got2luvjc Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 What are your thoughts about females asking guys out on dates? I know it's normal for a guy to ask a girl out, but I was just wondering what people's opinions are about females doing the asking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Basilisa Marie Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 I'm glad society has gotten to the point where if a girl likes a guy it's not taboo for her to ask him to coffee. And to pay for him. Nothing against chivalry (my boyfriend is wonderfully chivalrous), but that respect should go both ways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missionseeker Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 I don't think there's anything WRONG with it, per se. I've known many couples where she asked him out. And, let's face it, sometimes guys are dense and they don't get the "I like you" hints that girls send. That said, I wouldn't do it, personally. lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Totus Tuus Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 (edited) I'm more of the initiator, so I always appreciated the acceptability of me making it perfectly clear to a guy that I wanted him to ask me out. I never actually asked another guy out (though I gave him all the indications that he could), but I wouldn't have had anything against actually doing that... I just never had to. I guess my approach to dating was more of developing a friendship, though, so that playfulness always had to be there between both of us for me. I was surprised to meet some girls in college who were horrified at the thought of asking a guy out, even for something like a Sadie Hawkins. I seriously don't understand their concern with it being against their femininity to ask a guy out, but I respect it. I just feel like some girls are trying to live in Anne of Green Gables or something and that world doesn't exist anymore, as much as some girls want it to. Edited November 14, 2011 by Totus Tuus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
got2luvjc Posted November 14, 2011 Author Share Posted November 14, 2011 Oh I definitely agree with you about the friendship first part. I feel though that sometimes guys are hesitant to ask a girl out because they're afraid of receiving the "I think we'd make better friends" response. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missionseeker Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 [quote name='got2luvjc' timestamp='1321241590' post='2335991'] Oh I definitely agree with you about the friendship first part. I feel though that sometimes guys are hesitant to ask a girl out because they're afraid of receiving the "I think we'd make better friends" response. [/quote] I have to say, I think this is a crock of croutons. I've had several dudes tell me they don't ask certain girls out because they "don't want to ruin friendships" and I can appreciate that. But I still think it's cowardly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Totus Tuus Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 [quote name='got2luvjc' timestamp='1321241590' post='2335991'] Oh I definitely agree with you about the friendship first part. I feel though that sometimes guys are hesitant to ask a girl out because they're afraid of receiving the "I think we'd make better friends" response. [/quote] I always felt awkward by guys who asked me out "on a date" and I would get really nervous about it, because it felt like we were going from friends to another level without exploring whether that's what we both wanted first, since it was a "date," and not just a going to hang out thing (even if we did the same things). The prospect of him paying for everything and initiating all the plans always made me very uncomfortable, so I usually didn't do that until we were *actually* dating. Before then, I preferred planning a day or evening out with a guy together, agreeing to go together, and then splitting everything we bought. My husband and I went Dutch on everything from day 1, pretty much, and to this day we still do most of the time(though he pays for more now that we're married than he did the first three years we were together). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Totus Tuus Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 [quote name='missionseeker' timestamp='1321241737' post='2335992'] I have to say, I think this is a crock of croutons. I've had several dudes tell me they don't ask certain girls out because they "don't want to ruin friendships" and I can appreciate that. But I still think it's cowardly. [/quote] I actually don't agree. I think guys are legitimate to be afraid of being turned down, and I think they should have the ability (with the girl's approval) to take their friendship further and further without actually having to "go out on a date" in the sense that he plans out and pays for everything. At least, that was always my preference. I think it's hard for guys, because some girls are like you and want something different from what I wanted in relationships, and it's hard for them to figure out where the girl is coming from. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missionseeker Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 [quote name='Totus Tuus' timestamp='1321241929' post='2335994'] I actually don't agree. I think guys are legitimate to be afraid of being turned down, and I think they should have the ability (with the girl's approval) to take their friendship further and further without actually having to "go out on a date" in the sense that he plans out and pays for everything. At least, that was always my preference. I think it's hard for guys, because some girls are like you and want something different from what I wanted in relationships, and it's hard for them to figure out where the girl is coming from. [/quote] I think it's legitimate for them be afraid.And I really don't blame them for that at all. I just think it's cowardly of them NOT to ask and to pretend that they don't like the girl. I'm not sure what you mean by that last about me and you wanting different things in a relationship? lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BG45 Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 I was dense enough I had to be asked out. The next time I'd prefer to be the one asking, but I wouldn't be freaked out if I was asked out by a woman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
got2luvjc Posted November 14, 2011 Author Share Posted November 14, 2011 I'm not a "typical" girl I guess, in that even when I'm clearly on a legit date with someone, I don't expect to be paid for. I've always been self-sufficient, and although I am grateful for people who pay for my dinners and stuff, I have always wanted to pay my own way because it makes be feel of-worth. Even in high-school when I didn't bring money for dinner after a basketball game, I felt bad whenever someone offered to buy me dinner. Though I often do smile when someone pays for me because then I realize that they probably enjoy my company Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rachael Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 i've done it. he didn't feel the same way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missionseeker Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 [quote name='got2luvjc' timestamp='1321243095' post='2336010'] I'm not a "typical" girl I guess, in that even when I'm clearly on a legit date with someone, I don't expect to be paid for. I've always been self-sufficient, and although I am grateful for people who pay for my dinners and stuff, I have always wanted to pay my own way because it makes be feel of-worth. Even in high-school when I didn't bring money for dinner after a basketball game, I felt bad whenever someone offered to buy me dinner. Though I often do smile when someone pays for me because then I realize that they probably enjoy my company [/quote] I hate when people pay for things for me, too. lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Totus Tuus Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 [quote name='missionseeker' timestamp='1321242232' post='2335997'] I think it's legitimate for them be afraid.And I really don't blame them for that at all. I just think it's cowardly of them NOT to ask and to pretend that they don't like the girl. I'm not sure what you mean by that last about me and you wanting different things in a relationship? lol [/quote] You presented that you don't like that guys don't ask girls out. I don't actually *like* being asked out like that. That's what I meant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
got2luvjc Posted November 14, 2011 Author Share Posted November 14, 2011 I'm currently going through an awkward moment where a guy and I are getting to know each other, and I can tell that he likes me, and I like him but just as a friend, and I feel like I'm not doing anything to lead him onto thinking I want to date him but today he held my hand and I didn't want to be rude so I let him >_< >_< I know that doesn't relate to the topic of this thread, but it's just been a weird weekend for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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