone here who has me listed as her friend (but I don't have her listed as mine) and I have no control over her friends, so can't delete that connection. If someone looks at her profile though, they will think I am her friend, and I definitely don't want to be considered that as she isn't someone I consider trustworthy and don't want to be associated with her. But there just doesn't seem to be anyway to unconnect us since she must have done the initial connection. I ignore it now, but that's what I thought this thread was about - silly me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dominicansoul Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 i deleted everybody who wasn't family and those I have never really met in real life from my facebook friends. You just bring up the friends list, and hit the x's... I tried explaining on here why I did that, but apparently, some people were still offended greatly by my doing that... I was a bit surprised, because I didn't really think those people gave a beaver dam.... hahahahhahahahahah iono, i think if you and this woman are as distant as you think y'all are, i don't see how de-friending her will even bother her at all... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adrestia Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 I've never cut off contact with someone because of growing apart, only for hurtful actions (usually for being deceitful to me or taking advantage of me). People who have grown apart can also grow closer. Why do you want to give up? Can you throw up a white flag & wait it out? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vee Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Defriending someone on facebook isnt the end of the world, nor does it terminate God parental status. It can be difficult to be a God parent when the parents are an issue but even praying for your God child will have tremendous benefits Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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