Scruples

[InPersonaChriste]

Lately I have been suffering Scruples. And when I mean lately, I mean its been continually for almost 1 year on and off. Probably more but I only recognised it at scruples in that period of time.

Full account of what has been going on: http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/topic/115565-facing-a-fear/page__pid__2306046__st__20#entry2306046

Anyways I thought it might be a good idea for people to share their scruples stories, or how to deal with them here. I know that quite a few people discerning religious life get some form of scruples. And it has been really helpful to type it all down here!

In Christ
IPC

[BarbTherese]

Hi again IPC!

Here are the links I have been able to collate and hoping something might be helpful:


[url="http://forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=21586"]http://forums.cathol...ead.php?t=21586[/url] (there is an excellent book on scrupulosity (written by a priest) recommended in this “Ask an Apolgoist” thread on Catholic Answers Foruums.

[url="http://forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=30334"]http://forums.cathol...ead.php?t=30334[/url]

[url="http://www.fisheaters.com/penance.html"]http://www.fisheaters.com/penance.html[/url] - Extract: "Contrition is [i]willful[/i] regret for one's sins. It isn't a matter of one's "feelings" of guilt, but of conviction of the evil of sin and the resolution to sin no more. In other words, contrition is rooted in the will, not in the emotions. For example, some people are more emotional than others: some get a case of the "scruples" and feel shame or guilt over any little thing, whether it's sin or not; others can have committed murder and never "wallow" in guilt but are still truly contrite. The one is not necessarily more "holy" or making a better Confession than the other. [b][u]What matters is their [u][b]conviction [/b][/u]-- their will to offend God no more[/u][/b], [b][i][u]and their resolution to make reparations as far as possible, do their penance, and patiently bear the temporal effects of their sins[/u][/i][/b]. [i]Without contrition, Confession is not valid.[/i]

"Imperfect Contrition" (also called "attrition") is regret out of fear of God's just punishments for sin; "Perfect Contrition" is regret for having offended God. We must always strive for the latter, which always absolves sin in itself [i]if[/i] it is coupled with the will to also receive the Sacrament.

One of the keys to confession is the desire to be rid of all of one's sins. If this is your will, if this is your desire, if you are willing to confess all of your sins and do your penance and resolve to sin no more, then your sins will be forgiven -- all of them, even those you may have [i]truly [/i]forgotten about. But don't kid yourself, either, and think you can skip mentioning this sin or that one because you're embarrassed. Don't lie to yourself, to your priest, or to God, by omission."

Really excellent and comprehensive article on Scruples : [url="http://www.catholicspiritualdirection.org/scrupulosity.html"]http://www.catholics...rupulosity.html[/url]


[u]Note re Perfect and Imperfect Contrition[/u]: While Perfect contrition is our ideal and objecive for which we pray and strive, Imperfect Contrition [u]coupled with [/u]Confession (in the instance of mortal sin) is sufficient for a valid Confession and full forgiveness of mortal sin reconciling us with God and His Church. Imperfect contrition will also forgive venial sins - and venial sins can be forgiven in many ways indeed. We can attend Holy Communion in the state of venial sin and while it is not a necessity to confess venial sin, it is a good habit to get into to confess them. To confess first any mortal sin or sins and then our venial sins. Confession not only restores us to Supernatural Grace as if we had never sinned in the first place, it also grants us the Actual Grace to avoid sin in the future. While Confession restores us to Supernatural Grace as if we had never sinned in the first place, there may be some temporal suffering due to that sin or sins either in this life or in Purgatory in the next.

[u]Indulgences and related temporal suffering due[/u]: Re temporal suffering due to sin and indulgences which is rather often confused in Catholic minds: [url="http://www.catholic.org/clife/prayers/indulgc.php"]http://www.catholic....ers/indulgc.php[/url]

[inperpetuity]

St. Joseph Benedict Laboure suffered from scruples up until a week before he died. Padre Pio too while he was a novice. It's definitely a cross. It can be worked through though with a good confessor. God sometimes permits people to suffer from scruples as a means of purification which you probably are aware of I'm sure. I will pray for you. Don't let it discourage you.

[BarbTherese]

[quote name='inperpetuity' timestamp='1316313307' post='2306099']
St. Joseph Benedict Laboure suffered from scruples up until a week before he died. Padre Pio too while he was a novice. It's definitely a cross. It can be worked through though with a good confessor. God sometimes permits people to suffer from scruples as a means of purification which you probably are aware of I'm sure. I will pray for you. Don't let it discourage you.
[/quote]

Good post and advice.

[InPersonaChriste]

Thanks for the links!

[ImageTrinity]

I struggled with scrupulosity for years and know how painful it can be. Definitely seek the counsel of a wise director if possible, or at least go to confession with the same priest every time so he is aware of your history. It isn't selfish to pray for yourself...pray to our Lady for healing and for the grace to trust in God's mercy. I will be praying for you!

[inperpetuity]

[quote name='inperpetuity' timestamp='1316313307' post='2306099']
St. Joseph Benedict Laboure suffered from scruples up until a week before he died. Padre Pio too while he was a novice. It's definitely a cross. It can be worked through though with a good confessor. God sometimes permits people to suffer from scruples as a means of purification which you probably are aware of I'm sure. I will pray for you. Don't let it discourage you.
[/quote]

Sorry, it's St. Benedict Joseph, Duh!!

[InPersonaChriste]

[quote name='ImageTrinity' timestamp='1316374299' post='2306344']
I struggled with scrupulosity for years and know how painful it can be. Definitely seek the counsel of a wise director if possible, or at least go to confession with the same priest every time so he is aware of your history. It isn't selfish to pray for yourself...pray to our Lady for healing and for the grace to trust in God's mercy. I will be praying for you!
[/quote]

Thankyou Trinity!

God has blessed me with a wonderful Spiritual Director. But I live so far away that in the bast 2 years I have only had 3 sessions with him. Which is incredibly hard for people when they are having scruples or discerning religious life! I hope and pray that when I move closer to church I will have more time for spiritual direction.

[BarbTherese]

[quote name='InPersonaChriste' timestamp='1316355379' post='2306224']
Thanks for the links!
[/quote]

.................

[dominicansoul]

i suffered from scrupulosity when i hit my teen age years. it got sooo bad that it became crippling and i couldn't live my daily life anymore. i had a terrible fear of going to hell for the smallest sins. I felt obligated to pray as much as I could, no matter what I was doing at the time, or where I was at. not even confession helped, because as my sins in confession became more and more bizarre, some priests were not very patient with me.

it happened that my school, which was very much aware of my bizarre behavior, decided my parents must send me to counseling with a local psychologist before I would be allowed back in school. (Yeah, i was that bad.)

When we arrived at the pscychologists office, the receptionist informed us that our doctor had not made it into the office that day, and we would have to re-schedule. As she was saying this, a man in a white jacket, came from down the hall way and said in a very deep voice, "I will see this patient today." The receptionist looked a bit startled and gave her head a nod and we followed the doctor down the hall into an office.

I remember this man's face. I was 13, but I can remember his hair, the structure of his face, his deep blue eyes, and his soothing deep voice. He asked me what I was there for. I told him that I have "fears." And he said, "What is it that you fear the most? Do you fear hurting God?" Then, looking into my eyes, he said, "I want you to know that God loves you very very much. He is grateful that you wish to be perfect and you do all that you possibly can for Him....but He DOES NOT want you hurting yourself like this. He doesn't want you suffering so much like this, you bring this on yourself, it is not what He ask of you." This man knew exactly what my problem was even before i even could explain it to him. He went on to say that I pray too much, that God wants me to pray exactly one hour and one hour only in a day. He looked over at my parents, and told them, "Make sure that she only prays for that one hour, make a little altar in her room, and even if she doesn't say the family Rosary, make sure she prays just that one hour." He looked at me and smiled, and He said, "God will be pleased if you please only pray for one hour. He loves you sooo very much!"

I remember this very well, it is impressed into my brain, and I will never forget it. I remember getting emotional, because this man told me over and over "God loves you sooo much!" And that was something I found hard to believe.

Well, my parents were speechless, because this man seemed to know that we prayed together as a family every night and we didn't share this information with anyone in that office.

My parents made me a beautiful little area in my room to pray, and sure enuff, it was hard, but I stuck with the one hour each day of prayer. I read for the first time the Book of Tobit. This is a story about an angel coming to the aide of people who called out to God in desperation.

By the time my sick leave ran out, I was perfectly fine, and I returned to school as normal as ever. My scruples had completely waned. I was able to start being my old teenage self again. The teachers and my friends were amazed at my complete healing.

One day i was called to the school office. the counselor was very angry because she said that i had not kept my appointment with the pscyhologist. She called my parents, and they confirmed that I had seen him that day, but the doctor's office had no record of any doctor there as a "replacement."

This episode in my life strengthened my faith in God, knowing that no matter what, He doesn't wish for the scrupulous to suffer so greatly, it is not what He asks. Scruples are a form of pride, it's us saying we know better than God about the state of our souls and its all about guilt and not believing in the Mercy of God...

Well, after this happened to me, I realize that each of us is unique and most important to God, He would do anything to help us get out of this miserable state, even sending an angel to help us if He needs to... all because He loves us sooooooo much! He loves us and we must believe in this love... He would not allow us to be lost, especially when he sees how badly we wish to be perfect for Him...

[HopefulBride]

[quote name='dominicansoul' timestamp='1316438463' post='2306912']
i suffered from scrupulosity when i hit my teen age years. it got sooo bad that it became crippling and i couldn't live my daily life anymore. i had a terrible fear of going to hell for the smallest sins. I felt obligated to pray as much as I could, no matter what I was doing at the time, or where I was at. not even confession helped, because as my sins in confession became more and more bizarre, some priests were not very patient with me.

it happened that my school, which was very much aware of my bizarre behavior, decided my parents must send me to counseling with a local psychologist before I would be allowed back in school. (Yeah, i was that bad.)

When we arrived at the pscychologists office, the receptionist informed us that our doctor had not made it into the office that day, and we would have to re-schedule. As she was saying this, a man in a white jacket, came from down the hall way and said in a very deep voice, "I will see this patient today." The receptionist looked a bit startled and gave her head a nod and we followed the doctor down the hall into an office.

I remember this man's face. I was 13, but I can remember his hair, the structure of his face, his deep blue eyes, and his soothing deep voice. He asked me what I was there for. I told him that I have "fears." And he said, "What is it that you fear the most? Do you fear hurting God?" Then, looking into my eyes, he said, "I want you to know that God loves you very very much. He is grateful that you wish to be perfect and you do all that you possibly can for Him....but He DOES NOT want you hurting yourself like this. He doesn't want you suffering so much like this, you bring this on yourself, it is not what He ask of you." This man knew exactly what my problem was even before i even could explain it to him. He went on to say that I pray too much, that God wants me to pray exactly one hour and one hour only in a day. He looked over at my parents, and told them, "Make sure that she only prays for that one hour, make a little altar in her room, and even if she doesn't say the family Rosary, make sure she prays just that one hour." He looked at me and smiled, and He said, "God will be pleased if you please only pray for one hour. He loves you sooo very much!"

I remember this very well, it is impressed into my brain, and I will never forget it. I remember getting emotional, because this man told me over and over "God loves you sooo much!" And that was something I found hard to believe.

Well, my parents were speechless, because this man seemed to know that we prayed together as a family every night and we didn't share this information with anyone in that office.

My parents made me a beautiful little area in my room to pray, and sure enuff, it was hard, but I stuck with the one hour each day of prayer. I read for the first time the Book of Tobit. This is a story about an angel coming to the aide of people who called out to God in desperation.

By the time my sick leave ran out, I was perfectly fine, and I returned to school as normal as ever. My scruples had completely waned. I was able to start being my old teenage self again. The teachers and my friends were amazed at my complete healing.

One day i was called to the school office. the counselor was very angry because she said that i had not kept my appointment with the pscyhologist. She called my parents, and they confirmed that I had seen him that day, but the doctor's office had no record of any doctor there as a "replacement."

This episode in my life strengthened my faith in God, knowing that no matter what, He doesn't wish for the scrupulous to suffer so greatly, it is not what He asks. Scruples are a form of pride, it's us saying we know better than God about the state of our souls and its all about guilt and not believing in the Mercy of God...

Well, after this happened to me, I realize that each of us is unique and most important to God, He would do anything to help us get out of this miserable state, even sending an angel to help us if He needs to... all because He loves us sooooooo much! He loves us and we must believe in this love... He would not allow us to be lost, especially when he sees how badly we wish to be perfect for Him...
[/quote]

Wow DS that is a beautiful story of the Lord's intervention in what seemed to be a Dire situation.

I must say that from time to time, I suffer from scrupulosity but it has helped a lot that my old confessor knew me and was adamant that I needed to stop what I was doing to myself or I would just go bonkers. This was especially bad when I entered mys second year of discernment and I found myself just labeling everything as a sin. I mean I wouldn't allow myself to even pray for myself because I thought that even that was a sin of selfishness and too much pride.

IPC, even if you are not able to get with you SD regularly a good confessor can help you with this, especially if it is one that you go to all the time.

You and all the others who are dealing with this are in my prayers because I know how immobilizing it can be.

[MarysLittleFlower]

[quote name='dominicansoul' timestamp='1316438463' post='2306912']
i suffered from scrupulosity when i hit my teen age years. it got sooo bad that it became crippling and i couldn't live my daily life anymore. i had a terrible fear of going to hell for the smallest sins. I felt obligated to pray as much as I could, no matter what I was doing at the time, or where I was at. not even confession helped, because as my sins in confession became more and more bizarre, some priests were not very patient with me.

it happened that my school, which was very much aware of my bizarre behavior, decided my parents must send me to counseling with a local psychologist before I would be allowed back in school. (Yeah, i was that bad.)

When we arrived at the pscychologists office, the receptionist informed us that our doctor had not made it into the office that day, and we would have to re-schedule. As she was saying this, a man in a white jacket, came from down the hall way and said in a very deep voice, "I will see this patient today." The receptionist looked a bit startled and gave her head a nod and we followed the doctor down the hall into an office.

I remember this man's face. I was 13, but I can remember his hair, the structure of his face, his deep blue eyes, and his soothing deep voice. He asked me what I was there for. I told him that I have "fears." And he said, "What is it that you fear the most? Do you fear hurting God?" Then, looking into my eyes, he said, "I want you to know that God loves you very very much. He is grateful that you wish to be perfect and you do all that you possibly can for Him....but He DOES NOT want you hurting yourself like this. He doesn't want you suffering so much like this, you bring this on yourself, it is not what He ask of you." This man knew exactly what my problem was even before i even could explain it to him. He went on to say that I pray too much, that God wants me to pray exactly one hour and one hour only in a day. He looked over at my parents, and told them, "Make sure that she only prays for that one hour, make a little altar in her room, and even if she doesn't say the family Rosary, make sure she prays just that one hour." He looked at me and smiled, and He said, "God will be pleased if you please only pray for one hour. He loves you sooo very much!"

I remember this very well, it is impressed into my brain, and I will never forget it. I remember getting emotional, because this man told me over and over "God loves you sooo much!" And that was something I found hard to believe.

Well, my parents were speechless, because this man seemed to know that we prayed together as a family every night and we didn't share this information with anyone in that office.

My parents made me a beautiful little area in my room to pray, and sure enuff, it was hard, but I stuck with the one hour each day of prayer. I read for the first time the Book of Tobit. This is a story about an angel coming to the aide of people who called out to God in desperation.

By the time my sick leave ran out, I was perfectly fine, and I returned to school as normal as ever. My scruples had completely waned. I was able to start being my old teenage self again. The teachers and my friends were amazed at my complete healing.

One day i was called to the school office. the counselor was very angry because she said that i had not kept my appointment with the pscyhologist. She called my parents, and they confirmed that I had seen him that day, but the doctor's office had no record of any doctor there as a "replacement."

This episode in my life strengthened my faith in God, knowing that no matter what, He doesn't wish for the scrupulous to suffer so greatly, it is not what He asks. Scruples are a form of pride, it's us saying we know better than God about the state of our souls and its all about guilt and not believing in the Mercy of God...

Well, after this happened to me, I realize that each of us is unique and most important to God, He would do anything to help us get out of this miserable state, even sending an angel to help us if He needs to... all because He loves us sooooooo much! He loves us and we must believe in this love... He would not allow us to be lost, especially when he sees how badly we wish to be perfect for Him...
[/quote]

wow....it sounds to me like that was an angel! do you think that could be?

[MarysLittleFlower]

I have struggled with scrupulosity and still do. It became so bad last year that I didn't even receive Communion for 9 months. I went to Confession and Mass, but not Communion. I agree with the others who said.. it seems like everything is a sin. But other times you just feel confused and unsure. It's really spiritually unhealthy to go through. I was in university and going to an FSSP parish at the time, and the priest I was talking to one day said that I have scrupulosity and offered to guide me. I only had less than a month left there cause then I was graduating and moving someplace else. The priest was very helpful.. he actually met with me quite a bit and heard my Confessions. Well I finally received Communion again (was soo happy lol). It was very reassuring to be spiritually directed, because when you're scrupulous you really can't rely on your own conscience, it's all about obedience and it's humbling too. The whole experience helped me understand that I have much pride to deal with. Now I'm living in another city and am planning on visiting to speak with the priest again. It's been difficult without spiritual direction and I fell into some old habits but am trying to fight them again. A good confessor really helps and I'm trying to find a regular confessor. Obedience is key... and trust in God's mercy.... otherwise it can be really damaging spiritually and psychologically also.

Edited October 17, 2011 by MarysLittleFlower

[AccountDeleted]

The really sad thing about scruples is that they separate us from the healing love of God, making one think that they can't be loved unless they are 'perfect'.

God doesn't love us because we become perfect... we become perfect through His love, loving Him and letting Him love us. It is our weakness that gives us the humility to see that we are always in need of Him. When we try to become perfect only through our own efforts, then we are in danger of falling in love with ourselves!

Scruples is serious and one who suffers from it should seek help. It disguises itself as humility but is the opposite because it focuses on self rather than on God's mercy and forgiveness. We will always need God's help.... and when we can accept our brokenness, we can also see just how great His love is for us.

[MarysLittleFlower]

that is very true I found that a great book against scruples is "Consoling the Heart of Jesus" by Fr Michael Gaitley. I once read a quote by St Therese, it might even have been in that book, - it's a letter to her sister, I think... she talks about her littleness, and as I read that letter, it helped me to see that all we can truly offer God is our misery. But this is what He wants, so that He can be our virtue and strength. Scrupulosity is about trying to be perfect before God.. but it's far better to be nothing and let Him be everything.