Do You Have What It Takes?

[Queen'sDaughter]

I had to think about this thread before I replied, because it raises the question that all discerners must at some point face. I am completely with TeresaBenedicta on this one.

No one "has what it takes". Only God can give a person sufficient grace to be able to live a life so unnatural to our human condition as the religious life. The only thing that I can do is continuously ask God to guide me to His Will, and then resign myself to what He decrees. To become passive, if you will. I will walk my path to convent until either that door is shut to me, or I am laid to rest as a religious of the Church. But while walking that path, I will pray only to do God's Will, no matter were that may lead me.

I will resign myself to His Will, and He may do what He pleases. The responsibility for my future is His. If I am to be a religious, He will give me the grace to live that life. If He does not want me there, I will leave and not look back.

This is all easier said than done of course. But truly, there is such freedom in dependence! All is His, and over the course of my discernment, I can truthfully say that I pray only for one thing: May Your Will be done!

I don't mean to sound "holy" or to just be romantic. I truly want only to do His Will.

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

[quote name='Queen'sDaughter' timestamp='1320364378' post='2330995']
I had to think about this thread before I replied, because it raises the question that all discerners must at some point face. I am completely with TeresaBenedicta on this one.

No one "has what it takes". Only God can give a person sufficient grace to be able to live a life so unnatural to our human condition as the religious life. The only thing that I can do is continuously ask God to guide me to His Will, and then resign myself to what He decrees. To become passive, if you will. I will walk my path to convent until either that door is shut to me, or I am laid to rest as a religious of the Church. But while walking that path, I will pray only to do God's Will, no matter were that may lead me.

I will resign myself to His Will, and He may do what He pleases. The responsibility for my future is His. If I am to be a religious, He will give me the grace to live that life. If He does not want me there, I will leave and not look back.

This is all easier said than done of course. But truly, there is such freedom in dependence! All is His, and over the course of my discernment, I can truthfully say that I pray only for one thing: May Your Will be done!

I don't mean to sound "holy" or to just be romantic. I truly want only to do His Will.
[/quote]
Well said!

[IamMyBeloveds]

This is a question I [u]often[/u] ask myself, having entered and then left (not by my own accord).
To those who have posted, thank you to all for their honesty in this thread. How incredibly helpful it has been to read and understand that many of us who have left religious life (whether we wanted to or not), are learning how to cope prayerfully with the hurt. Healing is challenging and a long and difficult road, and I can totally relate to this journey. It's good to know we're not alone in our struggles and doubts! Thank God for Phatmass!

[b]Is religious life challenging?[/b] [u]Yes.[/u] I cannot even put into words how challenging it is, especially because people in religious life are human, including yourself!! This is something people tend to overlook when romanticizing the idea of religious life. I did before I entered the first time. [b]Is religious life beautiful in the midst of those challenges?[/b] [u]Yes.[/u] I sincerely loved my time in the convent and gained an immense amount from my experience. To be totally Christ's is unfathomable. To dedicate every moment of your life consecrated to Him is a true gift! I cannot wait to do this again! By God's grace I am re-entering my same community next summer.

Religious life, for me, was a challenging road filled with joys but also a lot of hurt. Months after leaving, I was able to reconnect with the community and understand the truth of what had happened at the time and why it was so hard for me at the time. In short, the experience and environment I had of religious life [u]at that specific time in community[/u] were not considered an authentic experience of formation. Therefore, I was given the opportunity to re-enter.
I was told that the things that had transpired and my response to these experiences wasn't my fault. (I got sick a LOT from the stress at the time). I was given a huge apology for all the hurts I had experienced while with them and invited, in God's time and mine, to re-enter should I so desire. How incredibly healing it was to hear this! I felt totally validated for the struggles I had dealt with and questions I had pondered in the back of my mind while there. How healing it was to hear many of them them say, "We never understood why you 'wanted' to leave! Apart from being sick, you were always so happy!"

In God's precious and healing time, I am thrilled to be going back, but every now and then I still have my doubts.
Sometimes I still question, "Can I really do this all over again?", "Do I have what it takes?", "Am I just kidding myself?"

But then I remember that God took my life beautifully and led me thus far. I trusted Him once and so I trust Him again. It is pride to focus on myself so much. If I'm meant to be a religious, God will give me the grace to do it. And I will have the ability and perseverance to daily accept that grace and take up my cross and follow Him.
Upon leaving the convent, I said after my last community Vespers, "Lord, I have no idea what to pray. What do You want me to even pray right now?" I looked up at Him in the tabernacle and said, "Fiat, Be it done unto me according to Your word;" And so I say this again upon re-entering. As cliche as the next quote may sound, it rings true within my own life: "I have no idea what the future holds for me. But I know who holds my future." And Christ crucified is whom I follow. He suffered and died for me. Can I ask for anything less than my Master and my future Spouse?

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='IamMyBeloveds' timestamp='1320370716' post='2331076']
This is a question I [u]often[/u] ask myself, having entered and then left (not by my own accord).
To those who have posted, thank you to all for their honesty in this thread. How incredibly helpful it has been to read and understand that many of us who have left religious life (whether we wanted to or not), are learning how to cope prayerfully with the hurt. Healing is challenging and a long and difficult road, and I can totally relate to this journey. It's good to know we're not alone in our struggles and doubts! Thank God for Phatmass!

[b]Is religious life challenging?[/b] [u]Yes.[/u] I cannot even put into words how challenging it is, especially because people in religious life are human, including yourself!! This is something people tend to overlook when romanticizing the idea of religious life. I did before I entered the first time. [b]Is religious life beautiful in the midst of those challenges?[/b] [u]Yes.[/u] I sincerely loved my time in the convent and gained an immense amount from my experience. To be totally Christ's is unfathomable. To dedicate every moment of your life consecrated to Him is a true gift! I cannot wait to do this again! By God's grace I am re-entering my same community next summer.

Religious life, for me, was a challenging road filled with joys but also a lot of hurt. Months after leaving, I was able to reconnect with the community and understand the truth of what had happened at the time and why it was so hard for me at the time. In short, the experience and environment I had of religious life [u]at that specific time in community[/u] were not considered an authentic experience of formation. Therefore, I was given the opportunity to re-enter.
I was told that the things that had transpired and my response to these experiences wasn't my fault. (I got sick a LOT from the stress at the time). I was given a huge apology for all the hurts I had experienced while with them and invited, in God's time and mine, to re-enter should I so desire. How incredibly healing it was to hear this! I felt totally validated for the struggles I had dealt with and questions I had pondered in the back of my mind while there. How healing it was to hear many of them them say, "We never understood why you 'wanted' to leave! Apart from being sick, you were always so happy!"

In God's precious and healing time, I am thrilled to be going back, but every now and then I still have my doubts.
Sometimes I still question, "Can I really do this all over again?", "Do I have what it takes?", "Am I just kidding myself?"

But then I remember that God took my life beautifully and led me thus far. I trusted Him once and so I trust Him again. It is pride to focus on myself so much. If I'm meant to be a religious, God will give me the grace to do it. And I will have the ability and perseverance to daily accept that grace and take up my cross and follow Him.
Upon leaving the convent, I said after my last community Vespers, "Lord, I have no idea what to pray. What do You want me to even pray right now?" I looked up at Him in the tabernacle and said, "Fiat, Be it done unto me according to Your word;" And so I say this again upon re-entering. As cliche as the next quote may sound, it rings true within my own life: "I have no idea what the future holds for me. But I know who holds my future." And Christ crucified is whom I follow. He suffered and died for me. Can I ask for anything less than my Master and my future Spouse?
[/quote]

Beautiful. There are no words.

[AccountDeleted]

[quote name='IamMyBeloveds' timestamp='1320370716' post='2331076']
This is a question I [u]often[/u] ask myself, having entered and then left (not by my own accord).
To those who have posted, thank you to all for their honesty in this thread. How incredibly helpful it has been to read and understand that many of us who have left religious life (whether we wanted to or not), are learning how to cope prayerfully with the hurt. Healing is challenging and a long and difficult road, and I can totally relate to this journey. It's good to know we're not alone in our struggles and doubts! Thank God for Phatmass!

[b]Is religious life challenging?[/b] [u]Yes.[/u] I cannot even put into words how challenging it is, especially because people in religious life are human, including yourself!! This is something people tend to overlook when romanticizing the idea of religious life. I did before I entered the first time. [b]Is religious life beautiful in the midst of those challenges?[/b] [u]Yes.[/u] I sincerely loved my time in the convent and gained an immense amount from my experience. To be totally Christ's is unfathomable. To dedicate every moment of your life consecrated to Him is a true gift! I cannot wait to do this again! By God's grace I am re-entering my same community next summer.

Religious life, for me, was a challenging road filled with joys but also a lot of hurt. Months after leaving, I was able to reconnect with the community and understand the truth of what had happened at the time and why it was so hard for me at the time. In short, the experience and environment I had of religious life [u]at that specific time in community[/u] were not considered an authentic experience of formation. Therefore, I was given the opportunity to re-enter.
I was told that the things that had transpired and my response to these experiences wasn't my fault. (I got sick a LOT from the stress at the time). I was given a huge apology for all the hurts I had experienced while with them and invited, in God's time and mine, to re-enter should I so desire. How incredibly healing it was to hear this! I felt totally validated for the struggles I had dealt with and questions I had pondered in the back of my mind while there. How healing it was to hear many of them them say, "We never understood why you 'wanted' to leave! Apart from being sick, you were always so happy!"

In God's precious and healing time, I am thrilled to be going back, but every now and then I still have my doubts.
Sometimes I still question, "Can I really do this all over again?", "Do I have what it takes?", "Am I just kidding myself?"

But then I remember that God took my life beautifully and led me thus far. I trusted Him once and so I trust Him again. It is pride to focus on myself so much. If I'm meant to be a religious, God will give me the grace to do it. And I will have the ability and perseverance to daily accept that grace and take up my cross and follow Him.
Upon leaving the convent, I said after my last community Vespers, "Lord, I have no idea what to pray. What do You want me to even pray right now?" I looked up at Him in the tabernacle and said, "Fiat, Be it done unto me according to Your word;" And so I say this again upon re-entering. As cliche as the next quote may sound, it rings true within my own life: "I have no idea what the future holds for me. But I know who holds my future." And Christ crucified is whom I follow. He suffered and died for me. Can I ask for anything less than my Master and my future Spouse?
[/quote]

IAMB - I can't begin to tell you how happy your post made me for so many reasons. First, you have been healing and trusting in God's love. Second, your community acknowledged your hurt and apologised (I can't tell you how rare that is!!) and third, you have been invited to re-enter and try again and well, maybe fourth, you have agreed to try! What grace, what incredible grace.

Not to make this about myself, but what I wouldn't give to have been told by even one of the communities where I experienced either abuse or just plain old rejection through no fault of my own that they had not only corrected the situation but also acknowledged the hurt it caused me and invited me to try again! Wow. My heart leaps for joy for you. I have heard from two of the communities where I was before (because despite all the pain I still stay in touch with them) that elections have changed the leadership and the environment but no one has had the courage to tell me the things you have been told or to invite me back. I guess they can't face this.

So God is using a different way to call me, and expecting me to just trust Him, which is beautiful, but I still can't help but rejoice at your experience. I think most of us would like those who have hurt us to at least acknowledge that they have done so, even if they can't make reparation for the pain, but your community is doing both. I respect them for this immensely and will keep you in my prayers to make a clean, fresh start. I hope you can let the past go now and start anew. Blessings for you. And thank you for sharing that with us.

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='nunsense' timestamp='1320371491' post='2331086']

IAMB - I can't begin to tell you how happy your post made me for so many reasons. First, you have been healing and trusting in God's love. Second, your community acknowledged your hurt and apologised (I can't tell you how rare that is!!) and third, you have been invited to re-enter and try again and well, maybe fourth, you have agreed to try! What grace, what incredible grace.

Not to make this about myself, but what I wouldn't give to have been told by even one of the communities where I experienced either abuse or just plain old rejection through no fault of my own that they had not only corrected the situation but also acknowledged the hurt it caused me and invited me to try again! Wow. My heart leaps for joy for you. I have heard from two of the communities where I was before (because despite all the pain I still stay in touch with them) that elections have changed the leadership and the environment but no one has had the courage to tell me the things you have been told or to invite me back. I guess they can't face this.

So God is using a different way to call me, and expecting me to just trust Him, which is beautiful, but I still can't help but rejoice at your experience. I think most of us would like those who have hurt us to at least acknowledge that they have done so, even if they can't make reparation for the pain, but your community is doing both. I respect them for this immensely and will keep you in my prayers to make a clean, fresh start. I hope you can let the past go now and start anew. Blessings for you. And thank you for sharing that with us.
[/quote]

I know [b]IAmMyBeloveds[/b] personally and all I can say is that her Provincial Superior has a heart of gold. We must pray for her!

[Aya Sophia]

[font=arial, helvetica, sans-serif][size=4][color=#222222]Wonderful thread...thanks DtA for starting it and all for sharing such valuable insights. Glad to have caught this before flying away.[/color][/size][/font]


[font=arial, helvetica, sans-serif][size=4]St. Frances de Sales says: "Look well into your heart and see if you have resolution enough to die to yourself and live only for God."[/size][/font]
[font=arial, helvetica, sans-serif][size=4][color=#222222] [/color][/size][/font]
[font=arial, helvetica, sans-serif][size=4][color=#222222][color=#222222]Do I have such resolution? I have an understanding of such resolution but...do I actually have it? [/color] [/color][/size][/font]
[font=arial, helvetica, sans-serif][size=4][color=#222222] [/color][/size][/font]
[font=arial, helvetica, sans-serif][size=4][color=#222222][color=#222222]All I have experience of is my own weakness. I tremble when I remember that , if this is to be done, it must be the Lord who does it. All I can do is allow Him to operate in me and I must allow this otherwise it is impossible. [/color][/color][/size][/font]

[Lisa]

All of your responses have given me a lot to think about. The short answer, like many others have said, is a resounding "no." I am striving for greater holiness, abandonment, detachment, and love of Christ everyday, but fail miserably in some way everyday, too. We can all use this time of discernment, waiting to enter, etc. to pray that He will give us the grace.

While I know that religious are people who have faults, I'm sure it will be a challenge to accept that past the theoretical and love them each as Christ sees them. That is something I'm working on right now. I still get way too attached to people. These are all things I need to work on each day as I discern. But I'm trusting that He will do what I cannot.

At this point, however, I think that I need to follow what I believe is God's will, despite how naturally hard it will be.

[Deus te Amat]

Thank you all for your beautiful, wonderful replies. I hope to reply more later, but in the meantime, some scripture. (Ironically, this is my favorite Scripture passage. I really need to start running to God, first )

[quote] Yet I consider life of no importance to me, if only if I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to bear witness to the gospel of God's grace. ~ Acts 20:24[/quote]

An active religious vocation is a life of testimony to the workings inspired by [i]God's grace[/i].

God is so good.


Brain explosion.

Night, all.

[Carmelshrimp]

I never felt I had what it takes and I still don't. If I'd waited to "know" I'd never have even got started. I think that's why the whole discernment process is so important. We don't rely solely on our own feelings, whether those feelings are of certainty or inadequacy, but we open ourselves to the wisdom of our confessors, SDs etc who we trust to help us hear what God is truly calling us to do and to be. In the end though, if they agree that this is something we may be called to, we have to be prepared to make that leap of faith that gives God the unconditional "yes" and to try because that's the only way we'll ever really find out. And as Nunsense, Faith and others have discovered, that doesn't mean it'll necessarily be plain sailing from there on. God doesn't operate a press gang though, so he only invites us. We don't have to accept the invitation but if we do and we've discerned his will correctly, I can't imagine any greater joy.

[AccountDeleted]

[quote name='Carmelshrimp' timestamp='1320403292' post='2331192']
I never felt I had what it takes and I still don't. If I'd waited to "know" I'd never have even got started. I think that's why the whole discernment process is so important. We don't rely solely on our own feelings, whether those feelings are of certainty or inadequacy, but we open ourselves to the wisdom of our confessors, SDs etc who we trust to help us hear what God is truly calling us to do and to be. In the end though, if they agree that this is something we may be called to, we have to be prepared to make that leap of faith that gives God the unconditional "yes" and to try because that's the only way we'll ever really find out. And as Nunsense, Faith and others have discovered, that doesn't mean it'll necessarily be plain sailing from there on. God doesn't operate a press gang though, so he only invites us. We don't have to accept the invitation but if we do and we've discerned his will correctly, I can't imagine any greater joy.
[/quote]


"I can't imagine any greater joy." Yes, this. But at the same time, remember that those whom God calls, He also purifies. I always like to think of Jeremiah, who was called by God, or as he put it "You seduced me, Lord, and I let myself be seduced." There are other translations of this including 'tricked' instead of seduced, but I like the idea of God loving us so much that he seduces us with Himself. Jeremiah tried to turn away from the call but couldn't because his heart burned with love for God.

[Carmelshrimp]

Couldn't agree more Nunsense. God's call is VERY seductive and all the analogies that work for me are the ones around lovers/marriage etc. The fact that God purifies those he calls is pretty important too - otherwise we'd by trying to answer that call, whatever it might be for each individual, in our own strength and not trusting in his grace. Receipe for disaster every time.

[AccountDeleted]

[quote name='Carmelshrimp' timestamp='1320405360' post='2331200']
Couldn't agree more Nunsense. God's call is VERY seductive and all the analogies that work for me are the ones around lovers/marriage etc. The fact that God purifies those he calls is pretty important too - otherwise we'd by trying to answer that call, whatever it might be for each individual, in our own strength and not trusting in his grace. Receipe for disaster every time.
[/quote]


I know there are people who don't relate to the whole spousal imagery, and I respect that, but for me, it is the only thing that captures the full extent of the depth of intimacy that God demands of me and indeed bestows upon me too. St John of the Cross wrote the Spiritual Canticle completely embracing this imagery to the point of describing the initial seduction, the betrothal and the marriage and consummation. And indeed, how could one consider giving up the intimacies of a human married relationship without the belief that God offers Himself in a way that is spiritually but equally as intimate and loving? I know we are all different, but Jesus as my spouse 'works for me'.

[FutureSister2009]

The problem is I want to go and TRY and no one is even letting me do that. I really hate that I'm still forced to wait. And I hate it when people talk negatively about Religious Life. Clearly it's hard but I'm up for the challenge. People don't seem to care or even want me to be happy

[Feankie]

. [i]People don't seem to care or even want me to be happy[/i]

But FS, it's not people you need to validate or celebrate your desire for religious life, is it? It's between you and the Lord. HE is happy for you, HE cares for/about you, not people. And his Blessed Mother must surely have you in her care and she desires your happiness as well. Always remember that humans are weak and flawed and they will disappoint you more often than you expect. Keep your eyes, heart, soul, mind focused on your Beloved. He will not disappoint.