Gossip - A Social (And Spiritual) Cancer

[BarbTherese]

Although this comes from the Australian Fair Work Commission - it has been reported through CathNews Australia and worth, I thought, prayerful reflection - and a post.

[url="http://www.cathnews.com/article.aspx?aeid=27390"]http://www.cathnews....aspx?aeid=27390[/url]
"Gossip - is a social cancer"
[quote]
[u]Excerpt[/u]:..........."........Gossip is designed to ruin an individual’s or a group’s reputation. It is an avenue for the betrayal of secrets. It gratifies the envy gossipers feel toward another by denigrating the latter’s achievements. It provides gossipers with a sense of power over people and a temporary feeling of bonding with their listeners.
Individuals, by chatting about other people in a derogatory way, are able to avoid having to face serious issues within themselves and in the group itself. One writer comments that “gossip is always a personal confession of malice or imbecility.” An overdramatic comment, but the author nonetheless correctly draws our attention to the fact that gossip can be a thoroughly nasty business..........
..............Jesus, pointing to gossip as a way of denying one’s own faults, strongly condemns this social cancer because it prevents or obstructs good people in our midst from doing good to others: “Hypocrite! Take the log out of your own eye first, and then you will see clearly enough to take the splinter out of your brother’s eye” (Matt 7:5). The lesson is clear."[/quote]

If I come across derogatory information about another, no matter how I came across it, to my mind it is confidentail and a sacred trust. Such, of course, has to be kept within reason - but before sharing what I do know and how much of what I may know, it is well to reflect prayerfully how I came across what I know and is it gossip, rumour or supported fact - and with whom I intend to share it and my motivation for doing so. How much damage to the person or group will it do, and is it justified.
We have all probably witnessed the effects of gossip on others and just how devestating and cruel it can be. As far as cyberspace is concerned it can be a means of cyber bullying to my mind - of turning one or more persons against one or more others.

Under the Fair Work Commision Australia, gossip can be an offence that leads to dismissal [url="http://www.hcamag.com/newsletter/content/116801/"]http://www.hcamag.co...content/116801/[/url] and I thought as I read that if this is a standard out in the world, how much higher should our standards be, which Jesus and His Gospel underscores.

[AccountDeleted]

I've had problems with this before because I don't like gossip at all, but sometimes I have felt a need to 'vent' to someone about someone else and I worried that this was 'gossip'.

I think that if one does feel a need to talk about someone else (not in the workforce however as this should be a place where everyone acts in a professional manner) - then they should do it with a close confidante like spouse or best friend (my sister in my best friend) and then keep to the facts without trying to destroy the other person's reputation.

How do others deal with this need to vent versus desire not to gossip??

[bernadette d]

I am reminded of the line in Kiplings "If" "If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue"

Not the same as one to one gossip, but it is all too easy to be caught up in the small talk of others

[Tab'le De'Bah-Rye]

Australian culture as far as i'm aware is infused indefinately with the saying " Gossip is the tounge of the serpant. " I to nunsense have often wondered where is the line between caring hope for anothers welfare and idle gossip,i know in my heart where the line is but doesn't mean i don't cross it sometimes,but in accordance with the grace of god if recognising my wrong i try and amends it with the listner asap if available. This is one of the main reasons i feel in my heart that the confietor should be said at least every sunday mass for since i assume the introduction of t.v. and movies we have been somewhat descensitised to the terrible consequences of gossip to the offended and the offender.

Aight god bless you all

[Tab'le De'Bah-Rye]

p.s. and also a quick thought, what of those groups whom knowing full well put themselves under the media scope for whatever reason including politics, if we have a quarm with there behaviour are we allowed to warn others without trying to destroy in a sense. Also can gossip be not only derogatory for a christian but also lifting something else other than god praise for good works. St paul said " if one is to boast he should boast in the lord"with the grace of god if we are to give anything praise should we always add an alleluia at the end to include god in the motion of good works and words.

[MissyP89]

[quote name='nunsense' timestamp='1316742584' post='2308737']
I've had problems with this before because I don't like gossip at all, but sometimes I have felt a need to 'vent' to someone about someone else and I worried that this was 'gossip'.

I think that if one does feel a need to talk about someone else (not in the workforce however as this should be a place where everyone acts in a professional manner) - then they should do it with a close confidante like spouse or best friend (my sister in my best friend) and then keep to the facts without trying to destroy the other person's reputation.

How do others deal with this need to vent versus desire not to gossip??
[/quote]

I'm a serious gossiper. If you offend me, I am going to tell everyone I possibly can. I'm really trying to rein it in.

I write everything out. When I need to talk, I talk to my Mom. My confessor is another good one -- he helps me deal with my feelings and let them go.

[Tab'le De'Bah-Rye]

[quote name='MissyP89' timestamp='1317168208' post='2311240']

I'm a serious gossiper. If you offend me, I am going to tell everyone I possibly can. I'm really trying to rein it in.

I write everything out. When I need to talk, I talk to my Mom. My confessor is another good one -- he helps me deal with my feelings and let them go.
[/quote]


A verse in the O.T. says "confidence is one in a thousand," mums are 1 and confessors 1 too" Be choosee whom you confide in most will let the cat out the bag eventually, though they may be a great conidone for somone else. I have struggled with it for a while, and i hate it, but in that i have a great weakness for the holy sacrements, i wish they would do the confietor every mass or at the least on sundays,gossip seems easier to forget than some other sins and the confietor at least half covers it if forgotten and the holy eucharist remind us possibly if it is habitual.

God bless you all.

JC "most hearts are decieved" "the tounge is the most wicked member of the body and attached to the heart" let jesus into your heart often(without being over scrupulous) there are many ways we kick him out in a sense, i believe truely that the confeitor can be said any time mentally or out loud in private(i even beat my chest in private 3 times),mortal or venial, minus the brothers and sisters bit. Not saying we have only a personal relationship with jesus there is the communal aspect as saints too,praying for each other often and groups like the government,the police force,doctors,etc. some choose a particular mission sometimes and another other times, in blocks or day to day. If you are not of many words a simple god bless<insert name or body here>(mentally or out loud in private or with other christians,one could also in there mind hold there favorite image of jesus in there mind when reciting the our father out loud) is reasonable but add an our father even better, takes under a minute, what are we waiting for? And if you have plenty of time on top of the our father add a hail mary(one could hold a favoured image of our holy mother in there mind) and a glory be... This may all sound to much but where not all biblical or chatechist scholars,nore should we all be possibly (though hopefully at least had a look at both),what i mean is some are evangelical in prayer,some in the holy word,some in the chatechesis,some in works and some a little bit of this and a little bit of that,but in that hopefully all pray at least sometimes, our highest form of prayer is participating in the holy mass,if one thinks one not so prayer try and up your attendance of holy mass and i guarentee a miracle will happen, when i could not say any how i just think i found out how to hijack a thread not intentionally ,sorry i think i kinda got off the point there but hopefully if there is any wisdom of god in all i have said please keep the diamonds and throw away the coal
haha

Edited September 28, 2011 by Tab'le Du'Bah-Rye

[Tab'le De'Bah-Rye]

I just posed somone in chat this question, If somone asks "how is such and such " what would your response be, and the person said,in general "such and such is ok, is there anything else you would like to talk about" the way i was thinking to approach it was to say " you could ask them yourself"(i used it once on a close friend and he laughed and said"ok thats a good one can i use it to". This other persons idea though seems less confrontational than mine and possibly better, my way may only work if you say to somone you know well.

aight god bless you all

[AccountDeleted]

[quote name='Tab'le Du'Bah-Rye' timestamp='1317186849' post='2311475']
I just posed somone in chat this question, If somone asks "how is such and such " what would your response be, and the person said,in general "such and such is ok, is there anything else you would like to talk about" the way i was thinking to approach it was to say " you could ask them yourself"(i used it once on a close friend and he laughed and said"ok thats a good one can i use it to". This other persons idea though seems less confrontational than mine and possibly better, my way may only work if you say to somone you know well.

aight god bless you all
[/quote]


I take it you don't come from a big family ? If one of my sisters or brothers asked me how one of the others was, and I said 'Ask her/him yourself.' they would think I was being hostile! Sometimes people are asking because they actually care and want to know if they can do anything to help. When I was in need, my sister told my brother, and he helped me out because he was in a position to do so.

It think we have to differentiate between 'gossip' and 'concerned enquiry'. Talking about someone else isn't wrong if it isn't designed to cause hurt or slander them in some way. That is just part of human interaction and Thomas A Harris, MD (in his books on Transactional Analysis) would refer to this kind of exchange as 'positive strokes' in a 'transaction' between two people.

Common sense always applies..... and perhaps a bit of the Golden Rule? If you wouldn't want someone else to say it about you, then don't say it about someone else.

[Tab'le De'Bah-Rye]

I agree nunsense that if one is truely concerned about the well being of another than it doesn't count as gossip, i have wrestled with this for a long time as to the difference between idle chit chat about others and general concern, idle chit chat possible is not as bad as slander/bearing false witness but possibly still bad, where as genuine concern about anothers welfare, is ok, possibly even better when incorporated with prayer for that other person.

God bless