Vocation Confusion

[MarysLittleFlower]

For the past little bit I've been reading this forum (oops I mean Phorum ), I haven't really posted here but I really like the discussions. I see the vocations forum here is pretty active.. and there are many here who have either discerned a vocation, or have already spent much time discerning (or if not time, then much thought). So I thought maybe I could ask this question here. I don't really know many people I could speak with about vocations. I posted in another forum before and got some excellent replies but it is not as active. I've had some great advice given to me by priests, and my goal is to try and meet with my spiritual director sometime in the next month or so to get some advice on my spiritual life. So I realize that what I'm about to write is perhaps too complicated for a forum and can't be figured out just like that.... but I was just wondering if anyone had any thoughts simply from something they read, or were taught, or from their own story, or their time at a monastery...

I'm a convert to Catholicism. When I was converting, I already felt drawn to religious life but I didn't actually consider it[i] for me[/i]. I just liked reading about it. Then, a friend of mine said that maybe I could have a vocation. I never really thought about this... it shocked me, I didn't like it or want it, I was very frightened about the idea of having to give everything up... but there was something about it that stayed with me, despite me fighting against it. I fought, but on another level I felt drawn to it. Over time, this became a definite attraction for religious life. I kept it hidden for a while and then shared about it with a good friend who was also discerning. I began looking around at the different orders and their websites, and I felt so much peace just reading about them or looking at the pictures.

At the same time, it continued to frighten me, for various reasons. My family don't really know that I'm discerning but I know they disagree with the whole concept of religious life. My family is not Catholic. I'm an only child and my family situation is difficult, I can't get into that now. I don't know who except me could take care of my parents when they are older. There are so many family related obstacles it seems, and whenever the topic of nuns came up at home, my parents got quite upset (and they didn't even know for sure that I'm discerning!). My parents really want me to marry and are worried because I'm not dating anyone or even seeking to date. Often I feel like I'm being a disappointment to them... I love them very much, I know that they love me, and want the best for me, I want to make them happy... but I also want to make God happy, above all. I want to be faithful to any vocation He might call me to.

Another worry that I have is spiritual. I am scrupulous though I'm working on that. I get really confused at times. I have way too much pride, and sometimes I've either "showed off" my devotions or whatever knowledge I have of the Church by talking or debating too much, or put my understanding above God's wisdom, or fell into delusion, or felt drawn to things that are rather too extraordinary or singular. I don't mean any special favours like visions, I never get anything like that, - but I mean wanting to do greater penance or focus too much on suffering or wanting to be "heroic" but in a prideful way, not in the little, humble way of St Therese. Recently I have come to realize just what a mess I could be in spiritually, and how I truly need God because without Him, I get so lost. This humbled me and I'm very grateful. I feel very unable to be holy... I think that is good because then I can turn to God with more trust... but it makes me wonder, if all my desire for religious life has been from my pride also. Has it been simply a delusion? And this is the part that is so difficult... I want to trust God, to put His will above my own, to be very "little" with Him so He can direct my life any way He wants. But - even though the concept of religious life terrifies me on a natural level (family situation, my attachments, etc) - it saddens me to think of having to give it up, and marry. When I think of marriage, a part of me is relieved, because my family would be happy, things would be easier, etc. And I have to say, I would love to be a mother, - I've thought about this also, and how great and meaningful it must be to have a family and raise children to love God.

But the reason I have such a trouble with letting to of religious life, and just surrendering my future to God, - is perhaps because I am so attached to my own desires. I think the biggest reason I'm attracted to religious life is not just the silence, prayer, contemplation, etc... but belonging only to Christ. For some reason, I don't feel able to give myself to another, like a husband, and I know this is a part of marriage so I'm not sure how that would work. It's like I have already given my heart to God, in fact I remember the moment it happened in prayer. I really meant it and it was done with love. Even when I think maybe I'm not called to religious life, this sense of wanting to belong only to Christ, doesn't go away. I don't know my soul at all, as I've come to see, so I dont know if this is a grace, or an illusion. I am afraid of following an illusion and ruining the lives of my family, and drawing them further from the Catholic Church. I have already made so many mistakes. So... I always feel like I need to belong to God fully.. but what this means, I don't know. I'm worried that I want religious life just because of my pride or to be "special"... I have tried to say to God, and mean it, that I don't care if I'll be the tiniest soul in Heaven, I want to bring glory to Him and not to myself. But I still have so, so much 'self'.

I'm sorry if this post doesn't really make much sense. I just wrote down what came to mind. To say it all briefly, - I always feel I need to belong to God, so I have been considering religious life, but it seems nearly impossible and also I doubt my spiritual discernment. But if I don't become a nun, I am not sure how I could marry, though I wish I could because that would please my family more. In addition I wouldn't want to upset my family, but in the end I hope to do God's will.

If you read through to the end... sorry this got so long! I would appreciate any thoughts or advice at all, about how I could discern my vocation. One thing I've realized is it's so important to seek humility. But then what?

Thank you and God bless

[AccountDeleted]

You don't say how old you are, but if you are still young, you have time to work this out, and yes, a spiritual director is a great help in this.

Depending on the type of communities you are attracted to, they will be more or less concerned about the fact that your parents have no one apart from you when they get older. This isn't to say they won't consider you, but that this will be a concern for them.

The other thing is that you are a fairly new convert and also in the first flush of being in love with God (which God willing, will only deepen and mature as time goes on).

Depending on your age, I suggest you take things slowly, getting to know various communities, maturing in your prayer life, helping your parents to deal with your conversion before hitting them with your discernment!

Your post was beautiful. I will keep you in my prayers.

[MarysLittleFlower]

Thank you nunsense I am 25. I became Catholic in 2009. I think one of my biggest problems is that I see how my family situation could prevent me from being accepted into an order, and it might mean that I don't have a vocation. But in that case, I don't know what my vocation could be, because although marriage appeals to me on a natural level.... I'm not sure how to explain but I dont feel peace about it. I read that when a person finds their vocation, there's a sense of "being home", and a very simple sort of knowledge that "this is it". I don't get that with marriage, rather it seems like something I can appreciate in other people's lives only. Again I'm not saying this is for sure, - maybe it's just the result of my own desires, not God's. I have read several books by the Saints who were "brides of Christ". Though I have to say, I am sooo far from being like them and I'm not worthy to be a "bride of Christ", but it's like something I wish could have been true. Maybe I just need to surrender all my desires to God. I posted a quote in the "Scruples" thread by St Therese that is so inspiring.. I'll post it here too

[quote]"Dear Sister... How can you ask me if it's possible for you to love God as I love Him? ...
If you had understood the story of my little bird, you would not have asked me this question. My [ _________ (fill in the blank: virtues, talents, many gifts, etc.)] are nothing; they are not what give me the unlimited confidence that I feel in my heart. They are, to tell the truth, the spiritual riches that render one unjust, when one rests in them with complacence and when one believes they are something great.... Ah! I really feel that it is not this at all that pleases God in my little soul; what pleases Him is that He sees me loving my littleness and my poverty, the blind hope that i have in His mercy... That is my old treasure.... [W]hy would this treasure not be yours?

...Oh, dear Sister, I beg you, understand your little girl, understand that to love Jesus, to be His victim of love, the weaker one is, without desires or virtues, the more suited one is for the working of this consuming and transforming Love... [B]ut we must consent to remain always poor and without strength, and this is the difficulty... Ah! let us remain then very far from all that sparkles, let us love our littleness, let us love to feel nothing, then we shall be poor in spirit, and Jesus will come to look for us [and] He will transform us in flames of love.

...Oh! how I would like to be able to make you undestand what I feel! ...It is confidence and nothing but confidence that must lead us to Love." [/quote]
when I think of it that way, - I know that God is powerful and I can trust in Him to lead me even if I don't see the way myself. For most of the time, it's like I'm blind and don't know where I'm going. But maybe this is to build trust.

There is a sense though that I'm not responding to God's love the way I am supposed to or to the extent that I'm supposed to... I often feel like I'm holding something back. Maybe if I come to Him with more trust and confidence He will eventually help me see what that is. (and maybe that something is simply trust). But I feel like the way I'm living now, is not really my vocation, I haven't found it yet. I try to offer any tasks I do to God. I don't see little tasks like washing the dishes, etc, pointless. But when I think of my career, jobs, and "what I'm doing with my life", I don't have any peace about the idea of doing it for my whole life. I believe it's what I'm supposed to do now, but later on, something else. Often I also get the sense that I should be taking steps to respond to God more fully, for example I have way too many possessions and I think He would want me to share them more (maybe to live the Gospel better, I'm not saying this indicates a vocation necessarily). I hope that eventually, I would know what my vocation is, - I'm trying to surrender to God's will but I would really love if I could be a nun, and if my family were alright with that and if my family situation could be helped.

I know that God does not call anyone to the impossible, but I read about St Gemma who really wanted to be a Passionist (and was called to it) but because of others' choices, never got to become a Passionist. Maybe this was her trial, I don't know why it happened that way. But at times I wonder if I would ever find my vocation.

Edited October 17, 2011 by MarysLittleFlower

[AccountDeleted]

You know what a priest said to me one day in Confession when I was stressing out about my discernment? He told me that god doesn't love me because I am becoming a nun but I am becoming a nun because I love God.

This was five years ago and I am still not a nun, although I feel like one in my heart.

The whole point is that your love for God is what is inspiring you to discern religious life, and it is this love that you must cherish and nurture, not the idea of becoming a religious It is perfectly ok to want to be a nun, but remembering always that God's time is not our time and His ways are not our ways. Those who strived and did not succeed at what they thought they were called to do, were still able to grow in love and trust for God. But there are enough success stories to inspire us never to give up our hopes and dreams. I think of St Rita who had to endure the death of her husband and two sons and was refused admittance to the convent because the Prioress thought she was doing so for the wrong reasons She is a patron saint of the impossible (especially impossible religious vocations, IMO). And what about Abraham being told he would have a son, but he was getting so old, he and Sarah doubted this, so they had Abraham lie with Sarah's servant to get a child. Imagine how different things would be if Abraham had been patient... but in God's time, Isaac was born.

I didn't raise the point of your parents to say that your vocation isn't real or true - only to point out that there are some obstacles along the way (that God can take care of) and that you need to take things in God's own time, one step at a time, always walking towards Him with faith and love and most of all - trust!

There is nothing wrong with taking little steps now to grow closer to God, and if possessions is something that bothers you, no one says you have to hang on to alot. There are so many ways to respond to God right now where you are. Do you even know which communities attract you? do you know if they consider care of parents an obstacle? Do you know which spirituality you prefer - or which charism, or which saints you would like to be your spiritual parents? These things are just indicators of the direction you might look, not absolutes. I love St Teresa and St John of the Cross, but I am no longer discerning Carmelites but Benedictines.

Just take time now to get comfortable with your decision to discern, and then move forward a little bit at a time, without judging yourself every step of the way. This is a journey - not a destination! God is the final destination for all of us, and whatever path leads us to Him is the right path for us.... but it takes a whole life to walk it!

Try not to get too stressed at age 25.... God willing you might live to my ripe old age, and that would be alot of stressing along the way! My favourite word these days is TRUST, TRUST, TRUST....


forgive the typos please!

Edited October 17, 2011 by nunsense

[MarysLittleFlower]

Thank you so much for this post! it helped me to see something. That is very true, that I should focus more on growing in love for God than simply the idea of being a religious. Then, if I become a religious, it would be as a response to God's love, and less likely for the wrong reason. And if God doesn't call me to that, I would try to love Him in the way that He wants. I think sometimes it can become something selfish, at least with me if we truly love God selflessly, then it doesn't matter so much what His will is, as long as it is His will. If God wants me to love Him in the world, well then - it would terribly UNloving and contradictory for me to still insist on a religious vocation.. and vise versa.

I tried to figure out why I would want to be a nun... is it because I would feel like God loves me? Or is it to give to Him? I do believe that God loves everyone infinitely... and that each person's vocation is [i]their[/i] path to holiness. But I also read that the Church teaching is that although everyone needs to follow their vocation, - the vocation to religious life does involve a greater gift of self or more intimacy with God. This doesn't mean that all religious love God more than all lay people... but simply the state of life calls for more sacrifice and also sharing in helping to save souls, in a greater degree. It's like the married person belongs to their spouse, but the nun belongs to Christ and also to all. In many vocation stories, people talk about being drawn to a particular charism like praying for the priests or helping the poor or simply consoling Jesus' Sacred Heart (which is beautiful). I think this shows that religious life isn't like running away from the world in a selfish sort of desire to feel loved and special and experience consolations. It's more like go there for a particular purpose, which fits into His plan to help other souls, to bring His love to them, and you suffer with Christ and live in greater union with Him. I think that a big part of me wanting religious life is to respond to God's love in the fullest way, and to give Him everything... but maybe my selfishness is involved too, I don't know.. it's just that when I think of being in the world, - I don't know how I could do that (I mean give Him everything), but then the sacrifice could also be - putting His will above mine. (like how St Therese wanted to do great things for God but He asked her to surrender her will, by doing little things).

I will try to trust and also maybe pray to St Rita (she is one of my favourite Saints and her intercession seems to be very powerful! She's helped me with her prayers on a few occasions).

Regarding particular orders, - I am not absolutely certain.. mostly I just thought about religious life in general, but there are some certain spiritualities that I'm drawn to more than others. For example, I am drawn to the Sacred Heart devotion, Adoration, the idea of consoling Jesus' Heart... I don't know what type of order is associated with this. Also I am drawn to the Passionists. I love devotion to Mary and this seems to be something that could be incorporated into any spirituality; going to Jesus through Mary in everything.

Maybe I need to just learn to love God as much as I can [i]where I am[/i]... rather than wishing I was somewhere else. This way also love for God would be more real and lived out! there is no point in just dreaming lol.. and maybe part of that abandonment is not knowing where I am going, but living in trust, and just serving Him the best way I can today. And if things don't work out in a perfect way as I hoped, then this "perfect" way is not God's will, as He placed me in my situation and understands it fully. I hope God would give me the grace to say Blessed be God, whatever happens.

thanks again! :D God bless!

Edited October 17, 2011 by MarysLittleFlower

[AccountDeleted]

[quote name='MarysLittleFlower' timestamp='1318823933' post='2322517']
Thank you so much for this post! it helped me to see something. That is very true, that I should focus more on growing in love for God than simply the idea of being a religious. Then, if I become a religious, it would be as a response to God's love, and less likely for the wrong reason. And if God doesn't call me to that, I would try to love Him in the way that He wants. I think sometimes it can become something selfish, at least with me if we truly love God selflessly, then it doesn't matter so much what His will is, as long as it is His will. If God wants me to love Him in the world, well then - it would terribly UNloving and contradictory for me to still insist on a religious vocation.. and vise versa.

I tried to figure out why I would want to be a nun... is it because I would feel like God loves me? Or is it to give to Him? I do believe that God loves everyone infinitely... and that each person's vocation is [i]their[/i] path to holiness. But I also read that the Church teaching is that although everyone needs to follow their vocation, - the vocation to religious life does involve a greater gift of self or more intimacy with God. This doesn't mean that all religious love God more than all lay people... but simply the state of life calls for more sacrifice and also sharing in helping to save souls, in a greater degree. It's like the married person belongs to their spouse, but the nun belongs to Christ and also to all. In many vocation stories, people talk about being drawn to a particular charism like praying for the priests or helping the poor or simply consoling Jesus' Sacred Heart (which is beautiful). I think this shows that religious life isn't like running away from the world in a selfish sort of desire to feel loved and special and experience consolations. It's more like go there for a particular purpose, which fits into His plan to help other souls, to bring His love to them, and you suffer with Christ and live in greater union with Him. I think that a big part of me wanting religious life is to respond to God's love in the fullest way, and to give Him everything... but maybe my selfishness is involved too, I don't know.. it's just that when I think of being in the world, - I don't know how I could do that (I mean give Him everything), but then the sacrifice could also be - putting His will above mine. (like how St Therese wanted to do great things for God but He asked her to surrender her will, by doing little things).

I will try to trust and also maybe pray to St Rita (she is one of my favourite Saints and her intercession seems to be very powerful! She's helped me with her prayers on a few occasions).

Regarding particular orders, - I am not absolutely certain.. mostly I just thought about religious life in general, but there are some certain spiritualities that I'm drawn to more than others. For example, I am drawn to the Sacred Heart devotion, Adoration, the idea of consoling Jesus' Heart... I don't know what type of order is associated with this. Also I am drawn to the Passionists. I love devotion to Mary but this seems to be something that could be incorporated into any spirituality; going to Jesus through Mary in everything.

thanks again! :D God bless!
[/quote]


You already sound very balanced and full of common sense so trust yourself a little too.

You ask the question about whether you want to be a nun to know that God loves you. This might be putting the cart before the horse. Discern God's love first and then you will know why you want to be a nun. When a woman falls in love with a man (ideally) she wants to do anything for him, be close to him, endure anything for him.... you know what I mean - we are bombarded with romantic love all over the place!

For me, loving God IS a romantic love - but it is more than that. It is the 'ideal' love since God ONLY loves us. By that I mean that He only desires our good, and always desires our good - that is true love. As you discern, you will most certainly come to see that for yourself. Whether we ever become nuns or not - we can't stop God from loving us. The only thing that can separate us from the love of God (remember St Paul's comments about this) is our own personal choice... if we choose other than God. So, as long as we want God's love, as long as we choose God's love, then it is ours... not only now, but for all eternity - a love that doesn't die with death. Nothing is more powerful than this love, and the closer we align ourselves with it, the more we want it - well, actually, not 'it' but 'Him' - because God isn't an 'it'. God is a person... three persons unified by, in and through Love... but still, a very personal 'person' for each one of us.

Maybe it would be nice for you to write to a few communities and ask about their charism, their spirituality, their lifestyle etc... collect a little info and find out more. It's a bit like getting to know anyone, start with the basics and see where it (He) leads you.

Have fun.

[MarysLittleFlower]

That is a good idea

God's love is so beautiful well looking back, it seems that when I am most aware of God's love, that's when I want to respond by giving Him all of myself. I'm not sure why some people can see this being a part of marriage for them, while others feel like marriage would almost be an obstacle. I dont mean having a family, but marriage itself; having a human spouse. At times I've questioned my relationship with God because many (Catholic) friends I know don't seem to feel this dichotomy (based on what they said). It's like for them it makes sense that we can exist for God *and* give ourselves to a spouse, to me it makes sense intellectually, theologically, (I'm not saying that marriage is bad) - but not in my heart, it's like my gift to Him would be incomplete.

It's not like I think I wouldn't love God at all if I married, but something would be different. So.. there are only two options it seems: either this indicates that God doesn't want me to marry, or, I am following an illusion. Someone once said, if a woman feels this way, it must be because she's not in a relationship with a man, and if she were, her feelings would change. But whenever I consider a relationship, it's like a distraction. And I don't want just "someone" I could love, I already know it is Our Lord. I don't know why I want to love exclusively Him in this way and not Jesus[i] and [/i]a husband. Lol I almost never talk about this.. but the reason I'm writing it is because I'm wondering if anyone here feels similarly ? Is this okay? etc. My family really want me to marry because they believe this would make me happy. If I'll discern a vocation, then I hope I can let them know that being a nun (or otherwise not married) is what would make me truly happy.. I wish my family could see what I mean, if God calls me to religious life it would be difficult seeing them struggle with it. especially as they want grandchildren. I feel bad sometimes because of that.

I think when we realize more of God's love... we want Him to be everything for us, and realize that only He can fill our hearts. So all the things of the world become not enough. Then it's like we do still love other people, of course, but to share God's love with them, not to fill that empty place in our own soul. It actually enables us to love others more, not less. Perhaps it takes time to discern if this is leading to a religious vocation, or if God is leading us closer to Himself in another way.

Edited October 17, 2011 by MarysLittleFlower

[Lisa]

[quote name='MarysLittleFlower' timestamp='1318819720' post='2322469']
Another worry that I have is spiritual. I am scrupulous though I'm working on that. I get really confused at times. I have way too much pride, and sometimes I've either "showed off" my devotions or whatever knowledge I have of the Church by talking or debating too much, or put my understanding above God's wisdom, or fell into delusion, or felt drawn to things that are rather too extraordinary or singular. I don't mean any special favours like visions, I never get anything like that, - but I mean wanting to do greater penance or focus too much on suffering or wanting to be "heroic" but in a prideful way, not in the little, humble way of St Therese. Recently I have come to realize just what a mess I could be in spiritually, and how I truly need God because without Him, I get so lost. This humbled me and I'm very grateful. I feel very unable to be holy... I think that is good because then I can turn to God with more trust... but it makes me wonder, if all my desire for religious life has been from my pride also. Has it been simply a delusion? And this is the part that is so difficult... I want to trust God, to put His will above my own, to be very "little" with Him so He can direct my life any way He wants. But - even though the concept of religious life terrifies me on a natural level (family situation, my attachments, etc) - it saddens me to think of having to give it up, and marry. When I think of marriage, a part of me is relieved, because my family would be happy, things would be easier, etc. And I have to say, I would love to be a mother, - I've thought about this also, and how great and meaningful it must be to have a family and raise children to love God.

But the reason I have such a trouble with letting to of religious life, and just surrendering my future to God, - is perhaps because I am so attached to my own desires. I think the biggest reason I'm attracted to religious life is not just the silence, prayer, contemplation, etc... but belonging only to Christ. For some reason, I don't feel able to give myself to another, like a husband, and I know this is a part of marriage so I'm not sure how that would work. It's like I have already given my heart to God, in fact I remember the moment it happened in prayer. I really meant it and it was done with love. Even when I think maybe I'm not called to religious life, this sense of wanting to belong only to Christ, doesn't go away. I don't know my soul at all, as I've come to see, so I dont know if this is a grace, or an illusion. I am afraid of following an illusion and ruining the lives of my family, and drawing them further from the Catholic Church. I have already made so many mistakes. So... I always feel like I need to belong to God fully.. but what this means, I don't know. I'm worried that I want religious life just because of my pride or to be "special"... I have tried to say to God, and mean it, that I don't care if I'll be the tiniest soul in Heaven, I want to bring glory to Him and not to myself. But I still have so, so much 'self'.

If you read through to the end... sorry this got so long! I would appreciate any thoughts or advice at all, about how I could discern my vocation. One thing I've realized is it's so important to seek humility. But then what?

Thank you and God bless
[/quote]

Especially in discerning religious life, struggles with pride and scruples seem to go hand in hand. Once we realize we are so unworthy, oftentimes we try to make up for it by considering everything we do to be sinful, nothing we do to be enough. In a way, that is a form of pride to not accept His will with complete humility and littleness. Don't worry though, you aren't alone- many of us here struggle with scruples and/or pride. It's one of the devil's ways of twisting what is beautiful, which is recognition of sins and our own unworthiness.

None of us are worthy; He alone can love us enough that we can even approach Him as the head of the church- much less as the lover of our souls!

Meeting with your spiritual director should help you sort everything out... but it will likely be a long process of letting go of those human tendencies. Just let yourself be embraced by Him.

Btw, welcome to the phamily! We're happy to have you.

Edited October 17, 2011 by Lisa

[brandelynmarie]

Yes,

[LadyOfSorrows]

Oh, Maryslittleflower, my heart goes out to you! My heart lurched while I was reading your posts because I am in the same situation. I, too, am also a convert, feel as though I'm not at peace, and not doing what I'm really supposed to be doing. I would be the only one taking care of my parents (and a disabled brother), I've started dating a man, and even though he is one of the most wonderful men in the world, I still feel a hole in my heart and a constant draw back to the convent.

You may never be able to please your parents. It may never ever happen. But a priest told me that you are doing the best thing you can do for them by doing what God wants you to do. If you're not sure about the life, find a good spiritual director and if he advises you, try out the life. If we have trusted Jesus with the conversion of our stone-cold hearts, we should trust Him to take care of our parents as well. It's easier said than done though...I constantly ask myself, "What if no one is there for them? What if I left my amazing boyfriend only to find that I'm not called to religious life?" God loves us so much, yet we constantly question His care...

I will be praying for you. I don't quite know what to say or if this helped at all, because I am going through similar circumstances. But please, don't just get married or date if you don't feel you're supposed to be. I love my boyfriend because he's my best friend, but right now, I feel as if it's difficult for me to go to Mass and even pray because I don't feel like me....what I'm supposed to be.

[brandelynmarie]

[quote name='LadyOfSorrows' timestamp='1318857778' post='2322642']
I don't feel like me....what I'm supposed to be.
[/quote]

I have struggled with that my whole life. I have listened to too many well-intentioned people & gone off in all sorts of directions & still never really felt at home. So now I am here, at this point in my life, discerning as God shows me where HE wants me...

[Feankie]

I am touched by all your heartfelt posts. I, too, am a convert (although eons ago), and felt the call to religious life. In fact, at 63 I still do. My father died relatively young when I was 20 and we had such a wonderful relationship. I'm know he would have made the most wonderful grandfather and greatgrandfather had he lived. My mother is a different story. Nothing I did ever pleased her, so I can related to never being able to please your parents. But as a mother of 3 adult children, I have come to realize that children aren't here to please their parents, they are only "on loan" to us until they mature and develop their own abiding faith in God. It is Him they should want to please, not us. If they do please us, it is a bonus.
Many of you have read my story before, but I'll encapsulate it here. I wanted to enter religious life, my parents said no, go to college. So I did and He still called. Then they said go to graduate school. So I did and He still called. Then it was go and try your professions first. So I did, He called, I didn't listen, fell in love with my husband of 39 years, and the rest is history. Marriage and motherhood became my vocation and I love it. But the Lord still tugs.
Please, please get yourself a spiritual director who you like and can talk with. That is, I truly believe, is the first and very important step in sorting things out.
I will be praying for you and your continuing discernment. The Lord ALWAYS answers prayer, perhaps in the way we might not like, but it's His perfect will for us.

[krissylou]

Mother Angelica said that the call to holiness is very often confused for a call to religious life.

Now I think we can pretty safely say that Mother Angelica, of all people, is very pro-religious life, and very much in favor of a quite traditional understanding of religious life.

But a call on your heart to give yourself to God -- that may not be a call to religious life per se. God calls ALL of us to give ourselves more fully to Himself. For some people, God calls us to do that specifically through consecrated religious life.

That having been said. It is entirely possible that God IS calling you specifically to religious life. The only way I know of to find out is to start exploring and see what happens. (With the guidance of a spiritual director. And lots of prayer. But still, to ONLY sit in your room and pray and expect the heavens to open and The Right Answer to drop down is to my mind asking for frustration. Exploring some options -- while including lots and lots of prayer -- this strikes me as a better path.)

But just keep in mind that "starting to explore the possibility" is several light years away from "making final vows" so try not to put pressure on yourself. You're not committing your life tomorrow. You're exploring. And maybe God will lead you into consecrated religious life and maybe God won't, and either way is okay.

[MarysLittleFlower]

Thank you for the replies! they were encouraging to read

I think it's entirely possible of course, that I'm confusing God's call to holiness with a call to religious life. However, I am not certain how my thoughts on marriage fit into this. If it's not religious life, and not marriage, I'm not certain what is left.. ?

Edited October 17, 2011 by MarysLittleFlower

[chasmi]

[quote name='Francis Clare' timestamp='1318863022' post='2322659']
I am touched by all your heartfelt posts. I, too, am a convert (although eons ago), and felt the call to religious life. In fact, at 63 I still do. My father died relatively young when I was 20 and we had such a wonderful relationship. I'm know he would have made the most wonderful grandfather and greatgrandfather had he lived. My mother is a different story. Nothing I did ever pleased her, so I can related to never being able to please your parents. But as a mother of 3 adult children, I have come to realize that children aren't here to please their parents, they are only "on loan" to us until they mature and develop their own abiding faith in God. It is Him they should want to please, not us. If they do please us, it is a bonus.
Many of you have read my story before, but I'll encapsulate it here. I wanted to enter religious life, my parents said no, go to college. So I did and He still called. Then they said go to graduate school. So I did and He still called. Then it was go and try your professions first. So I did, He called, I didn't listen, fell in love with my husband of 39 years, and the rest is history. Marriage and motherhood became my vocation and I love it. But the Lord still tugs.
Please, please get yourself a spiritual director who you like and can talk with. That is, I truly believe, is the first and very important step in sorting things out.
I will be praying for you and your continuing discernment. The Lord ALWAYS answers prayer, perhaps in the way we might not like, but it's His perfect will for us.
[/quote]


Francis Clare...I so identify with what you're saying. I'm a 59 year old male and feel that I too have been discerning, albeit not formally, religious life for many years...probably since elementary school. I met with a diocean priest back when I was 36 and so wish I had gone further at that time...but for whatever reason did not. I do however believe that everything happens for a reason and everything is in our Lord's hands. I have even recently been considering talking to my parish priest about starting a new order of Religious Brothers. My vicariate could definitely use an order of brothers and/or sisters whose apostolate is service specific to our vicariate. Francis Clare...I will keep your in my prayers and I hope that you would do the some. Mother of Perpetual Help, please pray for us...