Risk Hope And Frustration

[BarbTherese]

[size=3][font=Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]I needed this today as prayerful encouragement and a disposition to accept the possibility of frustration and [u][b]very [/b][/u]real failure. To take a real risk rather than not attempt the possibility of success. I thought perhaps others may need some encouragement too. [/font][/size]


[size=3][font=Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif][quote][/font][/size]
[size=3][font=Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]To hope is to risk frustration. Therefore, make up your mind to risk frustration. [/font][/size]
[size=3][font=Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Do not be one of those who, rather than risk failure, never attempts anythin'. [/font][/size][right][size=3][font=Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Thomas Merton. [i]New Seeds of Contemplation[/i]. (New York: New Directions Books). 104 [/font][/size][/right]


[size=3][/quote][/size]

[size=3]Note: me spellin' in posts between typin' and postin' are bein' altered and appear altered ??? How do I contact a moderator since I do not have Outlook?[/size]
[size=3]Further Note: I have contacted Lil Red via message.[/size]

Edited September 20, 2011 by BarbaraTherese

[brandelynmarie]

Thank you matey for sharin' this. I really needed to hear it...

[AccountDeleted]

stayin' off the phorum today - too many pirates - might try a response tomorrow!

[AccountDeleted]

Merton's quote is similar to the old adage that "A coward dies a thousand deaths. A brave man dies but once." I think this applies to everyone who has to face a fear. The fear of the fear ends up being worse than actually facing it, no matter what the outcome.

I even have this problem with everyday things like having to pick up the telephone and call someone I don't want to speak to. If I put it off, I feel uncomfortable about it until I do it, but if I just do it and get it over with, then I can move on with things.

Thanks for reminding us to face our fears... I find it easier if I tell Jesus about it first, and then let Him help me with it. His strength makes it all a little bit easier.

[BarbTherese]

[quote name='brandelynmarie' timestamp='1316476914' post='2307279']
Thank you matey for sharin' this. I really needed to hear it...
[/quote]

AAhhhh me hearty, happy that it spoke!

[BarbTherese]

[quote name='nunsense' timestamp='1316509851' post='2307489']
Merton's quote is similar to the old adage that "A coward dies a thousand deaths. A brave man dies but once." I think this applies to everyone who has to face a fear. The fear of the fear ends up being worse than actually facing it, no matter what the outcome.

I even have this problem with everyday things like having to pick up the telephone and call someone I don't want to speak to. If I put it off, I feel uncomfortable about it until I do it, but if I just do it and get it over with, then I can move on with things.

Thanks for reminding us to face our fears... I find it easier if I tell Jesus about it first, and then let Him help me with it. His strength makes it all a little bit easier.
[/quote]

Interesting you should quote that quote, nunsense. A psychiatrist said to me once when I was in a state of absolute terror and finding refuge on a psychiatric ward for a few weeks: "You've died a thousand deaths, haven't you?" "Something like that" I replied
"Well, tomorrow I am releasing you" - and I died again ........out into that unforgiving unyielding world that I just could not understand once again and without a penny in my pocket (literally - I was flat, stony broke) no place to go, no clothes - nothing. Totally at the no mercy of goodness knows what.....back then! Ahhh, now I get it, he was calling me a coward. If he was in my shoes, he would have been shaking apart too and looking for any sort of refuge. But now I can insight something that happened donkeys years ago. Thanks for sharing, nunsense - I needed to put the pieces together. Why that quote has never clicked into place with me with that incident, I dont know! But as soon as I read it in your post, the memories flooded back. Call me a coward! If the quack had been going through what I was going through, he probably would have ended it all - literally!

[quote]
I even have this problem with everyday things like having to pick up the telephone and call someone I don't want to speak to. If I put it off, I feel uncomfortable about it until I do it, but if I just do it and get it over with, then I can move on with things.[/quote]
I am exactly the same! I dont even think about what I am going to say at such a time, I just pick up the phone and when they answer I say "Hi, its Barb. I really need to talk to you" and then I have to say something, no choice! I put myself in the position of "no choice" by deliberate choice trusting in The Lord as to outcome. I recall when I left religious life the first time in my teens, my novice mistress said "You are abandoning your vocation - and burning the bridges" - what I wanted to reply rather than, "Yes, Mother" was "Yeah, and if I burn my bridges there is no way back and I know it as I burn them and that's why I burn them. No retreat into the past for me, and the enemy cant follow into my future" But held my peace, terrified of the imposing severe woman!

Oh what a day I have had!

[quote]
Thanks for reminding us to face our fears... I find it easier if I tell Jesus about it first, and then let Him help me with it. His strength makes it all a little bit easier.
[/quote] I used to say "Over to you, Father, because here I go again!" and then just do what I felt I had to do. I still have that disposition, although a little more refined and socially acceptable about it. One of the ways I refound sanity, was to observe others and know that that was acceptable behaviour and I had to learn it if I wanted to be acceptable in society. My psychiatrist at the time used to say to me when I was ill "You misbehaving again,?".

Oh what a day I have had!

Thank you for input, nunsense and nothing like facing our fears head on, come what may, with our hand in the hands of Jesus in absolute trust as to outcome.

Oh what a day I have had!

God bless and hold you close as He does..........Barb

[AccountDeleted]

Barb - the way I look at it, there's nothing wrong with being a coward. Didn't St Paul say that it was through his weakness that Christ's power could be made perfect? Lately, God has shown me more of my failings that I would like to see, but at the same time, He has also been showing me just how much He loves me. The end result is that the more I see of my own weaknesses, the more I also see His power and mercy and love and generosity.

So, if being afraid means being a coward, then so be it. But that fear also makes me lean very heavily on Jesus for my hope and my strength. If your doctors don't understand this, then that is their loss, not yours. Just consider yourself a very precious stone that God has been purifying and polishing for a long time.

Once upon a time I wanted to be perfect... I wanted to be a saint like (insert favourite saint's name here) and I lamented that I didn't measure up to my imagined standards of holiness. Now I am more than happy NOT to be perfect, to be simply trying to please God and sanctify my soul through greater acts of virtue, which aren't usually natural for me, but which take a lot of effort on my part. And yet I am still not as patient or kind or charitable or forgiving (etc) as I know I should and could be. But's that okay too. God knows my efforts as well as my failures, and He knows my intentions and sincerity as well. Jesus told us that 'she who loves much is forgiven much'.

I guess what I mean is that we don't need to judge ourselves by our weaknesses, instead we can rejoice that they show us not only God's power, but also His kindness. He doesn't judge us half as harshly as we do ourselves sometimes!

By the way, maybe you need to read that children's story (again if you have already) about the Horrible, Rotten, No-Good Day, Even in Australia' (or a title something like that). I read it when I was young and I loved it!!! We all have them. They pass... prayers sister.

[BarbTherese]

That is a beautiful post, indeed, nunsense - really beautiful! Sound theology! And when sound theology and sound spirituality marry, it just cant help but be beautiful!

.........and of course, I think it was Audie Murphy who got some outstanding bravery award (forgotten the name of the award - Medal of Honor?) during WWII who said that it is the coward that becomes the hero. Or something similar. I think perhaps one is just so scared and afraid that it triggers the flight or fight principal in a very mortality threatening way...........and one comes out a-fighting simply because one is so very fearful and afraid, to take flight is impossible "transfixed with fear". But yes, in our weakness we are strong because the weaker we are, the more profoundly imperfect we are, the more the Grace and the Glory of The Lord can shine - as when in a room full of light (holiness), if you shine a torch, the light can hardly be seen at all if that. But if the room is dark (weaknesses and imperfections), then even with the smallest light - it is the light that shines the most brilliant in all its fulness. Something like that. And the Jesus who came to save sinners, always rushes to the aid of the weak and imperfect with His Astounding Strength. I love the image of the Good Shepherd who leaves the 99 to go after the one that is lost and returns, our images convey, holding it securely over His Strong Shoulders. And I like to continue the image with the Good Shepherd walking with his flock still with that now found little lamb still lovingly over His Shoulders.

Keep up the great work! I am afraid that I am totally exhausted and my mind screaming at me to stop - and my computer time states 9.15pm and if I dont take my medication before 9.30pm, I will probably turn into far worse than a pumpkin .... at this point.

God bless, Petite Soeur - and bon soir! aurevoir au matin........how's me French - ah well cant be worse than me Latin!.............Barb

[BarbTherese]

[quote]
my intentions and sincerity as well[/quote] Not only The Lord knows and finds joy in it!

[BarbTherese]

I'll tell you something funny about my French before I leave. My very first job was in a large department store first int he glove department and then in cosmetics. And to be impressive when I applied for the job where it asked languages spoken I wrote "French" as well as English. So this day, my department head came to me and said "You speak French", I died another death as I said "Yes". "Oh good" says he"we have a French customer and we cant understand what she wants". So he took me to her. I still have no idea what it was she wanted, but I sent her to the hairdressing salon assuring the departmental manger I had it right - and nearly lost me job when I just had no alternative but to come clean with a very angry departmental manager! I think our French customer probably told him that she didn't know what language I was speaking but it was NOT French. I still dont know why I wasn't fired onthe spot. Ahhhh memories !

[BarbTherese]

I had learnt French in college incidentally - but to state that I spoke French was stretching things a bit far as I'd probably forgotten more than I remembered - literally. I never dreamed I would need to actually speak it working in a department store. That, coupled with nerves at actually being asked to speak in French with a French customer introduced nerves and I was a miserable failure. I did learn from it however. Then a few weeks later, I landed an office position as an office junior.

All is coming out in the wash re the emotional and mental investments I made and risks (of failure) I took - after a couple of hair raising days for such as I, and I am very grateful to The Lord for this - overwhelmingly so! I was really prayerfully stressing over it all, while desperately seeking calm, tranquility and serenity again - and that desperate seeking probably increased the stress factor. I came very close to a Bipolar episode as I had early warning signs as Bipolar announced it was not happy at all with the stress factor. So I took yesterday off completely - and plan another one today. With the early warning signs of Bipolar, I need to eliminate as much stimulation as I can in every way and I have learnt that a day of complete retreat will usually do the trick. I made it a day of retreat and prayer. I also have on hand emergency medication that will reduce the side effects of stress. If eliminating all the stimulation I can, and taking emergency medication, does not work over a 24hr span, my next step is to contact my doctor immediately. It looks as if, however, as life unfolds for me that I may be living a potentially stressful life at times. I have spoken to my chemist about stress and he suggests that I speak to my doctor about VitaminB complex (which he recommends) to ensure it will not interfere with medication I take daily for Bipolar. I have spoken with my director about what is unfolding re lifestyle and early in October I will be speaking to my doctor.

I have left school and am working in the Parish Office voluntarily one day week and Father this morning bringing me home from Mass has spoken to me about potentially two days weekly. I also have an application in to St Vincent De Paul to help them out, again as a volunteer, wherever they may need some help. On my other days, I have gone back to taking in ironing for extra pennies - 2hrs day. The joy for me is that with leaving school I am able to attend Mass through the week at least once and sometimes twice and can travel by bus to the parish Church where Mass is twice weekly in the early morning.
A lady at Mass this morning said to me "You need to stop working so hard" - I replied "I am hoping to burn out rather than rust out!"
I just stopped dead in my tracks one day at school and thought: "Why am I doing this?" which precipitated my leaving school - after prayer and thought - and looking at an alternative lifestyle in the day to day basics. It means a drop in income, however, as the government paid me to go to school. But that's ok, I made a private vow of poverty and poverty it shall be. The financial, in this instance, can be one aspect of the evangelical counsel of Poverty, but it has another aspect too in Poverty of spirit - which is not loss but great gain, Grace prevailing. Although I can pay my bills and feed myself. I have a roof over my head and excellent clothing from second hand stores - I dont need any more. A couple of outfits for "best". I can contribute to the parish and support of our priests and to Caritas monthly direct debit - as well as put money aside for any major disasters in the world. I am blest beyond measure!!! One hundredfold over!!! And so very many suffer so very much in our world.

I am delighted after my first meeting re the religious order with whom I may be affiliated. There will be ongoing formation monthly as well as opportunities to go away for directed retreats - both daily and sometimes longer, and at a far far reduced cost to which it would be if I went just as an individual. Opportunties to attend addresses on various subjects including the spiritual. And as things have further unfolded, since I have left school and have no obligations in that direction, I can organize to take time off whatever I may normally be about.

I was telling my director that I am so accustomed to things going wrong that I am conditioned to things going wrong and it is a work in progress to undo that conditioning. Conditioning happens over a long period of time and it takes a long period of time to undo it. Very fortunately, as I see a psychiatrist (I dont have to do so) for Bipolar, I can ask her to help me with this.

Divine Providence is always with us and is a continual unfolding in our days - even when things are going amiss. The theology of the Permissive Will of God is a blessing indeed to grasp. Sometimes it can be hard work and sweat and tears applying it.

Last night, through Catholic Culture, just what I needed landed in my Inbox:

[url="http://www.catholicculture.org/culture/library/view.cfm?recnum=9717"]http://www.catholicc...cfm?recnum=9717[/url]
"[u]Dialectic of Prayer: Human Cry and Divine Response[/u] " (Pope Benedict)
[quote]
Excerpt: .........."...........Psalm 3 has presented us with a supplication full of trust and consolation. In praying this Psalm, we can make our own the sentiments of the Psalmist, ................In sorrow, in danger, in the bitterness of misunderstanding and offence the words of the Psalm open our hearts to the comforting certainty of faith. God is always close – even in difficulties, in problems, in the darkness of life – he listens and saves in his own way.
However it is necessary to recognize his presence [u]and accept his ways[/u], as did David in his humiliating flight from his son, Absalom; as did the just man who is persecuted in the Book of Wisdom and, ultimately and completely, as did the Lord Jesus on Golgotha. And when, in the eyes of the wicked, God does not seem to intervene and the Son dies, it is then that the true glory and the definitive realization of salvation is manifest to all believers. ........"...........
[/quote]

Edited September 22, 2011 by BarbaraTherese

[Feankie]

I've often found that if I take a risk, no matter how "scary" it might seem, it's always been a growth experience. Always in a positive way, although it may not seem so at the time. It's a growth experience, one of expanding your horizons or letting you know that perhaps you should take a step back and reevaluate. But always growth. I try to express that thought in may ways with my spiritual directees - it's not always an easy lesson to convey ...or practice...but do take that risk. I believe God places those types of choices in our our life, not as a test per se, but as a lesson in obedience. To grow, to soar, to fly.....or to learn a better way to grow, soar, and fly to our highest God-given potential