beatitude Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 Hello all, I would like to ask your prayers for something important. Ever since I began to consider my call in life, I felt as though the choice had to be between marriage and religious life. When my parish priest suggested that I look into a secular institute, feeling that it might be the right thing for me, I rejected the idea firmly. I felt that I was too selfish to live as a single person; I was sure that I would need the support of a religious community or a husband to prevent my weaknesses from getting the better of me. Now I know that being a single person doesn't mean that you're alone. We never are. The communion of saints. The church on earth - family, friends, a stranger who smiles at you during the pax. And I have realised that most of my aversion to the thought of consecrated single life was rooted in a fear of being lonely, of having no one to be with me as I get older and no one to share special moments in life with. Prayer and a few more years' experience of life have taught me very simply that God gives you exactly what you need, when you need it. I myself might not even know what I need. If He's calling me to this life, I will be able to live it - because it won't be 'I who live, but Christ who lives in me'. I will also love it, because he made me for it, and you're never happier than when you fall into the place prepared for you. In the past all I ever thought about was how horrible consecrated single life must be. I defined it in terms of what is absent. I never thought about what might be present. Recently I've been testing the potential of my single state, and seeing very clearly just how conducive it is to generosity and hospitality and friendship. There is Gospel witness in all these things. And I'm finding myself loving it more and more. This could be my forever. I started to think about vocation seriously when I was about seventeen. I'm twenty-four now. In that time I have had one serious relationship, but when my boyfriend proposed to me I knew I couldn't marry. Not him, not anyone. I just knew. So I assumed that it was now a question of finding the right religious community. I went on visits to various communities, both contemplative and apostolic, and felt increasingly drawn to Carmelite spirituality. I'd read and loved the Carmelite saints since I was twenty or so, and the spirituality of Carmel has very much shaped the way I pray. But something still didn't seem to fit, so I went to see some Franciscan sisters as well, and some Dominicans, and... It will be so ironic if the answer to what I was looking for was buried in my everyday life all the time. Several months ago I found a couple of secular institutes (one Carmelite, the other based on the spirituality of Bl. Charles de Foucauld) that interested me a lot. I've been corresponding with the Carmelite one and soon I will be going to visit a member who is responsible for helping enquirers and candidates in this country. I ask for your prayers at this time. It all feels very right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faithcecelia Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 It sounds like you have given this a lot of thought and prayer, and I pray you continue to listen to where God is leading you. I hope youre okay - its been ages since we have caught up properly! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beatitude Posted September 13, 2011 Author Share Posted September 13, 2011 [quote name='faithcecelia' timestamp='1315952609' post='2304408'] It sounds like you have given this a lot of thought and prayer, and I pray you continue to listen to where God is leading you. I hope youre okay - its been ages since we have caught up properly! [/quote] My online times always coincide with the times when you are absolutely exhausted. I will try and plan them better. It is in the constitutions of the Carmelite secular institute that all vowed women make a week-long retreat each year. If I join, Notting Hill guesthouse will be getting some business. I think it's in the rule that I would have to keep silence throughout my retreat, but I could always scribble some notes. Watch out for paper aircraft sailing through the grille during Mass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmaD2006 Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 (edited) [quote name='beatitude' timestamp='1315952920' post='2304410'] My online times always coincide with the times when you are absolutely exhausted. I will try and plan them better. It is in the constitutions of the Carmelite secular institute that all vowed women make a week-long retreat each year. If I join, Notting Hill guesthouse will be getting some business. I think it's in the rule that I would have to keep silence throughout my retreat, but I could always scribble some notes. Watch out for paper aircraft sailing through the grille during Mass.[/quote] I like that in the rule it includes a silent week long retreat. That is soooo wise. If you haven't done one ... I think you will understand where it comes from once you experience one. I'm not a vowed woman, but I do one on a yearly basis. I forgot to say ... congratulations on your discernment. We'll be praying for God's will to be fulfilled fully in your life. Edited September 13, 2011 by cmariadiaz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faithcecelia Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 [quote name='beatitude' timestamp='1315952920' post='2304410'] My online times always coincide with the times when you are absolutely exhausted. I will try and plan them better. It is in the constitutions of the Carmelite secular institute that all vowed women make a week-long retreat each year. If I join, Notting Hill guesthouse will be getting some business. I think it's in the rule that I would have to keep silence throughout my retreat, but I could always scribble some notes. Watch out for paper aircraft sailing through the grille during Mass. [/quote] Hopefully in a weeks time, with Corin in fulltime school by then, I will be a little less tired! We would have to work it that we had a parlour as you arrived before you officially started the retreat and then another just as you leave when you have officially finished! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbTherese Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 You have a mature and prayerful perspective on things to my mind. Whatever vocation God is calling one to, we can be very sure that He will provide all that is necessary at every point and fully faithfully always. I sometimes wonder about my future at 65 yrs and not getting younger, the body slowly breaking down with age and less able to do what I once completed with ease. I am in the lay state and live alone under private vows, but then I harken back to the fact that God has called me to this life and that He will provide - and that could be the cross as a potential. If it is, the Grace to carry that cross will also be present and past experiences have taught me well on that score. I never regret choosing the invitation from God to the lay secular state. When things get dark and murky, or if life becomes a struggle, Faith provides brilliant light in abundance and strength for the struggle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blessed&Grateful Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 [quote name='BarbaraTherese' timestamp='1315955325' post='2304419'] You have a mature and prayerful perspective on things to my mind. Whatever vocation God is calling one to, we can be very sure that He will provide all that is necessary at every point and fully faithfully always. I sometimes wonder about my future at 65 yrs and not getting younger, the body slowly breaking down with age and less able to do what I once completed with ease. I am in the lay state and live alone under private vows, but then I harken back to the fact that God has called me to this life and that He will provide - and that could be the cross as a potential. If it is, the Grace to carry that cross will also be present and past experiences have taught me well on that score. I never regret choosing the invitation from God to the lay secular state. When things get dark and murky, or if life becomes a struggle, Faith provides brilliant light in abundance and strength for the struggle. [/quote] I agree, you are wise beyond your years which tells me you are being showered with God's graces. I too have been wondering if perhaps what I have been seeking all these years has been here all along but it took me many years for me to "see" what's in front of me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beatitude Posted September 15, 2011 Author Share Posted September 15, 2011 Blessed&Grateful, I love your username. Thank you, everybody. I am feeling very much at peace about this. I am planning to go on a little pilgrimage to a local shrine to give thanks for the journey so far. I will also make my consecration to the sacred heart of Jesus on that day. It's a [url="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Act_of_Consecration_to_the_Sacred_Heart_of_Jesus"]beautiful prayer[/url] and I think a fitting one for me to make at this stage. The two secular institutes I am looking at have no habit or sign to distinguish them from everybody else - not even a cross or a pin. I know they don't even consider it prudent to talk much about your membership in the institute. You can mention it where appropriate, but it's not something members are supposed to be chatting about at length with coworkers and friends. It really is a hidden life. Initially, that was something that I found distasteful. I would never have admitted it to myself, but I wanted something that bit special - to be a visible witness to the world, preferably with a beautiful graceful habit. When I was looking at religious communities, I wouldn't consider the ones without habits - and for all the wrong reasons. (And I know my reasons were wrong because I defended good orthodox communities that have no habit, all the while knowing that while I might encourage others to give them a chance, I never would.) Again, I would never have admitted it, but now I wonder what exactly I wanted to bear witness to: God, or my own sense of holiness and being special. Over time the thought of a hidden life has been growing more and more appealing. I can't explain what has brought about this change in me. I no longer want to stand out. I understand what Therese of Lisieux meant when she said that she wanted only to be forgotten. There seems to be a freedom in that, like being rain that lands in the sea. All of a sudden you're nothing - but at the same time you've become everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beatitude Posted September 16, 2011 Author Share Posted September 16, 2011 So, is anybody else on the phorum feeling a call to the consecrated single life? I'm feeling like a violin with one string over here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnlySunshine Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 [quote name='beatitude' timestamp='1316173375' post='2305355'] So, is anybody else on the phorum feeling a call to the consecrated single life? I'm feeling like a violin with one string over here! [/quote] I'd be open to it if I was able to completely rule out religious life, but, so far, that doesn't look like it's going to happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmaD2006 Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 [quote name='beatitude' timestamp='1316173375' post='2305355'] So, is anybody else on the phorum feeling a call to the consecrated single life? I'm feeling like a violin with one string over here! [/quote] I'm seriously considering it. I haven't completely ruled out religious life yet. My whole discernment has been a whirlwind tour ... and well we'll see where I end up after all. I went in August to a retreat for consecrated laity for a particular group. A number of things that I saw convinced me not to pursue consecration with that group. They also do have a religious community with a similar charism, but I didn't get a chance to visit them. What did impress me however is that there were laity that were very simple, very poor, and gave their heart to the lay community. There was also a widowed lay person who preaches that gives her heart to the lay community as well. She was a major witness to me ... I would see how she made prayer her first priority. That spoke volumes with respect to her consecration (and she's one of the few perpetually professed in the lay community). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aya Sophia Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 beatitude, if I did't believe I were called to cloistered life I would most certainly inquire about the Secular Discalced Carmelites. I think my favorite "unofficial" OCDS website is this one [url="http://discalcedcarmelites.net/aboutOCDS.html"]http://discalcedcarmelites.net/aboutOCDS.html[/url] , offered by a member of OCDS in Mobile, AL (presence of that chapter in Mobile is on my list of reasons I would love to live there!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faithcecelia Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 [quote name='beatitude' timestamp='1316101455' post='2305055'] Blessed&Grateful, I love your username. Thank you, everybody. I am feeling very much at peace about this. I am planning to go on a little pilgrimage to a local shrine to give thanks for the journey so far. I will also make my consecration to the sacred heart of Jesus on that day. It's a [url="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Act_of_Consecration_to_the_Sacred_Heart_of_Jesus"]beautiful prayer[/url] and I think a fitting one for me to make at this stage. The two secular institutes I am looking at have no habit or sign to distinguish them from everybody else - not even a cross or a pin. I know they don't even consider it prudent to talk much about your membership in the institute. You can mention it where appropriate, but it's not something members are supposed to be chatting about at length with coworkers and friends. It really is a hidden life. Initially, that was something that I found distasteful. I would never have admitted it to myself, but I wanted something that bit special - to be a visible witness to the world, preferably with a beautiful graceful habit. When I was looking at religious communities, I wouldn't consider the ones without habits - and for all the wrong reasons. (And I know my reasons were wrong because I defended good orthodox communities that have no habit, all the while knowing that while I might encourage others to give them a chance, I never would.) Again, I would never have admitted it, but now I wonder what exactly I wanted to bear witness to: God, or my own sense of holiness and being special. Over time the thought of a hidden life has been growing more and more appealing. I can't explain what has brought about this change in me. I no longer want to stand out. I understand what Therese of Lisieux meant when she said that she wanted only to be forgotten. There seems to be a freedom in that, like being rain that lands in the sea. All of a sudden you're nothing - but at the same time you've become everything. [/quote] Ah Beatitude, this post is beautiful and as I read it I thought of how Carmelite it really is - hidden in the world. If this is where God calls you, then we will be far more closely bound as sisters than you might think at first - I will be hidden in the monastery while you are hidden in secular life, both of us praying for the world, for our cities, and for the priests and active religious who work there. What you have said about habits is very honest too. I half-freeze sometimes when people say they will only enter a community with a full habit. While I like a habit (especially the beautiful Carmelite one I have worn and will, God willing, wear again) I am also very aware that these externals can change so easily and these external things - habit, building, even people - cannot be the key reason for entering one particular community. Oh Beatitude, we have so much to talk abaout again! I think we need to try to arrange to meet up again sometime soon so we can drink a cafe dry of coffee while discussing and comparing our vocations! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Strictlyinkblot Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 [quote name='beatitude' timestamp='1315952920' post='2304410'] My online times always coincide with the times when you are absolutely exhausted. I will try and plan them better. It is in the constitutions of the Carmelite secular institute that all vowed women make a week-long retreat each year. If I join, Notting Hill guesthouse will be getting some business. I think it's in the rule that I would have to keep silence throughout my retreat, but I could always scribble some notes. Watch out for paper aircraft sailing through the grille during Mass. [/quote] Now why didn't I think of that when I was there? I'll have to pack some paper airplanes with me next time I go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krissylou Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 [quote name='Strictlyinkblot' timestamp='1316291940' post='2305940'] Now why didn't I think of that when I was there? I'll have to pack some paper airplanes with me next time I go. [/quote] That would DEFINITELY make an impression on the prioress! Would it be a good impression? Probably not. But you would DEFINITELY make an impression! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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