Dating Norms

[missionseeker]

[quote name='got2luvjc' timestamp='1321244270' post='2336021']
I'm currently going through an awkward moment where a guy and I are getting to know each other, and I can tell that he likes me, and I like him but just as a friend, and I feel like I'm not doing anything to lead him onto thinking I want to date him but today he held my hand and I didn't want to be rude so I let him >_< >_<

I know that doesn't relate to the topic of this thread, but it's just been a weird weekend for me.
[/quote]





you're gonna have to tell him no at some point... Otherwise he's gonna try and kiss you! jk.

[AudreyGrace]

define date.

[got2luvjc]

[quote name='missionseeker' timestamp='1321244471' post='2336023']
you're gonna have to tell him no at some point... Otherwise he's gonna try and kiss you! jk.
[/quote]

Oh I will ... I'm just trying to figure out how to do it nicely so that it's not awkward and we can still hang out with mutual friends

[MissyP89]

I've been on both sides -- my last relationship I did the asking, and this time around I was asked (twice before I agreed, but that's a long story). I prefer to be asked. It takes a lot of moxie to do that, and it tells me a little bit about his character right from the start. I would, however, do the asking again if I really thought the situation called for it.

[brianthephysicist]

From my experience, a guy asks out a girl when his fear of not being able to have more of her in his life exceeds his fear of rejection

[tinytherese]

I'm an oddball. I understand that it takes courage for a guy to ask her out, but I see that as him demostrating his masculinity. Think of it as sort of a coming of age moment. Women are worth being pursued. With all due respect, I not into guys who don't have the guts to ask me out. Jason Evert has said before that men want a challenge and to assert their masculinity in a positive way. Think of it as slaying the dragon to get to the princess. Am I saying to be a pathetic damsel in distress and be weak so that a guy will ask you out? No, but guys often prefer to be the initiators and I as a woman am a prize worth pursuing. (Note that I am not saying to play hard to get--be hard to get.) I like knowing that he fears not being with me more than being rejected by me as brainthephysicist said.

If a guy doesn't ask you out it is because he isn't interested in you, he isn't interested in you enough to pursue you, or he just might be too socially awkward to do it.

He just may not be ready to pursue you, but in the mean time, don't hang around waiting for him to ask you out. He may not be ready at this time in his life and you could miss opportunities with men who are ready and willing to pursue you who you may be interested in or you may miss other opportunities in life as well because you're putting all of your energy into wishing and hoping for him. For all you know it could be years before he is ready to be in a relationship period. Unless he does in fact pursue you, don't hold out for him.

Is the guy really interested, or is it the girl reading too much into what the guy is doing and or saying? Girls can sometimes fall into that. I know from experience and it hurt.

This may just be semantics, but I don't believe in "dating" as in exclusively spending time with the opposite sex without knowing if there is the intention of possibly marrying in the future. It may just be for "fun" or "oh he's cute, I'm going to go out to dinner with him."

I believe in courtship-- where you are discerning if the two of you will marry. It can begin with being casual acquiantances, then the man expresses a desire to pursue a relationship with a woman-not exclusive as of yet, but spending a little more time together without officially being boyfriend and girlfriend-testing the waters as it were and then 1 to 3 months later (perhaps more if circumstances are necessary) then you go into officially courting each other as boyfriend and girlfriend.

[scardella]

As a guy, I had a girl who asked me out once. It was a definite turn-off. However, once or twice I had been told by intermediate friends that so and so thought I was attractive, and that gave me the chance to show initiative to her.

Of course, when I tried the online dating thing, my wife did make first contact. She was not a Vulcan, though. After we'd been emailing regularly, she did give me her number without me asking. However, I was the one to call her, and I was the one who led it in the direction from "this is razzle dazzle" -> "We like each other" -> "dating." It became somewhat more collaborative after that.

[Papist]

I think it best if the guy does the asking. Nothing wrong with the gal dropping hints. Of course, guys can be clueless, so the gal should eventually say, "When you going to ask me out on a date?".

[Papist]

[quote name='scardella' timestamp='1321295771' post='2336226']
As a guy, I had a girl who asked me out once. It was a definite turn-off. However, once or twice I had been told by intermediate friends that so and so thought I was attractive, and that gave me the chance to show initiative to her.

Of course, when I tried the online dating thing, my wife did make first contact. She was not a Vulcan, though. After we'd been emailing regularly, she did give me her number without me asking. However, I was the one to call her, and I was the one who led it in the direction from "this is razzle dazzle" -> "We like each other" -> "dating." It became somewhat more collaborative after that.
[/quote]
Your wife is ok with you online dating?

[scardella]

[quote name='Papist' timestamp='1321296268' post='2336234']
Your wife is ok with you online dating?
[/quote]
She's fine with dating me online!