Parental Support

[InPersonaChriste]

I am hugely blessed to have parents who support me in my vocation discernment.

I can tell my dad is super proud that I would even look into something like religious life. And he has told basically every priest in our diocese.. And every other parent. So when I walk with my Catholic friends, they somehow all know that I am discerning religious life.

I actually don't feel so awkward about it anymore. I get no response, or just very nice people asking me how I am doing (and I will pray for you). I was only awkward about it before because my mother warned me about people knowing I was discerning, and personal attacks. That they would also expect me to become a religious. Which really freaked me out, and then right after that a very respected priest gave a talk about spreading your vocation discernment process everywhere. And how it was a bad thing.

Because discernment is between you and God, not God, you, and your supporters.

So even if this spreading of my discernment could be damaging, I think its also helping a little. Some of my lifelong friends opened up and told me about their discernment. It is a fairly healthy enviroment. And I was not the one going around and telling people. I think I have only told 6 people (including my sister and my parents) and then it sort of spread... everywhere...

But back on what my dad was saying. I sort of bugged him a little about it in front of a friend. And the friend told me that if his daughters were discerning something such as me, he would be proud of them to and start spreading it around as my father had. The way he phrased the words were better than this and in a very kind voice.

It just shows me that my discomfort has been healed through gentle words. I actually feel quite content about it now.

Edited October 30, 2011 by InPersonaChriste

[AccountDeleted]

I think whether or not you talk about your discernment is a very personal thing. I feel comfortable telling some people at work about it but not others - it depends on who they are and what I think they might understand. I have been teased about it sometimes, but not in a bad way, and I just laugh it off unless I feel they need correction.

The first time I was entering Carmel, some of my friends gave a birthday party for me and made the theme 'black and white' in honour of my becoming a nun (they didn't know Carmelites wear brown! lol) and I thought it was really sweet of them to care enough to try to express their support.

As for parents, I know that some people have supportive parents and others don't. My mother was very anti-religion when I was growing up and when I talked about becoming a nun (long before I became Catholic) she told me it would be a 'waste of a life'. Today I would give anything to have her here with me so I could try to explain why I want to be a nun and how much I love Jesus - things I couldn't say then because I didn't understand myself why I felt called to something so alien to my upbringing!

I hope that young people will give thanks to God if they still have parents in their lives, whether they understand one's vocation or not. They aren't always with us, and once they are gone, the heart really longs for even another moment of conversation with them. My mother has been gone for 25 years and my father for 2 and I miss them both very much, even though I doubt either one of them could ever truly understand why I feel called to religious life. But that doesn't matter. they are souls, beloved by God, and I entrust them to His care.

[Aya Sophia]

IPC, how blessed and fortunate you are, indeed, to have parental and family support.

Regarding, not spreading your discernment abroad "Because discernment is between you and God, not God, you, and your supporters." - the discernment which is between self and God remains deep and interior but unfolds in a material setting which necessarily includes, um...other human beings. You don't have (and in fact you can't - it's not possible) to spill your deepest treasure in order to share your discernment with those others but it is a good and very healthy thing to share appropriately. This gives the process a wonderful sense of [u]normalcy[/u], a blessing not enjoyed by many people discerning vocations to RL.

Also, once you enter, your "supporters" in the world fall away as their role in helping you along is finished. Your discernment moves to its new and proper setting which is within the community. The members of your community will become your "supporters" as well but, of course, in a much different and more significant way, supporting the true stuff of your discernment which, as Father said, is between you and God - a delicate sharing and a dialogue of love with the Lord in your own heart.

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

I have had a lot of trouble with this. Let me first start by saying, my parents are totally supportive and okay with me entering the convent. When I was a little girl and I would say that I "want to be a nun when I grow up" my friends were less than supportive. Now that I am older, I have quite the group of supporters, but I also have quite the group of non-supporters. Which led me into questioning my vocation about a month ago. I would say, "Am I doing this for God as I should be? AM I doing this for myself? Am I being selfish? Am I doing this because people now expect this of me? Am I doing this for the people who are supportive of me?" I asked my confessor about it, and he said to me, "If God wants you to be His, no one will have you except for Him. You can play in the rain all you want, but no one will have you except for God." and after that and attending Mass that day, I felt MUCH better and any doubt left me. What I have done since then is asked certain people to pray for clarity with my vocation or to pray for me because I have been having issues regarding my vocation. That helped me a lot because people stopped telling me "how great" I was or whatever. Now it has become more of a 'between me and God' affair. I am happier with this arrangement I don't know how much of it I spread because I was excited that I felt called to the religious life again, or that it just was spread by word of mouth. I totally kept the cloistered thing between me and God for quite a long time, but then people started asking me what kind of nun I want to be. And of course I had to tell my parents, so, yeah...
I know that my heart will be broken many times when I leave and have to leave people that I love SO much, but at the same time my heart will be jumping for joy because I will finally be with my Beloved.

[LaPetiteSoeur]

Actually, for me it was necessary to tell some people. In order to complete several assignments for university, I needed to talk about my future plans--as in my [i]real[/i] future plans, not just the one I give to the random stranger. I had to tell the associate dean of the HC, and two directors of the HC for this assignment. They were incredibly supportive (see my post in the random vocations chat thread)

As far as friends go, I haven't told everyone. Only three friends know. I still haven't told my best friend yet. She's agnostic and wouldn't take it well. So for the time being, I'm praying for her, that way when I do have to tell her she doesn't completely freak out.

For family, my parents know and one of my grandmothers knows. But I"m pretty sure everyone (including friends) can already guess.

[MarysLittleFlower]

I have not really told anyone that I'm discerning except a few priests, and several of my friends.. my family do not know and I dont know how to tell them because I don't think they would agree. If I'll be certain that God is calling me, I would tell them. I'm glad that your family is supportive God bless!

Edited October 31, 2011 by MarysLittleFlower

[Feankie]

What a blessing your family supports your call to religious life. Mine asked me to wait (for university), to wait some more (graduate school), to wait even longer (to start my career). I did as was asked by plans changed along the way. I got married, had children, had grandchildren, but still feel that call. I really don't know what would have happened if I had entered when I wanted. Right now I can truly say I have had a wonderful life and my family, especially my grandchildren, gives me great joy. I've immersed myself in professional and volunteer ministry since I retired from medicine and it's been very fulfilling. But I ramble.....trying to get off caffeine/coffee has proven more difficult than expected!

[OnlySunshine]

My mom has been an angel regarding my discernment lately. She has been SO supportive! Yesterday, when I started feeling emotional during "The Summons" again, she consoled me and understands why that song gets to me. Our vocation director of the diocese was at Mass yesterday and was talking about parents supporting their children in discernment. He mentioned that 50% of priests who are in formation have little to no support at home and he wondered how many have been talked out of it to where they lost their vocational call from God. It was heartbreaking to hear. I would hope, should I ever discern marriage instead of religious life, that I would be VERY supportive to a future priest or religious vocation. He even mentioned that if your child has a vocation to the priesthood or religious life, then it is the parents' vocation to be supportive and be a moving force behind their child's true calling.

He also told a story of a priest who said that he was born for the priesthood. It was incredibly powerful to know that at 8 years old, the young boy wanted to go to the seminary and, when his father asked him if he knew what it entails (being set apart for God and his people), he gave the answer that that is WHY he wanted to do it! He knew he was born to be a priest. Just like the bird was born for the sky and the fish was born for the water. Incredibly beautiful and moving!

[Clare~Therese]

Well, when I started my own first little steps into discernment I just let my immediate family know--my parents and my brother. But now basically my entire extended family knows as well, and they're all either supportive or just kind of like, "Whatever" like they were almost expecting it.
My father doesn't understand it but he said he supports it if that's what will make me happy. And what would make me happy (in the long run, anyway) would be doing God's Will, whatever that is, starting here and now, in daily things.
The only person I've told outside of my family is a close friend of mine. He's supportive as well.
Though my grandfather, being how he is, has basically told [i]everyone[/i] he knows about my discernment thus far. Sometimes I worry if I'm just continuing to discern because all these people know about it now...but at the same time I know there's something else besides that driving me on--God, I suppose.
I'm not sure if this makes any sense.

[marigold]

[quote name='Clare~Therese' timestamp='1320099550' post='2329512']
Sometimes I worry if I'm just continuing to discern because all these people know about it now...but at the same time I know there's something else besides that driving me on--God, I suppose.
I'm not sure if this makes any sense.
[/quote]

Makes so much sense to me, CT.

[FutureSister2009]

I'm still working on parental support and I'm still on the fence about whether or not I want to continue at Desales. Right now, I really don't want to. All I've been feeling lately is stress

[marigold]

[quote name='FutureSister2009' timestamp='1320111126' post='2329619']
I'm still working on parental support and I'm still on the fence about whether or not I want to continue at Desales. Right now, I really don't want to. All I've been feeling lately is stress
[/quote]

Is that your college? How long have you got left?

[faithcecelia]

On the whole my parents are supportive - dad in his usual, quiet way and mother more emotionally. That also means that when she decides she objects, thats very emotionally too, but I am used to her extreme emotional behaviours due to her illness. I did have one very difficult day first time round when she was begging me not to go and to move home to look after her instead, and I had to tell her that I was not asking her permission but her blessing, and while I wanted little more than to have that blessing, I would go without it if necessary.

She is more stable now, and is fairly supportive, but if I am honest I don't really mind so much now, I am quite content to go regardless of whether my mother likes the idea or not. However, I am an adult (indeed, getting old! ) and so don't need her consent.

My brother and sister-in-law are amazingly supportive though, and my brother is actually going to meet SrMJ when I go for my live-in which means the world to me.

[regina_coeli]

Props to your brother!

Edited November 1, 2011 by regina_coeli

[faithcecelia]

[quote name='regina_coeli' timestamp='1320186005' post='2329964']
Props to you brother!
[/quote]


He is amazing. We never got on AT ALL growing up but now we are very close, and if either of us is getting it in the ear from mother, we check and warn the other!