MarysLittleFlower Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 (edited) how do you tell if you what you're sharing is too personal? (I mean regarding yourself... I understand how using other people's names, etc, could invade their privacy or even affect their reputation). Edited November 18, 2011 by MarysLittleFlower Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i<3franciscans Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 [quote name='MarysLittleFlower' timestamp='1321638338' post='2337915'] how do you tell if you what you're sharing is too personal? (I mean regarding yourself... I understand how using other people's names, etc, could invade their privacy or even affect their reputation). [/quote] It is your decision. How much would you want to world to know about you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissScripture Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 [quote name='Discipulus' timestamp='1321637175' post='2337911'] It's a shame that you think you have to stop posting, and a shame that you can't share more about your discernment, because it seems to me that the only reason this forum exists is so that people can support each other. However, if we already know where you've been discerning, I guess it would be hard to talk more about it without further disclosure - if in fact, your disclosure was made without permission. If you did have permission, then saying so would be enough to correct any misapprehensions readers might have. I didn't write my post above so as to discourage people from posting here; and I'm sure people don't want to be patronised by me, but perhaps I could give a couple of examples of how I think people may have/might choose to talk about themselves here, and so allow posting to continue: [b]Story One[/b]. I've just been in contact with Sr Immaculata of the Holy-Holy-Holy Sisters in Edinburgh. She says that the problems I had with the Holier-Than-Thou Nuns of Birmingham, and especially the antagonistic relationship I had there with the novice mistress Sister Ferocia, won't be a block to my applying to them. She says that the HTT sisters are very odd and not at all faithful to the magisterium, so she's not surprised that I didn't like it there. And also that she's heard that Sr Ferocia has had a couple of depressive episodes over the years, and that her judgement is very suspect! So I'm feeling a lot better now. By the way, I ran into Fr Peter of my home parish of Assumpta at the Crypt cafe today - what a lovely man! Glad it wasn't Father Paul - I mean, I'm sure he's a good man too, but he can be very tiring! [b]Story Two[/b]. I've just been in contact with a community in Scotland. The sister I spoke to says that the problems I had with the English community that I previously spent some time with wouldn't be a bar to making an application to them. She also said that she thought I wouldn't have been a good fit with that community, and that their approach - including that of the novice mistress - might not have been right for me. So I'm feeling very encouraged. By the way, I met this priest I know in town. He's a wonderful man, and I always look forward to talking with him; but I'm often reluctant to visit him at the presbytery, because I'm a little wary of one of the other priests who works in his parish. So God really sent me the right person to listen to me today. Which story is more respectful of the people involved? And do both stories manage to get the important information across, and is the editorialising and name-dropping actually quite unnecessary in terms of telling the reader what's going on for the person who's telling the story? Before anyone else says it, I know that there haven't been many disclosures here of the story one variety, and I'm not for one second suggesting that everyone who has shared personal information here has done it that kind of way, or would ever consider doing so. And if you've got permission, no problems, so long as we that's stated. But it seems to me that there have been a number of posts that I've read here which skirted pretty close to the tone of story one. It just isn't necessary. By now people may think I'm pretty holier-than-thou myself, or really good at stating the obvious, or just plain flogging a deceased equine. If my posts didn't apply to you, please don't take offence, and I'm sorry for wasting your time; if they might apply to you, please think it over. People's stories are valuable, and they need to be heard here. But please, only in a safe and respectful way. [/quote] I had to give you props for this post because you used the phrase, "flogging a deceased equine" and that is amesome! I also do think you have a good point about making sure that we're being as charitable as we can when we post and not needlessly implying the wrong things about people, especially when its due to mere personality clashes and not because anything seriously wrong is occurring. Though, I do think there is a time and place to let people know if something seriously wrong is happening somewhere (although, this would be when it is more public knowledge, anyway, and not just based off of our own judgement, which may be flawed due to holes in our knowledge or a number of different things). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarysLittleFlower Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 (edited) [quote]It is your decision. How much would you want to world to know about you?[/quote] hmm.. well there are many things I don't share.. but others I do. I guess it's because it's anonymous and I'm not using my real name. I mostly post here because I don't know many people that I could discuss vocations with. Edited November 18, 2011 by MarysLittleFlower Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i<3LSOP Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 [quote name='i<3franciscans' timestamp='1321638445' post='2337916'] It is your decision. How much would you want to world to know about you? [/quote] I don't want the world to know about me too much, but since my topic "Queens!" is the only post/topic where I give more info out I'm no too worried. I usually post in the "immature fan club" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 MarysLittleFlower, I think when it comes to your personal information, you can share however much you think is safe... and how much you want to talk about it. Some probably obvious "no-no's" are to describe your location,your full name (sadly, I didn't think about it when selecting a screenname. I'd very much rather have something that isn't my first name). I've shared a lot about my discernment, some of which probably shouldn't have been shared on the internet. However, people view their vocation journeys very differently. There is still much that I couldn't even imagine sharing with others; some of those thoughts, prayers, feelings, and experiences couldn't even be put into words! So, be safe, first and foremost. Think about the community you are discerning with. Think about how it would look to people if they searched a particular community's name. But don't be afraid to reach out to the phatmass community with your experience and for support. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 I give out lots of personal information about myself, but since my main ministry in life is to talk about what it is like to be disabled, or to live with a husband who has schizophrenia, it just doesn't mean the same. Besides once a couple of thousand people have read your autobiography, and you have a husband on wikipedia, what else is there it hide? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brandelynmarie Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 It is for many of the reasons posted above that I have taken a step back & not posted every little thing about me & my discernment this time around. I'm just gonna post stuff as it happens, but hopefully with not too much TMI. Question: What if VS was made a locked forum? Would that help in any way? Just wondering... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil'Monster Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 [quote name='i<3LSOP' timestamp='1321636235' post='2337901'] Thanks so much red, I forget sometimes. Does that mean that no one should know my real name on here? Okay, everyone for safety.... call me my nickname used by friends. Here it is: Bill [/quote] Bill? seriously? Cuz I personally know a girl who likes to be called "Bill" too some people are weird i guess..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AccountDeleted Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 When I first started posting here in 2007, I gave out all kinds of information about myself, and was actually compulsively self-disclosing - as I would be with my family. At that time however, I was also on a lot of other forums and over the years joined FB and other social media. Privacy didn't seem to be important to me at that time. Times have changed and I think we have probably all learned lessons along the way about how much to disclose, and are always learning more. I dropped my FB account because of my concerns about privacy, even though all of my brothers and sisters are still on there and post photos and messages to each other. I just felt unsafe for some reason. I always felt safe here at Phatmass, even though I have had a couple of bad experiences with 'disturbed individuals' over the years. But my opinion has changed - not because of anything wrong with Phatmass, but because privacy is something that can't be regained once it is lost, especially on a site like this where one can't delete their account or all their old posts (which I could do on FB). So I think Lil Red has made a very good point. If you haven't already revealed more about yourself than you feel comfortable doing, think about it before you post private things. The other issue, which is really a different one, is that of privacy for others - not contacting superiors where others are discerning, not posting identifying information about a community when one is posting negative comments, etc. This is also an important issue, and I suppose many of us have all posted things that we are sorry for now, that we can't change. We might have done this because we wanted to update others on someone being clothed, making profession, or to protect others from making the same mistakes we might have made with some communities. If we give each other the benefit of the doubt, we can assume that those of us who post here, mean to do so with all charity, but as humans, we often fail. And really, these things can be passed on in a more private way between friends via email, when absolutely necessary. For me, the outcome is that I am not going to post about the communities I am discerning with except in a general way, e.g. I am discerning with several Benedictine communities - not who or spcifically where or even exactly when - just in general. For me, much of what I have done has already been posted over the years - can't close that barn door. But Lil Red has made me sit up and think about this very carefully. CatherineM - your situation is different from most of us - you are more or less a 'public figure' in that you and your husband are not going to be able to hide now For those of us who are less well known - privacy needs to be considered. Also, the more that people know about a person, the more they think they can judge that person. I can't tell you the number of nasty emails I have had about my many attempts at religious life. If I had never posted my stories along the way, who would know how hard I have tried, and the many times I have been unsuccessful? I just delete them and move on, but it is a shame that one can't share their story in the hope of being of some support to others without such feedback. Those of you here who ever watched Hill Street Blues, remember the Sergeant's warning to the police officers before they hit the streets: "And remember.................. be careful out there!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil'Monster Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 is it ok to share that i burp alot? gotta have sense of humor everywhere Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AccountDeleted Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 [quote name='Lil'Monster' timestamp='1321666977' post='2338110'] is it ok to share that i burp alot? gotta have sense of humor everywhere [/quote] Yes, but just don't talk too much about the chickens without their permission! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil'Monster Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 [quote name='nunsense' timestamp='1321667123' post='2338113'] Yes, but just don't talk too much about the chickens without their permission! [/quote] hahhaahaha, they dont mind much.....they like all the attention..... yeah they like all the attention....sounds like their mother... i wonder who that is? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FutureCarmeliteClaire Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 [quote name='brandelynmarie' timestamp='1321662679' post='2338069'] Question: What if VS was made a locked forum? Would that help in any way? Just wondering... [/quote] Sorry, I don't understand... Who would be able to get in if it were a locked forum? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vee Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 [quote name='InPersonaChriste' timestamp='1321637156' post='2337910'] This thread is good.. but it makes me want to clear everything on phatmass and change my name so that the internet doesnt know as much about me... *headdesk* [/quote] we have an emote for that too its Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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