Emails To Give *insert Name Of Loved One Here* A Heart Attack

[HopefulBride]

[quote name='MIkolbe' timestamp='1316043360' post='2304773']
Dear Phatmass-

I am now the webmaster.


[/quote]

Eeek!!!

[Little Flower]

Dear mom,

I found this really cool order that I'm gonna join! They'll let me join now at 16 without fninishing high school, and I talked to them and they arranged for a flight tomorrow! They're a really new order so there'll be lots of young people! I think they're about a month old! Im so excited!

kby

[BG45]

Dear Phatmass,

I saw one of the mods bribing Santa.

[OnlySunshine]

Dear Mom and Dad,

You may be wondering where I am right now. I left in the middle of the night to join a group in Texas. I'm told they are the updated version of some group started by some guy named Koresh. Apparently, he is a prophet or something. The details were a little hazy. Anyway, I'm told that we will be living in buses and tents while we seek out a more permanent establishment. I don't know if I'll be able to write or call. Probably not. I love you. Bye!

[Amppax]

Dear phatmass,

I discovered this really cool forum called fisheaters

kbye

[MissyP89]

Hi, Mama,

I borrowed the Taurus and am going to Long Island for a couple of days. I'll call you when I get there. B says hi. kbye!!!

xoxoxo,
Melissa

[missionseeker]

Dear Friday Night,

Because I had no idea that I would have you free, I have nothing to do. I can have straight hair. But I have nothing to do.


Pitiably,
Cat

[Clare~Therese]

Dear Mom and Dad,

I'm going to the March for Life in January ALL BY MYSELF. And since I have my permit now, I'm going to drive there even though the fastest I've ever driven is 30 mph and the speed limit on the highway is about 60. I don't know anybody but I'll try to stick with people from that Catholic forum I'm on called Phatmass. They want me to make sammiches for them. Also I forgot my cellphone so I'm emailing u from my iPod. Its charge is almost gone and I forgot my charger thing too. Isn't that great?! There's no way I'm going to get lost or trampled though because I brought the GPS. By the way, did I mention the vehicle I'm driving there is that big boxy truck with the trailer dad uses for work that you can't really see behind very well even when you're using the outside mirrors?

Love u guys.
kbye

[cmaD2006]

To whom it may concern (Human Resources):

I quit. So -- to make sure that there would be no problems, I shredded all of the financial records going back to the last 10 years. They have been incinerated. I also went on the mainframe and deleted same documents, and ran the electronic shredding program too.

Finally, just to be on the safe side. I did the same on my work computer. And ... I decided to break into the mainframe room, and remove the big hard disks. Those can be found in a thousand pieces underneath the sledgehammer.

By the time you read this Sir or Madam, I will be in Norway (a country where I cannot be extradited from).

It was a pleasure being of service to you,

Sincerely,

Worker B. Mad

[brandelynmarie]

Dear family, Please don't eat that sammich I left in the fridge. It is part of an experiment for my biology class & it will make you really sick if you eat it. If consumed symptoms may include nausea, sweating, ringing in the ears, tongue numbness &....Oh, I forget the last one! Sorry.

Edited November 12, 2011 by brandelynmarie

[she_who_is_not]

Dear kitten,
I stopped by the pet store to get you some new toys and that fancy organic kibble you like. I got a puppy instead!!! He's so excited to meet you. I hope you like barking and being chased! See you soon.
Love,
Mommy

[BG45]

Dear Mom,

Won't be home for Thanksgiving after conference. Visiting a friend up here instead.

Love,
Son

P.S. Can you give K and T their wedding gifts I have in the downstairs closet?

[HopefulBride]

Dear family,

I want to practice Detachment and don't want to "bond" all the time. I'd rather spend time at chapel, as such I will be staying in Tally for Christmas.

Love,
Moi

[brandelynmarie]

[quote name='she_who_is_not' timestamp='1321129736' post='2335487']
Dear kitten,
I stopped by the pet store to get you some new toys and that fancy organic kibble you like. I got a puppy instead!!! He's so excited to meet you. I hope you like barking and being chased! See you soon.
Love,
Mommy
[/quote]


This is similar to what happened when I brought home a parrot & my cat became very salty! She was totally insulted that we had a bird. Although, they basically ignored each other unless the other one was getting petted. I would have the parrot on my left shoulder & then the cat would decide to "perch" on my right shoulder. Ah, memories.

[brandelynmarie]

[quote name='Clare~Therese' timestamp='1321047133' post='2335065']
Dear Mom and Dad,

I'm going to the March for Life in January ALL BY MYSELF. And since I have my permit now, I'm going to drive there even though the fastest I've ever driven is 30 mph and the speed limit on the highway is about 60. I don't know anybody but I'll try to stick with people from that Catholic forum I'm on called Phatmass. They want me to make sammiches for them. Also I forgot my cellphone so I'm emailing u from my iPod. Its charge is almost gone and I forgot my charger thing too. Isn't that great?! There's no way I'm going to get lost or trampled though because I brought the GPS. By the way, did I mention the vehicle I'm driving there is that big boxy truck with the trailer dad uses for work that you can't really see behind very well even when you're using the outside mirrors?

Love u guys.
kbye
[/quote]

Just start yelling, "Tacos!" when you get there. When you hear, "...so very tasty & good for you!" You will have found phatmassers .