Help! Need Assistance In Determining State Of Soul.

[Byzantine]

Hey guys,
Okay, so I've had problems with lust in the past. And I apparently am friends with rather attractive girls (there was about a year where I didn't need to worry and was barely tempted to lust (I think), but now the temptations are returning in full force). What do I need to do in order to avoid sinning? Recommendations, etc. from anyone?

Also, there was this wierd situation. I've been trying to avoid a certain girl for over a year to avoid lust. However, I needed information about a certain thing and she was the only person nearby who could give me the information in a timely manner (seriously, I was thinking "I need a member of this team to tell me when senior recognition starts" and she walked up behind me. As soon as I started talking to her, impure thoughts began entering my mind. I don't think I gave in, but I think there may have been an inappropriate look or two (or more). This whole exchange lasted barely any time (it was a "what time is this starting?" thing) but it left me wondering about the state of my soul. Am I obsessing, or do I have a legitimate concern? Should I be concerned about thoughts that entered my mind while typing this? Or do I just need to chill out?

Thanks guys!

[Lil Red]

avoiding the girl isn't going to help (long term).

have you tried saying short aspirations whenever you have a problem, like "Jesus I trust in you" or "God bless this person" or "This person is a child of God" or "St. Michael, defend me"?

i don't know if that's helpful or not! Sorry. God bless you, though!

[MissyP89]

Well, since you asked for honest advice, you're going to get it.

I think you need to take a deep breath and realize that you're an ordinary guy ... you are going to have sexual thoughts no matter what you do. It happens to all of us, often in really inconvenient situations. Some people even have them during Mass without any sort of trigger.

I'm not going to say outright that you haven't sinned mortally because I'm not a priest and shouldn't even attempt that kind of judgment.

But here is what I do, for myself. Ask:

1) Did I try to shake it off the best I could, or did I dwell on it?
2) Did my impure thoughts lead to impure actions?

Here's my advice: as long as you made a sincere and valiant effort to stop thinking whatever was in your head, then you're fine. Offer up a prayer when the thought comes and just do the best you can to move on. Sometimes, it won't go away and will distract you for the whole day, like a mosquito. That's OK ... it's just a part of life and some days are going to be easier than others.

Just try your best to not turn a small thought into a drawn out fantasy. And of course, avoid impure acts. Those would definitely warrant a confession ASAP.

I hope this helps you some, Byzantine. Let me know if anything is unclear. Try not to worry so much ... remember, holiness is a process. You're obviously working hard to be chaste, and trust me, God sees the good you're doing. Be strong!

[BG45]

You're a guy, and as a guy (and a human being) you're gonna have issues with lust sometimes. I can't determine the state of your soul though, because I'm not God, but lust happens. How much you act on it is up to you however.

If you tried to stop the thought instead of focusing on it, then I'd say just pray about the need for Confession or not. As for lust itself...I know I struggle with it at times too. I find what helps me alot is to think two things when those sorts of thoughts surface, "How would I feel if someone was thinking this about my mom?" and "If Saint Joseph could be chaste, I should be too".

[MithLuin]

I know you struggle with scrupples, so I'm very hesitant to offer you practical advice. I think you should find a spiritual director, who can take all of your isolated incidents together and tell you what you should be doing about it.

I will, however, offer you two stories:

The first is a Zen story someone shared with me about a year ago:

[quote]A senior monk and a junior monk were traveling together. At one point, they came to a river with a strong current. As the monks were preparing to cross the river, they saw a very young and beautiful woman also attempting to cross. The young woman asked if they could help her.

The senior monk carried this woman on his shoulder, forded the river and let her down on the other bank. The junior monk was very upset, but said nothing.

They both were walking and the senior monk noticed that his junior was suddenly silent and enquired, “Is something the matter, you seem very upset?”

The junior monk replied, “As monks, we are not permitted a woman, how could you then carry that woman on your shoulders?”

The senior monk replied, “I left the woman a long time ago at the bank; however, you seem to be carrying her still.”

Source: [url="http://workingwithinsight.wordpress.com/2007/03/13/two-monks-and-a-woman-story/"]http://workingwithinsight.wordpress.com/2007/03/13/two-monks-and-a-woman-story/[/url]
[/quote]

The other is a Catholic story I've known for years:

[quote]Once upon a time 1500 hundred years ago, there was a Bishop called Nonnus. Despite the corruption of society all around him, he understood that God was all powerful and on whom all rested. God has designed life and therefore it was beautiful. One day Bishop Nonnus was walking down the road with another clergyman. A beautiful woman, probably a prostitute, came walking towards them.

The clergyman turned away his eyes in order not to lust after the woman. He then turned his eyes towards the Bishop and saw that he was tearful. He realised that Nonnus had not turned away his gaze, rather he had looked straight at the prostitute. He was somewhat ruffled and concerned, then he asked him, "Brother Bishop, why did you not turn away your eyes from this woman?" Nonnus replied, "What a tragedy it is that such beauty would be sold to the lusts of men." This took the clergyman by complete surprise and even the woman herself.

Later the woman found Nonnus and due to his loving response, had a conversion to Christianity. She had an encounter of piercing love in Nonnus' simple, chaste look. This woman is now known as Saint Pelagia.

source: [url="http://loveundefiled.blogspot.com/2009/06/saint-nonnus-and-saint-pelagia.html#!/2009/06/saint-nonnus-and-saint-pelagia.html"]http://loveundefiled.blogspot.com/2009/06/saint-nonnus-and-saint-pelagia.html#!/2009/06/saint-nonnus-and-saint-pelagia.html[/url]

[/quote]

Both of these stories deal with the interaction between men and women, and the reality of lust. Avoiding women (especially pretty ones) might be a starting point, but it's not the goal. And, in the end, it is not how lust is conquered. Remind yourself about eye contact when talking to your classmates, but also remember what the goal here is. It is not a mistake that these holy men were not young men .

[LaPetiteSoeur]

[size=4]This prayer was given to me by a very holy sister who taught me in second grade (and who introduced me to the idea of religious life, so I'm indebted to her in many, many respects). She suggested I pray it every day. Maybe it'll help you![/size]


[size=4]Mary, loving Daughter of God the Father, I give my soul to your care. Protect the life of God in my soul. Do not let me lose it by serious sin. Protect my mind and my will so that all my thoughts and desires will be pleasing to God.[/size]
[size=4][i]Hail Mary...[/i][/size]

[size=4]Mary, loving Mother of God the Son, I give my heart to your care. Let me love you with all my heart. Let me always try to love my neighbor. And help me avoid friends who might lead me away from Jesus and into a life of sin.[/size]
[size=4][i]Hail Mary...[/i][/size]

[size=4]Mary, loving Spouse of the Holy Spirit, I give my body to your care. Let me always remember that my body is a home for the Holy Spirit who dwells in me. Let me never sin against Him by any impure actions alone or with others, against the virtue of purity.[/size]
[size=4][i]Hail Mary...[/i][/size]




[size=4]And another note: when I was at a vocations retreat, the priests (diocesan and oratorian) and a sister (a SCC from NJ) told us that if we didn't have sexual feelings (even lust), then we weren't normal. EVERYONE has them. What matters is how we deal with them, especially lust.[/size]

Edited October 19, 2011 by LaPetiteSoeur

[MissyP89]

Something I've been reflecting on the last few days:

Like it or not, attraction is going to stir up in you. There have been times when someone has, say, brushed the hair from my face, right? And while the gesture was innocent, it was a very powerful moment because of the attraction between us. It doesn't make either of us bad, or sinful. Just human!

Desire happens, and what it helps to remember is that God [i]created that desire. [/i]It's a good and holy thing! That ache in your heart and soul is the beginning of what God calls us to: giving ourselves, entirely and without reserve, to another person.

The trouble is that there is a time for everything and -- whether for you as a single high schooler, me as a taken 20-something, or my friend who is engaged to marry next year -- that time hasn't come yet. But He will be there to give you the strength and patience you need.

Edited October 19, 2011 by MissyP89