Abstaining?

[Philippe]

ok there is this group of guys that i know and kinda hang out with but i dont let them influence me cause they arent good examples for me. they always talk about how they wanna have sex and i will strongly defend that but i dont exactly know wat to say cause they just laugh at me and say "what if your not good" and i say that i hope my wife wont know what "good" is but i just dont know how to defend it more strongly ... im only a freshman in high shcool so this is a big thing but i need help defending

[HomeTeamFamily]

ummmm new friends?

ok seriously though i dont really know what to say cuz ive never really struggled with that issue, but i do think that you should try and limit your exposure to that group of friends....."a man is known by the company he keeps"---said by someone i cant remember lol

Edited April 30, 2004 by lankyswimmer

[crusader1234]

Well, are these people good friends otherwise? I'd say keep them. Remember Jesus, he went to Zaccheus and eveyrone sayd 'Just look at the company he keeps!' and Jesus was eventually able to reform Zaccheus! Don't be preachy, but make sure your friends know you think that abstaining is cool. Maybe you can influence them for the better.

[phatcatholic]

lifeteener,

what your friends need to understand is that sex is not about "being good in bed." sex is about making the love of the trinity present on Earth. i dare say that the closest thing we have on this earth to the Trinity is sexual intercourse within the bonds of marriage. afterall, name another way in which multiple persons become "one flesh." name another way in which the love between two persons inevitably creates another person. to strip human sexuality down to a mere vehicle for physical gratification is to spit at the greatest gift that God has ever given us. just think, to partake in some small way in the family of the Trinity! there is no greater gift on Earth.

Just look at the Father, and how the Love that is His very essence could not help but to begot the Son, and how the Love between them that exists in all eternity is itself another person, the Holy Spirit. now, look at that and then tell me how u could possibly wonder why the fundamental longing in every man is to be loved. just as Love is God's very essence, it is part of our nature as human beings to love and to be loved. we expereince the greatest taste of this love (although it pales in comparison to being in the Presence of the Holy Trinity in Heaven) when we make the love of the Trinity present on Earth through the marriage act.

also, what a gift, to be co-workers with Christ in bringing life into the world! God could surely do it on his own, but the Creator has willed that we share in his glorious act of creation. so, the act of sex yet again becomes something more than physical gratification. it instead becomes the gift through which man is able to perpetuate God's act of Creation on this Earth. What a glorious gift He has given us, and how utterly undeserving we are to receive it.

I have described here just two ways in which the act of sex is a gift like none other. in no other way can we expereince a small taste of the Love of the Trinity. in no other way can we perpetuate God's act of Creation. how could we then abuse this gift in such a way? How could we be so utterly ungrateful as to debase God's gift of sexuality? instead of adoring it and prizing it, we flaunt it, pimp it out, degrade it, abuse it, and essentially strip it of all its glory until it becomes selfish and pointless.

love is not selfish. the very existence of the trinity proves that love is not selfish. yet, this is what we make of love and of God's gift of love when we treat sex as merely something to get good at. sex is not a sport and it is not a hobby. the sooner your friends realize that, the better.

i hope this helps..........good luck and pax christi,
phatcatholic

[Jake Huether]

[quote name='phatcatholic' date='Apr 30 2004, 12:22 AM'] lifeteener,

what your friends need to understand is that sex is not about "being good in bed." sex is about making the love of the trinity present on Earth. i dare say that the closest thing we have on this earth to the Trinity is sexual intercourse within the bonds of marriage. afterall, name another way in which multiple persons become "one flesh." name another way in which the love between two persons inevitably creates another person. to strip human sexuality down to a mere vehicle for physical gratification is to spit at the greatest gift that God has ever given us. just think, to partake in some small way in the family of the Trinity! there is no greater gift on Earth.

Just look at the Father, and how the Love that is His very essence could not help but to begot the Son, and how the Love between them that exists in all eternity is itself another person, the Holy Spirit. now, look at that and then tell me how u could possibly wonder why the fundamental longing in every man is to be loved. just as Love is God's very essence, it is part of our nature as human beings to love and to be loved. we expereince the greatest taste of this love (although it pales in comparison to being in the Presence of the Holy Trinity in Heaven) when we make the love of the Trinity present on Earth through the marriage act.

also, what a gift, to be co-workers with Christ in bringing life into the world! God could surely do it on his own, but the Creator has willed that we share in his glorious act of creation. so, the act of sex yet again becomes something more than physical gratification. it instead becomes the gift through which man is able to perpetuate God's act of Creation on this Earth. What a glorious gift He has given us, and how utterly undeserving we are to receive it.

I have described here just two ways in which the act of sex is a gift like none other. in no other way can we expereince a small taste of the Love of the Trinity. in no other way can we perpetuate God's act of Creation. how could we then abuse this gift in such a way? How could we be so utterly ungrateful as to debase God's gift of sexuality? instead of adoring it and prizing it, we flaunt it, pimp it out, degrade it, abuse it, and essentially strip it of all its glory until it becomes selfish and pointless.

love is not selfish. the very existence of the trinity proves that love is not selfish. yet, this is what we make of love and of God's gift of love when we treat sex as merely something to get good at. sex is not a sport and it is not a hobby. the sooner your friends realize that, the better.

i hope this helps..........good luck and pax christi,
phatcatholic [/quote]
Dude, that was PHAT.

Thanks!

[Philippe]

ya but u see this isnt a Catholic school and no they are not good friends but i am friends with one of them and i just talk to them sometimes i dont hang out with them otherwise and i do come off as very preachy towards them even though i dont think i am at all but they dont listen when i say things about God or the Trinity because they odnt care about that so i need a way to get through to them that abstaining is cool because their whole goal in life is to have sex and i dont know how to get through and tell them that sex is a beautiful act which unites two people its really sad to see peopel degrading sex into an act of mere pleasure :'(

[Paladin D]

Hey Lifeteener, I have gotten similar reactions like this and they are pretty illogical. Considering the fact, if you were to sleep with a friend at school... that would be your [b]first time[/b], thus you may not be [b]that good[/b] either.

So ask them this, [b]"Were you good at sex when you had it the first time?"[/b].

[Philippe]

no but what they are saying is that what if your not good for your wife cuase you dont have expereience stupid stuff like that

[CreepyCrawler]

yeah but wouldn't you rather be 'not good' the first time with your wife who'll love you no matter what, even if you're 'not good' in bed, rather than some guy who could dump you (or girl). and with your wife, you can improve together and have way better sex than some sweaty teens in the backseat just trying to get off and then roll over after 2 min....sorry if that's crude. married couples report having a lot better sex than non-married people. tell them you just want it to be GREAT, not just good (but i totally agree with what phat said, by the way. just wanted to add the non-religious argument that works in my head).

[Paladin D]

[quote name='lifeteener' date='Apr 30 2004, 03:52 PM'] no but what they are saying is that what if your not good for your wife cuase you dont have expereience stupid stuff like that [/quote]
I don't think you understood what I said. Either way, the first time you have sex... it's your first experience. So why go through [b]"trial and error"[/b] with a stranger or some friend, than your wife?

[Quietfire]

all great replies lifeteener. want one from a womans point of view? I mean a woman, not a teenager.

Wait. Simple enough, and no.......I am not a mom.

I cant tell you what to say to the guys. But then again, you arent gonna date and marry them either. Thier opinions in your life are just that...opinions. Words. You have something stronger, you already know that.
Yeah, I could tell you that its a complete turn on for a woman to realize that your husband waited for YOU. But like Phatcatholic said, its more than sex.
You already know. Those guys dont get it. I hope one day they will.
So you dont know if you will be good, trial and error and all that? If you wait for your wife, and she waits for you. It will already be better than good.
I dont want this thread to end up like an internet sex talk show. You just need to realize that its more than sex. Its not the act. Its what it signifies, and that leads right back to what Phatcath said.

Kind of like, people accuse Catholics of 'worshipping false idols', and you know its not true.
Sex before marriage is a false idol. How many worship that......blindly?

Peace

[Matty_boy]

I went to school at Stephen F. Austin in Nacogdoches, Texas. For those of you who have never been to deep east texas, there's nothing to do there. I was the only one of my large group of friends that had never had sex and wasn't trying. Whenever they'd try and get me with a girl, I'd just tell them that I'm waiting until I'm married. Then one day out of the blue, a couple of my friends said they really wished they had waited and not gotten so wrapped up in sex. You are an example by just sticking to your faith and morals. People see that.

[Dave]

I've heard girls talk about how they feel they should have sex before marriage just to see if their significant other can satisfy them. I wish I'd thought to say this (amazing how I seem to think of the best replies once it's too late): "If you've never had sex, then how can you have an idea of what would satisfy you? Besides, aren't you missing the point of what sex is about? It's for bonding and BABIES! It's not so that you can feel good. So if you're concerned about if your man can satisfy you, then you're just using him, and he's doing the same to you.

[JP2Iloveyou]

here's the thing lifeteener. Everything said thus far is dead on perfect. You need to just be a good witness. St. Francis said, "Preach the Gospel always, when necessary, use words." Using that line, it may be the case that you don't have to have a killer argument to convince them that you are right. As everyone has said, sex is only for marriage. It is my dream one day to be able to say to my spouse that I loved her enough that I waited for her. Tell your friends that that is the best sex possible. I mean, what is "good sex" anyway? That term is so misleading as it is currently used.

CreepyCrawler is absolutely right. Married couples have "better sex" than unmarried couples because the act is ordered towards more than just an orgasm. It is ordered to love for each other and openness to life.

To sum it all up, you don't owe your friends an explanation. I was in a very similar boat as you were once. I am so glad I remained a virgin though. Many of my friends have since come back to tell me now how much they admire my decision and wish that they had waited as well.

High school can be a very hard time for a young man to remain chaste, but you can do it. Just remember a few tips. Don't ever put yourself in position where you might be led to sin. You know your limits. If that means not being in a room alone with a girl, so be it. Stay away from alcohol. Most people are more inclined to sin sexually if they have been drinking. Keep good company. Positive peer pressure can go a LONG way towards keeping you from sinning. Pray, pray, pray! Mary is the mother of purity, stay close to her in the Rosary. Also, there are no words available that can quantify how powerful receiving the Eucharist is in warding off temptation and giving you strength. Receive as often as you can, daily if possible. Go to Confession frequently. Finally, pray to the saints, especially St. Joseph and St. Maria Goretti.

[M.SIGGA]

hey dude,

I used to be one of those kids you are talking about and looking back at that time I can say all I really needed was a solid friend to turn too instead of the crowd and that would have saved me the trouble of making a lot of mistakes. Guys know right from wrong and at that age guys are all talk anyway especially when it comes to sex. More of them are listening than you think, so you don't have to be preachy and "drop" these friends, just be a strong in your faith and convictions, and most of all be someone they can turn to, because they will come if you are someone with a "solid" reputation. Do your part leading by example and let the Holy Spirit handle the "coversion". You're awesome - Keep it up!

Peace