My Friend...

[Byzantine]

I recently discovered that a friend of mine believes multiple things at variance with Church teaching (the usual group: homosexuality, extramarital sex not being sinful, possibly women priests, etc.). This friend has had little to no formal religious instruction (although said friend is a Catholic). When I tried explaining these to my friend, my friend got rather defensive (maybe partly due to my tone or something with me). How should I proceed? I know his priest; should I tell the priest? Or what? Thanks!

[MIKolbe]

Prayer seems like a humble start.

[Basilisa Marie]

Definitely pray. Pray lots. Then pray more.

When I've been in these situations, I've found that saying something like, "Hmm, could you explain to me why you say/believe/hold that?" People tend to get a lot less defensive if you go out of your way to show that you're listening and trying to understand their point of view. People don't respond well to arguments from authority or anything like that, but they do really love to hear themselves talk and feel like they're being listened to. They're also more likely to repay the courtesy of respecting your position if they feel like you've done that to them first. I've got a few close friends that really disagree with me on similar issues, and I've done about four times as much listening to them talk about why they think they're right than me explaining myself. However, I think they've been a whole lot more receptive to at least hearing me out if I listen to them first, and then figure out a logical and clear explanation for what I believe that doesn't explicitly condemn their position (even if it totally implicitly does).

One of my biggest (and hardest) learning experiences was figuring out that conversion is a life-long process, and that it's not my responsibility to convert or convince my friends, but to be an example of Christian life to them. My job is to take care of my own soul. Humility and Charity are the best things ever for an apologist.

Edited November 28, 2011 by Basilisa Marie

[Nola Seminarian]

[quote name='Byzantine' timestamp='1322017713' post='2339666']
I recently discovered that a friend of mine believes multiple things at variance with Church teaching (the usual group: homosexuality, extramarital sex not being sinful, possibly women priests, etc.). This friend has had little to no formal religious instruction (although said friend is a Catholic). When I tried explaining these to my friend, my friend got rather defensive (maybe partly due to my tone or something with me). How should I proceed? I know his priest; should I tell the priest? Or what? Thanks!
[/quote]

if a person is utterly convinced of this, it may be fruitless to continue to bring it up with him. the surest cure is to "preach the Gospel at all times using words only when necessary." in other words the only cure for that is to live a convincing life and pray for him