Discerning Contemplative Carmelite Life

[DaughterOfMary]

[quote name='emmaberry' timestamp='1343434178' post='2459493']
DofMary: When is your visit?
[/quote]
I'll get there 17th October

[Marian]

[quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1319254794' post='2324997']
Welcome, Claire! While I can't be much help with the live-in experiences, I believed for a long time that I was called to the Discalced Carmelite Monastery. I was in contact with several, especially the Buffalo Carmel in NY and the Carmel in Terre Haute, IN. I finally came to the realization that God was calling me to a different way of life, so I looked into other orders, but still hold the Carmelites in high esteem. I think I had a bit of a love affair with them because, everytime I saw a Carmelite website, I thought I might be called there! But the Lord opened my eyes and helped me shed that romantic view. :
Anyway, I don't want to hijack your thread. I am so glad that you have decided to come here! I hope you find the monastery you are called to. I would highly recommend contacting the Carmel in Buffalo, NY ([url="http://www.carmelitenunsstjoseph.org/Buffalo.htm"]Discalced Carmelite Monastery of the Little Flower[/url]). Their Mother Prioress is such a dear (Mother Miriam). Even if you aren't called there, she will help you discern! I miss talking to her so much.
[/quote]


hello MaterMisericordiae I was at buffalo ny about 10 years ago. I was surprised to know that the mother superior there is still Mother Miriam. As I was talking to her I had this really strong feeling of wanting to be there. Her kindness and holiness shines forth as I was talking to her. But there was a "blank" feeling that night as i lay there in my bed.( my friend and I travelled from Philly to buffalo NY to be there and visit) . I felt almost empty that night. I felt blank or empty. At that time I took it as a sign that I was not meant for that monastery or that order.. And yet now I feel that pull again. I did try to consider other orders. But I kept wanting the Carmelite. I wish I can tell whether I was romanticising this or maybe this is really the order for me and that "blank' feeling that night was a sign that that GOd wants to empty my heart so that He could fill it with other things or maybe from the pressure of things and to help me have a clear mind. Since then many things happened in my life.. But my 8 day trip to fatima, portugal last year really made me think of carmel again.. So many things happened during that 8 days that explained many puzzling events that happened to me in my life, even puzzling dreams and visions which I thought I will only understand in the next life. ALL of them came to the surface and connected with each other that I was so overwhelm with the experience, mysterious things happened at the well where the angel appeared to the 3 children and a priest who was gifted I encountered in this trip who gave me a possible explanation to things. He said that it is important that we fulfil our vocation especially if

[emmaberry]

[quote name='Marian' timestamp='1348547355' post='2486359']
hello MaterMisericordiae I was at buffalo ny about 10 years ago. I was surprised to know that the mother superior there is still Mother Miriam. As I was talking to her I had this really strong feeling of wanting to be there. Her kindness and holiness shines forth as I was talking to her. But there was a "blank" feeling that night as i lay there in my bed.( my friend and I travelled from Philly to buffalo NY to be there and visit) . I felt almost empty that night. I felt blank or empty. At that time I took it as a sign that I was not meant for that monastery or that order.. And yet now I feel that pull again. I did try to consider other orders. But I kept wanting the Carmelite. I wish I can tell whether I was romanticising this or maybe this is really the order for me and that "blank' feeling that night was a sign that that GOd wants to empty my heart so that He could fill it with other things or maybe from the pressure of things and to help me have a clear mind. Since then many things happened in my life.. But my 8 day trip to fatima, portugal last year really made me think of carmel again.. So many things happened during that 8 days that explained many puzzling events that happened to me in my life, even puzzling dreams and visions which I thought I will only understand in the next life. ALL of them came to the surface and connected with each other that I was so overwhelm with the experience, mysterious things happened at the well where the angel appeared to the 3 children and a priest who was gifted I encountered in this trip who gave me a possible explanation to things. He said that it is important that we fulfil our vocation especially if
[/quote]

If you went to Fatima and felt drawn to Carmel again I would look into it. Our Blessed Mother has been known to grant many graces on that beautiful pilgrimage. Like MM said, I would call the Prioress who is very sweet and helpful. She may be able to assist you, and more importantly, it may make you feel better just to speak with her about your draw to Carmel and how you felt at the Monastery (is the Buffalo Carmel called a Monastery?)

[Jennifer]

[quote name='DaughterOfMary' timestamp='1342913630' post='2457673']
I'm going to visit the Carmelites in Lismore , Australia-
[url="http://www.flowerofcarmel.com/"]http://www.flowerofcarmel.com/[/url]
They are really lovely and invited me to meet them so I am going end of October to stay in their Guest cottage . Then they will see if they will invite me back for a live in .
[/quote]
I hope you have a wonderful visit to this lovely Community.................... Many prayers as you discern.

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='emmaberry' timestamp='1348566926' post='2486424']
If you went to Fatima and felt drawn to Carmel again I would look into it. Our Blessed Mother has been known to grant many graces on that beautiful pilgrimage. Like MM said, I would call the Prioress who is very sweet and helpful. She may be able to assist you, and more importantly, it may make you feel better just to speak with her about your draw to Carmel and how you felt at the Monastery (is the Buffalo Carmel called a Monastery?)
[/quote]

Yes, the Buffalo Carmel is a monastery.

[url="http://www.carmelitenunsstjoseph.org/Buffalo.htm"]Carmelite Monastery of the Little Flower in Buffalo, NY[/url]

[mantellata]

[quote name='Marian' timestamp='1348547355' post='2486359']
But there was a "blank" feeling that night as i lay there in my bed.( my friend and I travelled from Philly to buffalo NY to be there and visit) . I felt almost empty that night. I felt blank or empty. At that time I took it as a sign that I was not meant for that monastery or that order.. And yet now I feel that pull again. I did try to consider other orders. But I kept wanting the Carmelite.[/quote]

Have you considered that the "blank" feeling might have more to do with the fact that you had a super long trip to get there, had a lot of emotional energy invested (rightly) just to get you there and then experienced the "high" of feeling drawn when speaking to Mother and had a natural endorphin crash in the evening? (Sort of like a sugar high and sugar low.) I would put more stock into an evaluation of what it is that draws you (the emotional desire part isn't bad..... it's likely present with a true vocation but isn't the only indicator in my limited experience) to Carmel and that [b]particular[/b] Carmel. What is it about the Carmelite spirituality that tugs at your heart and makes you believe that there you can find God most surely and easily? What is their formation program like? (Questions not for me -- but for you to ask yourself and the Mother Superior / Vocation Director).

I definitely think that you should write them again and develop a relationship. See where that leads rather than worrying one way or another that the "blank feeling" was a sign..... either a sign against or for your vocation.

Prayers for you!

[Chiquitunga]

All Carmels are monasteries They just often call them "Carmels" but most of the time in their official titles/addresses, it is written as monastery.. first "Discalced Carmelite Nuns" then the name of the monastery. For instance, Buffalo is "Monastery of the Little Flower of Jesus" Brooklyn is "Monastery of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel & St. Joseph" Alexandria is "Monastery of Our Mother of Mercy & St. Joseph" Dallas is "Monastery of the Infant Jesus of Prague & St. Joseph" etc.

Some Carmels tend to use the word Carmel more in their address like the Carmel of Jesus, Mary & Joseph, but I have also seen their address written as Monastery of Jesus, Mary & Joseph on something printed by themselves.

[Marian]

[quote name='mantellata' timestamp='1348571572' post='2486432']
Have you considered that the "blank" feeling might have more to do with the fact that you had a super long trip to get there, had a lot of emotional energy invested (rightly) just to get you there and then experienced the "high" of feeling drawn when speaking to Mother and had a natural endorphin crash in the evening? (Sort of like a sugar high and sugar low.) I would put more stock into an evaluation of what it is that draws you (the emotional desire part isn't bad..... it's likely present with a true vocation but isn't the only indicator in my limited experience) to Carmel and that [b]particular[/b] Carmel. What is it about the Carmelite spirituality that tugs at your heart and makes you believe that there you can find God most surely and easily? What is their formation program like? (Questions not for me -- but for you to ask yourself and the Mother Superior / Vocation Director).

I definitely think that you should write them again and develop a relationship. See where that leads rather than worrying one way or another that the "blank feeling" was a sign..... either a sign against or for your vocation.

Prayers for you!
[/quote]

Thank you for your prayers.. What I am about to say is a longgg story.. and you dont have to read it.. but this is what happened in fatima,,

I am sorry my original post was cut ... but i was going to mention that the priest in the trip to fatima with us had made the suggestion about carmel.. because even though i was attracted to carmel because of that blank feeling i think i started try not to give any attention to the special feeling i feel about the order. But the priest suggested it because he asks me if I think I may have a call to be a religious and i said i did consider before and then he asked which order do i feel most drawn to.. and so i said carmel.. He asked these questions because of what I mentioned to him...



Before I begin my story about my trip to fatima.. i have to say some of the things that became significant at fatima.. i wanted to share these because there might be something else that i didn't see and one might see.

FIRST- Childhood Dreams

When I was a child, before I entered kindergarten, I had a "dream" ( i say a dream because i am not sure if it is something i saw in tv, a vision or something i just imagined but as far as i know was impressed in my mind that early). I dreamt that i was walking in this- either a park or a really big garden.. tailored grass.. some trees.. quiet place.. There was a person walking at my right who was a little ahead but right beside me. I dont know how he look like expcet when i think back i could see him only at the side of my eye..he had dark hair and was about early to mid 20's he was wearing what look like a habit.. now the color - it as weird.. because everytime i think it is brown,, it becomes gray in my memory but when i think it gray it becomes brown,.. so it gave it in my memory the color of a tree trunk, Ahead of us about 20 feet was a well.. this person was saying something important but i do not remember what he said in this dream

fast forward to 5 years ago....

I was infront of the blessed sacrament and i dont know how it happened since i never left where i was.. but i saw myself back in that garden sitting on the ground leaning my back on the well and this person who was walking with me took a - wooden cup (it looked like it's made of coconut or bamboo) he took water from the well and gave it to me to drink.

ST. ANTHONY

St anthony was a saint i see inside the church all the time as a child and yet i never had a devotion to him.. I think it was only after i graduated from college that I have learned how powerful his intercession is. I was feeling confused at that time and was going to mass everyday to our parish, stella maris.. one day i decided to go to the nearby parish.. the parish of mt carmel.. after mass,. i decided to pray in front of each statues there. Now throughout before i had made many novenas to different saints,,EXCEPT st. anthony...lol..

But That day after mass, as i was mentally speaking to each saint. i noticed st. anthony was one of these statues. because i hadnt had devotion to him, i didn't really ask like i would ask st. therese or the BVM or st. joseph. It was almost like asking a stranger i suppose..lol.. BUT.. as i was praying.. there was like this.. i cant explain it but if i would put it to physical term.. almost like a light bulb lit up...spiritually. and since many things happened that are good. Because of that I started considering him as a friend.. asking his intercession in many things major and minor.. and i noticed ALL was being granted.. even the ones that i thought was impossible!!..lol..I used to joke with my friend.. that i think this saint really like me! Because sometimes my request arent even ask persuasive or desperate.. it could be just a mention.. But i think the it is because the more favors he interceeded for more the more i become confident with my request.. that my doubt became less and less. I feel that sometimes intercessory of a saint coupled with the how much faith or comfidence you have that GOD will grant it is what grants some of the requests. DIdnt it say in the bible through one's faith it will be done.. even if one has faith of mustard seed? well that's the size of my devotion to st. anthony when i was a child and when i first pray in front of him-the size of a mustard seed.. lol..

ST PIO-

St. Padre Pio have had some significant in my spirituality as well. in 2003 I went to see live in Barto pennsylvania his canonization via satellite from Rome. It was there I met this really religious woman who took me in many different churches and my spiritual life came alive.. But during the time St, Pio was baing canonized.. I was asking him(st pio) what I should do or what devotion I should have.. Then immediately at that moment i started thinking of the poor souls in purgatory.. i keep thinking about it and cannot stop.. so when i went home, i googled purgartory.. Now I had pretty good idea what purgartory was.. but now i want to learn more.. It was strange after typing the word "purgatory" the first website i click , showed a picture of padre pio and he had a quote saying that there are more people from the other side than the living when he says his masses.. So ever since I started devoting myself for the poor soul in purgatory..

3 days later.. now things became even stranger..

I went to sleep and I had a strange dream where I saw padre pio in his younger years about 30-40 years of age and I was at the shrine of st. john neumann.. and instead of st. john neumann it was padre pio lying there with his arms crossed on his chest and he started to move!. Pope JOhn Paul II was there also saying the mass.. He was also young. I was just looking at the side of the altar.. then the scene change.. Padre pio was in a hospital.. he was in this old hospital bed that was up about 45 degree angle. and he was surrounded by men wearing white.. they look like priests.. and at the foot of his bed was again.. pope john paul ii.. Padre Pio was upset and he jerked up, pointed at the pope and started talking in a language that was strange, it was not english.. i understood that what he said.." why didn't you tell the world about fatima? that is the only way the world can be saved.." This scene made me afraid because as he was talking there was thunder and lightning.. it like watching an old movie.. When I awoke i tried to google the 3rd secret and it says that it was already revealed.. so.. i am not sure what that dream was about.. But I think something about Padre Pio is so mysterious..

My friend whom i met at the canonization was driving and made the wrong turn to a one way street and 2 policeman came up to her.. She didn't know why she started talking about padre pio or why she shown a picture she took of the sky during his canonization.. the two policeman was surprise to see angels in the sky.. and decided not to give her a ticket.. my friend looked at the picture and couldn't see these beings.. few days later when she showed me i didn't see anything but the sky.. That's what happened to my friend.. BUT my friend and I believe that everysingle person who attended the canonization probably have something spiritual happened to them as well...

MY GRANDMA OR A STRANGER?

2 weeks before my grandma died years ago I had a dream that I was in our hometown and she was driving a car and i was at the passenger seat.. it was nighttime.. it's strange because she didn't drive in real life and she looked different.. she looked nordic.lol.. my grandma has dark hair.. But in this dream she looked different.. she took me inside a mansion that has a grand staircase.. at the bottom was a grand piano.. and standing near it she said.. " The are some mansions that look grand.. but they really arent.. and some that doesn't look so grand but they really are.."



NOTE: all these things happened in different years throughout my life that i wondered and was puzzled about ,,,until fatima.

NOW THE FATIMA EXPERIENCE..

I wanted to take a religious trip.. but unlike the trip i had the year before where i went to france (lourdes,lisieux,paris, nevers) i thought i needed a more relax trip where i can stay at one place.. and i didn't want to spend so much this time.. so after checking the regina tours i decided to book for their fatima tour which was around the end of august or the beginning of september,. But God has other plans. Regina Tours called me and said that their tour was already fullybooked so i had to look elsewhere.. But all the other tour companies who offered a Fatima tour was around October and later.. I really wanted to go as early as possible because i felt i needed the rest and before October because I think it might be too cold to be walking around europe if it is around October or later.... Looking around I found that there is only one tour company that offers fatima before October at that time.. and it was the same tour company (206tours) I used to booked my trip to france the year before. Their earliest fatima tour was September 21-30.. So i took that one. It was funny I was thinking of a trip to fatima and never thought that we would be passing lisbonne ..

What is in lisbonne? St. Anthony. So on September 22 we went to see the birthplace and where he was baptised..

Then the following day.. We were at the bus and praying the rosary as we were entering fatima.. ..the priest mentioned it is Padre Pio Feastday! I was amazed.. I thought to myself that it would be an unusual day.. Anyway to make it fast.. the Hotel we went to stay at has the same name as me -Maria.. it has only one street in front of it .. named "antonio rua" (St. Anthony Street) and if you follow this street it will lead you to the gate of the fatima shrine.. Then inside was a wall..(the berlin wall") because the fall of communism is in the prophecy... when we went to the museum the guide pointed and i turned back and there was the crown which contained the bullet that was used to shoot pope john paul II) He was the pope in the third secret and also the pope that caused the fall of berlinwall. Still on padre pio's feast day.. we headed to the well where the angel appeared to the children.. I saw the well and thought to have a picture taken as souvenir.. so i asked one of my co-pilgrims to take my picture.. after taking the pictures.. she asked me to check if she did it right.. We both looked and was shocked because I was not in the picture.. Only the well the 3 children and the angel.. I would have thought that she could have cut me out of the picture.. but i was right in the middle beside the well.. and we are surrounded by the angel and 3 children..

Our priest everytime he says a mass always mentions the poor soul in purgatory .. so one night when he happened to seat beside me for dinner i asked him and he said he has a devotion to the poor souls..

Now all my co-pilgrimas were only in fatima for 3 days and would head to spain .. except fort this one lady whom many didn't like.. and i regret to say i was one of them.. the reason being that she liked noticing faullts of everything and always have something not so nice to say.. we have buffet for breakfast which was from 7-10 , our lunch is on our own.. which means that we didn't have to be with each other during that time.. however.. dinner time was a seat in for 8 days.. Back then I though ," oh no, i have to listen to her saying not so nice things about people she met..." and i was not disappointed..lol.. But then as days passed.. i started to stare at her as she speaks.. I realized.. she is the woman in my dream.. the one whom i thought was my grandma.. the one who said that some mansion are grand but not really and some are not grand but they really are.."



SO.. this is my experience.. I met with the priest the night before he left with the group to spain.. He asked me about the water I drink if it was bitter or sweet.. and i really dont remember.. i think it was refreshing.. it was water.. he also asked if I think i may have a calling.. and i said i did think before and he asked what order.. i said i thought about carmel.. and he said.. "do you know lucia was carmelite?" also he said if it is what it means .. being cloistered is like dying into the world it is like dissappearing like in the picture..

Im sorry for those whom i bored about my story.. I am looking for a spiritual director right now.. because my spiritual director had died few years ago..

[inperpetuity]

Hi Marian, Thank you for sharing this story. It is really amazing. I had a similiar experience as a child, but instead of a dream something happened when I went through the woods and came out the other side with some of my friends where I saw and was surrounded by incredible beauty and peace that I couldn't believe it. My friends tried to get me to leave and I didn't want to go and when I tried to explain what happened to my parents, they thought I was imagining it. I think I was about 6 or 7. Anyway, I don't think your story was boring and agree with you that looking for a sd is a good idea. Your story kind of reminds me of the book, "Three White Veils for Sandra". You can find it on Amazon or biblio.com, but it's the story of a woman who had a vocation to Carmel but followed a very winding road to eventually get there. One of the signs she saw was the words, NADA NADA NADA on a tree during a violent storn that she had gotten stuck in with her horse. She had a major conversion at Lourdes. The story is about Allesandra di Rudini who eventually became Mother Mary of Jesus and completed the foundation of Paray and also founded the Reposoir Carmel. I found that book very encouraging and helpful in my own discernment process. Sorry to ramble on, but thanks for sharing that and God Bless you in your discernment of His will.

[Marian]

Thank you for sharing about that book.. I looked and i noticed the book is quite old. I am thinking of ordering the book.. but what does NADA NADA NADA means on a tree during a violent storm???

If you also dont mind me asking.. what was it that you saw in the woods?

In the past I went on retreat to the woods also..in a hermitage. i went to minnesote...---> [url="http://www.paceminterris.org/"]http://www.paceminterris.org/[/url] it was as if i was led by God to go there.. my friend who was supposed to go with me backed out the last minute.. and when i arrived there i thought there was a group of females who were going on retreat so all the hermitages within the 80 acres are full.. but it turned out i was to spend the whole day and night by myself.. and it rained really hard.. i had only this little lighting and i was given the fathest hermitage from the staff house (st joseph house) --the st. francis hermitage.. you can see it is at the other end..lol [url="http://www.paceminterris.org/experience-pacem/the-hermitages/"]http://www.paceminterris.org/experience-pacem/the-hermitages/[/url] and i am not someone who easily get scared but ... i have never been in the woods... it is amazing the kinds of sounds it makes at night..lol.. and i kept waking up every night at around 12 am... when the group came and i was at the library of the staff house.. ive spoken to someone who also wakes up at 12 am.. and we learned we both have same inclination to pray at that time.. well at lunchtime we were told that there were talks before that these area are former indian burial ground..




[quote name='inperpetuity' timestamp='1348631745' post='2486807']
Hi Marian, Thank you for sharing this story. It is really amazing. I had a similiar experience as a child, but instead of a dream something happened when I went through the woods and came out the other side with some of my friends where I saw and was surrounded by incredible beauty and peace that I couldn't believe it. My friends tried to get me to leave and I didn't want to go and when I tried to explain what happened to my parents, they thought I was imagining it. I think I was about 6 or 7. Anyway, I don't think your story was boring and agree with you that looking for a sd is a good idea. Your story kind of reminds me of the book, "Three White Veils for Sandra". You can find it on Amazon or biblio.com, but it's the story of a woman who had a vocation to Carmel but followed a very winding road to eventually get there. One of the signs she saw was the words, NADA NADA NADA on a tree during a violent storn that she had gotten stuck in with her horse. She had a major conversion at Lourdes. The story is about Allesandra di Rudini who eventually became Mother Mary of Jesus and completed the foundation of Paray and also founded the Reposoir Carmel. I found that book very encouraging and helpful in my own discernment process. Sorry to ramble on, but thanks for sharing that and God Bless you in your discernment of His will.
[/quote]

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

Look at what my year old thread turned into! Wicked cool!!