Am I Normal?

[photosynthesis]

whenever I hear vocation stories it often starts out with "well, I was raised by two loving, devout Catholic parents and went to Catholic schools for 12 years..."

I'm thinking about a religious vocation. My parents are divorced and don't go to Mass anymore. I got kicked out of CCD when I was a kid because I was too hyper. I stopped going to mass after I was confirmed and stopped going to youth group because people weren't really nice to me when they found out I was pro-choice. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life and didn't come back to the Church until college.

but I still think that God might be calling me to the religious life. my very good friend entered the Dominican Sisters of St. Cecilia last year and her parents are hardcore atheists and didn't raise her with any kind of religion, but she converted to Catholicism. but her purity seems to make up for it.

i've also been told i'm bipolar (by MD's) and take medicine for it. i was institutionalized 7 years ago when I was 13 for "suicidal thoughts" and have since gotten over it, but i'm still told that i need to take medicine to be happy. I don't have mood swings or hallucinations, I don't think people are out to get me and I don't think I'm God, I don't starve myself or go on shopping binges. I go to school, have a job, get along with my roommates and am just as functional as a normal college student. But, I still can't let go of the fact that I was once institutionalized and I can never see myself as a person who is "mentally healthy" even though I'm no more neurotic or psychotic than the average college student who's discerning religious life.

my friend (who grew up in a loving, Catholic family and went to Catholic schools for 12 years and is now going to enter the Sisters of St. Francis of Perpetual Adoration) said i should stop discerning because of my history and think about secular institutes, but I don't think I'd really be happy as a consecrated single in a secuar institute because I want community life.

i know that cocaine addicts and prostitutes and sinners of all kinds have gone into religious life, and there is no specific mould for what a religious vocation looks like, but it feels like there is a certain pattern that my life doesn't conform to. but I love God and really would like to serve Him in religious life if that's what he's asking of me...

any advice?

[Norseman82]

I don't know if you're a male or female, but I do know that seminarians do have to go through a physical evaluation. If there are any problems, it will be revealed there. Just be honest with whomever you discern your vocation with (I'm not talking about every janitor you meet at mass, I'm talking about representatives of groups you are considering).

[Theologian in Training]

[quote name='photosynthesis' date='Apr 30 2004, 05:58 AM'] whenever I hear vocation stories it often starts out with "well, I was raised by two loving, devout Catholic parents and went to Catholic schools for 12 years..."

I'm thinking about a religious vocation.  My parents are divorced and don't go to Mass anymore.  I got kicked out of CCD when I was a kid because I was too hyper.  I stopped going to mass after I was confirmed and stopped going to youth group because people weren't really nice to me when they found out I was pro-choice.  I've made a lot of mistakes in my life and didn't come back to the Church until college. 

but I still think that God might be calling me to the religious life.  my very good friend entered the Dominican Sisters of St. Cecilia last year and her parents are hardcore atheists and didn't raise her with any kind of religion, but she converted to Catholicism.  but her purity seems to make up for it.

i've also been told i'm bipolar (by MD's) and take medicine for it.  i was institutionalized 7 years ago when I was 13 for "suicidal thoughts" and have since gotten over it, but i'm still told that i need to take medicine to be happy.  I don't have mood swings or hallucinations, I don't think people are out to get me and I don't think I'm God, I don't starve myself or go on shopping binges.  I go to school, have a job, get along with my roommates and am just as functional as a normal college student.  But, I still can't let go of the fact that I was once institutionalized and I can never see myself as a person who is "mentally healthy" even though I'm no more neurotic or psychotic than the average college student who's discerning religious life.

my friend (who grew up in a loving, Catholic family and went to Catholic schools for 12 years and is now going to enter the Sisters of St. Francis of Perpetual Adoration) said i should stop discerning because of my history and think about secular institutes, but I don't think I'd really be happy as a consecrated single in a secuar institute because I want community life.

i know that cocaine addicts and prostitutes and sinners of all kinds have gone into religious life, and there is no specific mould for what a religious vocation looks like, but it feels like there is a certain pattern that my life doesn't conform to.  but I love God and really would like to serve Him in religious life if that's what he's asking of me...

any advice? [/quote]
I think you should continue to discern and if you feel God is calling you to explore where He is calling you to, even if that is to religious life. Understand that not everyone comes from a perfect or even typical family, but that God continues to call you regardless. He knows the mistakes and sins you have done, and He also knows what is better for you than you know yourself. If He is calling you I would encourage you to explore that, and to find where it is He is calling you. Granted, you will most likely need to take a psychological exam, but that does not mean you won't be accepted. Remember, if God wants you then you will become (I am assuming based on your webpage and posts) a nun. Sometimes we place too much emphasis on ourselves, and worry about what we or others want. I almost get the sense that the friends you are speaking with have adopted this mentality believing you to be happier not being a religious. It is true that you may be given countless difficulties and it may not be easy, but remember that what you do you do for God and no one else. Only God knows what is best, and if you love Him, want to follow Him, and feel called by Him, don't be discouraged, we all have pasts, and we have all contended with great demons, but we are all still here, and God still calls, listen to Him, and embrace that call.

God Bless

[friarMatt]

very true...tell the vocation director as well and s/he will be able to steer you where you are meant to be...know of my prayers that you can follow God's will wherever it may be and find peace there

[sista2b]

i just got done w/ the psychological tests for entering. i think some communities would have a problem with the depression, but i think you can find some that will still accept you. A friend of mine has had health problems and is convinced she's called to religious life, but no one has taken her yet. talk to a lot of different communities, and be completely open about it. don't get too attached to one community until after you talk to them about it.
i'll remember you in my prayers.

[crusader1234]

St. Therese had TB... she got in. I think that anybody who can deal with depression, and still retain their faith deserves a medal. It is that kind of spiritual strength, to come over even chemicals we cannot control, which the Church needs to flourish. Priests should be able to identify with their flock, and if they only let in mentally perfect human beings they will not be connecting with the people that need to be connected with the MOST.

[ofpheritup]

I LOVE THE INTERNET...full of information.

Search for Sister Pauline Quinn her life reads like a bad episode of the Twilight Zone.

NOTHING, NOTHING, NOTHING...GOT IT? IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD.

[mariology21]

Remember: If God wants you in the Religious Life.....there will be NOTHING that will stop you from entering. Nada!!!! Just keep praying and discerning....He'll let His will be known to you. In His time. Patience and perseverance as well as trust (which I have a hard time with....all three actually many times!!!) are three big things to lean on through this!!!

We'll be praying for you!

~Jen

[photosynthesis]

[quote name='ofpheritup' date='Jul 11 2005, 07:23 PM']I LOVE THE INTERNET...full of information.

Search for Sister Pauline Quinn her life reads like a bad episode of the Twilight Zone. 

NOTHING, NOTHING, NOTHING...GOT IT? IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD.
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wow... i just read her biography and i really identify with it
and that scares me.

i am still sorta thinking about religious life but I think at the time I wrote that 1st post I wasn't really discerning the other 2 vocations--single life and married life. right now I am exploring all God could possibly have in mind for me. I am about to graduate college and don't plan on entering religious life soon. I am less concerned about religious communities thinking I'm crazy as I am concerned about my family and friends thinking i'm crazy.

[mariology21]

[quote name='photosynthesis' date='Jul 11 2005, 09:57 PM'] I am less concerned about religious communities thinking I'm crazy as I am concerned about my family and friends thinking i'm crazy.
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Remember....it's only what God thinks of us that really matters.....even though sometimes it is EXTREMELY difficult to listen to what others think of us.

And hey, if we're crazy....it's because God made us that way. And if He made us that way, it's because He wants us that way. And if He wants us that way, then He loves us that way!!!

~Jen

[the_rev]

Thy Kingdom Come!
Feast of St. Benedict, Founder of Western Monasticism

It really sounds like God is brining you back to his most sacred heart.

The way you started out your post, most people say they were raised by two devout catholics, attended Catholic school for twelve years, etc. is not applicable in my life today. I was raised in the faith my grandmother. My mother wanted and still wants to be presbyterian. The reason I have faith is because of my grandmother.

I have attended public school all my life, CCD class never really meant anything to me, because from a young age I knew my calling was to the priesthood, so I was reading theology with a priest when I was in the fifth grade. Everyear we pay 50 dollars for me to get an education whereas I end up teaching the class, they should be paying me.

Everything I know about the faith I taught myself or learned from a priests guidance or homily, etc.

Along with your post about all your medical disabilities, if God is calling you to be an Alta Christus, Another Christ, (pardon if it is spelt wrong I am terrible at the Latin!) you will find an order or dioceses that will accept you. God will always prevail in our life no matter how much we do not recongnize that true fact.

Once again I'd say put Christ at the center of your life, after that entrust who you are to the Blessed mother, and finally get a spiritual director, someone who can be a guide for you while you journey attempting to serve God in all that you do while your on this place called earth.

[i]Yours in Christ,[/i]

Eddie Lee

[photosynthesis]

[quote name='the_rev' date='Jul 12 2005, 12:22 AM']Along with your post about all your medical disabilities, if God is calling you to be an Alta Christus, Another Christ, (pardon if it is spelt wrong I am terrible at the Latin!) you will find an order or dioceses that will accept you.  [right][snapback]640388[/snapback][/right]
[/quote]
God isn't calling me to be Alta Christus, since I'm a woman. I have thought about being a sister. I don't have medical disabilities. I'm not disabled.

[the_rev]

Thy Kingdom Come!
Feast of St. Benedict, Founder of Western Monasticism

Sorry for my error of judment. I am really sorry about that. I was Instant Messaging with a person about vocations as well on AIM, and that conversation carried on over into my posting here on Phatmass.

You stated you were "hyper" and had bipolar I thought, maybe I read it wrong. I am sorry for my mis-interpretation. Know of my pryaers for you tonight.

[i]Yours in Christ[/i]

Eddie Lee

Edited July 12, 2005 by the_rev

[photosynthesis]

[quote name='mariology21' date='Jul 11 2005, 11:38 PM']Remember....it's only what God thinks of us that really matters.....even though sometimes it is EXTREMELY difficult to listen to what others think of us.
~Jen
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[/quote]

yeah. getting disowned by your family really smells of elderberries though.

it's definitely not the kind of thing i'd do unless i was absolutely sure it was exactly where God wants me to be. at the time i wrote that post, i was really gung-ho about religious life without really thinking about the call to holiness. i didn't think i could be holy in any other vocation, and i think i saw it as a last-resort, i.e. being afraid of single life and seeing myself as not pretty enough for married life. i still struggle with that...longing for a husband and kids but not thinking there's a guy out there gullible enough to marry me. so i thought, "hey, Jesus is always there." But Jesus doesn't want my sloppy seconds. Religious life isn't a last resort, it's a first resort. I definitely didn't see religious life that way at the time i made the original post to this thread, which has to be over a year ago.

i'm not even done with college. God's giving me time to discern, and He always makes the right choice. He might call me to single life, married life, or religious life. I now see all 3 as beautiful, holy ways to serve God. I've also seen how it's possible to be a good Catholic and not be a religious, or a full-time "career Catholic." I used to think that if I couldn't be a sister, i at least should work for the Church. Now i see that God needs people living lives of holiness in the midst of the secular world. I feel really called to do that. I know that whatever I do, God's not calling me to hang around with Catholics all the time and be complacent. I could never do cloistered life for that reason, as beautiful and holy as it is. So at least I know that much...

[photosynthesis]

[quote name='the_rev' date='Jul 12 2005, 12:53 AM']You stated you were "hyper" and had bipolar I thought, maybe I read it wrong.  I am sorry for my mis-interpretation.  Know of my pryaers for you tonight.
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I was diagnosed with bipolar, but it's not a disability. I live like a normal person. I work, go to church, go to school, have friends, make money, etc. I also am not hyperactive. Anyone who knows me could tell you that But I was when I was 7 years old. Most 7 year olds are at least somewhat hyper, especially after 6 1/2 hours of school. For me, CCD classes were always after school and I never got a chance to blow off my steam from 6.5 hours of formal, standardized public education. It was hard for me to focus in afterschool CCD classes, especially since the other kids made fun of me and the teacher never did anything about it. She asked me to leave, and the DRE catechized me with a smaller group of kids.
that's no longer an issue for me now since i'm no longer a 7 year old