More On P0Rn

[Brother Adam]

[i]The sad thing is that right now our pastors are not taking their responsibility to right this epidemic seriously. The numbers are absolutely staggering. At the last youth conference I went to, when 1,000 teenage boys were asked to stand if they use pornography on a regular basis, nearly every single one of them stood. With porn having so saturated our culture now even worse vices are rearing their ugly head. Now they are talking more and more about regular homosexual behavior with multiple partners (friends with benefits) among teens. Every parish should have an accountability meeting with a trained leader that men and women can go to separately. - BA[/i]


http://www.kofc.org/un/en/columbia/detail/2011_11_computer.html

In a conversation with a priest in my diocese, I shared my spiritual director’s report that every other confession he hears from men involves the sin of pornography. The pastor’s response was shocking: “Oh, it’s much worse than that!” Since then, this sad reality has been confirmed by many others: The sin of pornography is overwhelming Catholic men. Pornography is now more popular than baseball. In fact, it has become America’s pastime, and we are awash in it. Porn is on our computers, our smartphones, and our cable or satellite TV,
in our hotels and retail stores and gas stations.
Pornography is now more popular than baseball. In fact, it has become America’s pastime, and we are awash in it. Porn is on our computers, our smartphones, and our cable or satellite TV. It’s common in our hotels and even in many retail stores and gas stations. For many men — and, increasingly, women — it is part of their daily lives.

Yet, Catholic teaching on the subject is clear. Use of pornography is a “grave offense.” The [i]Catechism of the Catholic Church states[/i], “Pornography … offends against chastity because it perverts the conjugal act, the intimate giving of spouses to each other. It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants (actors, vendors, the public), since each one becomes an object of base pleasure and illicit profit for others” (2354).

In [i]Life of Christ[/i], Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen wrote, “The penalty of those who live too close to the flesh is to never understand the spiritual.” Hardcore pornography on the Internet offers an ocean of perversion. It takes the mind where it should never go, loosening its moral moorings and leaving it adrift in a treacherous sea of sin. That is the fate of those who give themselves over to pornography: They find themselves alone with their images and an insatiable appetite for more.

While astounding to many, users of pornography eventually put religion, marriage, family, work and friendships secondary to their desire for pornography. They may want to change, to go back to life as it was before porn, but most will return and descend further. Dr. Mary Anne Layden, director of the University of Pennsylvania’s Sexual Trauma and Psychopathology Program at the Center for Cognitive Therapy, likens pornography to crack cocaine. In a testimony to the U.S. Senate in November 2004, she noted, “This material is potent, addictive and permanently implanted in the brain.”

Sadly, for the regular consumer of pornography, confession and contrition are normally not sufficient to break from pornography because, like drug abuse, pornography is not just a bad habit — it is often an addiction.

[b]A DESIRE THAT DOES NOT SATISFY[/b]

Addiction to pornography is now commonplace among adults and is even a growing problem for children and teenagers. Few who are addicted will get help, and the consequences can be lifelong and severe.

Pornography’s addictive strength is a result of long-term, sometimes lifelong, neuroplastic changes in the brain. Psychiatrist Norman Doidge, author of the best-selling book [i]The Brain That Changes Itself[/i] (Penguin, 2007), writes, “Pornography, by offering an endless harem of sexual objects, hyperactivates the appetitive system. Porn viewers develop new maps in their brains, based on the photos and videos they see. Because it is a use-it-or-lose-it brain, when we develop a map area, we long to keep it activated. Just as our muscles become impatient for exercise if we’ve been sitting all day, so too do our senses hunger to be stimulated” (108).
With pornography, in other words, our brain’s pleasure system that excites our desires is activated, but there is no real satisfaction. This explains why users can spend endless hours searching for pornography on the Internet.

Doidge further notes that porn viewers develop tolerances so that they need higher and higher levels of stimulation. Thus, they often move to harder, more deviant pornography. More than a decade ago, Margaret A. Healy, adjunct professor at Fordham University School of Law, and Muireann O’Brian, former head of End Child Pornography, Prostitution and Trafficking (ECPAT), observed a link between adult and child pornography. Since that time, scores of current and former law enforcement authorities have noted that many adult porn consumers will eventually move to child pornography, even if they are not pedophiles and had no interest is such material at first. These findings account, in part, for the prevalence of child pornography in the world today.

Viewing porn changes the user’s attitude toward sex, his or her spouse and society. He or she uses sexual fantasies to get aroused, tries to get partners to act out pornographic scenes, is more likely to engage in sexual harassment and sexual aggression, and views sex as a casual, non-intimate, recreational privilege. Laydon and other clinical psychologists have reported that, ironically, erectile dysfunction is commonly associated with constant porn use among men. One reason for this is that the constant search for sexual images and often-accompanying masturbation lead to dissatisfaction with one’s spouse. After all, a man’s wife cannot possibly maintain an image that competes with the women in the fantasy world of pornographic videos and images. The regular porn consumer sets himself up for disappointment and the almost-certain disintegration of his marriage.

Marital love is meant to be a total giving of oneself to a lifelong, faithful partner. It is a trusting, selfless giving. By contrast, pornographic sex is selfish, demeaning and mechanical. In his catechesis on the theology of the body, Pope John Paul II emphasized that there is a “moral goodness” in marriage, which is faithfulness. That goodness can be adequately achieved only in the exclusive relationship of both parties. Too many people miss out on that unique goodness of marriage and settle for the temporary, perverted and unfulfilling excitement of pornography.

[b]PROTECTING OUR CHILDREN[/b]

A father has a duty to keep his children from pornography and a sacred obligation to set an example of purity for his family. What greater authority could a father have about the harms of pornography than the words of Christ?: “But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Mt 5:28).

If you have become a porn consumer, ask yourself this: Am I the same man who professed fidelity to my wife on my wedding day? Fidelity cannot be maintained if one consumes pornography. Wives of porn consumers feel as though their husbands are committing adultery. Affairs of the mind are every bit as destructive as affairs of the heart.

Divorce lawyers report a high correspondence between pornography consumption and divorces. One 2004 study in [i]Social Science Quarterly[/i] titled “Adult Social Bonds and Use of Internet Pornography” revealed that persons having an extramarital affair were more than three times more likely to have accessed Internet porn than those who did not have affairs. Further, those ever having engaged in paid sex were 3.7 times more apt to be using Internet porn than those who had not.
If you have a porn habit, your children may follow. Many pornography addicts report that their first exposure to porn was the discovery of their parent’s porn collection, which started them on a life of sexual confusion and exploitation. A 2006 survey of the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children revealed that 79 percent of youth gain unwanted exposure to pornography in the home.


Read the rest there....

[KenW]

Bishop Finn's [b][url="http://www.diocese-kcsj.org/_docs/Pastoral-02-07.pdf"]pastoral letter[/url][/b] echoes and expounds on much of the same. He correctly states the Sacrament of Penance and a diligent devotion and prayer life as the means to change course.

[Jesus_lol]

recently, a study(i think in montreal) about porn had to be cancelled. because they couldnt find a group of men who had never seen it.


i laughed.

[Brother Adam]

[quote name='KenW' timestamp='1321463962' post='2336892']
Bishop Finn's [b][url="http://www.diocese-kcsj.org/_docs/Pastoral-02-07.pdf"]pastoral letter[/url][/b] echoes and expounds on much of the same. He correctly states the Sacrament of Penance and a diligent devotion and prayer life as the means to change course.
[/quote]

Assistance has to be offered to help people make better use of those Sacraments and devotion though.

[KenW]

[quote name='Brother Adam' timestamp='1321471011' post='2336959']

Assistance has to be offered to help people make better use of those Sacraments and devotion though.
[/quote]

I have heard porn referred to as "the devil's icons", and quite frankly, since I entered the Church kind of through the back door (I was an Orthodox catechumen when I was confirmed in the Catholic Church last July, and my pastor let me bypass RCIA based on this), I personally do not understand how Church iconography and pornography can "co-exist" in the same mind. The same can be said of receiving the sacraments and behaving contrary. The more I meditate on this dilemna, the more that I wish I could be of assistance to those struggling.

[Papist]

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life.


"A fight is going on inside me," he says to the boy. "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.

One is evil - he is anger, envy sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.

The other is good - he is gratitude, joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy ,generosity, truth, compassion and faith.

This same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather which wolf would win.

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

[dominicansoul]

http://www.catholiceducation.org/articles/sexuality/se0200.htm

[b]This is an excellent article written by SISTER MARYSIA WEBER, R.S.M., D.O.[/b]


[b]She counsels priests and seminarians who are struggling with this terrible addiction. Porn is an addiction, its a drain to society, its harmful effects reach into families and communities, no one is immune to it. Even the holiest of people can fall into the temptation, especially when it is a click away. My father told me in the "good ol' days," if an erotic book store wanted to take up shop in town, the citizens would fight it tooth and nail. I guess back then, people understood the harmful effects of pornography. In today's society it has become "normal." My hometown has an erotic bookstore, and most people giggle and wink about it. It's poison spreads out without any caution.[/b]

[b]Brother Adam, you are right that our priests and church leaders don't do enough to preach against this sin. I am happy to say, last weekend's homily was about hell. Haven't heard that word in Church unless its mentioned in the readings for that day... people need to realize that taking the first step into watching pornography is taking a step into total slavery...this addictive behavior will take hold of them and destroy them.[/b]

[Brother Adam]

Thanks DS. What is interesting in the long list of items that she says are required for healing, one of the most significant is accountability - having someone to make sure you are doing all of the others so you aren't stuck with yourself in your own mind. That is the number one thing people keep coming to my office and saying - "but where can I go and talk about these things with other people with other regular people like me?"

I've written our diocese for permission to start the first Sursum Corda group at our parish with a priest as a spiritual director. It will meet once a month and you have to send an email to an email address I have set up to get times and dates for the meeting. It will be totally confidential and will always include a spiritual talk, encouragement and hope, a 'toolbox' to help people climb out of the pit, opportunity for confession, and hopefully with time Adoration.

[homeschoolmom]

Another thing that would be useful is training fathers to talk to their sons-- 10, 11, 12 years old-- because I think a lot of dads are dropping the ball. They just don't know how to approach this.

[scardella]

One thing I've found helpful when those images come back to mind:

Think about the woman in the image. Think about her life. See her as a child, see all the hurts that led her to that photo or video. The promises that were unfulfilled. The boyfriends who used her. Think about the life she could have. Think about all the healing she needs. When you see her as a person like that, it's much harder to lust over her.

It is based on JPII's quote that pornography's biggest problem is not that it shows too much, but that it shows too little.

[Brother Adam]

There are a ton of great books, tons of good advice, and tons of illustrations to fight our porn culture. Those are all good, meaningful, and helpful things. However, we have to recognize how it re-wires the brain and some of those truths can just lead men and women to deeper shame and even despair knowing how evil what they are doing is when they have an addiction. There has to be concrete real help for the masses - something less dramatic than therapy, but more than throwing good advice around and suggesting people go to confession. As priests say - so many people keep going to confession, but stay addicted. My experience with people going to spiritual direction or having accountability is that it works, and it works well. I spoke to someone last week that said the priest told them to get spiritual direction as a penance and just ordering the penance kept him clean for 2 months (unfortunately he didn't follow through). And good spiritual directors are hard to come by. With a stable group at a parish to help men and women put the many good virtuous and sacramental practices to work, we can overcome this epidemic and, pardon the pun, put it to bed. I've spoken to four DREs/Youth Ministers and all of them say it is a huge need on a parish level. I've printed off the fliers to start a group here, I'm just waiting for permission.

We need to teach Catholics how to live saintly lives of virtue, but they can't do it alone. That is after all the final goal - the glory of God and sainthood.

[MissyP89]

I just need to put this is really large type, because the language in this thread is really, really frustrating to me.

I know most of you already know this. But it needs to be restated.

[size=8]This is NOT just a man's battle!!!!!![/size]


Men, for the love of God, pray for your wives. And mothers, talk to your girls. [i]No one[/i] is immune.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='MissyP89' timestamp='1321481675' post='2337064']I just need to put this is really large type, because the language in this thread is really, really frustrating to me.

I know most of you already know this. But it needs to be restated.

[size=8]This is NOT just a man's battle!!!!!![/size]


Men, for the love of God, pray for your wives. And mothers, talk to your girls. [i]No one[/i] is immune.[/quote]
A-freakin'-men. And having people constantly re-inforce the idea that it's just about guys drives women/girls deeper and deeper into shame and hiding the problem.

[quote name='homeschoolmom' timestamp='1321476472' post='2337005']
Another thing that would be useful is training fathers to talk to their sons-- 10, 11, 12 years old-- because I think a lot of dads are dropping the ball. They just don't know how to approach this.
[/quote]
or they don't see anything wrong with it themselves, so why would they talk to their sons about it being a problem?

[MissyP89]

[quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1321481811' post='2337067']
A-freakin'-men. And having people constantly re-inforce the idea that it's just about guys drives women/girls deeper and deeper into shame and hiding the problem.
[/quote]

YES. We are left to feel completely unique and isolated. If society keeps pushing it as just a man's issue, women ask, "What's wrong with me? I'm not supposed to feel like this -- men are."

It's time for women to be able to stand up and be supported, too, instead of shunned and shamed.

[cmaD2006]

I agree with both Lil Red and MissyP. I triple ditto the "A-freakin-men." I think there is no real recognition that women and men can fall into the p. trap and both be as helpless to get out without God's grace and help.