Being Open About Feelings Of Vocation

[beatitude]

I don't have much time to write this, so I'll keep it brief.

How open are you about your sense of vocation? In the years when I felt (or wanted to feel) that I was called to be a nun, I told pretty much everyone about it, even people I scarcely knew. It was as if I was trying to make it become real through publicising it.

Tonight I'm going to my campus discernment group for the first time. Because of my experience last time, I'm wary of walking in and announcing to the room that I feel called to life in secular institute, even though I'm nearing the application stage now. I begin to wonder if my willingness to tell almost anyone about my sense of religious vocation was in fact a sign that it wasn't genuine - after all, do engaged couples go blurting out all their intimacies to the world?

I have begun to think that a certain kind of reserve is a necessary part of discernment. What are other people's thoughts on this? How do you choose whom you tell? What prompts you to talk, and what makes you keep quiet? How much do you share?

[marigold]

[quote name='beatitude' timestamp='1320259064' post='2330360']
do engaged couples go blurting out all their intimacies to the world?
[/quote]

Lol yes!

It's totally understandable to want to blurt to everyone! Only my confessor and godmother/best friend knew until I had applied and been accepted. That worked for me. My parents etc. were told when I [s]couldn't put it off any longer[/s] had a vague idea about entrance dates. Nowadays, when I meet people, I'll still rather introduce myself as a nanny than someone about to enter the monastery, but if the conversation goes that way I'm happy to be open about it. It's like, you wouldn't introduce yourself as, 'I'm Jane and I'm engaged to someone called John' At least I wouldn't. It's not 'wrong', just not needed. IMHO.

Congratulations by the way!

[OnlySunshine]

It's difficult to tell people that you are discerning because of the reactions I have gotten. But, thankfully, I had a predecessor in my friend, Lindy, who was in the CRHP group, too, and told people that she was entering religious life 2 weeks after our weekend. So, when I told them I was discerning, I've gotten nothing but kind-hearted responses! In fact, all of my CRHP sisters have been praying for me and everytime I see one of them, they ask me when my retreat date is and how long do I have. They are so sweet.

As for my family, my mom knows. She has been SO supportive! Unfortunately, my godmother/aunt and two of my other aunts know. All of them were raised Catholic, but all of them are trying to talk me out of it. I don't like discussing it with them because they are not very supportive. I actually did not tell them the second time when I started discerning again. My mom brought it up. You should have seen the look I gave her like, "Hey!?!?"

My paternal grandmother and aunt know, too, and they are Protestants. I don't think either one of them know much about it, but they are very supportive of my happiness. When I told my grandmother that I was visiting the RSMs this month, she gave me money to buy a warm coat.

Unfortunately, in January 2009, I blurted out that I was going to visit the Carmelite DCJ Sisters the next month and that I thought I was called there (before my visit ). Since then, I've only let a few continue to know my vocational journey. One girl from my parish and young adult group paid for my airfare to the RSMs. Another has been a source of support in prayers. Yet another, who I met while I was discerning with the Carmelites in St. Louis, has been like my vocational buddy, especially since she went on hiatus from her order. Praised be Jesus Christ that she is returning in June 2012!

Other than that, I don't like to tell many people at all. I have to feel totally comfortable with the person before I tell them since it is such a private, personal thing.

Edited November 2, 2011 by MaterMisericordiae

[faithcecelia]

I kept it quiet for a long time, but was actually suprised when I did start telling people - it seemed I was the last to know about my vocation and no one at all was remotely suprised! I also have had no really negative reactions to it - confusion and incomprehension, yes, but not real negativity.

When I was first sent away I was in a very fragile state and actually in a state of shock. As such, I couldn't have made up an alternative story had I wanted to, so it was no real secret, but again, I don't introduce myself saying 'Hi, I'm Faith and I'm going to be a nun!'.


I agree with Marigold that engaged couples do tend to tell the world! When I was first discerning, in fact, I dreaded talking to one work colleague daily as her sole topic of conversation was her upcoming wedding - even over a year before it took place! There are times now though, especially with my new friends at church, when I wish they weren't so interested as I feel I am always talking about my plans, but I rarely bring the subject up myself. I actually see this current stage, and the conversations it brings, as part of my calling as I believe and trust that God is working through my experiences to help others.

[Carmelshrimp]

The peculiar thing about religious vocation is the mixture of very deep and private feelings and the (perceived) right of other people to ask intensely personal questions about them. I can't imagine bouncing up to a newly married couple and asking them "So how was the wedding night? Give me all the details" but that's how it is for us. "Do you feel different?", "Describe what happened", "What's it like?" are all examples of questions I've been asked by people I hardly know. For anybody familiar with Myers-Briggs stuff, I'm an INTJ and the prospect of somebody inviting themselves into my heart and soul and having a good rummage around is extremely distasteful. At the same time I feel I'll be a lousy example of somebody answering a vocation if I invite them (in all charity of course) to mind their own business. So I smile and make fairly anodyne comments, doubtless giving the impression that this thing which is the joy of my life isn't really a very big deal. Fun isn't it?

[i<3franciscans]

I have not told many people. Only a few of my really close friends really know about my vocation, but I am so glad they know. With them I feel like I have someone to talk to ever though they are not called to religious life. They are really supportive too. They are so proud to have a friend called to religious life. I don't know what I would do without them!

[marigold]

[quote name='Carmelshrimp' timestamp='1320268027' post='2330433']
The peculiar thing about religious vocation is the mixture of very deep and private feelings and the (perceived) right of other people to ask intensely personal questions about them. I can't imagine bouncing up to a newly married couple and asking them "So how was the wedding night? Give me all the details" but that's how it is for us. "Do you feel different?", "Describe what happened", "What's it like?" are all examples of questions I've been asked by people I hardly know. For anybody familiar with Myers-Briggs stuff, I'm an INTJ and the prospect of somebody inviting themselves into my heart and soul and having a good rummage around is extremely distasteful. At the same time I feel I'll be a lousy example of somebody answering a vocation if I invite them (in all charity of course) to mind their own business. So I smile and make fairly anodyne comments, doubtless giving the impression that this thing which is the joy of my life isn't really a very big deal. Fun isn't it?
[/quote]

Oh God Carmelshrimp, I agree entirely! I could have written every word of that. And a lot of my social and family circles are extremely suspicious of anything that might remotely smell like evangelising (=shoving things down your throat, not actual evangelism which looks very different) so I decided early on to take the relaxed attitude. Unfortunately I think some of them may have gone away thinking, 'So this guy is supposed to be the love of her life??' Hehe.

[beatitude]

Well, my dilemma about how much to tell was quite unnecessary, as the vocations group consisted just of me.

There is a certain lack of...action in my university chaplaincy. Please pray.

[marigold]

[quote name='faithcecelia' timestamp='1320264216' post='2330398']
There are times now though, especially with my new friends at church, when I wish they weren't so interested as I feel I am always talking about my plans, but I rarely bring the subject up myself.
[/quote]

I feel horribly ungrateful for even thinking this but yes it does get tiresome.

[LaPetiteSoeur]

[quote name='beatitude' timestamp='1320270439' post='2330453']
Well, my dilemma about how much to tell was quite unnecessary, as the vocations group consisted just of me.

There is a certain lack of...action in my university chaplaincy. Please pray.
[/quote]

I'm hoping my university starts a group for women. I may suggest it to the sister in charge of women's vocations in the diocese tomorrow.

Prayers for you!

[TheresaThoma]

Maybe it will pick up as things go on beatitude. Also do not rule out asking people who have never expressed an interest (or don't even have the slightest clue) to come. That is how it got started for me, my friends asked me to come to a discernment group. I had no clue what it was but I'm glad that I did go!

As far as how much to share about your vocation it really depends on the situation for me. Sometimes I will mention it if it will clarify where I am coming from in a conversation.

[MarysLittleFlower]

I have not told many people that I'm discerning, only a few close friends and a few priests I've spoken to... this is partially because I'm not totally sure if I have a vocation, and also because I haven't actually applied anywhere, but also because it seems so personal and private. If you've told many people though, I don't think that's necessarily wrong, maybe it depends on the motive. God bless

Edited November 2, 2011 by MarysLittleFlower

[brandelynmarie]

The last time I was discerning, I was very open about it & shared every little thing with just about anybody. Now...well, I am keeping much close to my heart for now & will share things with loved ones & my brothers & sisters of VS as they unfold...I did share with a couple friends recently & they both wanted me to talk to ex-nuns who are no longer in the Church! Yikes! Not helpful, people...so not helpful right now! (And tomorrow is not looking good for such a thing either... )

[Carmelshrimp]

[quote name='marigold' timestamp='1320270115' post='2330450']

Oh God Carmelshrimp, I agree entirely! I could have written every word of that. And a lot of my social and family circles are extremely suspicious of anything that might remotely smell like evangelising (=shoving things down your throat, not actual evangelism which looks very different) so I decided early on to take the relaxed attitude. Unfortunately I think some of them may have gone away thinking, 'So this guy is supposed to be the love of her life??' Hehe.
[/quote]

Glad it's not just me . I know I'm lucky in many ways because I've had nothing but support, but I do sometimes feel like an exotic specimen in a zoo - with the cage door left open so everybody who feels like it can give me a prod If they're expecting me to grow a second head or a halo round the head I've already got, they're going to have a very long wait

[LaPetiteSoeur]

No one knew for a year except for a sister friend who lives far away. It was awful not to have anyone to talk to. Then I found phatmass.

But then I also had to tell someone in the "real world" so I could get some serious discernment advice. I started with my school counselor who told me [i]I had to talk to Sr. C and Deacon M[/i]. As she put it, she wasn't a religious, so she really had no idea how to help. For some reason, I was terrified to telling Sr. C. Why, I have no idea. So I started with Deacon M. He basically said "That's great, LPS, but really, I'm a guy. You REALLY need to talk to a sister. Sr. C will know WAY more than I will. "Once I told Sr. C, we had a long heart-to-heart and her order started praying for me! She put me in touch with their VD, who suggested some good books. Today, we still email and I miss her friendly advice!

I then told my mom. She was supportive, but basically said "you need to go to univeristy and get a degree." I dropped thousands of hints around my Daddy, but he finally was told last night (he's bad at picking up hints! ) My grandmother one day was talking about a Life Awareness retreat, and I casually said "Oh, I've been to one of those." She finally figured it out and has been a prayer warrior for me ever since!

As far as friends go, I've only told two. One I've known since I was a year old. She has been wonderful and has helped me along the way. The other friend is my most "Catholic" friend and we've been in discernment together (her to marriage, me to the convent).

Very few professors here know. I only told those I had to for a project (see the Random vocations thread). They were very welcoming. There are quite a few guessers. My roommate swears I could be a nun like those in sister act. It might be because I've got a San Damiano Crucifix on my side of the room, but lots of people have those.

I'm sure lots of people guess! And if someone asks me, I either beat around the question (if I'm not familiar with them) and say something like "Well, if it's God's Will" (which is the truth) or if it's someone I do know well I'll say "Well, I'm discerning." But other than the people I had to tell (like parents, the sister and deacon for discernment help, and my two friends), I keep it to myself. Though if I do enter, I was told no one would be surprised.